http://kinseyconfidential.org Just another WordPress weblog Sat, 13 Mar 2010 17:03:39 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 en hourly 1 2006-2007 aschweig@indiana.edu (Kinsey Confidential) aschweig@indiana.edu (Kinsey Confidential) posts 1440 Just another WordPress weblog Kinsey Confidential Kinsey Confidential aschweig@indiana.edu No no http://kinseyconfidential.org/wp-content/themes/kinsey/images/kinsey-podcast-300.jpg http://kinseyconfidential.org 144 144 http://kinseyconfidential.org/women-easily-achieve-orgasm/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/women-easily-achieve-orgasm/#comments Mon, 16 Nov 2009 14:00:06 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1278 http://kinseyconfidential.org/women-easily-achieve-orgasm/feed/ 2 http://kinseyconfidential.org/boredom-expressing-desire-variety-bedroom/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/boredom-expressing-desire-variety-bedroom/#comments Thu, 08 Oct 2009 13:00:32 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1232 http://kinseyconfidential.org/boredom-expressing-desire-variety-bedroom/feed/ 0 3:15 It can be challenging enough to find someone to date or marry who has enough of the qualities that a person wants in a partner. ... It can be challenging enough to find someone to date or marry who has enough of the qualities that a person wants in a partner. Even more difficult is to find someone who has these qualities, who you like or love, who likes or loves you back and who just happens to have the same sexual preferences or desires as you do. Different Likes and Dislikes Given the complexities of love and attraction, then, itrsquo;s actually quite common to have different likes or dislikes in regard to sex. It is how couples work out those differences that matters. In your situation, you and your fianceacute; appear to be at a standstill in regard to sexual intimacy. You participate in the sexual activities that appear to bring him enjoyment and/or orgasm ndash; specifically, vaginal intercourse that follows a little bit of foreplay. However, he has made it clear to you that he does not want to participate in any of the sexual activities that you crave. Further, you seem to feel as though he is unfairly comparing you to other women he has had sex with or that he is suggesting something may be wrong with you because your body responds in a different way than other women he has had sex with. Power Dynamics and Frustration This is problematic for several reasons. You seem to feel misunderstood and maybe unheard in your relationship. This is important to pay attention to because if you feel as though you donrsquo;t have power or a voice in your romantic and sexual relationship, then those types of power dynamics can lead to feelings of helplessness or frustration. Because yoursquo;ve expressed significant concern about the future of your sex life together, I would recommend that you consider meeting together with a sex therapist. Find A Sex Therapist Consider approaching him about your need to find some way to have a more mutually pleasurable sex life and your hope that a trained sex therapist might be able to help you two with your concerns and frustrations. You can find a sex therapist in your area through the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapistsrsquo; web site or through the web site of the Society for Sex Therapy and Research. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Relationships,,Love aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/virginity/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/virginity/#comments Mon, 05 Oct 2009 13:00:37 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1229 http://kinseyconfidential.org/virginity/feed/ 0 3:05 Defining Virginity People define virginity in different ways. However, one of the most common definitions of virginity for heterosexual women is whether they have had penile-vaginal ... Defining Virginity People define virginity in different ways. However, one of the most common definitions of virginity for heterosexual women is whether they have had penile-vaginal sex. If you recently had vaginal intercourse for the first time, with your boyfriend putting his penis inside of your vagina, then most people would probably consider that to be losing your virginity. So no, by most peoplersquo;s definitions you would no longer be a virgin and there is no way to reverse that. Losing onersquo;s virginity is a physical act, whether or not a woman notices any blood from her vagina. The reason why some women bleed when they first have sex is because a thin layer of tissue called the hymen covers part of a womanrsquo;s vaginal entrance. When a woman has sex, the hymen tears and she may bleed a little bit. However, some women donrsquo;t have very much of this tissue to begin with or else the tissue they did have may have torn for other reasons such as from using tampons, from masturbation or from being fingered by a partner. This is why looking for blood on the sheets, or even going to the doctor, is not helpful in terms of establishing whether or not a woman is a virgin. "Born Again Virgins" Even though you canrsquo;t reverse time to before you had sex, you may be interested to know that some people