http://kinseyconfidential.org Just another WordPress weblog Sat, 13 Mar 2010 17:03:39 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 en hourly 1 2006-2007 aschweig@indiana.edu (Kinsey Confidential) aschweig@indiana.edu (Kinsey Confidential) posts 1440 Just another WordPress weblog Kinsey Confidential Kinsey Confidential aschweig@indiana.edu No no http://kinseyconfidential.org/wp-content/themes/kinsey/images/kinsey-podcast-300.jpg http://kinseyconfidential.org 144 144 http://kinseyconfidential.org/qa-wife-uninterested-sexual-activities/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/qa-wife-uninterested-sexual-activities/#comments Mon, 17 Aug 2009 14:00:47 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/qa-wife-uninterested-sexual-activities/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/qa-wife-uninterested-sexual-activities/feed/ 1 3:38 Many couples have different levels of sexual desire as well as different types of things that they enjoy doing sexually. Sometimes these preferences cannot be ... Many couples have different levels of sexual desire as well as different types of things that they enjoy doing sexually. Sometimes these preferences cannot be changed. Other times, there is room for movement. Talk To Her My first suggestion would be to try to talk with your wife and let her know that you understand that she is not interested in, or does not enjoy, performing oral sex on you or having sex from behind, and that as much as you believe you would enjoy these sexual activities, you accept her choice. Of course, you have to be sincere about your acceptance if you say this! You might say, however, in your own words, that given that she is your wife and your lover, that you would like to understand more about what she does and doesnrsquo;t like sexually, and perhaps a bit about ldquo;whyrdquo; or ldquo;why notrdquo;. You might also suggest that you would like to share your desires and interests as well. Possibly The Result of Mis-Information Sometimes couples donrsquo;t enjoy certain activities for reasons they have never considered or because of mis-information that they have about a sexual behavior. For example, some women have heard from friends or family members that men want women to perform oral sex on them because they want to have power over them, or to control or degrade them. If your wife has heard this idea at different points in her life, she may have come to believe that. You can understand how, if this is her background, that she might not want to perform oral sex on you. Start Slowly Then again, she may not believe those types of things about fellatio, but she may simply not enjoy it. Performing oral sex on a man can be uncomfortable, especially if a manrsquo;s penis is particularly long or thick. If she indicates that she is open to trying oral sex, you might start slowly ndash; for example, you might negotiate a type of oral sex that she would feel physically or emotionally comfortable with. She may be more comfortable trying this on the bed rather than on her knees, or she may be more comfortable licking the shaft of your penis rather than taking your penis into her mouth. These are the types of details that you will want to discuss with your wife, no matter what type of sex acts you are thinking about approaching her about. Recommended Reading If you have a monogamous relationship, the challenge is to create a sexual relationship together that you can both feel good about. You may find that a book such as Because It Feels Good: A Womanrsquo;s Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction or For Each Other: Sharing Sexual Intimacy is helpful in exploring new ways of being sexual together. If you find it difficult to explore sex in mutually pleasurable ways, you may find it useful to meet together with a sex therapist ndash; you can find one near you at www.aasect.org. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Relationships,,Love aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/body-type-exercise-physical-attraction/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/body-type-exercise-physical-attraction/#comments Mon, 20 Apr 2009 13:00:17 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/qa-body-type-exercise-physical-attraction/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/body-type-exercise-physical-attraction/feed/ 0 3:39 Many people find that they are attracted to people with certain body types and there is nothing wrong or unusual about finding that you are ... Many people find that they are attracted to people with certain body types and there is nothing wrong or unusual about finding that you are attracted to men who work out. Given this preference, itrsquo;s not surprising that your attraction to your husband may be impaired if he doesnrsquo;t have the body type that you prefer or engage in the types of physical exercise behaviors that feel most exciting or arousing to you. Obsessing Over Small Details That doesnrsquo;t mean you canrsquo;t find a way to re-ignite the desire and attraction that you once had for your husband. Some people find that what bothers them about their partner ndash; in your case, your husbandrsquo;s weight ndash; is something that actually started out to be a small detail. Over time, however, people sometimes focus so heavily on this small detail that they lose sight of all the good things about their partner and their obsession with the upsetting small detail ends up hurting onersquo;s sexual relationship. In other words, one possibility is that you may be focusing or thinking about your husbandrsquo;s weight so much that itrsquo;s gotten to the point that his weight is one of the more salient details about him to you. It may be one of the first things that you think about when you think about being sexual with him ndash; and, since itrsquo;s not an attractive quality in your mind, thatrsquo;s not helpful to your desire. One strategy might be to try focusing on other details that are attractive to you. Does he care for you in a way that you always wanted? Is he good with your friends or family? Does he smile at you in a way that makes you feel desirable or sexy? In other words, when the bad thoughts sneak up on you, what attractive qualities of his can you use to replace these