http://kinseyconfidential.org Just another WordPress weblog Thu, 18 Mar 2010 14:00:23 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 en hourly 1 2006-2007 aschweig@indiana.edu (Kinsey Confidential) aschweig@indiana.edu (Kinsey Confidential) posts 1440 Just another WordPress weblog Kinsey Confidential Kinsey Confidential aschweig@indiana.edu No no http://kinseyconfidential.org/wp-content/themes/kinsey/images/kinsey-podcast-300.jpg http://kinseyconfidential.org 144 144 http://kinseyconfidential.org/majority-swedish-young-women-report-fluid-sexualities/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/majority-swedish-young-women-report-fluid-sexualities/#comments Tue, 16 Feb 2010 11:00:02 +0000 Eric Anthony Grollman (M.A.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/majority-swedish-young-women-report-fluid-sexualities/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/majority-swedish-young-women-report-fluid-sexualities/feed/ 1 http://kinseyconfidential.org/girlfriend-feel-bad-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/girlfriend-feel-bad-sex/#comments Mon, 15 Feb 2010 14:00:02 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1314 http://kinseyconfidential.org/girlfriend-feel-bad-sex/feed/ 0 3:12 Real Life Sex Sex is a curious thing that people react to in very different ways. Unfortunately, we donrsquo;t often see sex portrayed in very ... Real Life Sex Sex is a curious thing that people react to in very different ways. Unfortunately, we donrsquo;t often see sex portrayed in very nuanced ways in movies or on television. Sex is often shown as very erotic in movies or as highly exciting or sensation- or performance-focused in much mainstream porn. And yet in reality, people may experience many different emotions in connection with sexual expression and for any number of reasons. Being sexual with another person can make some people feel extremely vulnerable. After all, it involves taking off onersquo;s clothes, and for some people, sex can tap into the depth of their emotions. If they expect a lot of emotional closeness and donrsquo;t get it, they may feel lonely or sad. If they donrsquo;t or expect emotional closeness but their partner expresses emotions theyrsquo;re not ready for or feel able to deal with, they may feel uncomfortable or avoidant. The experience of sexual pleasure and orgasm can also tap into peoplersquo;s brain chemistry in ways that, as scientists, we donrsquo;t fully understand yet. There may be key physical differences that influence how some people feel during or after sex.nbsp; I have heard, for example, from several people who describe sadness associated with sex for reasons they donrsquo;t understand. Getting Help My suggestion would be to consider connecting with a trained sex therapist. Your girlfriend may find it helpful to speak with someone about her emotional experience of sexual expression. She can find a sex therapist through the Society for Sex Therapy and Research's website. She might also find it helpful to speak with a healthcare provider to determine if there are other mood or anxiety issues that may be bothering her more generally, even outside of sex. Expanding Your Repertoire In the meantime, you two might consider exploring a range of being intimate to better understand what helps her to feel good and what doesnrsquo;t. Perhaps there are certain types of physical intimacy, such kissing, cuddling, bathing together, or sensual touching, that will allow her pleasure without sadness. Also, although many women masturbate, some do not ndash; and thatrsquo;s okay. If shersquo;s not interested in self-pleasuring, thatrsquo;s alright. Many women have satisfying experiences of sexuality without incorporating masturbation into their lives. Finally, you two may enjoy reading For Each Other: Sharing Sexual Intimacy for tips on connecting in pleasurable ways. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Relationships,,Love aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/gspot-magic-myth-researchers-myth/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/gspot-magic-myth-researchers-myth/#comments Tue, 12 Jan 2010 11:00:01 +0000 Eric Anthony Grollman (M.A.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/gspot-magic-myth-researchers-myth/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/gspot-magic-myth-researchers-myth/feed/ 6 http://kinseyconfidential.org/boyfriend-masturbate-porn/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/boyfriend-masturbate-porn/#comments Thu, 24 Dec 2009 14:00:57 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1310 http://kinseyconfidential.org/boyfriend-masturbate-porn/feed/ 1 2:53 Men and Women... and Porn Many women and men are raised in what may as well be two totally different worlds. Very often, girls are raised with ... Men and Women... and Porn Many women and men are raised in what may as well be two totally different worlds. Very often, girls are raised with the belief that porn ndash; which can be difficult to define in the first place ndash; is either wrong or a sign that a man is not as interested in or committed to his partner as he should be. On the other hand, many boys are raised to believe that it is common or normal to watch porn and that it can make masturbation or sex more exciting. Thatrsquo;s not to say that all men watch porn or like porn; they donrsquo;t. Itrsquo;s also not to say that some women donrsquo;t enjoy porn ndash; in fact, a growing number of women seem to be accessing porn, particularly as more women-centered porn