http://kinseyconfidential.org Just another WordPress weblog Thu, 18 Mar 2010 14:00:23 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 en hourly 1 2006-2007 aschweig@indiana.edu (Kinsey Confidential) aschweig@indiana.edu (Kinsey Confidential) posts 1440 Just another WordPress weblog Kinsey Confidential Kinsey Confidential aschweig@indiana.edu No no http://kinseyconfidential.org/wp-content/themes/kinsey/images/kinsey-podcast-300.jpg http://kinseyconfidential.org 144 144 http://kinseyconfidential.org/communicating-sex-matters/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/communicating-sex-matters/#comments Mon, 09 Mar 2009 13:02:26 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=938 http://kinseyconfidential.org/communicating-sex-matters/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/sexual-communication-talking-about-virginity/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/sexual-communication-talking-about-virginity/#comments Mon, 02 Feb 2009 14:00:48 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=846 http://kinseyconfidential.org/sexual-communication-talking-about-virginity/feed/ 0 3:07 Many people are uncertain about how to talk to others about sex, including the fact that they have not yet had sex, and itrsquo;s good ... Many people are uncertain about how to talk to others about sex, including the fact that they have not yet had sex, and itrsquo;s good of you to seek out information about what such communication might feel like for others. Awkwardness Factor I suppose the awkwardness factor depends on what you mean by talking to other people about the fact that yoursquo;re a virgin, as well as on the comfort level of the people you are talking to. For example, it might make people feel uncomfortable for you to talk about your virginity in a conversation that seemingly has nothing to do with either sex or virginity, like if the conversation were about school, basketball, shopping or the weather. If, however, you were in a conversation with friends, family or someone you liked in a romantic or sexual way, and you were already talking about personal issues such as your values or choices related to relationships and sexuality, then it might be something to bring up. Because many people do not have experience talking about sex and virginity, talking about these topics can indeed feel awkward at first. However, the awkwardness itself is not a reason to avoid these conversations. With practice, and by making the choice to have these conversations with people you feel close to and trust with your feelings, conversations about sexuality often become increasingly more comfortable and easy-going. To make sure that the other person feels comfortable, you can ask him or her whether the conversations feels comfortable for them. Talking About Sex Learning to talk about sexuality is important for many reasons. If it is important to you to let a potential boyfriend or girlfriend know that you are a virgin, then doing so may help you to feel more comfortable as you begin to get to know each other, hang out or date. If or when you decide to have sex, learning to talk about sexuality can help you to ask important questions of potential partners, such as questions about their values related to sexuality, their past sexual experiences or their history of having been tested for sexually transmissible infections. Feeling comfortable with sexual communication can also make it easier to discuss your sexual likes and dislikes, your interests and your boundaries, so that more of your sexual experiences have the potential to feel pleasurable. Learning to discuss sexuality issues can also make it easier for you to talk to your healthcare provider about your sexual and reproductive health. More On Sexual Communication To learn more about sexual communication, check out The Guide to Getting It On and For Each Other: Sharing Sexual Intimacy. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Relationships,,Love aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/low-sexual-desire-get-interested-in-sex-again/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/low-sexual-desire-get-interested-in-sex-again/#comments Wed, 09 Jan 2008 20:29:34 +0000 Kinsey Confidential http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/blog/2008/01/09/qa-how-do-i-get-interested-in-sex-again/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/low-sexual-desire-get-interested-in-sex-again/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/frequent-sex-harm-emotional-relationship/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/frequent-sex-harm-emotional-relationship/#comments Wed, 07 Mar 2007 20:44:38 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/blog/2007/03/07/qa-can-frequent-sex-harm-our-emotional-relationship/ Subscribe to the Podcast ]]> http://kinseyconfidential.org/frequent-sex-harm-emotional-relationship/feed/ 0 3:16 There is nothing wrong with having sex a certain amount of times per day, per month or ever in your life. Some couples hardly ever ... There is nothing wrong with having sex a certain amount of times per day, per month or ever in your life. Some couples hardly ever have sex and others are frequently finding reasons to hop back into bed. Usually a couplersquo;s frequency of sex changes with time and with life circumstances ndash; you may find that you have more or less sex during times of stress (like exam week), when yoursquo;re tired or sick, or during vacations. Focus On Quality Not Quantity Rather than focusing on how often you have sex, it might be worth paying more attention to the quality of your sexual encounters ndash; which is what it sounds like you are really asking about. Although magazines tend to portray quality sex as being more about orgasms, excitement, erections and lubrication, most people tend to recognize that high quality sex usually encompasses a broader range of characteristics. Sure, orgasms are usually quite enjoyable and exciting, and trying out new positions can be fun (and funny). But most men and women want some type of intimacy, connection or bond with their sexual partner(s). Sometimes this bond is short-lived and is built largely on physical attraction and chemistry. However, in committed relationships and/or longer term relationships, couples often are interested in building emotional closeness and intimacy, and may see sex as one of several ways to feel closer to each other. Building Emotional Intimacy Post-sex cuddling can indeed help some couples feel more emotionally attached. Other couples may be less focused on physically cuddling after sex, but perhaps they like to lay in bed for a while and talk. Others feel closer to each other when they have sex with the lights on or with their eyes open the entire time, occasionally or quite often looking at each other, to take in the full experience. Sometimes itrsquo;s not the physical acts of sex that bring a couple closer, but talking about sexual preferences and fantasies and what you like or donrsquo;t like can bring you closer to each other, because it involves sharing what are often very private, personal pieces of information that may make you feel vulnerable to each other. Take Your Time With Foreplay It may even be that taking your time with foreplay ndash; taking time to kiss, share your feelings with each other, rub each othersrsquo; backs after stressful days (which also shows that you are paying attention to your partnerrsquo;s non-sexual needs) ndash; can strengthen your bonds. And certainly spending time with each other out of bed (grocery shopping, going on long walks, eating meals alone sometimes and other times with friends) can help you feel closer. Since you are specifically interested in sexual sharing and intimacy, you might find the book For Each Other: Sharing Sexual Intimacy to be of interest. Be Honest, Compassionate, Kind and Respectful It is also worth mentioning that intimacy and emotional bonding depend not only on building closeness, but also on guarding or protecting that closeness. If either of you is dishonest, overly critical, or otherwise unkind then it might become very difficult to feel comfortable with ndash; or make yourselves emotionally vulnerable to ndash; each other. By being honest, compassionate, kind and respectful to each other (at least most of the time; we all make mistakes) you can protect the relationship that yoursquo;re working to build. Content,Type,,Newspaper,Column,,Relationships,,Love aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/common-sex-myths-bad-first-sexual-experiences/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/common-sex-myths-bad-first-sexual-experiences/#comments Wed, 10 Jan 2007 18:34:47 +0000 Kinsey Confidential http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/blog/2007/01/10/qa-a-bad-first-sexual-experience-has-scared-me-off-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/common-sex-myths-bad-first-sexual-experiences/feed/ 0