http://kinseyconfidential.org Just another WordPress weblog Thu, 18 Mar 2010 14:00:23 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 en hourly 1 2006-2007 aschweig@indiana.edu (Kinsey Confidential) aschweig@indiana.edu (Kinsey Confidential) posts 1440 Just another WordPress weblog Kinsey Confidential Kinsey Confidential aschweig@indiana.edu No no http://kinseyconfidential.org/wp-content/themes/kinsey/images/kinsey-podcast-300.jpg http://kinseyconfidential.org 144 144 http://kinseyconfidential.org/normal-masturbate-times-day/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/normal-masturbate-times-day/#comments Mon, 09 Nov 2009 14:00:42 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1257 http://kinseyconfidential.org/normal-masturbate-times-day/feed/ 1 2:21 There is no one frequency of sex or masturbation thatrsquo;s considered normal and masturbating two to three times a day is certainly within the typical ... There is no one frequency of sex or masturbation thatrsquo;s considered normal and masturbating two to three times a day is certainly within the typical range of frequencies that are reported by young men who are about your age. Many Reasons to Masturbate People tend to masturbate more often when they are feeling highly aroused or sexually excited, whether or not they have a partner or are in a relationship. In your case, you are in a relationship with a woman but shersquo;s not physically near you. Perhaps you talk to her on the phone, text each other or just think about her and feel sexually aroused. And then maybe at times you decide to masturbate to release any sexual tension you may have, because it feels pleasurable, because you enjoy fantasizing about your girlfriend, or to help yourself fall asleep. There are many different reasons why men and women masturbate. Some couples even masturbate together. In long distance relationships, some couples enjoy participating in phone sex in which they talk about their sexual fantasies or what they wish they could do together. Other times, couples tell each other about how they may have masturbated earlier in the day or the previous night thinking about their partner. There's Nothing Harmful About Masturbation Fortunately, masturbation is not bad for a personrsquo;s health. Masturbation can help people to feel calm or relaxed and it can also just be a lot of fun, whether itrsquo;s done alone or with a partner. Additional Resources To learn more about masturbation, check out The Big Book of Masturbation. To learn more about solo masturbation, partnered masturbation or different types of sex play with a partner, check out The Guide to Getting It On. Content,Type,,Pleasure,,Orgasm,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/love-sex-youth-intellectual-disabilities/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/love-sex-youth-intellectual-disabilities/#comments Thu, 08 Oct 2009 06:09:55 +0000 Jennifer Bass (M.P.H.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1200 http://kinseyconfidential.org/love-sex-youth-intellectual-disabilities/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/masturbation-premature-aging/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/masturbation-premature-aging/#comments Mon, 24 Aug 2009 14:00:05 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/qa-masturbation-premature-aging/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/masturbation-premature-aging/feed/ 1 2:57 Fortunately, there is no truth to the rumors that masturbation causes one to get sick, go blind, grow hair on their hands, or age very ... Fortunately, there is no truth to the rumors that masturbation causes one to get sick, go blind, grow hair on their hands, or age very quickly. It is common for teenagers and adults to masturbate, whether they are male or female, and there is nothing about masturbating that would cause you to look much older than you are. A Time of Many Changes Adolescence is a time of many body changes. It is not unusual to look in the mirror one day and wonder if you look a great deal older than you are. Also, some people ndash; due to genetics ndash; do look older or younger than friends their same age. Among young men, those who grow facial hair at younger ages or in greater amounts than their peers may find that they look older than their friends. Other people look older than their friends for other reasons, such as if they have spent a lot of time in the sun without wearing sunscreen, if they have smoked cigarettes or if they are losing some of their hair, which is often related to genetics. Discuss Your Concerns If you have concerns about your health or your appearance, discuss them with your healthcare provider. There may be little that you can do about how old you look given that much of it may be related to genetics. However, you might also talk to your friends to see what they suggest: perhaps a new haircut or different clothes might help you to feel as though you look closer in age to your friends. Recommended Reading If you feel uncomfortable or guilty about having masturbated, you may find it helpful to learn more about masturbation. The Big Book of Masturbation is a book that is filled with information about how masturbation has been described by medical doctors, psychologists, anthropologists and even writers, poets and comedians. It details the many myths about masturbation, including the now-outdated idea that masturbation could make one look older than they are. It also identifies many of the benefits of pleasuring onersquo;s own body, such as learning what feels good for oneself or, among men, learning to control the timing of ejaculation. There