consider themselves to be ldquo;born again virginsrdquo; if they have had sex before but now are choosing to wait to have sex again until they feel more ready, more in love or are married. If you are having second thoughts about being sexually active, itrsquo;s important to know that just because you have had sex once does not mean that you have to do it again any time soon if you are not ready to or if you donrsquo;t want to. Sex is a very intimate act for many women and men. Some people connect sex with love, intimacy or relationships and may feel as though they want a certain relationship with another person before they have sex. Other times, people may have found a wonderful romantic partner but may want to wait to have sex until they feel as though they have more effective reliable birth control or until they feel comfortable with the possibility of becoming parents, should they possibly become pregnant. Learn More To learn more about sex, check out S.E.X.: The All You Need to Know Progressive Sexuality Guide to Get You Through High School and College. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/genital-fit-genital-size/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/genital-fit-genital-size/#comments Mon, 03 Aug 2009 14:00:19 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=1108 http://kinseyconfidential.org/genital-fit-genital-size/feed/ 0 3:31 Although many people joke about the size of penises and vaginas, people rarely talk about genital size in ways that are helpful or informative. As ... Although many people joke about the size of penises and vaginas, people rarely talk about genital size in ways that are helpful or informative. As such, it leaves many people wondering if their own or their partnerrsquo;s genital size is normal. Genital Fit When discussing how sex feels, I find it helpful to start by talking about ldquo;genital fitrdquo; rather than either partnerrsquo;s genital size, given that both partnerrsquo;s genital size affects the overall fit. It seems that sex feels different to you now and you have attributed this to your wife possibly having a bigger or wider vagina than she did when she was younger. Changes With Age Menrsquo;s and womenrsquo;s bodies both experience changes with age, and it is possible that her vagina has not changed but your erections may be what has changed. It is common for men to experience less rigid or reliable erections with age, which can translate into a somewhat smaller erect penis size with age. If your erections are even slightly shorter or thinner than they used to be, it could cause vaginal intercourse to feel more ldquo;looserdquo; or ldquo;roomyrdquo; than it used to. Then again, you are not the only person who has been getting older. Your wife, too, is aging as we all are and her body also bore your family two children. Even though both children were both delivered by C-section rather than through vaginal birth, the experience of being pregnant can weaken womenrsquo;s pelvic floor muscles, as may other things such as heavy lifting or medical conditions. Over time, as a womanrsquo;s pelvic floor muscles weaken or relax, they can make the vaginal feel wider or looser than it once did. Often times, this is associated with symptoms such as mild, moderate or severe urinary or fecal incontinence ndash; in other words, feeling as though one has to urinate or defecate without meaning to. Questions of Trust and Fidelity Again, given how little we talk about genital size in helpful ways, it is understandable that you wondered how it is that sex now feels different. However, it may also be that your questions about her fidelity or sexual practices have made your wife feel bad about her body or as if you donrsquo;t trust her. Try to consider ways that you can express your love and respect for her, and how you can approach your aging and changing bodies in open and accepting ways. If your wife is experiencing symptoms related to incontinence, she might find it helpful to talk to a healthcare provider, such as a gynecologist. Recommended Reading You and your wife may also find it helpful to explore each otherrsquo;s bodies in ways you may not have done in months or years. A book such as For Each Other: Sharing Sexual Intimacy is packed with tips and techniques for exploration and re-connection. Bodies,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/pain-during-sex-first-time/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/pain-during-sex-first-time/#comments Mon, 29 Dec 2008 14:00:28 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=485 http://kinseyconfidential.org/pain-during-sex-first-time/feed/ 0 3:25 A woman's first experience, or first several experiences, with vaginal intercourse are sometimes uncomfortable and, occasionally, may even be painful. If a woman has never before ... A woman's first experience, or first several experiences, with vaginal intercourse are sometimes uncomfortable and, occasionally, may even be painful. If a woman has never before had vaginal penetration such as with her own or a partner's fingers, a sex toy or even a tampon, then her vaginal entrance may be largely covered by her hymen. When the hymen - which is a thin area of tissue that is filled with tiny blood vessels - tears, a woman may or may not notice vaginal bleeding, and she may or may not feel discomfort or pain. Lack of Information The tearing of the hymen is not the only reason why a woman may feel discomfort or pain when she first starts having sex. Often times, women may experience uncomfortable sex due to a lack of information about sex. For example, by the time women first start having sex, they may have never learned that using a personal lubricant can make sex more comfortable or pleasurable. Or else they may not have learned that spending more time in foreplay before starting penetration can help a woman's body to create more natural vaginal lubrication, which can also make sex feel more comfortable and pleasurable. Ready To Have Sex? And while many adults often encourage young women and men to wait to have sex until they are older, until they are married or until they are in love, adults may not spend enough time talking to young women and men about some of the benefits of waiting until they are feeling ready to have sex. For example, when two people feel uncomfortable with each other and unsure how to talk to each other about sex, then the sex itself is perhaps less likely to feel comfortable or pleasurable. However, when two people feel comfortable talking to each other about sex, and have spent time considering the emotional and physical risks of having sex - and how they plan to deal with such risks - then they are better situated to experienced more relaxed, pleasurable, comfortable sex. Feeling Comfortable: Physically and Emotionally Before you begin having sex, you might consider ways that you can feel not just physically comfortable (such as through the use of a lubricant or taking your time to begin with gentle penetration), but also ways that you can feel emotionally comfortable with your sexual choices. You and your partner might ask each other about how having sex with affect your relationship, or your expectations for exclusivity, or your plans for reducing the risk of pregnancy or infection. Recommended Reading You can learn more about having sex and how to make it more comfortable by reading S.E.X.: The All-You-Need-To-Know Progressive Sexuality Guide to Get You Through High School and College by Heather Corinna. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/having-trouble-ejaculating-during-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/having-trouble-ejaculating-during-sex/#comments Mon, 15 Dec 2008 14:00:34 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=473 http://kinseyconfidential.org/having-trouble-ejaculating-during-sex/feed/ 0 3:34 You've hit on an issue that many young men experience when they are new to sex - the issue of not ejaculating during vaginal intercourse. We ... You've hit on an issue that many young men experience when they are new to sex - the issue of not ejaculating during vaginal intercourse. We don't know how common it is for men who are new to sex to find it difficult to ejaculate, however this does often improve over time and with experience, so it is likely that your body will soon respond in this way to sex. Vaginal Intercourse Feels Different Than Masturbation A common reason this may happen is that vaginal intercourse feels significantly different for a man compared to masturbation. Sometimes men find that it takes their bodies some time to get used to responding to vaginal stimulation. Some men find that it helps them to begin varying their masturbation routine as a way of teaching their bodies to respond to different types of stimulation. For example, you might try using a good deal of lubricant during masturbation and then another time not using much lubricant at all. Experimenting with different hand positions, or different intensities of touch, or rhythms, may be helpful too. Consider Masturbating With A Condom If you are using a condom with your girlfriend, then you might even try masturbating with a condom on your penis. Condoms add a whole new element to how sex feels and you might find it helpful to get used to the feel of a condom on your penis in this way. If the condom is too loose or too tight on your penis, consider looking for a snugger sized condom or a larger sized condom so that it feels comfortable and secure on your penis. Try Using A Lubricant You might also try using a lubricant during sex, which can contribute to more comfortable, pleasure sex for women and men. This is particularly true if you two are using condoms. To use a lubricant, add a small dab - about the size of a dime - to the outside of the condom, after it is already on your penis. Using a lubricant with a condom can help to reduce friction, which not only makes for more pleasurable sex but can also reduce the risk of condom breakage. Anxieties Getting In The Way? Aside from the physical aspects of sex, psychological aspects are important too. You might consider whether any anxieties might be getting in the way of your ejaculation. To what extent are you concerned about pregnancy or infection risk? If you're concerned about either, what steps have you two taken to reduce your risk? Also, how are you feeling in terms of your readiness to have sex, and your comfort and ability to relax with each other? These feelings important to many men's and women's ability to enjoy sex in a pleasurable way, and to experience orgasm. Consider, too, whether you are putting pressure on yourself or feeling stressed about needing to perform a certain way in order to please your girlfriend or be a good lover. These stressors get in the way of pleasure and orgasm for men, at times. Further Reading To learn more about ways to improve your sexual experiences and relationship issues, consider reading The New Male Sexuality by Dr. Bernie Zilbergeld. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/girlfriend-no-feeling-during-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/girlfriend-no-feeling-during-sex/#comments Thu, 11 Dec 2008 14:00:11 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=441 ]]> http://kinseyconfidential.org/girlfriend-no-feeling-during-sex/feed/ 0 3:37 Women sometimes say that they don't feel anything during vaginal intercourse when what they mean is that they don't feel anything pleasurable or stimulating during ... Women sometimes say that they don't feel anything during vaginal intercourse when what they mean is that they don't feel anything pleasurable or stimulating during sex. Talk To Your Girlfriend These are two different issues and I would encourage you to talk with your girlfriend about your sexual experiences together at a time when you are not having sex or about to have sex. Try to find some time alone when you are both feeling relaxed and unlikely to be interrupted. Since she has already identified this as an issue that needs attention, you might say that you've given some thought to what she's said, that it's important to you as well and that you'd like to talk about it together. When you talk, try to clarify what she means when she says she can't feel anything at all during sex. If she cannot even feel that your penis is inside her vagina, then it may be helpful to keep a small towel near the bed and then dab some of the wetness from each of your genitals during breaks from sex. That's because as a woman becomes sexually aroused, her vagina lubricates naturally which can make sex more comfortable and pleasurable, as the lubrication decreases friction during sex. That said, if there is a large amount of lubrication, it can result in a woman not feeling her partner's penis inside her vagina. It isn't her fault or you fault; this just happens sometimes during sexual excitement. The same process of vaginal lubrication that serves to protect women's bodies by reducing friction can sometimes lessen sensation. Dabbing the outside part of her vaginal entrance and your penis with a towel, during little "breaks" from sex, can help to dry off some of the lubrication and heighten sensation for you both. If she gets extremely wet, she might even try inserting a small tampon for 10 or 20 seconds to soak up some of the lubrication, and she throw it out before resuming intercourse with you. Different Stimulation or Positions If she can feel your penis inside her vagina but feels as though she wants to feel more focused stimulation on certain parts of her vagina, then you two might benefit from talking about the types of thrusts or stimulation she desires. For example, would she like more stimulation on the front wall of her vagina, or closer to her cervix? Does she prefer sex that is more gentle or vigorous? Talking about each other's sexual preferences can be helpful and enhancing. She might even find that trying a woman-on-top position gives her the opportunity to rub against your body in ways that allow her to explore types of stimulation that feel most pleasurable to her. Try Sex Therapy If, however, addressing these issues related to lubrication, communication and techniques leave you both feeling as though the issue is not yet resolved, you might find it helpful to meet together with a sex therapist (find one at aasect.org) or for her to check in with her healthcare provider to rule out any medical issues. Bodies,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/hymen-bleeding-first-time-intercourse/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/hymen-bleeding-first-time-intercourse/#comments Thu, 30 Oct 2008 14:00:36 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=405 http://kinseyconfidential.org/hymen-bleeding-first-time-intercourse/feed/ 0 3:07 Great question! Although many women bleed during or after the first time that they have intercourse, not all do - and the presence or absence ... Great question! Although many women bleed during or after the first time that they have intercourse, not all do - and the presence or absence of blood on the sheets is not a reliable indicator of whether or not a woman is a virgin, even though people in some cultures still look for this as a sign of virginity. Different for Different Girls Most girls are born with a layer of tissue called the hymen that covers much of their vaginal entrance. Though thin, the hymen is filled with blood vessels and so when it tears, there is often some visible blood. In some girls, the tissue is quite thin and in others the hymen is thicker. Some girls aren't born with much of a hymen at all and it's important to realize that there are differences in girls' hymens as early as infancy. As girls grow up, the hymen