May 17, 2012

Q&A: Can Men Experience Multiple Orgasms?

Having multiple orgasms is essentially about learning to separate the experience of ejaculating from the experience of orgasm.

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Question: Are multiple orgasms possible for men or is this just fiction? My wife and I are thinking of attending a tantra retreat which claims you could learn how to have multiple and full-bodied orgasms without ejaculating. This is an expensive retreat so I just want to make sure we aren’t throwing our money away. The workshop sounds great, but I must admit they kind of lost me when claiming that men are capable of multiple orgasms.

It is indeed possible for men to experience more than one orgasm during a short period of time. However, let me be clear about what this typically means.

Separating Orgasm From Ejaculation

As you pointed out, it typically means experiencing the pleasurable sensations of orgasm without ejaculating.

So, essentially it is about learning to separate the experience of ejaculating from the experience of orgasm, which are two different processes.

If learning to separate ejaculation and orgasm is your primary interest, then you may be able to learn via books or videos as I know a number of men who have done so.

Then again, some of these men told me that it wasn’t as pleasurable or exciting as they anticipated, that it was interesting but not particularly life-changing. Other men, of course, very much enjoy holding back their ejaculation while experiencing multiple orgasms.

Getting Closer With Your Partner

That said, if there are other aspects of sexuality that you are hoping to get out of the workshop, such as a closer or more intimate or spiritual connection with your partner, then perhaps the expense may feel worth it to you.

There is no one way to run any type of sex workshop, including a Tantric workshop, and so much of this will depend on who is running the workshop, their level of expertise, their ability to connect with participants, perhaps the size and personal attention of the workshop, and of course what you and your partner are able and willing to put into it.

If the workshop is expensive in a way that it would cause you stress or anxiety, perhaps this isn’t the best use of money for you right now.

But if you two can afford the workshop without causing stress, and if you approach it with an open mind and an eagerness to learn new aspects of yourselves, your relationship and your sexuality, perhaps there will be something positive to gain.

Next Question: Sexual Rejection & Eating Disorders

I have developed a low-level eating disorder in response to being sexually rejected by someone. I had a fling with a guy who later expressed a great deal of confusion, guilt and shame over being sexually involved with me because we weren’t in a serious relationship. I am now afraid to eat anything that tastes good. I have gotten a strong emotional impression that it is a mistake to enjoy myself physically, that I don’t deserve to feel physical pleasure and that if I do I will be unclean. Is this common? What can I do about it?

Read Dr. Debby Herbenick’s response.

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