is even some research that suggests that masturbating as a young adult may be associated with a lower risk of prostate cancer later on. If you enjoy your masturbation, you can do so knowing that it wonrsquo;t make you look any older (or younger) and that it is often a pleasurable experience for many men and women throughout their lives. Content,Type,,Pleasure,,Orgasm,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/erection-embarrassment/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/erection-embarrassment/#comments Mon, 29 Jun 2009 14:00:50 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=1090 http://kinseyconfidential.org/erection-embarrassment/feed/ 0 2:40 Erections can be challenging for many young men. They may come and go with little warning and men often have little control over them ndash; ... Erections can be challenging for many young men. They may come and go with little warning and men often have little control over them ndash; especially young men whose hormone levels are high and who, with the slightest stimulation, excitement, feelings of attraction, or even anxiety, may find that they unexpectedly get an erection. Men often go to great lengths to hide the fact that they have an erection in social situations. They may try to adjust their pants, hold things like a book or a newspaper in front of their crotch area, or try to think distracting thoughts or even conjure images of people they find very unattractive or unappealing in the hopes that such thoughts will dampen their erection. Might Not Be Time Yet Itrsquo;s kind of you to want to help him to feel comfortable. However, if you two are not very close yet, he may not be ready to talk with you about his erections no matter how much he may like you or you may like him. Instead, you might consider ways that you can signal your feelings of comfort and acceptance. For example, if you notice that he seems erect another time when you are together, you might find a way to signal that you like him such as by reaching for his hand, pulling him closer, or saying how glad you are that yoursquo;re spending time together or that he asked you to do something together. Express Your Desire In Other Ways You might also try to express your desire for him to feel comfortable around you in other ways. Rather than pinning the comfort issue around his spontaneous erections, you might try saying to him that you like being together and that you hope he feels comfortable with you and that he can relax and just hang out with you so that you can get to know each other better. If you feel comfortable around him, you may even find it strengthens your bond to begin sharing personal information with him that you would normally only tell your friends or family. By showing that you trust him and are comfortable with him, he may soon develop and strengthen his feelings of comfort with and trust in you, too. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/initiate-sex-girlfriend/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/initiate-sex-girlfriend/#comments Mon, 11 May 2009 14:00:48 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/qa-initiate-sex-girlfriend/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/initiate-sex-girlfriend/feed/ 2 4:10 Considering how rare it is for young men and women to have received comprehensive sexuality information in school or from their parents, itrsquo;s not surprising ... Considering how rare it is for young men and women to have received comprehensive sexuality information in school or from their parents, itrsquo;s not surprising that many people are curious about what exactly happens when two people have sex. Even when teachers and parents do talk to their teenaged or college-aged kids about having sex, they often focus mainly on the risks associated with sex such as sexually transmissible infections (STI), unintended pregnancy, or feeling hurt, used or heartbroken. Itrsquo;s less common for men and women to learn about the possible pleasures and joys associated with sex as well as the basic ldquo;how-tordquo; information about sex, including who initiates it. Couples often find that it feels natural to take turns. Sometimes one person initiates and other times the other person initiates. It can feel sexy for people to each get a chance to initiate or to respond. Talk To Her I would recommend talking to this girl to learn more about her interest in being sexual with you. Are you certain that she wants to have sex with you? If so, how do you know? Some people mistake flirtation for an interest in sex, and itrsquo;s important to make sure that the person you think wants to have sex with you truly does want to have sex with you before you go any further. All too often, people mis-read signals and may end up in a situation in which one person said that sex was wanted and the other one says it wasnrsquo;t - that it was assault or rape. Making certain that your partner wants to be sexual with you is therefore critical. If you talk and find out that she is interested in having sex, donrsquo;t forget to make sure that you want to have sex too! Sometimes men have sex simply because theyrsquo;ve found someone who wants to have sex with them, rather than because they are attracted to, in like or in love with the person. If you want to wait until you find someone who you are more attracted to or who you have certain feelings or commitments to, or find it easier to talk about sex with, thatrsquo;s okay too. ...And Talk Some More If you both want to have sex, Irsquo;d recommend that you do even more talking first. What steps are you both taking regarding birth control? You mentioned that