may be worn away for different reasons. Some girls - like some boys - stimulate their genitals with their hands or other objects. Masturbating in this way may wear away some of a girl's hymen. Some health professionals have thought that certain activities that impact the vulva, such as horseback riding or gymnastics, may also contribute to the gradual wearing away of the hymen, but research has yet to confirm that this is true. Many Ways The Hymen Can Be Worn Away As young women, mutual masturbation, or fingering, can also wear away at the hymen, as can using tampons during a menstrual period. As you can see, there are many ways that a hymen can be gently worn away over the years so that by the time a woman has vaginal intercourse for the first time, she may not have any noticeable bleeding. That doesn't mean that she's not a virgin. If you have questions about your girlfriend's previous sexual experiences, it is better to ask her in ways that are respectful, gentle and caring rather than to make assumptions based on the bedroom sheets. It is also worth considering to what extent her sexual history matters to you in your current relationship, as well as to what extent your own history may matter to her. Learn More To learn more about communicating with a partner and coming to terms with each other's sexual past, you might want to read For Each Other: Sharing Sexual Intimacy by Dr. Lonnie Barbach. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/yeast-infection-oral-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/yeast-infection-oral-sex/#comments Thu, 16 Oct 2008 14:00:48 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=388 http://kinseyconfidential.org/yeast-infection-oral-sex/feed/ 2 3:27 Great question - and one that's on the minds of many men and women. In most cases, oral sex performed on a woman does not ... Great question - and one that's on the minds of many men and women. In most cases, oral sex performed on a woman does not raise her chances of getting a yeast infection. Saliva and Yeast Infection Risk But for some women who are prone to yeast infections, it does. Another sex act that can increase the odds of having a yeast infection - as you hinted at - is having vaginal intercourse with a man after one has just performed oral sex on him. In both cases, it's the saliva that can raise the yeast infection risk. That said, it is completely possible for one but not both of these sex acts to contribute to a woman's yeast infection risk. Maybe your saliva on her genitals interacts with her body in a way that promotes yeast overgrowth whereas her saliva on your penis, which then goes into her vagina, does not have the same effect. That is certainly a possibility. And while this used to not be a problem for you two, it's also true that women who never used to get yeast infections can become more prone to them at different points in their lives, particularly due to hormonal changes. Check In With A Specialist If your wife is particularly prone to yeast infections, or finds that her body doesn't always respond easily to treatment, she might consider checking in with a specialist in vulvovaginal health. You two can also learn more about yeast infections, sex and other vaginal health issues in The V Book: A Doctor's Guide to Complete Vulvovaginal Health. The International Society for the Study of Vulvovaginal Disease is another good resource for information about vulvovaginal health and you can also contact them to locate healthcare providers who specialize in vaginal health issues, like yeast infections, in your area. Satisfying Sex And Communication Having a satisfying sex life in the midst of dealing with yeast infections is definitely possible, though you might find that communication becomes even more important. If you're feeling disappointed about not being able to perform oral sex on your wife, this is something that you might try talking with her about so that she can reassure you that it's not about you, but about her body. And there may be other ways to work around the situation, such as using a dental dam or condom cut in half as a barrier between your mouth and her genitals. That way you might be able to occasionally indulge in oral sex without putting her at risk for an uncomfortable or painful yeast infection. Content,Type,,Health,,Disease,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/clitoris/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/clitoris/#comments Wed, 24 Sep 2008 10:49:08 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/2008/09/24/curious-about-the-clitoris/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/clitoris/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/missionary-position/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/missionary-position/#comments Fri, 12 Sep 2008 00:00:37 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/2008/09/11/qa-what-am-i-supposed-to-do-in-the-missionary-position/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/missionary-position/feed/ 1 2:55 Missionary position is one of the most commonly used sex positions throughout the world for a variety reasons, and I imagine that at least some ... Missionary position is one of the most commonly used sex positions throughout the