http://kinseyconfidential.org Just another WordPress weblog Thu, 18 Mar 2010 14:00:23 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 en hourly 1 2006-2007 aschweig@indiana.edu (Kinsey Confidential) aschweig@indiana.edu (Kinsey Confidential) posts 1440 Just another WordPress weblog Kinsey Confidential Kinsey Confidential aschweig@indiana.edu No no http://kinseyconfidential.org/wp-content/themes/kinsey/images/kinsey-podcast-300.jpg http://kinseyconfidential.org 144 144 http://kinseyconfidential.org/virginity/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/virginity/#comments Mon, 05 Oct 2009 13:00:37 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1229 http://kinseyconfidential.org/virginity/feed/ 0 3:05 Defining Virginity People define virginity in different ways. However, one of the most common definitions of virginity for heterosexual women is whether they have had penile-vaginal ... Defining Virginity People define virginity in different ways. However, one of the most common definitions of virginity for heterosexual women is whether they have had penile-vaginal sex. If you recently had vaginal intercourse for the first time, with your boyfriend putting his penis inside of your vagina, then most people would probably consider that to be losing your virginity. So no, by most peoplersquo;s definitions you would no longer be a virgin and there is no way to reverse that. Losing onersquo;s virginity is a physical act, whether or not a woman notices any blood from her vagina. The reason why some women bleed when they first have sex is because a thin layer of tissue called the hymen covers part of a womanrsquo;s vaginal entrance. When a woman has sex, the hymen tears and she may bleed a little bit. However, some women donrsquo;t have very much of this tissue to begin with or else the tissue they did have may have torn for other reasons such as from using tampons, from masturbation or from being fingered by a partner. This is why looking for blood on the sheets, or even going to the doctor, is not helpful in terms of establishing whether or not a woman is a virgin. "Born Again Virgins" Even though you canrsquo;t reverse time to before you had sex, you may be interested to know that some people consider themselves to be ldquo;born again virginsrdquo; if they have had sex before but now are choosing to wait to have sex again until they feel more ready, more in love or are married. If you are having second thoughts about being sexually active, itrsquo;s important to know that just because you have had sex once does not mean that you have to do it again any time soon if you are not ready to or if you donrsquo;t want to. Sex is a very intimate act for many women and men. Some people connect sex with love, intimacy or relationships and may feel as though they want a certain relationship with another person before they have sex. Other times, people may have found a wonderful romantic partner but may want to wait to have sex until they feel as though they have more effective reliable birth control or until they feel comfortable with the possibility of becoming parents, should they possibly become pregnant. Learn More To learn more about sex, check out S.E.X.: The All You Need to Know Progressive Sexuality Guide to Get You Through High School and College. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/vaginal-tearing-intercourse-fingering/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/vaginal-tearing-intercourse-fingering/#comments Thu, 24 Sep 2009 14:00:18 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=1191 http://kinseyconfidential.org/vaginal-tearing-intercourse-fingering/feed/ 0 3:13 Many young women and men have questions about having sex for the first time and losing onersquo;s virginity. In regard to your question, it is ... Many young women and men have questions about having sex for the first time and losing onersquo;s virginity. In regard to your question, it is indeed possible to experience vaginal bleeding from either fingering or penile penetration. Vaginal Tearing The vagina is made up of sensitive tissue. It can be easily torn from fingering as may occur during sex play. It can also be torn by little snags of a personrsquo;s fingernails. Penetration ndash; whether from a finger or a manrsquo;s penis ndash; can also cause the hymen to tear, either just a little or a lot. The hymen is a thin layer of tissue that partially covers a womanrsquo;s vaginal entrance. Although the size of the tissue is small, it is filled with blood vessels. As such, even if just a little bit of the hymen tears, a woman or her partner may notice blood on onersquo;s fingers, penis or on the sheets. Unfortunately, it is impossible to know whether the bleeding occurred from fingering or penetration. Slow Down However, the fact that you feel as though he may be taking advantage of your lack of experience is something to pay attention to. If you feel as though you donrsquo;t have as much power or control over the sexual aspects of your relationship, you may find that it is important to talk to your boyfriend about what you do or do not want to happen sexually and what you are or are not feeling ready for. It may be that you are more comfortable exploring at a slower pace or that you would like to learn more about sex before you continue to engage in such intimate sex play together. Also, keep in mind that vaginal penetration with a manrsquo;s penis