you havenrsquo;t had sex before, but have you had other types of sex such as oral sex or dry sex (rubbing your naked genitals against a partnerrsquo;s naked genitals)? Has she? If so, you two may want to get tested for STIs before being sexual with each other. You may also want to discuss your expectations for having sex such as whether you will consider yourselves to be in a relationship, to be free to date other people or not, whether you want to hang out more often, and such. Believe it or not, this whole process of communication is a major part of initiating sex as it lets your partner know that yoursquo;re into them and that yoursquo;re taking it seriously and treating them ndash; and yourself - with respect and care. Foreplay When it comes to the physical aspects of sex, people often start with kissing and non-genital touching, such as touching or caressing each other on the stomach, back, breasts/chest, arms or inner thighs before moving to genital touching. Some people spend 10 or 20 minutes or longer in foreplay before having intercourse. Others spend even longer (an hour or more) in foreplay, which can increase arousal and enhance a womanrsquo;s natural vaginal lubrication, making sex more comfortable and pleasurable. Learn More To learn more about sex, check out S.E.X. The All-You-Need-to-Know Progressive Sexuality Guide to Get You Through High School and College by Heather Corinna. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Relationships,,Love aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/harassment-sexual-orientation-public-policy/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/harassment-sexual-orientation-public-policy/#comments Wed, 29 Apr 2009 16:35:31 +0000 Natalie Ingraham (M.P.H.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=944 http://kinseyconfidential.org/harassment-sexual-orientation-public-policy/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/having-trouble-ejaculating-during-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/having-trouble-ejaculating-during-sex/#comments Mon, 15 Dec 2008 14:00:34 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=473 http://kinseyconfidential.org/having-trouble-ejaculating-during-sex/feed/ 0 3:34 You've hit on an issue that many young men experience when they are new to sex - the issue of not ejaculating during vaginal intercourse. We ... You've hit on an issue that many young men experience when they are new to sex - the issue of not ejaculating during vaginal intercourse. We don't know how common it is for men who are new to sex to find it difficult to ejaculate, however this does often improve over time and with experience, so it is likely that your body will soon respond in this way to sex. Vaginal Intercourse Feels Different Than Masturbation A common reason this may happen is that vaginal intercourse feels significantly different for a man compared to masturbation. Sometimes men find that it takes their bodies some time to get used to responding to vaginal stimulation. Some men find that it helps them to begin varying their masturbation routine as a way of teaching their bodies to respond to different types of stimulation. For example, you might try using a good deal of lubricant during masturbation and then another time not using much lubricant at all. Experimenting with different hand positions, or different intensities of touch, or rhythms, may be helpful too. Consider Masturbating With A Condom If you are using a condom with your girlfriend, then you might even try masturbating with a condom on your penis. Condoms add a whole new element to how sex feels and you might find it helpful to get used to the feel of a condom on your penis in this way. If the condom is too loose or too tight on your penis, consider looking for a snugger sized condom or a larger sized condom so that it feels comfortable and secure on your penis. Try Using A Lubricant You might also try using a lubricant during sex, which can contribute to more comfortable, pleasure sex for women and men. This is particularly true if you two are using condoms. To use a lubricant, add a small dab - about the size of a dime - to the outside of the condom, after it is already on your penis. Using a lubricant with a condom can help to reduce friction, which not only makes for more pleasurable sex but can also reduce the risk of condom breakage. Anxieties Getting In The Way? Aside from the physical aspects of sex, psychological aspects are important too. You might consider whether any anxieties might be getting in the way of your ejaculation. To what extent are you concerned about pregnancy or infection risk? If you're concerned about either, what steps have you two taken to reduce your risk? Also, how are you feeling in terms of your readiness to have sex, and your comfort and ability to relax with each other? These feelings important to many men's and women's ability to enjoy sex in a pleasurable way, and to experience orgasm. Consider, too, whether you are putting pressure on yourself or feeling stressed about needing to perform a certain way in order to please your girlfriend or be a good lover. These stressors get in the way of pleasure and orgasm for men, at times. Further Reading To learn more about ways to improve your sexual experiences and relationship issues, consider reading The New Male Sexuality by Dr. Bernie Zilbergeld. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/male-arousal-erection-control/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/male-arousal-erection-control/#comments Thu, 02 Oct 2008 14:00:40 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=371 http://kinseyconfidential.org/male-arousal-erection-control/feed/ 0 3:17 You've hit upon an age-old issue for men - this issue of whether their penis controls them or they control their penis. At least, that's ... You've hit upon an age-old issue for men - this issue of whether their penis controls them or they control their penis. At least, that's one of the ideas that author David Friedman writes about in his book, A Mind of Its Own: A Cultural History of the Penis. Young Men And Erection Control Most men cannot control their erections or ejaculation nearly as much as they would like to. Young men often have very responsive bodies - which is a good thing when it comes to sex, because it means that they can often get and maintain erections quite easily. On the down side, however, they sometimes get erections when they don't mean to. Sometimes their erections come about in response to the tiniest amount of sexual arousal or excitement - like when they see someone attractive. Other times, erections come along at random times, like during class or while driving or sitting at home watching television. It can feel embarrassing for some men, particularly if they are worried about what people around them might think. Female Arousal Women's bodies become aroused in a range of situations too, however women's arousal isn't visible in the same way that men's arousal is visible via their erections. Women will sometimes experience genital warmth, tingly sensations or vaginal lubrication when they feel aroused or see someone attractive. They may or may not notice these signs, though, because, again, these signs aren't as obvious as men's erections but that doesn't mean that they don't occur. A Common Response In other words, your boyfriend's experience of sporadic erections - particularly in response to sexual stimuli (which, like it or not, attractive women may be) - is common. It does not mean that he does not like you or love you or want to be with you. Rather it's more of a sign that his sexual response is working quite well. In fact, both women and men experience genital arousal during sleep - several times each night, women have cycles that involve increases in vaginal lubrication and, for men, their cycles involve erections. These cycles keep blood flowing into the genital area, thus promoting the health and function of our genitals and reproductive parts. Talk To Your Boyfriend If you're feeling insecure about your boyfriend's erections, try talking to him about your feelings rather than blaming him or getting angry. Just because his body responds to sexually exciting situations doesn't mean anything bad for your relationship. This is, however, a very good opportunity to talk together and brainstorm how you can both feel comfortable in your relationship and sexuality. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/side-effects-from-penis-enlargement-pills/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/side-effects-from-penis-enlargement-pills/#comments Tue, 16 Sep 2008 00:05:03 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/2008/09/15/qa-did-penis-pills-make-my-penis-stop-growing/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/side-effects-from-penis-enlargement-pills/feed/ 0 3:07 I donrsquo;t know what kinds of pills you were taking or what was in them, so I have no way of knowing what type of ... I donrsquo;t know what kinds of pills you were taking or what was in them, so I have no way of knowing what type of effect ndash; if any ndash; they may or may not have had on your body or your health. Not Scientifically Tested As far as I have read, there are still no pills that have been scientifically shown to increase the size of a manrsquo;s penis. Some men might think that it canrsquo;t hurt to take penis enlargement pills, but because we donrsquo;t necessarily know what is in many of these pills, and because most of them have not been scientifically tested for risks or benefits, it is a good idea to always check in with onersquo;s healthcare provider before ordering or taking any sort of pill, whether they are for penis enlargement or other issues. That said, your penis probably stopped growing for natural reasons. In fact, research suggests that many young men find that their penis stops growing at around age 17 ndash; or a little before or a little after depending on onersquo;s own particular body. Age 17, however, is fairly common for the penis to stop growing. Measuring Up Many cultures are perhaps overly obsessed with the size of a manrsquo;s penis which puts a lot of pressure on men to feel like they measure up to other men, or even to their own potential. Some men have heard that having a large penis is necessary in order to please or satisfy a sexual partner, but in fact sexual satisfaction is more often related to sexual communication, sexual skills and technique, onersquo;s expectations for sex, and the romantic or sexual relationship between two people. Other men have heard that having a large penis makes a man more masculine, but penis size doesnrsquo;t make a man more or less of a man. Neither, by the way, does the size of onersquo;s elbows, arms, hands or nose. These are all just body parts and they are what they are. Recommended Reading The book A Mind of Its Own: A Cultural History of the Penis by David Friedman details how various societies at different points in history of viewed the penis, and how some have prized smaller sizes and others have prized larger sizes and for different reasons. Content,Type,,Health,,Disease,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/random-erections/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/random-erections/#comments