http://kinseyconfidential.org Just another WordPress weblog Sat, 13 Mar 2010 17:03:39 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 en hourly 1 2006-2007 aschweig@indiana.edu (Kinsey Confidential) aschweig@indiana.edu (Kinsey Confidential) posts 1440 Just another WordPress weblog Kinsey Confidential Kinsey Confidential aschweig@indiana.edu No no http://kinseyconfidential.org/wp-content/themes/kinsey/images/kinsey-podcast-300.jpg http://kinseyconfidential.org 144 144 http://kinseyconfidential.org/sex-life-feel/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/sex-life-feel/#comments Thu, 16 Apr 2009 19:34:10 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=964 http://kinseyconfidential.org/sex-life-feel/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/fatigue-day-after-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/fatigue-day-after-sex/#comments Thu, 19 Mar 2009 14:00:48 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=884 http://kinseyconfidential.org/fatigue-day-after-sex/feed/ 0 3:02 Although there have been a few case reports of individuals who feel tired or lethargic after sex or masturbation, Irsquo;m not aware of any reports ... Although there have been a few case reports of individuals who feel tired or lethargic after sex or masturbation, Irsquo;m not aware of any reports of couples feeling so dramatically tired after sex that they find it difficult to go about their daily routine. Talk To A Healthcare Provider If this is the case for you and your wife, Irsquo;d suggest meeting with a healthcare provider, who can examine you both for any medical conditions that might be at the root of your exhaustion, and possibly with a sex therapist who might be able to help you identify any other causes of your fatigue. He or she might also be able to work with you to learn more about what your sex life is like, and possible make suggestions as to how you might modify your sex life to deal with these issues. Age And Fatigue It is certainly the case that both men and women, as they age, may feel tired more often and from a wide range of activities than when they are younger. Do you and your wife participate in other forms of exercise? If not, it may not be that itrsquo;s sex per sex that is making you feel fatigued. Perhaps itrsquo;s just that itrsquo;s physical exertion, or exercise, thatrsquo;s making you tired. If so, your healthcare provider or a physical therapist may be able to help guide you and your wife toward a fitness program that helps you both to feel more energetic and able to be sexual in ways that you desire, without feeling overly tired. Nutritional needs change with age, too, and it may be that dietary modifications, as suggested by a registered dietician, will be helpful. Hormonal Balances Finally, you two both are likely experiencing shifts in your hormones. Sometimes women and men experience discreet periods of time in which their bodies are adjusting to these hormonal balances, and you may feel more easily fatigued in general for a while until you feel more adjusted. In any case, Irsquo;d again recommend checking in with a healthcare provider any time that dramatic changes in sexual functioning are noticed, as sometimes they are signs of changes in health status. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/sex-dreams-marital-infidelity/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/sex-dreams-marital-infidelity/#comments Thu, 05 Feb 2009 14:00:27 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=848 http://kinseyconfidential.org/sex-dreams-marital-infidelity/feed/ 1 3:11 We get quite a lot of questions about sexual fantasies and with good reason: fantasies are a part of a person's sexual life that differs ... We get quite a lot of questions about sexual fantasies and with good reason: fantasies are a part of a person's sexual life that differs from reality in important ways. In fantasy, a person can do whatever they like and feel safe doing it. They can imagine doing things that they might never do in real life, for whatever reason - either because it's not actually appealing to them in real life or because they would feel too scared, threatened, or uncomfortable in real life. In fantasy, however, a person can control every detail of a sexual experience and make it a perfect, arousing, enjoyable experience. Fantasies Not Necessarily Reality The fact that your wife has had dreams or fantasies of lesbian sex, sex with multiple men and sex with men she does not know does not, in and of itself, mean that you are losing her, that she wants to have sex with other people or that there is anything troubling about her sexuality or your relationship together. In fact, it is quite common for women and men to have fantasies of different types of sex. The fact that your wife feels comfortable sharing the details of her sexual dreams and fantasies with you may suggest that she feels close to you, and that she trusts you to listen to her otherwise private thoughts. In other words, rather than signaling anything troubling about your relationship, her sharing her fantasies with you may actually be a sign of something very positive, safe and trusting about your relationship. That said, it is true that sometimes women and men secretly wish that they