One of the most important issues is going as slowly as you want to about making a decision to be sexual with another person — particularly because this decision can affect so much in your life. If in doubt, don’t do it — there is always time to make a decision.
“Tuning out” from sex is a survival response to non-consensual sex. It becomes kind of an automatic response so that later, even when you’re having sex with someone who you actually want to have sex with and consent to have sex with, it can be easy to slip into that same pattern and not really be present.
A sex therapist can help you think through your current experiences of sexuality. How do you feel about yourself as a sexual person these days? If you haven’t talked with your partner about painful sex, what’s keeping you from doing so?
Premature Ejaculation is particularly common among young men who are relatively new to sex. It can take time to become familiar with one’s own sexual response. Men and women both need time to understand how their body responds to sexual arousal and how they experience orgasm. Most men are able to find ways to delay ejaculation or to come to peace with understanding that this is just how their body works (and doesn’t necessarily need to be changed).
There is not necessarily a specific time frame during which intercourse must occur, but if there is a lack of sex between the married couple and if this bothers the couple, then it may be considered an unconsummated marriage that would benefit from support and/or counseling.
Looking for vaginal bleeding after first intercourse is not a reliable test of whether or not a woman was a virgin. Also, many healthcare providers feel that so-called “virginity examinations” – in which a woman is examined by a doctor prior to first intercourse – place unfair pressures and burdens on women.
Vaginal wetness issues are common among post-menopausal women as well as women who are breastfeeding, due to low levels of estrogen which can cause problems with vaginal dryness throughout the day and not just during sex. Certain medications can also make it more difficult to produce sufficient vaginal lubrication for sex.