Q. When I masturbate to porn I can last 15-20 minutes before I ejaculate, and without porn it can be 30 minutes even 45 minutes. Is it a bad thing to last too long?
A. Men, like women, vary in terms of how they experience sexual arousal and orgasm. It is not unusual for men to describe feeling more or less aroused, or more or less easily orgasmic, in response to different sexual behaviors or experiences. For example, some men find it easier to orgasm from intercourse than oral sex. Others find that it’s easier for them to orgasm, or quicker for them to orgasm, from masturbation than from vaginal or anal sex. So, it varies.
Watching porn can be highly arousing for some men. If it helps you to feel very excited or aroused and you enjoy its role in your masturbation, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. However, if you would like to try to enhance your arousal during masturbation in other ways, there are many options. For example, you might try texting with a partner, trying different hand positions, using lubricant or no lubricant, fantasizing or trying sex toys such as a masturbation sleeve.
There Are Other Factors
I’d also like to ask you to consider whether you are lasting as long as 30 or 40 minutes without porn because you want to or because you can’t come sooner even if you try.
If you’re taking your time and lasting longer to enjoy the sensations or other aspects of your sexual experience, that’s one thing. But if you find that you’re unable to come sooner even with significant effort, then expanding your masturbation routine, as described earlier, might help your body adapt to different types of stimulation.
Even if you cannot come sooner, try to not let that trouble you. Masturbation is not the same as partnered sex and you may find that during sex with a partner, your experience of ejaculation and orgasm are quite different. To learn more about ejaculation and learning to control the timing of your orgasm, check out The New Male Sexuality.