world for a variety reasons, and I imagine that at least some of these reasons probably have to do with it being a relaxing position for many people, and one that feels good and offers many possibilities for tweaking it to your own preferences. Missionary Position: No One Way to "Do" It Your preferences, by the way, are what sex positions are really about. There is no one way to ldquo;dordquo; the missionary position. If you are on the bottom in the missionary position, you could indeed lie there but it doesnrsquo;t mean that you are doing nothing. You can play around with missionary by moving your hips up and down, or slowly in a circle, or by keeping your hips still but squeezing your vaginal muscles around your partnerrsquo;s penis. When yoursquo;re in missionary position, you can keep your legs straight out or you can bend one or both knees up, with your feet planted on the bed. Then again, you can bend your knees closer to your chest. Bodies Are Different These changes are more meaningful than they may seem at first glance. Everyonersquo;s bodies are built a little differently, even though the basic parts are the same. And the way that your body fits with your boyfriendrsquo;s body is one of a kind and completely unique. As such, you may find that certain adaptations to missionary make sex more pleasurable or even more comfortable. You may find that certain positions make it easier or more difficult for you to orgasm or for him to orgasm. His Role He can move around in missionary position, too. Some men take more of a push-up position in missionary or they may place their face close to or further from their partnerrsquo;s face. Which, again, is less about making changes just to make them and more about finding out how you enjoy your sex. Some couples find that it is really important for them, or just really enjoyable, to kiss each other or whisper things to each other during sex. Others want a little distance, either for emotional reasons or because they get really sweaty or warm if their bodies are too close during sex. Make It Your Own The missionary position ndash; like so much of sex ndash; is really a blank slate, and itrsquo;s available for you and your partner to make it what you want it to be. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Sex,Therapy aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/facts-about-chlamydia/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/facts-about-chlamydia/#comments Tue, 26 Aug 2008 17:34:20 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/2008/08/26/everything-you-always-wanted-to-know-about-chlamydia/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/facts-about-chlamydia/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/sex-with-virgin-bleeding/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/sex-with-virgin-bleeding/#comments Mon, 28 Jul 2008 16:35:35 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/2008/07/28/qa-bleeding-the-first-time/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/sex-with-virgin-bleeding/feed/ 0 3:41 It is true that sometimes a small amount of bleeding occurs during the first time - or first few times- that a woman has vaginal ... It is true that sometimes a small amount of bleeding occurs during the first time - or first few times- that a woman has vaginal intercourse. Usually the bleeding is due to tearing of a woman's hymen, which is a thin layer of tissue that's rich with blood vessels and may cover a portion of the vaginal entrance. The Hymen And Bleeding While nearly all girls are born with a hymen, the size of the hymen can vary greatly. Also, some women's hymens are gradually torn over the years due to self-masturbation, tampon use or sexual activities such as finger stimulation. As a result, by the time a woman first experiences intercourse, she may notice only small amounts of bleeding, or none at all. Others notice larger amounts of bleeding. Some couples continue with sex when bleeding occurs; others are more comfortable stopping and checking things out. Some women experience physical discomfort with early attempts at intercourse; others do not. These are reasons why it is important to continue checking in with each other. You might even choose to have sex on a towel or dark sheets if concerns about bleeding interfere with feeling relaxed and open to pleasure. Vaginal Tearing Bleeding can also be caused by vaginal tearing. A woman might notice this during sex or afterwards, or even the next. If at any time a woman feels discomfort, pain or has concerns about bleeding, she might consider checking in with her healthcare provider (which is recommended prior to becoming sexually active, anyway). Using Lubricant The risk of vaginal tearing may be reduced by using a store-bought lubricant during intercourse. It can be applied to a man's penis (over the condom) and to a woman's vaginal entrance, to make intercourse more comfortable. If you're using latex condoms, choose a water or silicone based lubricant. Lubricants can be incorporated into your sex play in fun, sexy, pleasurable ways. You can watch each other apply it to your own genitals, or take turns and apply it on each otherrsquo;s bodies. Safer, more comfortable sex can absolutely be enjoyable. Good