http://kinseyconfidential.org Just another WordPress weblog Thu, 18 Mar 2010 14:00:23 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 en hourly 1 2006-2007 aschweig@indiana.edu (Kinsey Confidential) aschweig@indiana.edu (Kinsey Confidential) posts 1440 Just another WordPress weblog Kinsey Confidential Kinsey Confidential aschweig@indiana.edu No no http://kinseyconfidential.org/wp-content/themes/kinsey/images/kinsey-podcast-300.jpg http://kinseyconfidential.org 144 144 http://kinseyconfidential.org/experienced-orgasm-suggest/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/experienced-orgasm-suggest/#comments Thu, 11 Mar 2010 14:00:33 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1582 http://kinseyconfidential.org/experienced-orgasm-suggest/feed/ 0 3:38 A Common Problem Many women struggle with trying to learn to have an orgasm. Often, even very well educated women who feel comfortable with their own ... A Common Problem Many women struggle with trying to learn to have an orgasm. Often, even very well educated women who feel comfortable with their own bodies, open to their experience, and positive about sex still find it difficult to orgasm. Yoursquo;re certainly not alone in your experience. With time, patience and practice, most women are able to learn to orgasm so the chances that you will, too, are certainly in your favor. There are many different reasons why women take time to learn to orgasm. As much as you may have already learned about anatomy, you might find that there is more to learn that would be helpful. Know Your Anatomy Many medical texts, including their anatomical illustrations, do not accurately depict the clitoris. In fact, many donrsquo;t even show that the clitoris is larger than the frac14; to frac12; an inch of tissue that can be seen from the outside of a womanrsquo;s body. The clitoris extends backward into the body in two branches that may be stimulated from vaginal sex or other types of stimulation. This knowledge alone may give you different ideas for how to approach your body with stimulation. Also, newer research suggests that the clitoris, vagina and urethra are more interconnected than previously thought. The movement or stimulation of one may change the way that other parts of a womanrsquo;s genital or urinary tract feel. In addition, scientists are uncovering new information about different nerve pathways that may be linked to female orgasm and learning about these, such as from the book The Science of Orgasm, may be informative. Playing the Brain Game As helpful as information and education can be, so is the psychological process. You may find that spending time becoming highly aroused ndash; such as through touch or fantasy - helps you to experience greater pleasure during sex and may eventually help you learn to orgasm. Some women are easily distracted during sex - thinking about work, school, laundry, dinner, relationship issues or family ndash; and these distractions can make it difficult to relax, to let go and to focus on onersquo;s own arousal. Other times women donrsquo;t feel the type of intimacy or psychological excitement in their relationship that they find best helps them to experience pleasure or orgasm. Then there are situations in which women put so much pressure on themselves to orgasm that the pressure, stress and anxiety make it more difficult to orgasm. More Information If you are interested in learning more about orgasm, you may find it helpful to read Becoming Orgasmic: A Sexual and Personal Growth Program for Women or Because It Feels Good: A Womanrsquo;s Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction. Content,Type,,Pleasure,,Orgasm,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/turned-husband-rubs-clitoris/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/turned-husband-rubs-clitoris/#comments Thu, 18 Feb 2010 14:00:06 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1485 http://kinseyconfidential.org/turned-husband-rubs-clitoris/feed/ 0 3:06 Likes and Dislikes It may be helpful to know that not all women feel sexually excited from having their clitoris rubbed or their vaginal entrance licked. ... Likes and Dislikes It may be helpful to know that not all women feel sexually excited from having their clitoris rubbed or their vaginal entrance licked. Some women feel excited and lubricate when they engage in those behaviors; others do not. That does not mean that you wonrsquo;t feel physically excited by other types of sex or touch, though. Pregnancy It also does not mean that you canrsquo;t have a baby. A woman may become pregnant whether or not she lubricates or has an orgasm during sex. Your level of sexual excitement has nothing to do with your ability to become pregnant ndash; unless yoursquo;re avoiding sex because itrsquo;s not exciting. However, if you have concerns about your fertility or questions about how to improve your chances of becoming pregnant, check in with