September 14, 2018

Q & A: Pushing My Button Sets Off An Alarm! Help!

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Is Anal Sex Safe?


Q: So I like the whole licking my clitoris thing and I’m aroused and all but after a bit I get sensitive — like very sensitive —  and my legs jerk shut so he’ll stop, and my heat moment goes away. Why is that?

A: The clitoris is packed with nerve endings – literally thousands of them. And while there are many nerve-rich areas of the body, the clitoris is also quite small so it’s packed densely with those thousands of nerve endings. And while many people enjoy clitoral stimulation, quite a few prefer indirect clitoral stimulation.

What does this mean in practice? Some people prefer to masturbate or have their partner touch their clitoris through some kind of fabric, like underwear or a sheet or a towel. Some people don’t touch their clitoris directly, but instead stimulate the area just above or below or to the side of their clitoris. In a recent study that my research team published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, we found that only two-thirds of sexually experienced American women preferred direct clitoral touch. Quite a few women enjoyed touching the area around the clitoris and 5% avoided touching the clitoris directly.

Given your description of your legs closing off access to your vulva, I wonder if you’ve explored indirect stimulation – whether through finger touch or licking. You and your partner might explore books like Becoming Orgasmic or She Comes First to see if there are other styles of partnered sex play or masturbation that might work for you so that you can fully embrace the pleasure you’re so close to feeling.


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