images and videos are created. Porn's Affect on Relationships But in the United States, most men have watched porn, particularly as part of their masturbation, and it doesnrsquo;t necessarily mean that they are not satisfied with their relationship or their sex life. It may just be that your boyfriend has watched porn on and off throughout his life, perhaps starting as an older child or a teenager or young adult, and that he still enjoys doing so even now. Talking it Through You might try talking with your boyfriend about his masturbation and the fact that he watches porn. If you two talk about this, try to approach the issue with an open mind and a genuine interest in learning more about his experiences and where hersquo;s coming from. He may have a very different perspective on porn than you do. If he says that he is indeed attracted to you and satisfied with your sex life together, try talking about how you can approach the porn issue. Is there a way that you can learn to live with the fact that he watches porn? Is he willing to watch it less often or to not watch it in front of you? Or even to give up watching porn? Are you interested in finding some type of porn, or even educational videos about sex, that you two could watch together? There are a many different ways that couples negotiate their private and shared sexual lives and no ldquo;rightrdquo; or ldquo;wrongrdquo; way to figure this out. Find Out More Check out The Guide to Getting It On for more information about the many different ways that women and men experience their sexuality. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Relationships,,Love aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/depression-contribute-erectile-problems/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/depression-contribute-erectile-problems/#comments Mon, 14 Dec 2009 14:00:32 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1295 http://kinseyconfidential.org/depression-contribute-erectile-problems/feed/ 0 3:10 Yes, the mind-body connection is absolutely important when it comes to menrsquo;s and womenrsquo;s experience of sexuality. Thatrsquo;s not to say that physical problems in ... Yes, the mind-body connection is absolutely important when it comes to menrsquo;s and womenrsquo;s experience of sexuality. Thatrsquo;s not to say that physical problems in and of themselves donrsquo;t get in the way of sex or cause sexual problems. It is certainly possible that your blood pressure problems are contributing to your erectile problems. Depression Can Affect Desire However, the mind is important too. Time and again, researchers have found that even mild depression can interfere with menrsquo;s and womenrsquo;s sexual experiences. Depression can contribute to problems with desire, erections and ease of orgasm. When people feel depressed, they may more easily allow distracting thoughts to get in the way of their arousal, which can contribute to erectile problems. If you find yourself saying negative things to yourself about your body, your sexuality, your fantasies or yourself more generally, these may be important to pay attention to. HIV/AIDS Transmission You also made a point to mention that your concern or anxiety about HIV/AIDS has gotten in the way of your being able to pursue a sexual relationship with another person. If you want to be intimate with another person, then it may be important for you to find a way to overcome this anxiety ndash; to realize that through careful decision making one can greatly reduce their risk of HIV or sexually transmissible infections (STI). For example, you and a partner could use condoms for oral, vaginal or anal sex. You and a partner could also agree to get tested together for HIV and other STIs prior to being sexual together.nbsp;In addition, you could be careful to only engage in low risk sexual activities together until you feel more comfortable and confident with each otherrsquo;s HIV status and testing. In short, you may be able to find ways of managing your anxiety around HIV transmission so that you can pursue a satisfying, healthy relationship with another adult. Yes, there is risk involved in sex ndash; but it is also risky to remain isolated and alone if what you want is to connect with another human being. More Information You may find it helpful to meet with a therapist who can help you to manage issues related to depression or anxiety as well as your sexual concerns. You can find a trained sex therapist through the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists at www.aasect.org. Content,Type,,Pleasure,,Orgasm,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/feel-restricted-sex-life-girlfriend/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/feel-restricted-sex-life-girlfriend/#comments Thu, 10 Dec 2009 14:00:56 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1294 http://kinseyconfidential.org/feel-restricted-sex-life-girlfriend/feed/ 2 3:12 Irsquo;m sorry to hear that your sex life isnrsquo;t as enjoyable or as exciting as you wish it were and that you feel limited in ... Irsquo;m sorry to hear that your sex life isnrsquo;t as enjoyable or as exciting as you wish it were and that you feel limited in the ways that you can express your affection to or attraction for you girlfriend. It can be difficult not to take those types of limits to heart or to feel frustrated by these restrictions. It sounds as though your girlfriend, too, experiences both emotional and possibly physical difficulties in regard to her sexuality. I canrsquo;t help but wonder, for