a gynecologist or your primary healthcare provider. Exploring During Sex I would encourage you and your partner to explore your sexuality in a broader, more expansive way and to pay attention to your emotional experience of sex rather than only your physical sensations. How does it feel when your husband touches your breasts, your inner thighs, or when he massages your back? How do you feel when you touch him on different parts of his body? You may find it pleasurable or informative to experience different types of touch together. Rubbing each othersrsquo; bodies with a massage cream or a lotion can feel very different, sensually speaking, than rubbing each other with dry hands. Using a slow rhythm can feel different than a quick rhythm. There are also clear differences between being touched or licked in ways that are gentle versus ways that are firm. As you two explore, you may find that you do enjoy being stimulated on your clitoris or around your vaginal entrance but that you prefer different types of touch or licks than you have previously been exploring. Or you may find that you donrsquo;t respond to genital stimulation as greatly as you respond to breast stimulation or to lots and lots of kissing. Thatrsquo;s okay. All women have different experiences from each other. More Information To learn more about exploring each otherrsquo;s bodies, as well as enhancing emotional intimacy, in ways that will promote more pleasurable sex, check out Because It Feels Good: A Womanrsquo;s Guide to Sexual Pleasure or For Each Other: Sharing Sexual Intimacy. Bodies,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/masturbate-facedown-sexual-problems/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/masturbate-facedown-sexual-problems/#comments Thu, 04 Feb 2010 14:00:26 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1358 http://kinseyconfidential.org/masturbate-facedown-sexual-problems/feed/ 1 3:15 Research in Masturbation The term traumatic masturbatory syndrome was first used in a 1998 article by a clinician who described four of his patients who masturbated ... Research in Masturbation The term traumatic masturbatory syndrome was first used in a 1998 article by a clinician who described four of his patients who masturbated face-down and who experienced sexual problems. However, the term has never been widely accepted by the sex research or therapy community. After all, just because four men who masturbated with this technique also had sexual problems does not mean that the masturbation technique caused the other sexual problems or that itrsquo;s an actual syndrome, let alone a traumatic syndrome. Although a face-down style of masturbation that involves rubbing against the bed appears to be less common than a style that involves a man laying on his back or sitting up, that doesnrsquo;t mean that face-down masturbation will cause sexual problems. However, sometimes men who rely on one and only way of masturbating find it difficult to orgasm from other types of masturbation or sexual stimulation such as oral sex or intercourse. New Techniques In my experiencing working with men, they can often ldquo;re-trainrdquo; their bodies to respond to a wider range of sexual stimulation by varying their masturbation technique. You might try, for example, masturbating with lots of lubricant sometimes, a small amount of lubricant other times and no lubricant at all on other occasions. You might try different paces or rhythms or using different hand techniques. Try to focus on experiencing pleasure rather than the goal of orgasm which can put pressure on your experience and make it even more difficult to come. You might even try masturbating less often. Sometimes, by masturbating less often you can build sexual tension in a way that makes it easier to orgasm when you do masturbate again. Resources If you continue to find it difficult to ejaculate, I would encourage you to speak with your healthcare provider about your experience. In some cases, medical conditions such as diabetes can contribute to menrsquo;s difficulty with ejaculation or orgasm. Sex therapy can be helpful as well in cases where the difficulty ejaculating makes men feel worried, anxious or concerned about dating or being sexual with another person. You can find a sex therapist in your area on Society for Sex Therapy and Research's website. Finally, reading The New Male Sexuality may be helpful as you explore a wider range of sexual pleasure. Content,Type,,Pleasure,,Orgasm,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/women-orgasms/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/women-orgasms/#comments Mon, 01 Feb 2010 14:00:30 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1360 http://kinseyconfidential.org/women-orgasms/feed/ 1 http://kinseyconfidential.org/condoms-girlfriend-bleed-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/condoms-girlfriend-bleed-sex/#comments Thu, 28 Jan 2010 