could have sex with someone else. That doesn't mean that they will actually do so; it often is just a sign of the strength of the human sex drive. Perhaps you can recall a time when you have seen someone who you found very attractive and wondered what it was like to be sexual with them. Just because people have these thoughts does not necessarily mean that their relationship is in trouble. Talk To Her About Your Concerns If you have questions about your wife's sexual fantasies, or her feelings for you, try talking to her in a gentle way that suggests you want to understand and connect with her, rather than judge her. As for her orgasm ability, it is quite common for women to find it difficult to orgasm. It tends to be easier for men to orgasm than it is for women, especially during vaginal intercourse, and many women stimulate themselves to orgasm. To Learn More You can learn more about both fantasy and female orgasm in the book For Each Other: Sharing Sexual Intimacy. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Relationships,,Love aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/masturbation-guilt-health-problems/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/masturbation-guilt-health-problems/#comments Thu, 08 Jan 2009 14:00:42 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=549 http://kinseyconfidential.org/masturbation-guilt-health-problems/feed/ 0 2:59 In spite of doctors, researchers and educators best efforts to reassure women and men that masturbation is not harmful, many people still hear rumors about ... In spite of doctors, researchers and educators best efforts to reassure women and men that masturbation is not harmful, many people still hear rumors about the dangers of masturbation. Masturbation Is Not Harmful And yet the facts are clear - masturbation is not only common, but it is not harmful or dangerous to either men or women. Most men and women have masturbated at some point in their lives. That includes women and men of various ages, races, ethnicities, religions, sexual orientations and political ideologies. In fact, many men and women recall touching their genitals for pleasure even when they were children, something that many parents, teachers and pediatricians are well aware of. And yet many women and men were raised with the sense that touching their genitals for pleasure, relaxation or enjoyment was something bad, dirty, shameful or immoral. Positive Effects of Masturbation Rather than being harmful, recent research suggests that men's masturbation during early adulthood is associated with a decreased risk of prostate cancer as men age. Masturbation, like partner sex, can also help men and women to decrease stress. It may help to bolster our immune systems, to help people to feel happier or more relaxed, or to fall asleep more easily. For women, masturbation - again, just like sex with a partner - can help to keep their vaginal tissue moist and healthy. Masturbation can help promote blood flow to the genitals for both women and men which can help to oxygenate tissues around the genitals and reproductive organs. Masturbation can also help women and men to better understand their bodies and to help them learn what feels good. Self-pleasuring, as it is sometimes called, can also help men to learn to control the timing of their ejaculation. For women, self-pleasuring can help a woman learn to orgasm more easily. Learn More To learn more about masturbation - both its myths and its benefits - check out The Big Book of Masturbation by Martha Cornog. Women in particular may find the book Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving to be of interest, too. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/pain-during-sex-first-time/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/pain-during-sex-first-time/#comments Mon, 29 Dec 2008 14:00:28 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=485 http://kinseyconfidential.org/pain-during-sex-first-time/feed/ 0 3:25 A woman's first experience, or first several experiences, with vaginal intercourse are sometimes uncomfortable and, occasionally, may even be painful. If a woman has never before ... A woman's first experience, or first several experiences, with vaginal intercourse are sometimes uncomfortable and, occasionally, may even be painful. If a woman has never before had vaginal penetration such as with her own or a partner's fingers, a sex toy or even a tampon, then her vaginal entrance may be largely covered by her hymen. When the hymen - which is a thin area of tissue that is filled with tiny blood vessels - tears, a woman may or may not notice vaginal bleeding, and she may or may not feel discomfort or pain. Lack of Information The tearing of the hymen is not the only reason why a woman may feel discomfort or pain when she first starts having sex. Often times, women may experience uncomfortable sex due to a lack of information about sex. For example, by the time women first start having sex, they may have never learned that using a personal lubricant can make sex more comfortable or pleasurable. Or else they may not have learned that spending more time in foreplay before starting penetration can help a woman's body to create more natural vaginal lubrication, which can also make sex feel