February 2, 2002

Q&A: Becoming Orgasmic For Women

A reader asks about how to reach an orgasm and Kinsey Confidential responds with book and exercise suggestions.

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Question: I can get all the way up to the brink of an Orgasm but I can’t seem to reach one. Any suggestions for why that might be or what I can do about it?

Lots of young women have trouble reaching orgasm. At the same time, every woman alive has the capacity to have orgasms. But no one shows us how to have orgasms when we’re little – some people figure it out on their own and some people don’t. All you need to do is learn.

Recommended Reading

The best way to learn is with a really excellent book called Becoming Orgasmic by Julia Heiman and Joseph LoPiccolo.

It’s sort of a how-to book for women who don’t have orgasms, and it’s the single most effective way to learn how to have orgasms. It’s a series of exercises that helps you learn to give your body pleasure, without demanding that your body respond in any particular way.

Having an orgasm can be like trying to hold a bar of wet soap – the more you try to hold onto it, the more it slips away. Backing off and letting it happen without feeling like you SHOULD or you HAVE to is the best way to let go of that.

Get a copy of the book, do the exercises, and have fun!