March 1, 2012

Q&A: My Wife’s Vagina Feels Loose–Is It Because Of Weight Loss?

There are a number of factors that can influence how a woman’s vagina feels to her as well as to her partner.Vaginal lubrication is one of these.

Print More
women doing yoga in the park

women doing yoga in the park

Question: Does weight loss have anything to do with my wife’s vagina feeling looser? She has lost 30 lbs and is 46 years old.

It’s impossible to say but here are some thoughts.

Lubrication & Arousal

My initial reaction is that losing weight is unlikely to change the way a woman’s vagina feels.

If anything, losing a significant amount of body fat sometimes results in less vaginal lubrication, which can make the vagina feel tighter or make vaginal intercourse feel like it involves more friction.

That said, there are a number of factors that can influence how a woman’s vagina feels to her as well as to her partner.Vaginal lubrication is one of these.

Some women report feeling greater sexual arousal when they participate in physical exercise. If your wife has been engaging in exercise as part of her weight loss experience, it may be that the exercises have helped her to feel more sexually aroused and to lubricate more than she did before.

Greater vaginal lubrication can contribute to sex feeling more slippery and less tight.

If you and your wife enjoy sex with more friction, you could consider gently dabbing her and your genitals with a  towel part way through sex, and then return to sex. I call this the “towel trick” and wrote about it and other sex tips more extensively in Because It Feels Good: A Woman’s Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction.

Keep in mind, though, that many women enjoy sex to feel very wet, as vaginal lubrication can help sex to feel more comfortable and pleasurable for women.

Sex Is Always Changing

As such, it’s a good idea to talk with your wife about how sex feels for her so that you can find ways to help sex feel pleasurable, meaningful and/or exciting for both of you.

Another possibility is that your wife may feel more excited or aroused recently, possibly in relation to her weight loss.

People can be happy, sexual and sexy in all sorts of different body shapes and sizes. However, if your wife feels more attractive when she’s thinner, then her weight loss may have helped her to feel sexier, which could also translate into greater sexual arousal, more vaginal lubrication, and similar outcomes as described earlier.

It’s also the case that the vagina can feel tighter or looser based on the strength of the pelvic floor muscles.

If your wife has been lifting weights in ways that have weakened her pelvic floor muscles, that may contribute to sex feeling different.

If she’s going through menopause or approaching it, the angle of the vagina itself changes as part of the normal process of aging which may also change how sex feels for you.

Your Body Could Be Changing Too

Finally, you didn’t mention your age but if you are somewhere around her age, I wonder if you’ve noticed changes in the strength or firmness of your erection.

It may be that her vagina and the way it lubricates haven’t changed one bit, but perhaps your erection may be less firm than it used to be—also a common experience related to aging for men—and maybe your genital fit has changed rather than her vagina per se.

Whatever the reason, sex feels different for you. I would ask you to consider if different is necessarily worse.

Sex is a bit of a moving target. It changes with life, with body changes, with age, and with relationship dynamics. It may be that sex feels different now than it used to be, but perhaps it still feels wonderful.

I would encourage you to think about ways to enhance sex, to be gentle and compassionate with one another, and to explore the changing ways you two experience sex together.

Next Question: Why Did My Condom Slip Off?

I am a sexually active, heterosexual male in a monogamous relationship. Recently, at or near climax during vaginal sex my condom slipped off completely. Along with condoms, we also use vaginal contraceptive foam, but considering the depth the condom had reached we opted to use Plan B emergency contraceptive as well. My question is two-fold. First, why did this happen. I produce a lot of pre-come; does this have anything to do with it? Second, and more importantly, how can this be prevented in the future?

Read Dr. Debby Herbenick’s response.

We Need Your Questions! Submit them on our website and listen to archived episodes of the podcast. Get a weekly dose of Kinsey Confidential sent straight to your portable player by subscribing on iTunes.