ndash; even if itrsquo;s just a little bit ndash; can put a woman at risk for pregnancy or sexually transmissible infections, also called STIs. If you do not wish to become pregnant at this time, you may want to not engage in vaginal penetration or you may want to learn more about birth control options. Learning More You can learn more about sex by reading S.E.X.: The All You Need to Know Progressive Sexuality Guide to Get You Through High School and College or The Guide to Getting It On. Bodies,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/hymen-bleeding-first-time-intercourse/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/hymen-bleeding-first-time-intercourse/#comments Thu, 30 Oct 2008 14:00:36 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=405 http://kinseyconfidential.org/hymen-bleeding-first-time-intercourse/feed/ 0 3:07 Great question! Although many women bleed during or after the first time that they have intercourse, not all do - and the presence or absence ... Great question! Although many women bleed during or after the first time that they have intercourse, not all do - and the presence or absence of blood on the sheets is not a reliable indicator of whether or not a woman is a virgin, even though people in some cultures still look for this as a sign of virginity. Different for Different Girls Most girls are born with a layer of tissue called the hymen that covers much of their vaginal entrance. Though thin, the hymen is filled with blood vessels and so when it tears, there is often some visible blood. In some girls, the tissue is quite thin and in others the hymen is thicker. Some girls aren't born with much of a hymen at all and it's important to realize that there are differences in girls' hymens as early as infancy. As girls grow up, the hymen may be worn away for different reasons. Some girls - like some boys - stimulate their genitals with their hands or other objects. Masturbating in this way may wear away some of a girl's hymen. Some health professionals have thought that certain activities that impact the vulva, such as horseback riding or gymnastics, may also contribute to the gradual wearing away of the hymen, but research has yet to confirm that this is true. Many Ways The Hymen Can Be Worn Away As young women, mutual masturbation, or fingering, can also wear away at the hymen, as can using tampons during a menstrual period. As you can see, there are many ways that a hymen can be gently worn away over the years so that by the time a woman has vaginal intercourse for the first time, she may not have any noticeable bleeding. That doesn't mean that she's not a virgin. If you have questions about your girlfriend's previous sexual experiences, it is better to ask her in ways that are respectful, gentle and caring rather than to make assumptions based on the bedroom sheets. It is also worth considering to what extent her sexual history matters to you in your current relationship, as well as to what extent your own history may matter to her. Learn More To learn more about communicating with a partner and coming to terms with each other's sexual past, you might want to read For Each Other: Sharing Sexual Intimacy by Dr. Lonnie Barbach. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/small-vagina-have-comfortable-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/small-vagina-have-comfortable-sex/#comments Mon, 27 Oct 2008 14:00:40 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=402 http://kinseyconfidential.org/small-vagina-have-comfortable-sex/feed/ 0 3:09 Having intercourse for the first time is a big step for many women, and can feel both exciting and anxiety-provoking as one thinks about the ... Having intercourse for the first time is a big step for many women, and can feel both exciting and anxiety-provoking as one thinks about the potential for pleasure as well as whether it will feel uncomfortable or hurt. Some women, like you, find that when they try to have intercourse, it feels near-impossible, which can feel leave women and their partners feeling frustrated and unsure about what to do. Possible Treatments The first step I would suggest is to return to your gynecologist to learn more about what she or he means when they've said that you have a very small vagina. Some women have anatomical issues that make penetration particularly difficult and your doctor may want to suggest a certain treatment or procedure that can make it easier for you to have intercourse. One relatively common treatment strategy involves using a vaginal dilator set, which you can sometimes buy directly through a healthcare provider or sex therapist, or you can order them online. Dilators sort of look like dildos in the sense that they are somewhat cylindrical, but they come in sets of about 4 to 6 and range in sizes. Often women are encouraged to try using the smallest dilator first which is about the size of a pinky finger. One can insert the dilator with some water-based lubricant and then leave it in, or you can try moving it in and out, similar to intercourse. When the smallest size has become easy and comfortable to use, women may try the next smallest size, repeat the process and eventually move to try larger sizes that are similar to the size, for example, of their partner's penis. Recommended Sex Positions In terms of positions, woman-on-top is sometimes easier because it allows for a woman to take in only as much