14:00:14 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1359 http://kinseyconfidential.org/condoms-girlfriend-bleed-sex/feed/ 1 3:08 Feeling the Friction Sexual intercourse involves friction between two peoplersquo;s bodies. Just the right amount of friction can contribute to menrsquo;s and womenrsquo;s physical pleasure during ... Feeling the Friction Sexual intercourse involves friction between two peoplersquo;s bodies. Just the right amount of friction can contribute to menrsquo;s and womenrsquo;s physical pleasure during sex. The friction of sexual stimulation on a manrsquo;s penis or against a womanrsquo;s vulva or vagina can even help men and women have orgasms. Too much friction, though, and sex may feel uncomfortable or painful. Too little friction and it may not feel like much of anything is happening during intercourse. Condoms' Contributions Wearing a condom can add to the friction during sex. Sometimes this added friction is a welcome sensation; other times, it is not. It may be that the condom adds a little too much friction for you and your girlfriend ndash; but that doesnrsquo;t mean that you have to give up wearing condoms. After all, condoms are a highly effective means of reducing the risk of pregnancy and sexually transmissible infections, or STIs. Sex Solutions Perhaps you and your girlfriend already have a tight genital fit and the condom provides a bit too much friction. Or maybe sexual intercourse starts out all right with the condom on but it lasts so long or is vigorous in a way that the lubricant on the condom eventually dries up, leaving you with a dry condom and more friction than feels pleasurable. If this is the case, then sex may feel dry and your girlfriend may be more prone to small vaginal tears, which can result in small amounts of bleeding during or after sex. Most women will experience small vaginal cuts or tears at some point in their lives; usually they are not painful and will heal within a few days. To prevent vaginal cuts or bleeding, however, try adding extra water-based lubricant or silicone-based lubricant to the condom after it is already on your penis. You may find that by adding lubricant, sex feels more comfortable and pleasurable and your girlfriend may be less likely to bleed during or after sex. If sex goes on for a long time or is particularly rough or vigorous, make sure to add more lubricant as needed. More Information You can learn more about different types of lubricants, how to use them and how lubricants can contribute to more pleasurable sex in my book, Because It Feels Good: A Womanrsquo;s Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/bad-long-masturbating/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/bad-long-masturbating/#comments Thu, 21 Jan 2010 14:00:06 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1319 http://kinseyconfidential.org/bad-long-masturbating/feed/ 0 2:47 Different Experiences Men, like women, vary in terms of how they experience sexual arousal and orgasm. It is not unusual for men to describe feeling more ... Different Experiences Men, like women, vary in terms of how they experience sexual arousal and orgasm. It is not unusual for men to describe feeling more or less aroused, or more or less easily orgasmic, in response to different sexual behaviors or experiences. For example, some men find it easier to orgasm from intercourse than oral sex. Others find that itrsquo;s easier for them to orgasm, or quicker for them to orgasm, from masturbation than from vaginal or anal sex. So, it varies. Trying New Things Watching porn can be highly arousing to some men. If it helps you to feel very excited or aroused and you enjoy its role in your masturbation, that is not necessarily a bad thing. However, if you would like to try to enhance your arousal during masturbation in other ways, there are plenty of options. For example, you might try texting with a partner, trying different hand positions, using lubricant or no lubricant, fantasizing or trying sex toys such as the Fleshlight or a masturbation sleeve. What's the Reason Irsquo;d also like to ask you to consider whether you are lasting as long as 30 or 40 minutes without porn because you want to or because you canrsquo;t come sooner even if you try. If yoursquo;re taking your time and lasting longer to enjoy the sensations, then more power to you! If you find that you are unable to come sooner as much as you try, then expanding your masturbation routine, as described earlier, might help your body adapt to different types of stimulation. Even if you cannot come sooner, try to not let that trouble you. Masturbation is not the same as partnered sex and you may find that during sex with a partner, your experience of ejaculation and orgasm are quite different. More Information To learn more about ejaculation and learning to control the timing of your orgasm, check out The New Male