http://kinseyconfidential.org Just another WordPress weblog Thu, 18 Mar 2010 14:00:23 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 en hourly 1 2006-2007 aschweig@indiana.edu (Kinsey Confidential) aschweig@indiana.edu (Kinsey Confidential) posts 1440 Just another WordPress weblog Kinsey Confidential Kinsey Confidential aschweig@indiana.edu No no http://kinseyconfidential.org/wp-content/themes/kinsey/images/kinsey-podcast-300.jpg http://kinseyconfidential.org 144 144 http://kinseyconfidential.org/evidence-sexual-orientation-synonymous-identity/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/evidence-sexual-orientation-synonymous-identity/#comments Tue, 02 Mar 2010 11:00:20 +0000 Eric Anthony Grollman (M.A.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1637 http://kinseyconfidential.org/evidence-sexual-orientation-synonymous-identity/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/defining-sex-addiction-legitimate/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/defining-sex-addiction-legitimate/#comments Mon, 01 Mar 2010 14:00:05 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1493 http://kinseyconfidential.org/defining-sex-addiction-legitimate/feed/ 2 3:34 Scientific Definition Many research scientists who study sex struggle with the concept of sex addiction. Although the term ldquo;sex addictionrdquo; is often used in the media, ... Scientific Definition Many research scientists who study sex struggle with the concept of sex addiction. Although the term ldquo;sex addictionrdquo; is often used in the media, it is not used as commonly among scientific circles. Thatrsquo;s not to say that sex researchers and therapists donrsquo;t encounter people with problems related to sex. In fact, itrsquo;s quite clear that a small proportion of people ndash; more so men than women ndash; experience their sexuality in a way that may feel out of control or addictive to them, even if it is not a ldquo;truerdquo; addiction. Addictive Behaviors? Some researchers feel that there is a gray line between describing something as an ldquo;addictionrdquo; versus a bad habit or a behavior that has gotten out of control in someonersquo;s life. For example, some years ago the media used to talk a lot about ldquo;shopping addictionsrdquo;. These days, people may describe themselves as having an addiction to their technology such as to their Blackberry, iPhone or Facebook. However, feeling obsessed with or tied to something is not the same as an actual addiction. If someone had to go a few days without shopping or checking their online profile, they may not like it but they wouldnrsquo;t exhibit the signs of withdrawal that people who are addicted to drugs or alcohol do. The Rules of the Relationship The idea of sex addiction is also challenging because it seems to be influenced by what is acceptable behavior within a personrsquo;s relationship or social circle. For example, some women say that they feel their husband has a sex addiction because he continued to masturbate even after they got married. Others have expressed concern that their partner has a sex addiction because he or she watches porn regularly even though theyrsquo;re in a relationship. However, just because someone doesnrsquo;t like or approve of their partnerrsquo;s behavior does not make it an addiction. After all, someone else might accept or even feel turned on by the idea that their partner masturbates on their own or watches porn. People differ. So, is the problem the behavior or how a couple negotiates and communicates about the behavior? Legitimate Concerns That said, there are other cases that are more extreme in which people find it very difficult to stop a sexual behavior that is causing them great distress or problems in their personal or professional life, or even legal problems. Some people develop a strong urge, that may even feel uncontrollable, to masturbate in public or to masturbate throughout the day, even while at their desk at work. Others may find it difficult to stop having sex with strangers, or to stop having affairs, even though they want to stop. Finding Help If a sexual behavior is causing distress or is problematic in a personrsquo;s life, a sex therapist can often help. Though some sex therapists use the term ldquo;sex addictionrdquo; others describe it as hypersexuality or as an impulsive-compulsive behavioral issue. The term, however, is less important than seeking quality help from a trained professional when needed. You can find a sex therapist in your area through the web site of The Society for Sex Therapy and Research. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/masturbate-sleep-normal/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/masturbate-sleep-normal/#comments Thu, 19 Nov 2009 14:00:11 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1279 http://kinseyconfidential.org/masturbate-sleep-normal/feed/ 1 3:20 Although uncommon, I have heard from quite a few men ndash; and a few women, too ndash; who have had experiences similar to yours. Itrsquo;s ... Although uncommon, I have heard from quite a few men ndash; and a few women, too ndash; who have had experiences similar to yours. Itrsquo;s unclear how many people act sexually during their sleep but when it does happen, people often donrsquo;t even know that they masturbate or attempt to be sexual with other people until they either approach someone for sex while sleeping or until they begin sharing a bed with a partner, at which point onersquo;s partner notices the behavior. In your case, your partner has noticed that yoursquo;ve been masturbating during your sleep. It seems fairly common for women and men to recall experiences of orgasm during sleep or even to wake up in the middle of the night and find that they are rubbing their genitals against the bed, possibly in the middle of a sexual dream. What Happens When You Sleep What is less common is active masturbation or sexual behavior while sleeping. As you are sleeping when this happens, you cannot know what you are doing. As such, you might ask your partner how it is that you are masturbating while sleeping. Are you using your hands? Rubbing against the bed? Do you tend to speak while masturbating? And are your eyes open or closed? Talking to a Healthcare Provider This type of information may help your healthcare provider to better figure out what may be happening during your sleep. You may even ask your healthcare provider about the possibility of being referred to a sleep clinic as sexual behavior during sleep ndash; what has been called sexsomnia or sleepsex - is often associated with sleep disorders. You may be able to undergo testing to determine how it is that your sleep cycles may be functioning. In some cases, medication can help to improve your sleep. Communicate With Your Partner In the mean time, you may find it helpful to talk with your partner about this behavior. It is unlikely a sign of a psychological condition. Rather, your sleep masturbation is more likely to be a symptom of a sleep disorder or to be a normal variation of sleep behavior. You and your partner might want to brainstorm about how to handle this while you decide whether you want to meet with a healthcare provider about it, which I would recommend doing. Some couples enjoy sleepsex or these types of sexual behaviors that occur while one person is asleep and the other is awake. Others feel uncomfortable in response to them. Problems With Sleepsex It can be important to seek attention from a healthcare provider as, in some cases, people have attempted to have non-consensual sex with others while asleep. In some instances, sleeping adults have even tried to have sex with children, and not recalled any of it after the fact. You can imagine how traumatic such an experience would be for everyone involved. To learn more about sexsomnia or sleepsex, please check in with your healthcare provider or a sleep clinic. Thank you for coming to us with your question. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/test-find-out-bisexual/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/test-find-out-bisexual/#comments Mon, 19 Oct 2009 13:00:27 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1245 http://kinseyconfidential.org/test-find-out-bisexual/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/sexiled-freshman-experience/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/sexiled-freshman-experience/#comments Mon, 21 Sep 2009 18:24:22 +0000 J. Bradley Blankenship (M.S.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1199 http://kinseyconfidential.org/sexiled-freshman-experience/feed/ 1 http://kinseyconfidential.org/am-i-gay-sexual-orientation-labels-sexual-attraction/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/am-i-gay-sexual-orientation-labels-sexual-attraction/#comments Mon, 14 Jul 2008 16:47:13 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/2008/07/14/qa-im-attracted-to-both-men-and-women-am-i-gay/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/am-i-gay-sexual-orientation-labels-sexual-attraction/feed/ 0 2:59 Generally speaking, we donrsquo;t like to tell people whether it sounds like they are gay or straight or bisexual or any other sexual orientation label. Sexual ... Generally speaking, we donrsquo;t like to tell people whether it sounds like they are gay or straight or bisexual or any other sexual orientation label. Sexual Orientation Is Complex Thatrsquo;s because sexual orientation is complex and the label that someone chooses to give themselves doesnrsquo;t always match their behaviors. Quite often, in our research, we will find men who identify as straight but have sex only with men, or maybe with both women and men. Or else we will have men who identify as gay but have sex only with women, or with both women or men. And the same is true with women. Sexual Orientation Labels To many researchers, sexual orientation labels are about more than a personrsquo;s partnered