of her partner as she feels comfortable with, and at a pace that feels right to her. You may find that you need to use more lubricant than you initially expected too, and that it is easier if you apply lubricant to both his and your genitals. Even with these sex tips, however, it is still recommended to check in with your healthcare provider as a first step as he or she can examine your body and give more personalized suggestions. Bodies,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/long-blowjob-virgin/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/long-blowjob-virgin/#comments Mon, 18 Aug 2008 23:11:46 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/2008/08/18/qa-my-boyfriend-is-virgin-and-im-frustrated-by-long-blowjobs/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/long-blowjob-virgin/feed/ 0 3:16 Although we commonly seem to accept the fact that many women find that it is difficult, or takes a long time, to have an orgasm, ... Although we commonly seem to accept the fact that many women find that it is difficult, or takes a long time, to have an orgasm, many people are often surprised to find out that many men find it difficult to ejaculate or have an orgasm as well. Sometimes men find it difficult to reach orgasm in very specific situations, like if they worry that someone will walk in on them or hear them having sex. Other times, men find it difficult to orgasm from certain types of sex acts, such as hand stimulation, oral sex, vaginal intercourse, or anal sex. Talking To Your Boyfriend If this is an issue that you and your boyfriend can talk to each other comfortable and with care and respect for each other, you might consider asking him whether he is able to reach orgasm during masturbation. If he is able to do so, then you may have a starting place. You might be able to ask him if he would feel comfortable masturbating in front of you either while you watch or while you kiss him, or while you do something else that you both would find enjoyable or arousing. You might be able to learn how it is that he masturbates, and then try a similar style of hand stimulation yourself. Sometimes men who have difficulty masturbating from hand or oral stimulation from a partner simply have developed a very effective, but often specific, technique that works for them, and they may find it difficult to communicate that to a partner. With time and practice, he may be able to learn to reach orgasm from different types of stimulation. To do this, he may want to start masturbating in different ways ndash; with and without lubrication, with varying hand positions, or other strategies, such as rubbing against his bed or pillows. That is ndash; only if he wants to learn to expand his repertoire. Focus Less On Orgasm You might also try to relax and focus less on his orgasm as a goal, and instead place importance on pleasure, intimacy and connection. Focusing too much on trying to get him to have an orgasm may feel like pressure to him, or may make him aware of the fact that it takes him a while to have an orgasm, and that pressure or anxiety can make it even more difficult to orgasm. Recommended Reading You might find that The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex or The Guide to Getting It On can provide ideas for other ways of sexual play, and For Each Other by Dr. Lonnie Barbach may help you learn more about sexually relating to each other. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Relationships,,Love aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/sex-with-virgin-bleeding/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/sex-with-virgin-bleeding/#comments Mon, 28 Jul 2008 16:35:35 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/2008/07/28/qa-bleeding-the-first-time/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/sex-with-virgin-bleeding/feed/ 0 3:41 It is true that sometimes a small amount of bleeding occurs during the first time - or first few times- that a woman has vaginal ... It is true that sometimes a small amount of bleeding occurs during the first time - or first few times- that a woman has vaginal intercourse. Usually the bleeding is due to tearing of a woman's hymen, which is a thin layer of tissue that's rich with blood vessels and may cover a portion of the vaginal entrance. The Hymen And Bleeding While nearly all girls are born with a hymen, the size of the hymen can vary greatly. Also, some women's hymens are gradually torn over the years due to self-masturbation, tampon use or sexual activities such as finger stimulation. As a result, by the time a woman first experiences intercourse, she may notice only small amounts of bleeding, or none at all. Others notice larger amounts of bleeding. Some couples continue with sex when bleeding occurs; others are more comfortable stopping and checking things out. Some women experience physical discomfort with early attempts at intercourse; others do not. These are reasons why it is important to continue checking in with each other. You might even choose to have sex on a towel or dark sheets if concerns about bleeding interfere with feeling relaxed and open to pleasure. Vaginal Tearing Bleeding can also be caused by vaginal tearing. A woman might notice this during sex or afterwards, or even the next. If at any time a woman feels discomfort, pain or has concerns about bleeding, she might consider checking in with her healthcare provider (which