Communication Regardless of your partner's level of experience, it can be good to ask each other questions like, Are you comfortable?, Shall we keep going?, Do you want to stop?, or How does this feel? Good communication can help you and your partner decide whether you want to continue sexual activities, try different things, vary your position or rhythm, or stop altogether. Before deciding to be sexual together, people often remember to ask each other important questions about sexually transmitted infections (STI) and condom use. However, they sometimes shy away from asking equally important questions about the emotional side of sex. Letting your partner know how you feel about sharing sexual experiences -- your values, expectations, excitement and concerns -- and asking how he or she feels in return can help deepen your relationship and bring you closer to developing the relationship you desire. Bodies,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/virginity-overcoming-uncomfortable-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/virginity-overcoming-uncomfortable-sex/#comments Mon, 23 Jun 2008 22:18:26 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/2008/06/23/qa-virginity-and-overcoming-uncomfortable-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/virginity-overcoming-uncomfortable-sex/feed/ 0 3:12 The realities of having vaginal intercourse for the first time hardly ever match the romanticized Hollywood versions of sex. In fact, you are not alone ... The realities of having vaginal intercourse for the first time hardly ever match the romanticized Hollywood versions of sex. In fact, you are not alone in your experience of feeling like yoursquo;re ready for sex, trying to have it, and then finding that your body just wonrsquo;t cooperate. Medical or Psychological Reasons Sometimes there are medical or physiological reasons why vaginal intercourse may feel difficult or even impossible for a woman. Women who are thinking about becoming sexually active would be well advised to check in with a healthcare provider for a gynecological exam, and this might be a good time for you to do so. That way, not only can you ask your healthcare provider whether you have any personal medical issues that may be making it difficult or uncomfortable for you to have sex, but you can also ask your healthcare provider any questions that you may have about pregnancy, birth control, or sexually transmissible infections ndash; also called STIs. Feeling Comfortable Itrsquo;s also important to note that just because you were recently feeling ready to have sex with your boyfriend, doesnrsquo;t mean that you have to feel ready now. If you are dreading the thought of him touching you now, it is probably worth examining that. You might ask yourself what you need to feel more comfortable with him, whether or not you have sex, and how you are about your relationship together. Couples ndash; even those that have been together for a very long time - sometimes find that their feelings for each other, and those related to sex, ebb and flow. Itrsquo;s okay to feel one way today and another way tomorrow. Spend some time paying attention to your feelings and communicate with him about issues that are important to you. Communicate With Your Partner This might also be a good time to share feelings and thoughts with each other about birth control, condoms, STIs, personal values related to sex, as well as your expectations for sex, and how you think your relationship might change when you have sex together. When you decide that you are ready to try to have sex again ndash; whether it is with him or someone else ndash; feeling relaxed and spending time in foreplay, as you did, and communicating with each other are indeed key features of comfortable sex. Depending on how your bodies fit together, you may find that using a personal lubricant can ease penetration as well. Bodies,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/non-lubricated-condoms-vaginal-bleeding/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/non-lubricated-condoms-vaginal-bleeding/#comments Thu, 24 Apr 2008 14:00:43 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/blog/2008/04/24/qa-non-lubricated-condoms-and-bleeding/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/non-lubricated-condoms-vaginal-bleeding/feed/ 0 3:44 Although the vagina can withstand quite a lot when it comes to sex, it remains a very sensitive part of womenrsquo;s bodies. The vagina can ... Although the vagina can withstand quite a lot when it comes to sex, it remains a very sensitive part of womenrsquo;s bodies. The vagina can easily tear during sex, especially when the sex is full of friction as can occur during sex that is not well lubricated. Most Cuts Are Small The good news is that most vaginal cuts and tears are small, and women may only notice very light vaginal bleeding such as when they go to the bathroom, like you noticed. In cases of light cuts and light bleeding, the vagina tends to heal on its own in most cases, and often fairly quickly, such as within a day or two. It is likely to heal more quickly if you donrsquo;t further aggravate it, such as with more intercourse or even finger penetration, while it heals. If Bleeding Is Heavier