January 11, 2013

Q&A: My Boyfriend Has A Foot Fetish

Just as sexual behavior is diverse, foot fetishes themselves can be as diverse and interesting as the people who have them.

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feet with nail polish

feet with nail polish

Question: My boyfriend just told me he has a foot fetish. He wants me to compare his feet to pictures of other men’s feet and tell him how these men with bigger soles can please me more than he can. He also requested pictures of me with my feet on another guy’s penis. Should I be concerned? I’ve tried doing research but can’t find anything on this type of fetish.

There’s not really such a thing as a “usual” foot fetish.

Just as sexual behavior is diverse, foot fetishes themselves can be as diverse and interesting as the people who have them.

No Two Foot Fetishes Are Alike

People who have foot fetishes may experience them in different ways.

Some people become aroused by looking at pictures or video of naked feet and may even masturbate to such images or otherwise incorporate them into their sex play.

Others prefer to look at people’s feet out in public. A person may prefer men’s feet or women’s feet, or may prefer to see feet in certain types of shoes.

For example, I remember hearing from one man whose foot fetish was limited to seeing women’s feet in certain types of sandals, but only if these women had well manicured and painted toenails.

Another man told me that his foot fetish was more about taking care of women’s feet. He enjoyed pampering women’s feet, washing their feet, putting lotion on their feet and finally licking his partner’s feet. Another man was aroused by calling strangers and asking them their shoe size.

You’ll notice that these examples all involve men having the foot fetish. This doesn’t mean that no women have foot fetishes; some women do.

However, it is far more common for men to experience all sorts of fetishes, including foot fetishes, for reasons that are not well understood.

Your Boyfriend

I think it’s pretty great that he feels comfortable enough to share information with you about his foot fetish. Not everyone feels comfortable sharing their sexual likes and dislikes with a partner. Perhaps he feels like he can open up to you without judgment.

That said, just because you don’t judge him doesn’t mean you have to do what he likes or wants to do. It’s up to you to decide what to do with the information he’s shared with you.

If you’re open to trying out his interests, it could be—at the very least—an interesting and new experience for you.

And, if it works out, it could be an experience that brings you closer to each other if you two feel like you’re able to be vulnerable with one another and indulge each other’s desires and interests.

Of course, it’s up to you to share your own desires and interests with him and to ask him to try things—in or out of the bedroom—that interest you, too.

I say in or out of the bedroom because while some people very much want their partner to try something new sexually with them (for example, how your boyfriend wants you to participate in his foot fetish), other people want non-sexual things from their partner.

Maybe you want something sexual from him or maybe what you want is for him to spend more time at home, to watch independent movies with you, to sign up for tango classes, or to learn a new language together.

The point is that you two should feel encouraged to share your sexual and non-sexual lives together in ways that feel good.

Talk To Him

Of course, you’ll also need to decide what to do about this other guy that he wants you to interact with as part of his interests.

Who is this guy? Is it someone you know? Do you want to be sexual with another man? Do you want to put your foot on another man’s penis?And, if so, do you want photographic proof of this?

Or would there be some other way to satisfy his desires, such as by telling stories about such a scenario or drawing pictures of it or looking up videos or pictures of other people who have done such things?

These are conversations for you and your partner to have as you figure out what you two are and are not into.

Next Question: Analingus & Having Safe Anal Sex

I like to sometimes give rimjobs to my girlfriend and have anal sex with her. If we are both STI free, do I have anything to worry about, in terms of contracting anything? Also, I know anal sex can be dangerous if not done properly, but if done properly, is there any chance of hurting her during anal sex?

Read Dr. Debby Herbenick’s response.

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