more comfortable and pleasurable. Ready To Have Sex? And while many adults often encourage young women and men to wait to have sex until they are older, until they are married or until they are in love, adults may not spend enough time talking to young women and men about some of the benefits of waiting until they are feeling ready to have sex. For example, when two people feel uncomfortable with each other and unsure how to talk to each other about sex, then the sex itself is perhaps less likely to feel comfortable or pleasurable. However, when two people feel comfortable talking to each other about sex, and have spent time considering the emotional and physical risks of having sex - and how they plan to deal with such risks - then they are better situated to experienced more relaxed, pleasurable, comfortable sex. Feeling Comfortable: Physically and Emotionally Before you begin having sex, you might consider ways that you can feel not just physically comfortable (such as through the use of a lubricant or taking your time to begin with gentle penetration), but also ways that you can feel emotionally comfortable with your sexual choices. You and your partner might ask each other about how having sex with affect your relationship, or your expectations for exclusivity, or your plans for reducing the risk of pregnancy or infection. Recommended Reading You can learn more about having sex and how to make it more comfortable by reading S.E.X.: The All-You-Need-To-Know Progressive Sexuality Guide to Get You Through High School and College by Heather Corinna. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/same-sex-fantasies/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/same-sex-fantasies/#comments Mon, 24 Nov 2008 14:00:59 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=428 http://kinseyconfidential.org/same-sex-fantasies/feed/ 0 3:29 Sexual fantasies are commonly experienced (and frequently enjoyed) by women and men and they don't always reflect how we feel or the types of sex ... Sexual fantasies are commonly experienced (and frequently enjoyed) by women and men and they don't always reflect how we feel or the types of sex we long for in our waking life. Some people fantasize about being sexual with friends, strangers, neighbors or celebrities - even when they are in monogamous relationships or marriages - but that does not mean that they would actually want to be sexual with these people in reality. Other times, individuals find that they feel aroused by sexual fantasies or images (such as in porn) that relate to domination/submission, group sex, or forced sex. Again, that doesn't mean that a person would actually want to engage in these activities in real life; but people may find them arousing as fantasies. Also, sexual orientation doesn't always match up with one's fantasies. Heterosexual-identified women and men sometimes fantasize about members of their same sex and homosexual-identified women and men may fantasize about individuals of the other sex. Some sex researchers might suggest that sexual fantasies have little to do with sexual orientation, and that - if you have no other reason to believe that you are sexually attracted to women in real life - these fantasies may be arousing for any number of reasons. For one, we often see more images of attractive women looking sexual than we see of men, such as in popular women's magazines, men's magazines, movies and the internet. If fantasizing about women feels taboo to you, that element may add to the psychological excitement of your experience. Other sex researchers might suggest that this nuanced view of your behavior and fantasies is a reflection of the fluidity of sexuality, and the idea that many women and men are probably "bisexual" to some degree, or would be, if society didn't place such strict restrictions on people to behave certain ways. If you are curious about being romantically or sexually involved with women, and that feels appealing or comfortable to you, it may be worth exploring those feelings. That said, there is no one way to be bisexual, heterosexual or homosexual. Just because you enjoy being sexual with men doesn't mean that most of your fantasies have to be about them. Just because you enjoy fantasizing about women, or becoming aroused to such fantasies, doesn't mean that you have to be sexual with women or get into a relationship with them. The way that you live your sexual and romantic life is up to you to decide in a way that feels comfortable and enjoyable to you. To learn more about sexual orientation, including bisexuality, check out the web sites of Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays or the American Institute of Bisexuality. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Sexual,Orientation aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/sexual-chemistry-healthy-relationships/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/sexual-chemistry-healthy-relationships/#comments Thu, 06 Nov 2008 14:00:34 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=411 http://kinseyconfidential.org/sexual-chemistry-healthy-relationships/feed/ 0 3:24 You've hit upon an age-old question that many men and women have wondered. Sexuality, however, is complex and the answer is not cut and dry. ... You've hit upon an age-old question that many men and women have wondered. Sexuality, however, is complex and the answer is not cut and dry. Some couples who have intense sexual chemistry find that although they are attracted to each other and enjoy having sex with each other, they simply cannot spend time together or live together as a couple. Other couples with intense chemistry, however, find that even if they are opposites in other ways, that their relationship is important to them in ways that matter to them - and that their differences enrich each other's lives, even if they sometimes bring discomfort, stress or arguments. As such, we can't tell you whether your chemistry is the sign of a healthy relationship or not, though certainly it seems to reflect at least a shared interest in and desire for sexual expression, and shared experienced of pleasure. Many couples struggle for months or years to become sexually compatible, and it can feel pleasurable, enjoyable and exciting when sex seems to happen naturally between two people. Many women and men wonder whether their relationships are healthy, particularly given the various messages that we hear in the media about how to tell if a person is in a good relationship or a bad one. And yet, healthy relationships tend to have more to do with how a person feels in their relationship than with whether they are similar to or very different from their partner. You didn't say what you meant by feeling "opposite" to your partner when you're not having sex, but it may be worth exploring how you two feel with each other as partners. For example, do you feel comfortable with each other? Are you able to communicate honestly and with care, and to support each other in ways that help you both to feel valued and important? Some satisfied couples have very similar interests in terms of activities, politics, religion, family and money. Others hold very different views on life, or enjoy different activities, but they learn over time how to make a life together. A book by John Gottman, titled "The Relationship Cure", describes how people can learn to understand more about their partner, and communicate in healthy, effective ways - and in spite of their differences - in ways that are relationship enhancing. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Relationships,,Love aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/sexual-assault-prevention/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/sexual-assault-prevention/#comments Mon, 22 Sep 2008 10:25:04 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/2008/09/22/preventing-sexual-assault/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/sexual-assault-prevention/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/how-to-last-longer-in-bed-stop-premature-ejaculation/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/how-to-last-longer-in-bed-stop-premature-ejaculation/#comments Mon, 08 Sep 2008 23:40:56 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/2008/09/08/qa-techniques-to-last-longer-in-bed/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/how-to-last-longer-in-bed-stop-premature-ejaculation/feed/ 0 3:07 Many men and women have an unrealistic view of how long intercourse typically lasts and no wonder ndash; itrsquo;s actually very difficult to know how ... Many men and women have an unrealistic view of how long intercourse typically lasts and no wonder ndash; itrsquo;s actually very difficult to know how long people spend having sex. Researchers have found that if you ask women and men how long they spend having sex, most cannot give a reliable estimate. They may take a good guess, but they rarely know the exact time. In other studies, researchers have given women and men stop watches to use so that they can more accurately track how long sex lasts. Of course, you can imagine that using a stopwatch during sex might change sex, and may make people anxious about how long or how short sex lasts, and thus may end up influencing how long or short sex lasts. So those estimates are not necessarily a good indication either. Focus On Quality Rather than focusing on spending a specific number of minutes during intercourse, consider focusing on the quality of your sexual experience with your partner. Ask your partner what they enjoy about being sexual with you, or what turns your partner on. You can also share what feels good to you or turns you on, too. Consider ways of exploring each otherrsquo;s bodies that involve a lot of touching and kissing, and treating intercourse as just one of many pleasurable things that you could do together, but not necessarily the only thing or the main event. That can help to take the pressure off of how long you spend in intercourse and can help to broaden and enrich your experience of sexual sharing. Masturbation Techniques The two techniques that are most commonly recommended to help men learn to last longer before ejaculating are called the stop-start technique and the squeeze technique. Men who practice them may, over time, find that they can last longer during masturbation or partner sex, but they may not necessarily take you past the 15 minute mark. Recommended Reading You can learn detailed information about these techniques by reading the book Coping with Premature Ejaculation by Dr. Michael Metz and Dr. Barry McArthy. Another book that includes information about multiple techniques to last longer is a book called The New Male Sexuality by Dr. Bernie Zilbergeld. One technique that he recommends, for example, has to do with learning to pay attention to the sensations in your own body so that you eventually become more attuned to when you might be close to ejaculating, and can learn to hold off. He also suggests that visualizing lasting longer, and what that might feel like, might be a useful strategy for some men. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/living-with-genital-warts/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/living-with-genital-warts/#comments Thu, 28 Aug 2008 22:39:04 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/2008/08/28/qa-i-have-genital-warts-and-hpv-how-do-i-ever-have-a-relationship-again/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/living-with-genital-warts/feed/ 0 3:50 Yoursquo;re absolutely right ndash; the ldquo;try not to get HPVrdquo; messages only go so far when you already have HPV. And guess what? Most sexually ... Yoursquo;re absolutely right ndash; the ldquo;try not to get HPVrdquo; messages only go so far when you already have HPV. And guess what? Most sexually active women and men have already had, or have been exposed to, HPV ndash; many just donrsquo;t know it. 60-80% of Sexually Active Women And Men Some studies suggest that as many as 60-80% of sexually active women and men have been exposed to at least one strain, making it by far the most common sexually transmissible infection, or STI. Most peoplersquo;s bodies donrsquo;t experience problems related to HPV, but some people do ndash; some women may develop cervical changes which show up in abnormal Pap tests, and some women and men both may develop genital warts. Usually, peoplesrsquo; immune systems kick in at some point and fight the viral infection. Fortunately, that means that most women who have cervical changes will get better and will not get cervical cancer. That also means that most women and men who have visible warts will generally get fewer genital warts, and fewer outbreaks of genital warts, over time. HPV And Genital Warts Though there are more than 100 strains of HPV, only a few that are linked to genital warts. Good for you for being sexually responsible and planning to tell future partners. You also might consider telling your present or past partners, if you havenrsquo;t already. HPV can be a frustrating issue for many women who are interested in men. Thatrsquo;s because right now, we donrsquo;t have any standard HPV testing available to men. As a result, many men think that they donrsquo;t have HPV when in fact they might ndash; they just canrsquo;t be tested for it. As such, women who know that they have HPV sometimes worry how men will react. Educating Future Partners When you tell your future potential partners about your genital warts, try to gently educate them about the issue and how, just because no one has ever told them that they have had HPV, doesnrsquo;t mean that they donrsquo;t have it or that they canrsquo;t get it. Researchers are working to develop better testing for men and hopefully that will help to open the dialogue about HPV among women and men. Although it may feel scary to talk about STIs with future relationship partners, itrsquo;s important to remember just how many women and men are affected by HPV ndash; and that in fact many women and men are kind, caring and accepting of the news that the person they like has an STI. F ar from your relationship or sex life potential being over, Irsquo;d encourage you to look at it as a challenge, or something that necessitates careful and open communication with a partner, but nothing that has to prevent you from having fulfilling relationships in the future. HPV Vaccine You also might ask your healthcare provider for more information about Gardasil, the HPV vaccine that protects against 4 strains of HPV, including those that are linked to cervical problems. Content,Type,,Health,,Disease,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/am-i-ready-for-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/am-i-ready-for-sex/#comments Wed, 27 Aug 2008 18:06:50 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/2008/08/22/readiness-for-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/am-i-ready-for-sex/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/signs-of-a-healthy-relationship/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/signs-of-a-healthy-relationship/#comments Sat, 09 Aug 2008 14:15:11 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/2008/08/09/in-a-healthy-relationship/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/signs-of-a-healthy-relationship/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/mutual-masturbation-pregnancy-risk/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/mutual-masturbation-pregnancy-risk/#comments Wed, 06 Dec 2006 16:57:57 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/blog/2006/12/06/qa-can-i-get-pregnant-from-mutual-masturbation-with-my-boyfriend/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/mutual-masturbation-pregnancy-risk/feed/ 0