Now, if you feel like the bleeding is moderate or heavy, please consider checking in with a healthcare provider, such as your gynecologist. You might also take out a mirror and look at your vaginal entrance or the parts of your vulva to see if there are any visible tears. Some women even ask their partner to look for them, as it can be difficult to see clearly when it is your own body. If you see visible cuts, you might call your healthcare provider to ask for advice. They may suggest that you come in for a visit or, if it seems more mild to them, they may suggest some at-home or over-the-counter treatment. Reducing Future Risk Herersquo;s how to reduce your risk of tearing in the future: Condoms that are not lubricated may feel particularly uncomfortable for many women, as it adds to the friction of intercourse. To make sex more comfortable, add some store-bought lubricant of your own to the outside of the condom ndash; once it is already on the penis ndash; or to your own vaginal entrance. You can also increase your own natural vaginal lubrication by spending more time in foreplay, doing things that feel sexually exciting and pleasant to you, however, you may still find that sex feels better with a little store-bought lubricant and thatrsquo;s okay too. Talking About Painful Sex Finally, I want to commend both you and your boyfriend for the way that you handled having painful sex. Not all women feel comfortable telling their partner that sex hurts, or asking them to stop. Also, not all men are respectful of their partnerrsquo;s choices to stop sex, nor are all couples often careful enough to use condoms when they want to reduce their risk of pregnancy or infection. You two have made choices that contribute to the strength of your relationship, and thatrsquo;s important. Bodies,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/sex-twenty-seconds-pregnancy/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/sex-twenty-seconds-pregnancy/#comments Mon, 21 Apr 2008 14:00:21 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/blog/2008/04/21/qa-sex-for-only-twenty-seconds/ Subscribe to the Podcast]]> http://kinseyconfidential.org/sex-twenty-seconds-pregnancy/feed/ 0 3:27 Here at Kinsey Confidential, we get quite a lot of questions about pregnancy. And no wonder ndash; though most women and men want to be ... Here at Kinsey Confidential, we get quite a lot of questions about pregnancy. And no wonder ndash; though most women and men want to be parents at some point in their lives, most of them also want to be able to plan to become pregnant when they are ready to, and to plan not to become pregnant when they donrsquo;t want to become pregnant. Time Doesn't Matter As for your question about having sex with your girlfriend without using a condom, it doesnrsquo;t matter how short or how long the sex lasted. If your penis was inside your girlfriendrsquo;s vagina without a condom, then there is the risk of pregnancy. That said, if you did not ejaculate, and the only fluid from your penis that got inside her vagina was pre-ejaculate (the thin fluid that some men notice coming from their penis when they are sexually aroused) then the risk of pregnancy would be very low. However, is this a risk that you or your girlfriend wants to take? Pregnancy Risk On the other hand, if you ejaculated inside your girlfriend ndash; even just a little bit ndash; that certainly increases the risk of pregnancy. In order for a pregnancy to occur, there needs to be an egg and some sperm, and then the sperm need to fertilize the egg, and then the fertilized egg needs to implant itself ndash; and stay implanted in ndash; the womanrsquo;s uterus. If your girlfriend was not ovulating at the time, then there would be no egg. But most couples rarely track a womanrsquo;s ovulation, and also ovulation timing can vary considerably, especially among young women. Talk About Your Relationship If you and your girlfriend do not want to become pregnant, we would highly recommend that the two of you talk about your sexual relationship. How do you both feel about being sexually active together? Is this something that you both want and feel comfortable with? What expectations do you have for being sexual together, in terms of being exclusive, or seeing other people, or whether you see this is a serious, ongoing relationship or something that feels right only for right now, as with many friends with benefits relationships? STIs and Birth Control It is also crucial that you two discuss your feelings around sexually transmissible infections ndash; which we call STIs - and birth control. You two have already had intercourse, even if just briefly. Have you talked about your histories of being tested or treated for any STIs? How would you feel about going together to get tested? What about your feelings about birth control and how, if you continue to be sexually active together, you might take responsibility for preventing pregnancy? These are conversations that we would encourage for you to have together, and possibly with a healthcare provider, so that you can make informed, healthy decisions that help you both to feel good about your relationship. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Pregnancy aschweig@indiana.edu no No