May 4, 2009

Q&A: Premature Ejaculation And Decreased Arousal

There is nothing wrong with ejaculating quickly or maintaining an erection after ejaculation.

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Question: I have premature ejaculation immediately after penetration but I’m able to maintain my erection and go again. The problem is that the second time, my arousal is reduced and it takes longer to ejaculate. Is that ok?

People’s bodies vary in how they respond sexually and there is no “right” or “wrong” when it comes to how many times a person has sex, how long they spend having sex or how long it takes them or ejaculate or orgasm – or if they orgasm at all. If you and your partner are happy with your sex life, that is what is most important to consider.

Fairly Common

What you’re describing is actually fairly common, especially among younger men, and there is nothing wrong with ejaculating quickly or maintaining an erection after ejaculation.

Sometimes when men ejaculate very quickly they find that they can either maintain their erection after ejaculation or else they can get a second erection soon after and they and their partner may decide to keep having sex.

Some men and their partners keep going with sex until the man ejaculates a second time; other times, men and their partners just keep going with sex for another few minutes or however long feels right to them, and then they stop, even if the man has not ejaculated a second time.

Not Always Desirable

Not all men find it important or even desirable to have a second ejaculation right away. Since arousal tends to diminish, as you said, and a second ejaculation can be more difficult to achieve than the first, some men find that they would rather continue sex for a little bit longer to please their partner, and then stop and do something else, such as kiss, cuddle, fall asleep or go on with their day together.

Although we sometimes think of sex as ending when a man ejaculates, in fact sex can stop whenever you and your partner are ready for it to stop – ejaculation or not.

Talk To Your Partner

An enjoyable aspect of sex is that, regardless of what you have read about it or seen in movies, you and your partner truly do have the opportunity to make your sex life your own. I’d encourage you to talk with your partner to find out how sex feels for him or her.

You might both share your thoughts and ideas about how long you spend having sex, what feels good, what could feel better, and what you both want to try.

Learn More

You can learn more about men’s sexual response and exploration in The New Male Sexuality by Dr. Bernie Zilbergeld.