sexual behavior, masturbation behavior or even their fantasies. Sometimes people choose a label because it most fits with their identity, with the community or group of people that they want to be a part of, or simply with how they feel about themselves. Other times they choose an identity because they feel forced into it, or pressured. There are some women or men who personally feel that they are bisexual, but may feel that they have to identify as either straight or gay so that their friends or partners will accept them. Deciding how to label onersquo;s own sexual interests and orientation is not always an easy task, and we would encourage you to not feel pressured to put a label on yourself unless or until you are feeling ready to do so. Recommended Resources If you are interested in exploring issues around gay identity, consider connecting with the group Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. Some men also find the book The Male Couple: How Relationships Develop by Dr. David McWhirter to be a helpful resource for understanding more about menrsquo;s relationships with each other. The Bisexual Resource Guide by Robyn Ochs is another resource that may be helpful to you as well. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Sexual,Orientation aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/possible-to-delay-female-orgasm/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/possible-to-delay-female-orgasm/#comments Thu, 03 Jul 2008 15:58:19 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/2008/07/03/qa-is-it-possible-to-delay-female-orgasm/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/possible-to-delay-female-orgasm/feed/ 0 3:16 Men, far more often than women, find that they orgasm more quickly than they would like; as a result, we have more research and anecdotes ... Men, far more often than women, find that they orgasm more quickly than they would like; as a result, we have more research and anecdotes related to techniques and medications that work to help men delay their ejaculation, and little science-based information about effective techniques for helping women to delay their experience of orgasm. Anti-Depressants of Other Medications Although some medications (such as certain anti-depressants) are occasionally prescribed for men to delay their ejaculation they are not really considered a "first line" treatment for men as, often, couples would like to find non-medical means of improving their sexuality (and anti-depressants, like most medications, can cause negative side effects). It is unclear if women would be helped by using anti-depressants or other medications in this way, though a common side effect of antidepressants (especially those impacting the serotonin neurotransmitters), is delayed orgasm. Explore Other Sexual Behaviors If your girlfriend wants to be sexual for some time without having an orgasm, you two might consider exploring a range of sexual behaviors that typically don't make her orgasm quickly. For example, you might spend more time kissing, touching her breasts or performing oral sex on her, having her perform it on you, or doing it mutually in ways that are enjoyable but are perhaps not likely to cause her to orgasm right away. Talk About Your Experiences Do consider talking to your girlfriend about your sexual experiences together. Is an early orgasm a problem for her? What bothers her about having an orgasm soon after beginning sex? Does she become too sensitive to continue with sex, does she feel too tired to go on, does it hurt or does she get a headache after she has an orgasm? If you two can talk more about this and find out what it is that troubles her (if anything), then perhaps you can work around it. On the other hand, if it is you that is troubled by her early orgasm, then that too is something to pay attention to. Why does her orgasm speed bother you? Does is have to? Perhaps you can learn to appreciate the responsiveness of your girlfriend's body and to explore each other's bodies in ways that are about pleasure, and not just timing of orgasm. You may find that you like and enjoy her sexual response, and you two may come to enjoy exploring a wider range of ways of being sexual together. Content,Type,,Pleasure,,Orgasm,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/ooh-girl/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/ooh-girl/#comments Tue, 01 Apr 2008 00:51:13 +0000 Samantha Seeger http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/blog/2008/03/31/ooh-girl/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/ooh-girl/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/normal-to-masturbate/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/normal-to-masturbate/#comments Sat, 10 Feb 2007 13:52:17 +0000 Kinsey Confidential http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/blog/2007/11/14/qa-is-it-normal-to-masturbate/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/normal-to-masturbate/feed/ 0