Mon, 01 Sep 2008 22:45:52 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/2008/09/01/qa-can-a-man-get-an-erection-without-fancying-the-girl/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/random-erections/feed/ 0 3:50 Oh, absolutely! Early on, boys who are around the age of puberty find out that erections can pop up for any number of reasons ndash; ... Oh, absolutely! Early on, boys who are around the age of puberty find out that erections can pop up for any number of reasons ndash; and often for no reason at all. Random Erections Some young men will describe having erections when they are anxious (such as during math tests) or when they really have to go to the bathroom. Others have erections just thinking about someone they like or feel attracted to, even if that person is nowhere near them. Then again, sometimes it looks like a man is erect even when he is not, just given the cut of certain pants or how things look when men wear certain athletic cups that are used to protect their genitals during sports. Boys and men also often have morning erections ndash; in fact, it is when men stop getting erections in the morning that healthcare providers sometimes suspect health problems that may cause erectile problems. Erectile Problems It is also the case that men cannot always get erections, even if they very much like, love, or feel attracted to a person. Men may find it difficult for their penis to become erect if they have certain health conditions, if they are experiencing side effects from certain prescription or over-the-counter medications, or if they are feeling anxious or worried. Men may also find it difficult to get or maintain an erection if they are feeling very sad, depressed, distracted, tired or even if the temperature in the room is quite cold. Sometimes women and men place too much focus and pressure on the penis, as if it were the only indicator of how a man feels. In fact, there is so much more to how men feel and behave than their penis and their erections. If you want to know how a man feels and whether he is feeling attracted or not, try talking to him to find out what you want to know. Recommended Reading Two interesting, relevant books are The New Male Sexuality by Dr. Bernie Zilbergeld and A Mind of Its Own: A Cultural History of the Penis by David Friedman. Bodies,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/refractory-periods-erection-remains-after-ejaculation/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/refractory-periods-erection-remains-after-ejaculation/#comments Thu, 17 Apr 2008 13:00:46 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/blog/2008/04/17/qa-erection-remains-after-ejaculation/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/refractory-periods-erection-remains-after-ejaculation/feed/ 0 3:16 What a great question! Herersquo;s what happens: After a man ejaculates, his erection typically subsides a little, and he often cannot have another ejaculation for ... What a great question! Herersquo;s what happens: After a man ejaculates, his erection typically subsides a little, and he often cannot have another ejaculation for a length of time. That length of time varies from man to man, and from time to time. Young men in their teens and twenties sometimes find that they can get erections soon again after ejaculating ndash; some may be able to become erect again, and to ejaculate, two, three, four or more times in a row. Sometimes they may need ten or twenty minutes in between, and other times they barely need any time at all ndash; maybe a few seconds or a few minutes. This shows just how short a young manrsquo;s refractory period may be. Other times, young men ndash; particularly if they are feeling tired or stressed ndash; may find it more difficult to get or maintain erections again and again. That is both common and normal. Itrsquo;s also important to note that not all young men can get repeat erections ndash; some do, and some donrsquo;t. Men vary. Refractory Periods Why do refractory periods occur? To be honest, science has not completely answered this question. It seems that certain chemicals that are released at the time of orgasm inhibit a manrsquo;s ability to become erect again for some time. But what the full picture may be, or how one might shorten or lengthen this period of time known as the refractory period, is less clear. As men age, they typically find it more difficult to become erect again soon after ejaculating. Men may find that they can only have one erection per day or night that ends in ejaculation, and sometimes a manrsquo;s refractory period may last a day or two or longer. Better With Age? Though young men may hear this and be concerned about the aging process, let me reassure you: older men often report that the fact that their erections and ejaculations become less predictable with age can actually help them to open their minds and expand their thinking to explore their sexual relationships in broader, more complex and less genital-focused ways. And that that can be very satisfying, liberating and exciting. So not only can sex be intriguing and interesting when one is young, as yoursquo;re finding, but it can continue to inspire interest with age. Bodies,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/stress-affect-erections/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/stress-affect-erections/#comments Wed, 21 Mar 2007 20:46:22 +0000 Kinsey Confidential http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/blog/2007/03/21/qa-can-stress-really-affect-a-mans-erections/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/stress-affect-erections/feed/ 0