Sexuality. Content,Type,,Pleasure,,Orgasm,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/safe-put-small-items-anus/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/safe-put-small-items-anus/#comments Thu, 12 Nov 2009 14:00:07 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1258 http://kinseyconfidential.org/safe-put-small-items-anus/feed/ 4 2:31 Generally speaking, it is not a good idea to put small round items ndash; such as ben wa balls or golf balls ndash; directly into ... Generally speaking, it is not a good idea to put small round items ndash; such as ben wa balls or golf balls ndash; directly into the anus. Unlike the vagina, which is only a few inches long and ends at the cervix, which has a very tiny opening, the anus leads into the rectum, where objects can get more easily lost. Losing Objects in the Rectum The rectum is S-shaped so itrsquo;s not just the size, but the shape of this part of the body, that makes it challenging to get objects out once they have gone inside the body. People commonly get even larger items lost inside their rectum ndash; items such as bottles, light bulbs and even salad tongs have been lost or lodged inside peoplersquo;s rectums and have required visits to the emergency room in order to have them removed by a doctor. Removing objects from a personrsquo;s rectum requires great care as the objects can cause harm to a personrsquo;s rectum if they are left inside too long, if they have sharp edges or if they are removed in difficult ways. Toys For Anal Play If you are interested in using objects for anal stimulation, consider using toys that are meant specifically for anal play. There are a variety of anal toys on the market such as butt plugs and anal beads. Because you are interested in round objects, you may find anal beads to be of particular interest. They come in a variety of sizes. Beads that come on cotton strings are best thought of as single use items as it is impossible to clean the string in between uses. Other styles of anal beads are made of silicone or other materials and are easier to keep clean. More Information To learn more about sex toys and safer, more comfortable anal pleasuring check out The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex or Because It Feels Good: A Womanrsquo;s Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction. Content,Type,,Pleasure,,Orgasm,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/erection-embarrassment/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/erection-embarrassment/#comments Mon, 29 Jun 2009 14:00:50 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=1090 http://kinseyconfidential.org/erection-embarrassment/feed/ 0 2:40 Erections can be challenging for many young men. They may come and go with little warning and men often have little control over them ndash; ... Erections can be challenging for many young men. They may come and go with little warning and men often have little control over them ndash; especially young men whose hormone levels are high and who, with the slightest stimulation, excitement, feelings of attraction, or even anxiety, may find that they unexpectedly get an erection. Men often go to great lengths to hide the fact that they have an erection in social situations. They may try to adjust their pants, hold things like a book or a newspaper in front of their crotch area, or try to think distracting thoughts or even conjure images of people they find very unattractive or unappealing in the hopes that such thoughts will dampen their erection. Might Not Be Time Yet Itrsquo;s kind of you to want to help him to feel comfortable. However, if you two are not very close yet, he may not be ready to talk with you about his erections no matter how much he may like you or you may like him. Instead, you might consider ways that you can signal your feelings of comfort and acceptance. For example, if you notice that he seems erect another time when you are together, you might find a way to signal that you like him such as by reaching for his hand, pulling him closer, or saying how glad you are that yoursquo;re spending time together or that he asked you to do something together. Express Your Desire In Other Ways You might also try to express your desire for him to feel comfortable around you in other ways. Rather than pinning the comfort issue around his spontaneous erections, you might try saying to him that you like being together and that you hope he feels comfortable with you and that he can relax and just hang out with you so that you can get to know each other better. If you feel comfortable around him, you may even find it strengthens your bond to begin sharing personal information with him that you would normally only tell your friends or family. By showing that you trust him and are comfortable with him, he may soon develop and strengthen his feelings of comfort with and trust in you, too. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/virgin-orgasm-intercourse/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/virgin-orgasm-intercourse/#comments Thu, 07 May 2009 13:00:04 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/qa-ways-orgasm-intercourse/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/virgin-orgasm-intercourse/feed/ 0 3:25 People generally think of a virgin as a woman or a man who has not intercourse, although there are different definitions for virginity that people ... People generally think of a virgin as a woman or a man who has not intercourse, although there are different definitions for virginity that people sometimes use. Regardless of your definition of virginity ndash; in other words, regardless of whatever sexual behavior you have or have not done (such as had vaginal intercourse) ndash; women and men can experience sexual pleasure and sometimes even orgasm from a variety of different types of stimulation. So yes, even though your girlfriend has not had sex, she is still likely capable of experiencing orgasm from different types of sexual stimulation, such as stimulation of her clitoris. Difficulty with Orgasm During Intercourse Letrsquo;s back up a few steps, though. First, it may be helpful for you to know that many women find it difficult to orgasm during intercourse. Itrsquo;s not uncommon for it to take months or years for a woman to learn to orgasm at all, let alone from vaginal sex. Second, women often find it easier to orgasm from direct stimulation of the glans clitoris, which is the part of the clitoris that one can see from the outside. The glans clitoris is usually about a quarter or half of an inch long and is often quite sensitive to the touch. Because itrsquo;s such a sensitive body part, not all women like to be touched directly on the clitoris ndash; or if they do, they may prefer certain types of touch over others. Don't Pressure Her As such, if you and your girlfriend talk about your ideas about sexual intimacy and decide that you want to try clitoral stimulation, keep a few things in mind. Try not to pressure her to have an orgasm, as it can take time for women to develop an orgasmic response to sexual stimulation. Try instead to think of your sexual exploration as a chance to find out what feels pleasurable and enjoyable for each of you. You might also try different types of touch ndash; gentle but first pressure on each otherrsquo;s bodies, light touches, quick touches, slow strokes, or other types of touch that you discover together. Try Oral Sex Oral sex is another possible way of stimulating womenrsquo;s or menrsquo;s genitals. Again, there is no one way to do it so exploration is often helpful. Because it is possible to pass sexually transmissible infections, or STIs, during oral sex, yoursquo;ll want to make sure that neither one of you has an STI before deciding to have oral sex. If either of you have ever had any type of oral, vaginal or anal sex with other people, then you should get tested for STIs before getting sexually involved with each other. Remember: there is no one way that sex has to happen, and you two are free to invent your sex play in a way that fits with your values, your feelings for each other, and your ideas about how you want to relate to each other sexually. Further Reading To learn more about sexuality, check out The Guide to Getting It On. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Pregnancy aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/masturbation-frequency-common-myths/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/masturbation-frequency-common-myths/#comments Thu, 23 Apr 2009 13:00:37 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/qa-masturbation-frequency-common-myths/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/masturbation-frequency-common-myths/feed/ 0 3:14 In spite of many sex educatorsrsquo; and doctorsrsquo; best efforts to educate people about masturbation, it seems that many masturbation myths persist. In fact, we ... In spite of many sex educatorsrsquo; and doctorsrsquo; best efforts to educate people about masturbation, it seems that many masturbation myths persist. In fact, we get quite a lot of questions about whether itrsquo;s okay to masturbate. Nothing Wrong With Masturbating Most peoplersquo;s masturbation is within a normal, healthy range. There is nothing necessarily wrong with masturbating once, twice, or three or more times in a day ndash; and yes, even if that happens several times in a week or ever day in a week. Masturbation refers to the many ways that women and men pleasure their own bodies. Though most people stimulate their genitals during masturbation, some prefer to stimulate their nipples or inner thighs, and some rub against a pillow or bed or get creative in the shower or bath. Truly, there are countless ways that men and women learn to find pleasure through masturbation. Many Masturbation Myths In the 1800s there were many myths about masturbation that suggested that