example, what she means by oral sex bringing back bad memories for her. Everyone is entitled to keep secrets that make sense for them and it is certainly not the case that she should have to share information with you if she is not yet ready or able to. History of Sexual Abuse However, if she has a past history of having been abused as a child or if she had uncomfortable, painful or nonconsensual experiences of sex as a teenager or adult, it is very possible that this past continues to have an impact on her. She may or may not be ready to deal with these issues either on her own or with a therapist, but at some point she may find that in order to have a more comfortable, pleasurable or satisfying sexual experience, that she may need to. Vulvodynia In terms of vaginal touching, does she not want you to touch her vaginal because of these same bad memories? Or does it hurt for her vagina or vulva to be touched for other reasons? Some women ndash; perhaps as many as 10 to 15% of women ndash; experience genital pain that can result from daily activities such as bike riding or sitting at a desk, as well as from sexual activities. To learn more about vulvodynia (which means vulvar pain), you or your girlfriend can visit the web site of the National Vulvodynia Association, which is www.nva.org. More Information If your girlfriend has a history of having been sexually abused or assaulted, she may find it helpful to read The Courage to Heal or to meet with a therapist. She can find one through the American Psychological Associationrsquo;s web site which is www.apa.org. In the mean time, you two may also be able to find comfortable ways of connecting in intimate ways that take you away from the unsuccessful things that yoursquo;ve tried together and more into new ways of exploring. Consider getting together and reading For Each Other: Sharing Sexual Intimacy for creative ideas about exploring together. Content,Type,,Pleasure,,Orgasm,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/sexually-transmitted-infection-rates-continue-rise/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/sexually-transmitted-infection-rates-continue-rise/#comments Tue, 24 Nov 2009 11:00:34 +0000 Eric Anthony Grollman (M.A.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1301 http://kinseyconfidential.org/sexually-transmitted-infection-rates-continue-rise/feed/ 2 http://kinseyconfidential.org/sins-invalid/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/sins-invalid/#comments Wed, 04 Nov 2009 13:57:50 +0000 Natalie Ingraham (M.P.H.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/sins-invalid-sexuality-disability-theater-meet-sf/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/sins-invalid/feed/ 1 http://kinseyconfidential.org/test-find-out-bisexual/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/test-find-out-bisexual/#comments Mon, 19 Oct 2009 13:00:27 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1245 http://kinseyconfidential.org/test-find-out-bisexual/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/love-sex-youth-intellectual-disabilities/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/love-sex-youth-intellectual-disabilities/#comments Thu, 08 Oct 2009 06:09:55 +0000 Jennifer Bass (M.P.H.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1200 http://kinseyconfidential.org/love-sex-youth-intellectual-disabilities/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/reasons-love-glee/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/reasons-love-glee/#comments Sun, 04 Oct 2009 16:56:09 +0000 J. Bradley Blankenship (M.S.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1224 http://kinseyconfidential.org/reasons-love-glee/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/aids-walk-york-kinsey-institute-crisis-positive-change/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/aids-walk-york-kinsey-institute-crisis-positive-change/#comments Sat, 02 May 2009 17:51:13 +0000 Kinsey Confidential http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=946 http://kinseyconfidential.org/aids-walk-york-kinsey-institute-crisis-positive-change/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/family-webisodes-spotlight-polyamory/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/family-webisodes-spotlight-polyamory/#comments Wed, 08 Apr 2009 14:01:15 +0000 Natalie Ingraham (M.P.H.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=960 http://kinseyconfidential.org/family-webisodes-spotlight-polyamory/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/male-circumcision-sti-prevention-link/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/male-circumcision-sti-prevention-link/#comments Fri, 03 Apr 2009 13:49:25 +0000 Natalie Ingraham (M.P.H.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=958 http://kinseyconfidential.org/male-circumcision-sti-prevention-link/feed/ 1 http://kinseyconfidential.org/british-study-aversion-therapy-exist/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/british-study-aversion-therapy-exist/#comments Mon, 30 Mar 2009 14:23:30 +0000 Natalie Ingraham (M.P.H.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=956 http://kinseyconfidential.org/british-study-aversion-therapy-exist/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/sexies-silly-awards/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/sexies-silly-awards/#comments Fri, 27 Mar 2009 13:22:29 +0000 Natalie Ingraham (M.P.H.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=955 http://kinseyconfidential.org/sexies-silly-awards/feed/ 0