negative thoughts? Improve Your Fitness Together You might also consider ways in which you can both maintain or improve your fitness levels for health reasons, with the possibility of enhanced sexual attraction as an added bonus. If your husband is interested in improving his fitness, perhaps you two can start walking after dinner together which would provide you both with time to exercise as well as time to re-connect. You might even encourage him to join a basketball league or a golf team so that he can have time to hang out with friends while simultaneously getting exercise. Further Reading and Resources Some sex therapists believe that making sure two people each have some private time or some space between them can enhance their desire for each other ndash; you can read more about this concept in the book Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel. Sexual desire can often be enhanced and while these strategies may be worth a try, so might making an appointment with a sex therapist who can provide you with more personalized feedback about desire-enhancing strategies and your relationship. You can find a sex therapist through the web site of the Society for Sex Therapy and Research. Bodies,,Content,Type,,Include,in,Resources,,Podcast,,Special aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/orgasm-desire-vasectomy/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/orgasm-desire-vasectomy/#comments Thu, 16 Apr 2009 13:00:18 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/qa-orgasm-desire-vasectomy/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/orgasm-desire-vasectomy/feed/ 0 3:22 Vasectomy is generally regarded as a highly safe and effective means of permanent birth control. There are various methods of vasectomy that are available to ... Vasectomy is generally regarded as a highly safe and effective means of permanent birth control. There are various methods of vasectomy that are available to doctors, with the end result being that the vas deferens ndash; which are the tubes that carry sperm from the testicles ndash; are clamped, cut or sealed so that sperm are no longer able to leave the body through ejaculation. Affect On Sexual Desire And Orgasm Because only the sperm are blocked, and sperm make up a very tiny proportion of the volume of a manrsquo;s semen, the amount of ejaculation released during orgasm is pretty much the same before vasectomy as it is after vasectomy. And when it comes to sex, research generally suggests that menrsquo;s sexual desire, satisfaction and erectile function are just as strong after vasectomy as compared to before vasectomy. In fact, without the anxiety about accidentally getting their partner pregnant during intercourse, quite a few men even indicate that they have stronger erections or are more sexually satisfied after their vasectomy. Less Pleasurable Sex Very Rare It is very rare for men who have had vasectomies to report having less pleasurable sex or no experience of release at the time of orgasm. Because this is so rare, many doctors ndash; even those who have performed hundreds of vasectomies ndash; may have never encountered a patient who told them that their experience of sex became worse after the vasectomy, and that may explain why the doctors yoursquo;ve met with have had little to say in response to your question. That doesnrsquo;t mean that your experience isnrsquo;t valid or doesnrsquo;t warrant attention. Having a vasectomy can affect menrsquo;s feelings about themselves, their bodies, and their sexuality in important ways, and it may be worth meeting with a trained sex therapist to further explore how having a vasectomy has impacted your sex life. You can find a sex therapist on the web site of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists. You might also want to meet with a urologist or a neurologist who has experience in sexual issues as it is certainly possible that there may be physical causes related to your lack of pleasure in relation to orgasm. Recommended Reading Finally, you might find it helpful to read a book such as For Each Other: Sharing Sexual Intimacy by Dr. Lonnie Barbach that focuses on ways that couples can use sexual exploration to foster closeness, intimacy and pleasure. Bodies,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/aging-sexual-desire/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/aging-sexual-desire/#comments Thu, 22 Jan 2009 14:00:55 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=758 http://kinseyconfidential.org/aging-sexual-desire/feed/ 1 3:23 More often these days, people are talking more openly about desire - both in terms of how couples may have different levels of desire as ... More often these days, people are talking more openly about desire - both in terms of how couples may have different levels of desire as well as in terms of how desire often changes throughout one's lifetime. Desire Discrepancy Having different levels of desire - what we often call desire discrepancy - can be difficult for couples, as the person who wants more sex often feels as though they are pestering their partner, or they may feel as though they are not attracted or loved anymore when they ask for sex and their partner declines. The person who wants less sex, or none at all, may feel guilty or as if they are depriving their partner, and yet they may also feel bothered or annoyed at being asked so often for something that they have clearly said they do not want. Often when a couple notices these differences in desire, the changes have been building over time - even if they seem to have happened overnight. It may be that your wife hasn't enjoyed sex for some time and that she has only recently felt comfortable saying this to you. Or else perhaps she has long enjoyed having sex, but recent changes related to menopause, aging or medical conditions have made sex feel less pleasurable or enjoyable for her, or even painful. Significant Changes Around Menopause Sex changes significantly for many women around the time of menopause and she may find it helpful to speak with her healthcare provider about any changes she has noticed not only in relation to desire but also in regard to vaginal dryness, genital sensation, temperature changes or general bodily comfort. You