December 31, 2009

Q&A: I’m Attracted To Both Trans and Genetic Women. Am I Bisexual?

Some people consider a person’s sexual orientation to be defined by the pattern of romantic and sexual attractions that they experience.

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Question: I consider myself heterosexual although I do have a liking for transgendered male to females, and I’ve had sex with a few. But, I did meet a beautiful genetic female last year. Would I be considered bisexual? And if so, is there any way I can go back to being heterosexual?

Sexual orientation is understood in different ways by different people – including by scientists who study sex.

Defining Sexuality

Some people consider a person’s sexual orientation to be defined by the pattern of romantic and sexual attractions that they experience.

If they are attracted only or predominantly to people of their same sex, then they may be considered homosexual. If they are attracted only or predominantly to people of another sex, they may be considered heterosexual. And if they are attracted to both men and women, they may be considered bisexual.

Complicating the Definitions

All of that sounds neat and well-defined in theory, but people live their lives in very diverse and interesting ways.

For example, you consider yourself heterosexual and you are attracted to women, but actually prefer transgendered women – not so much genetic women. Some people might consider that to be bisexual as the people you are interested in are biological males who live their lives as women, whether through their behaviors alone or with the assistance of hormones or surgery.

Then again, other people might consider you to be heterosexual since these transwomen are indeed living their lives as women.

However, like other heterosexual people who have a strong preference for women with very large breasts or blond or brown hair or who are very tall or very short or of a certain body size or shape, you happen to prefer women who were born male.

Professional Opinions

There is very little research on men who are mostly attracted to transwomen so there’s little I can tell you about this area.

But I can tell you this, in response to your question: as a sexuality researcher and educator, I would not feel comfortable telling you what your sexual orientation is or is not. If you identify as heterosexual, I believe that’s your choice. And if you identify as bisexual, then I believe that to be a valid choice as well.

Dr. Alfred Kinsey, in the first half of the 20th century, wrote about a continuum of sexual orientation. He also wrote about the idea that people’s sexuality is likely to be quite fluid and that we may experience our sexual attractions, feelings, fantasies and behaviors in different ways throughout our lives.

Find Out More

If you would like information or support as you explore your feelings for transwomen or your experiences partnering with genetic women, consider meeting with a trained sex therapist who has experience in this area.

You can find one through the Society for Sex Therapy and Research.

  • caffdoc

    i love women and getting married soon, but i love to dress up in sexy womens lingerie and use a dildo on my self. what am i? please help

  • joliea

    probably a transvestite or crossdresser. im a girl and i like diversity. 🙂 be YOU!

  • Jim

    I'm in a similar way as you mate. I'm in the middle of trying to make some kind of sense of it all. I often feel very conflicted about it, especially so when I'm in a long term, loving relationship. I feel like I have to hide that part of me and it's so sad. I think that there can be a great sense of joy and freedom that comes with embracing your sexuality but I think that we as men are in a high risk position of losing respect from our female partner should we ever reveal our sexuality to have a feminin kink in nature to it. I don't know how to go about it really. Also there is the unfortunate reality that such intimate secretes onced voiced will virtually always be heard by people you did not tell it to, just the way of the world. Perhaps the general solution is: if you are someone who has a kinky side, make sure you find a partner who has an equally kinky side. Hopefully this will put you both in a position where you can both accept each other completely. What do you think???

  • jake

    well if you have your parner put on a strap on or just have anal sex with you and you enjoy it but prefer a female parner or transgender as long as they live as a woman then i would call you normal because you found and tried something new you liked and it hurt no one sexual orientation is a factor but you could like women transgender or men but if the only atraction is the female figure you just enjoy the feeling of anal you are heterosexual-straight i would say you like female figure and there is not really a sexual orientation for that but if you thing about it your atracted to women so there is no reason to call yourself gay or bisexual or pansexual/-…new term FEMSEXUAL!!!

  • Djmichellelove

    A fetishtic transvestite. And although I dont think there is anything wrong with that. You really should being upfront and honest with your soon to be wife before the marriage. She will only find out later, and she'll think you were dishonest.

  • Simon

    I would appreciate it if trans people were talked about in a more respectful manner here. “Genetic” and “biological” are not appropriate terms to use for cisgender (non-transgender) people, and referring to trans women as “biological males” is downright offensive. Individuals are not “born” male or female; they are simply assigned these identities at birth by the medical/legal establishment. “Transgender” is usually prefered to “transgendered” as an adjective, because the latter is seen to deprive trans people of agency. “Transpeople” and “transwomen” are not usually regarded as appropriate terms, either; there are people and there are women; trans/transgender/transsexual are just adjectives describing those identities.

    As such, trans women *are women* and trans men *are men* and would generally prefer if the people who are attracted to them viewed them as such.

    While it is not my place to decide whether the asker is hetero or bi, I do think it needs to be made clear that for a man to be attracted attracted to trans women in addition to cis women does not IN ANY WAY compromise or devalue or contradict his hetero identity, and it does not give him any bi cred either, unless he also finds himself attracted to people who identify as male.