Question: I consider myself heterosexual although I do have a liking for transgendered male to females, and I’ve had sex with a few. But, I did meet a beautiful genetic female last year. Would I be considered bisexual? And if so, is there any way I can go back to being heterosexual?
Sexual orientation is understood in different ways by different people – including by scientists who study sex.
Some people consider a person’s sexual orientation to be defined by the pattern of romantic and sexual attractions that they experience.
If they are attracted only or predominantly to people of their same sex, then they may be considered homosexual. If they are attracted only or predominantly to people of another sex, they may be considered heterosexual. And if they are attracted to both men and women, they may be considered bisexual.
Complicating the Definitions
All of that sounds neat and well-defined in theory, but people live their lives in very diverse and interesting ways.
For example, you consider yourself heterosexual and you are attracted to women, but actually prefer transgendered women – not so much genetic women. Some people might consider that to be bisexual as the people you are interested in are biological males who live their lives as women, whether through their behaviors alone or with the assistance of hormones or surgery.
Then again, other people might consider you to be heterosexual since these transwomen are indeed living their lives as women.
However, like other heterosexual people who have a strong preference for women with very large breasts or blond or brown hair or who are very tall or very short or of a certain body size or shape, you happen to prefer women who were born male.
There is very little research on men who are mostly attracted to transwomen so there’s little I can tell you about this area.
But I can tell you this, in response to your question: as a sexuality researcher and educator, I would not feel comfortable telling you what your sexual orientation is or is not. If you identify as heterosexual, I believe that’s your choice. And if you identify as bisexual, then I believe that to be a valid choice as well.
Dr. Alfred Kinsey, in the first half of the 20th century, wrote about a continuum of sexual orientation. He also wrote about the idea that people’s sexuality is likely to be quite fluid and that we may experience our sexual attractions, feelings, fantasies and behaviors in different ways throughout our lives.
Find Out More
If you would like information or support as you explore your feelings for transwomen or your experiences partnering with genetic women, consider meeting with a trained sex therapist who has experience in this area.
You can find one through the Society for Sex Therapy and Research.