masturbation would cause all sorts of medical illnesses. In fact, masturbation is not harmful. It will not make people sick or unusually fatigued, nor will it make them grow weak or feeble. In fact, masturbation tends to help quite a lot of people to feel relaxed, to fall asleep or simply to feel content and satisfied. It can also be a helpful way to learn about onersquo;s own body and what type of stimulation feels good. In rare cases, people may masturbate so often ndash; or in such unusual ways ndash; that it gets in the way of their ability to hold a job, attend school or maintain a healthy relationship with another person. But thatrsquo;s not really a masturbation issue, as that can happen with any range of things ndash; for example, sex with another person can get in the way of these same things, as can someonersquo;s insistence on watching television for an excessive amount of time. If your masturbation routine is causing you distress or discomfort, you might find it helpful to speak about it with your healthcare provider or with a sex therapist. You can find a sex therapist through the website of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists. Further Reading In addition, The Big Book of Masturbation by Martha Cornog provides an often humorous look at how people have talked or written about masturbation from the perspectives of medicine, psychology, anthropology and even comics. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Include,in,Resources,,Podcast,,Special aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/delayed-ejaculation-boyfriend-doesnt-ejaculate-during-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/delayed-ejaculation-boyfriend-doesnt-ejaculate-during-sex/#comments Thu, 02 Apr 2009 14:00:04 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/qa-boyfriend-ejaculate-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/delayed-ejaculation-boyfriend-doesnt-ejaculate-during-sex/feed/ 1 http://kinseyconfidential.org/erection-problems-condoms/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/erection-problems-condoms/#comments Thu, 19 Feb 2009 14:00:40 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=860 http://kinseyconfidential.org/erection-problems-condoms/feed/ 0 3:31 Some research suggests that about a third of college-aged men may experience erection problems associated with condom use. Not A Reason To Avoid Using Condoms Of course, ... Some research suggests that about a third of college-aged men may experience erection problems associated with condom use. Not A Reason To Avoid Using Condoms Of course, that's not a reason to avoid using condoms - to this day, condoms remain the best, most effective way for sexually active couples to reduce their risk of sexually transmissible infections, or STIs, such as Chlamydia, gonorrhea and HIV, the virus that can cause AIDS. The challenge for many couples is to learn how to use condoms while at the same time helping a man to experience a full erection. Some men find that they have erection problems while using condoms because they get distracted and lose their arousal. In these cases, it can be helpful for their partner to put the condom on the man's penis, as you did, but the trick is that the man should keep doing things that feel arousing to him - for example, kissing or touching his partner in sensual ways. Foreplay Can Help You mentioned that you two tried shortening foreplay but in fact, that may be counterproductive. Foreplay can help both women and men to become more aroused, which for women can promote vaginal lubrication and for men can help to promote their erection. As such, you might try spending more time in foreplay before putting the condom on, or else try putting the condom on in the middle of foreplay and then continuing with foreplay, while the condom is on, in order to enhance his arousal. Some men find that adding a lubricant on top of the condom helps to enhance sensation and thus promote a more firm erection. If you are using latex condoms, try using a water-based or silicone-based lubricant, as they are condom-compatible. If the condom seems too large or too small for his penis, he might shop online or in local stores for a condom that more comfortably fits his penis. Finally, some men find that it can help to try masturbating with a condom on, while alone. Sexual stimulation feels quite different with a condom on, compared to off, and he may find that it helps him to get used to this sensation if he tries using a condom in this way. Learn More Also, because performance anxiety contributes to many cases of erection problems, your boyfriend might find it helpful to read The Sexual Male: Problems and Solutions. Finally, in rare cases, erection problems are an early sign of heart disease, diabetes or other health problems. If your boyfriend notices erection problems regularly, even without condoms, or if he has questions about his erectile function or personal health, he should check in with his healthcare provider. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/girlfriend-no-feeling-during-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/girlfriend-no-feeling-during-sex/#comments Thu, 11 Dec 2008 14:00:11 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=441 ]]> http://kinseyconfidential.org/girlfriend-no-feeling-during-sex/feed/ 0 3:37 Women sometimes say that they don't feel anything during vaginal intercourse when what they mean is that they don't feel anything pleasurable or stimulating during ... Women sometimes say that they don't feel anything during vaginal intercourse when what they mean is that they don't feel anything pleasurable or stimulating during sex. Talk To Your Girlfriend These are two different issues and I would encourage you to talk with your girlfriend about your sexual experiences together at a time when you are not having sex or about to have sex. Try to find some time alone when you are both feeling relaxed and unlikely to be interrupted. Since she has already identified this as an issue that needs attention, you might say that you've given some thought to what she's said, that it's important to you as well and that you'd like to talk about it together. When you talk, try to clarify what she means when she says she can't feel anything at all during sex. If she cannot even feel that your penis is inside her vagina, then it may be helpful to keep a small towel near the bed and then dab some of the wetness from each of your genitals during breaks from sex. That's because as a woman becomes sexually aroused, her vagina lubricates naturally which can make sex more comfortable and pleasurable, as the lubrication decreases friction during sex. That said, if there is a large amount of lubrication, it can result in a woman not feeling her partner's penis inside her vagina. It isn't her fault or you fault; this just happens sometimes during sexual excitement. The same process of vaginal lubrication that serves to protect women's bodies by reducing friction can sometimes lessen sensation. Dabbing the outside part of her vaginal entrance and your penis with a towel, during little "breaks" from sex, can help to dry off some of the lubrication and heighten sensation for you both. If she gets extremely wet, she might even try inserting a small tampon for 10 or 20 seconds to soak up some of the lubrication, and she throw it out before resuming intercourse with you. Different Stimulation or Positions If she can feel your penis inside her vagina but feels as though she wants to feel more focused stimulation on certain parts of her vagina, then you two might benefit from talking about the types of thrusts or stimulation she desires. For example, would she like more stimulation on the front wall of her vagina, or closer to her cervix? Does she prefer sex that is more gentle or vigorous? Talking about each other's sexual preferences can be helpful and enhancing. She might even find that trying a woman-on-top position gives her the opportunity to rub against your body in ways that allow her to explore types of stimulation that feel most pleasurable to her. Try Sex Therapy If, however, addressing these issues related to lubrication, communication and techniques leave you both feeling as though the issue is not yet resolved, you might find it helpful to meet together with a sex therapist (find one at aasect.org) or for her to check in with her healthcare provider to rule out any medical issues. Bodies,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/trouble-reaching-orgasm-through-masturbation/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/trouble-reaching-orgasm-through-masturbation/#comments Thu, 09 Oct 2008 14:00:48 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=382 http://kinseyconfidential.org/trouble-reaching-orgasm-through-masturbation/feed/ 0 3:15 Most women are capable of experiencing orgasm from some type of stimulation or another, so it is unlikely that you're completely unable to do so. ... Most women are capable of experiencing orgasm from some type of stimulation or another, so it is unlikely that you're completely unable to do so. In fact, it is quite common for women to find that learning to orgasm is a process, and one that takes time, patience, and practice. Boys commonly begin masturbating around the time that they reach puberty, give or take a year. Girls, on the other hand, may begin masturbating at a wider range of ages. Many young women begin masturbating as teenagers or young adults and so it's no wonder that it takes a while to learn to orgasm if one is less familiar, or rather newly familiar, with their body's sexual response. Pressure Gets In The Way Pressure gets in the way of some women learning to orgasm, too. Often, women will pressure themselves, or feel pressured by a partner, to orgasm - which, not surprisingly, often leads to women pretending to have an