is recommended prior to becoming sexually active, anyway). Using Lubricant The risk of vaginal tearing may be reduced by using a store-bought lubricant during intercourse. It can be applied to a man's penis (over the condom) and to a woman's vaginal entrance, to make intercourse more comfortable. If you're using latex condoms, choose a water or silicone based lubricant. Lubricants can be incorporated into your sex play in fun, sexy, pleasurable ways. You can watch each other apply it to your own genitals, or take turns and apply it on each otherrsquo;s bodies. Safer, more comfortable sex can absolutely be enjoyable. Good Communication Regardless of your partner's level of experience, it can be good to ask each other questions like, Are you comfortable?, Shall we keep going?, Do you want to stop?, or How does this feel? Good communication can help you and your partner decide whether you want to continue sexual activities, try different things, vary your position or rhythm, or stop altogether. Before deciding to be sexual together, people often remember to ask each other important questions about sexually transmitted infections (STI) and condom use. However, they sometimes shy away from asking equally important questions about the emotional side of sex. Letting your partner know how you feel about sharing sexual experiences -- your values, expectations, excitement and concerns -- and asking how he or she feels in return can help deepen your relationship and bring you closer to developing the relationship you desire. Bodies,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/virginity-overcoming-uncomfortable-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/virginity-overcoming-uncomfortable-sex/#comments Mon, 23 Jun 2008 22:18:26 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/2008/06/23/qa-virginity-and-overcoming-uncomfortable-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/virginity-overcoming-uncomfortable-sex/feed/ 0 3:12 The realities of having vaginal intercourse for the first time hardly ever match the romanticized Hollywood versions of sex. In fact, you are not alone ... The realities of having vaginal intercourse for the first time hardly ever match the romanticized Hollywood versions of sex. In fact, you are not alone in your experience of feeling like yoursquo;re ready for sex, trying to have it, and then finding that your body just wonrsquo;t cooperate. Medical or Psychological Reasons Sometimes there are medical or physiological reasons why vaginal intercourse may feel difficult or even impossible for a woman. Women who are thinking about becoming sexually active would be well advised to check in with a healthcare provider for a gynecological exam, and this might be a good time for you to do so. That way, not only can you ask your healthcare provider whether you have any personal medical issues that may be making it difficult or uncomfortable for you to have sex, but you can also ask your healthcare provider any questions that you may have about pregnancy, birth control, or sexually transmissible infections ndash; also called STIs. Feeling Comfortable Itrsquo;s also important to note that just because you were recently feeling ready to have sex with your boyfriend, doesnrsquo;t mean that you have to feel ready now. If you are dreading the thought of him touching you now, it is probably worth examining that. You might ask yourself what you need to feel more comfortable with him, whether or not you have sex, and how you are about your relationship together. Couples ndash; even those that have been together for a very long time - sometimes find that their feelings for each other, and those related to sex, ebb and flow. Itrsquo;s okay to feel one way today and another way tomorrow. Spend some time paying attention to your feelings and communicate with him about issues that are important to you. Communicate With Your Partner This might also be a good time to share feelings and thoughts with each other about birth control, condoms, STIs, personal values related to sex, as well as your expectations for sex, and how you think your relationship might change when you have sex together. When you decide that you are ready to try to have sex again ndash; whether it is with him or someone else ndash; feeling relaxed and spending time in foreplay, as you did, and communicating with each other are indeed key features of comfortable sex. Depending on how your bodies fit together, you may find that using a personal lubricant can ease penetration as well. Bodies,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/virgins-having-trouble-with-vaginal-intercourse/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/virgins-having-trouble-with-vaginal-intercourse/#comments Wed, 29 Aug 2007 21:50:28 +0000 Kinsey Confidential http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/blog/2007/08/29/qa-virgins-having-trouble-with-vaginal-intercourse/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/virgins-having-trouble-with-vaginal-intercourse/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/virginity-pre-marital-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/virginity-pre-marital-sex/#comments Wed, 16 Feb 2005 21:45:47 +0000 Kinsey Confidential http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/2005/02/16/qa-virginity-and-pre-marital-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/virginity-pre-marital-sex/feed/ 0