two might also find it helpful to meet with a sex therapist to help you find ways to express and receive affection with each other, even if you don't actually have sex together for some time - if at all. Sometimes a person will stop wanting to be kissed or hugged, mainly because they worry that it will lead to sex. Perhaps your wife will be more open to meeting with a therapist, and working on your shared affection, if you assure her that you will not pressure her do anything she is not interested in (such as have sex). You might say, though, that because you value your relationship so much - including your ability to be affectionate and express love in ways such as kissing, hugging and cuddling - that you would like to see if there are ways that you can find pleasure and joy with each other. Recommended Reading The book For Each Other: Sharing Sexual Intimacy may be a helpful resource and you can find a sex therapist through the web site of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists. Content,Type,,Pleasure,,Orgasm,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/men-may-actually-be-complicated-who-knew/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/men-may-actually-be-complicated-who-knew/#comments Wed, 23 Apr 2008 16:30:41 +0000 Samantha Seeger http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/blog/2008/04/23/men-may-actually-be-complicated-who-knew/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/men-may-actually-be-complicated-who-knew/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/the-truth-about-female-desire-bbc-tv-show-features-kinsey-institute-scientists/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/the-truth-about-female-desire-bbc-tv-show-features-kinsey-institute-scientists/#comments Wed, 16 Jan 2008 23:52:59 +0000 Kinsey Confidential http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/blog/2008/01/07/the-truth-about-female-desire-bbc-tv-show-features-kinsey-institute-scientists/ The Truth About Female Desire is a four part UK television (Channel 4) series broadcast in 2005. Eight women joined Kinsey Institute researchers to study the factors behind sexual desire.

]]> http://kinseyconfidential.org/the-truth-about-female-desire-bbc-tv-show-features-kinsey-institute-scientists/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/ease-of-female-orgasm-vaginal-sensitivity/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/ease-of-female-orgasm-vaginal-sensitivity/#comments Wed, 14 Mar 2007 20:45:33 +0000 Kinsey Confidential http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/blog/2007/03/14/qa-i-used-to-orgasm-easily-but-now-im-just-numb/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/ease-of-female-orgasm-vaginal-sensitivity/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/kinsey-scale-kinsey-test/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/kinsey-scale-kinsey-test/#comments Wed, 25 Jan 2006 22:00:51 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/blog/2006/01/25/qa-the-kinsey-scale-and-test/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/kinsey-scale-kinsey-test/feed/ 0 3:28 We are regularly asked for information about the Kinsey "test" or "quiz" but in fact no such thing exists. The Kinsey Scale The heterosexual-homosexual rating scale, also ... We are regularly asked for information about the Kinsey "test" or "quiz" but in fact no such thing exists. The Kinsey Scale The heterosexual-homosexual rating scale, also known as The Kinsey Scale, is a seven-point scale developed by pioneering sex researcher Dr. Alfred Kinsey in order to illustrate that human beings fall along a continuum in their sexual behaviors and interests in people who are of the same or other sex. Based on the thousands of sex interviews Dr. Kinsey and his research team conducted in the United States, he did not find evidence to suggest that people fell into two neat categories of "heterosexual" and "homosexual" - or as is often said today, "straight" and "gay". Thus, the seven points of the Kinsey scale were identified as: exclusively heterosexual with no homosexual (0) predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual (1) predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual (2) equally heterosexual and homosexual (3) predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual (4) predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual (5) exclusively homosexual (6). That's not to say that placement in these categories is easy to determine. What, after all, makes someone's sexual experiences "predominantly" homosexual or heterosexual? Does this mean that "most" of their encounters were same or opposite sex, or is there a certain percentage of events that one considers as a threshold? Well, what if someone's sexual behaviors are largely with opposite sex individuals even though their sexual desire and arousal is largely in response to same sex individuals? Or what if things changed over the course of one's life, a fact that Dr. Kinsey noted among his research participants. Where Would You Place Yourself? Because there is no "Kinsey Test" or quiz that categorizes people on the Kinsey scale, those who are interested in it can simply take a look at the continuum and consider where they might place themselves, with the understanding that your own placement might change over time. You may feel like a "Kinsey 2" at this point in your life only to find later on that you feel more like a "Kinsey 3". Or something completely different. The Kinsey scale ndash; and other proposed models of sexual orientation ndash; are certainly not the final answer. Instead, they illustrate the complexities of sexual attraction, behaviors and orientation. Contemporary sex researchers continue to work to understand what shapes our sexual orientation, though the scientific debate has since entered more modern day forms of exploration such as the relationship between genetics and sexual orientation. Learn More You can view and read more about the scale on The Kinsey Institute's web site or in "Sexual Behavior in the Human Male," Dr. Kinsey's groundbreaking 1948 book based on his team's interviews with men in the United States. Content,Type,,Include,in,Resources,,Podcast,,Sexual,Orientation,,Special aschweig@indiana.edu no No