orgasm when they're with a partner. Even in masturbation, with no partner present, some women feel pressured to climax. And yet pressure and being overly focused on orgasm can make it difficult for a woman to relax and enjoy the way that her body responds to stimulation. And that relaxation is key - at least as a starting place - to learn to orgasm. Usually orgasm is helped along if a woman is feeling relaxed, sexually aroused or interested, and able to pay attention - and be open to enjoying - the physical sensations that her body is experiencing. Women's Bodies and Sexual Response You may find it helpful to learn more about women's bodies and sexual response. I'm not sure how it is that you are self-pleasuring but you might spend some time exploring your body, without any intention or pressure to orgasm, and see what feels good. Some women enjoy direct stimulation of their glans clitoris, the part of the clitoris that is above the vaginal entrance at the 12 o'clock position. Others prefer vaginal stimulation and at different parts within the vagina. And while hand stimulation is enjoyed by some women, others find that using a vibrator or other sex toy delivers the type of stimulation that makes sexual play more pleasurable or orgasmic. There are many paths to orgasm, and also many issues that make it difficult for women to experience orgasm right away. Recommended Reading You might find the book Becoming Orgasmic to be of help as you explore your body in pleasurable - and potentially orgasmic - ways. Content,Type,,Pleasure,,Orgasm,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/clitoris/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/clitoris/#comments Wed, 24 Sep 2008 10:49:08 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/2008/09/24/curious-about-the-clitoris/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/clitoris/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/long-blowjob-virgin/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/long-blowjob-virgin/#comments Mon, 18 Aug 2008 23:11:46 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/2008/08/18/qa-my-boyfriend-is-virgin-and-im-frustrated-by-long-blowjobs/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/long-blowjob-virgin/feed/ 0 3:16 Although we commonly seem to accept the fact that many women find that it is difficult, or takes a long time, to have an orgasm, ... Although we commonly seem to accept the fact that many women find that it is difficult, or takes a long time, to have an orgasm, many people are often surprised to find out that many men find it difficult to ejaculate or have an orgasm as well. Sometimes men find it difficult to reach orgasm in very specific situations, like if they worry that someone will walk in on them or hear them having sex. Other times, men find it difficult to orgasm from certain types of sex acts, such as hand stimulation, oral sex, vaginal intercourse, or anal sex. Talking To Your Boyfriend If this is an issue that you and your boyfriend can talk to each other comfortable and with care and respect for each other, you might consider asking him whether he is able to reach orgasm during masturbation. If he is able to do so, then you may have a starting place. You might be able to ask him if he would feel comfortable masturbating in front of you either while you watch or while you kiss him, or while you do something else that you both would find enjoyable or arousing. You might be able to learn how it is that he masturbates, and then try a similar style of hand stimulation yourself. Sometimes men who have difficulty masturbating from hand or oral stimulation from a partner simply have developed a very effective, but often specific, technique that works for them, and they may find it difficult to communicate that to a partner. With time and practice, he may be able to learn to reach orgasm from different types of stimulation. To do this, he may want to start masturbating in different ways ndash; with and without lubrication, with varying hand positions, or other strategies, such as rubbing against his bed or pillows. That is ndash; only if he wants to learn to expand his repertoire. Focus Less On Orgasm You might also try to relax and focus less on his orgasm as a goal, and instead place importance on pleasure, intimacy and connection. Focusing too much on trying to get him to have an orgasm may feel like pressure to him, or may make him aware of the fact that it takes him a while to have an orgasm, and that pressure or anxiety can make it even more difficult to orgasm. Recommended Reading You might find that The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex or The Guide to Getting It On can provide ideas for other ways of sexual play, and For Each Other by Dr. Lonnie Barbach may help you learn more about sexually relating to each other. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Relationships,,Love aschweig@indiana.edu no No