http://kinseyconfidential.org Just another WordPress weblog Thu, 18 Mar 2010 14:00:23 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 en hourly 1 2006-2007 aschweig@indiana.edu (Kinsey Confidential) aschweig@indiana.edu (Kinsey Confidential) posts 1440 Just another WordPress weblog Kinsey Confidential Kinsey Confidential aschweig@indiana.edu No no http://kinseyconfidential.org/wp-content/themes/kinsey/images/kinsey-podcast-300.jpg http://kinseyconfidential.org 144 144 http://kinseyconfidential.org/sex-refused-tested-stis/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/sex-refused-tested-stis/#comments Tue, 16 Mar 2010 11:00:20 +0000 Eric Anthony Grollman (M.A.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1694 http://kinseyconfidential.org/sex-refused-tested-stis/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/pregnant/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/pregnant/#comments Mon, 15 Mar 2010 14:00:09 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1575 http://kinseyconfidential.org/pregnant/feed/ 0 3:18 Most women and men want to become parents one day. And though about half of pregnancies are unplanned, that means that about half are planned ... Most women and men want to become parents one day. And though about half of pregnancies are unplanned, that means that about half are planned pregnancies that women and men try to figure out how to make happen. Health First If you would like to become pregnant, the first step I would recommend is to check in with a healthcare provider, such as a gynecologist. Your doctor or nurse can examine you and test you for any health problems that may make it more difficult for you to become pregnant. For example, untreated sexually transmissible infections, also called STIs, such as Chlamydia and gonorrhea can cause scarring of a womanrsquo;s reproductive tract and make it more difficult for her to become pregnant.nbsp;Other health conditions, such as some thyroid problems or hormonal problems, can also make it more difficult to become pregnant. Many health problems can be treated so that a woman and her partner can more easily conceive. Your partner would also benefit from visiting his healthcare provider for a wellness exam as well. Changes to Your Lifestyle I would also encourage you to ask your healthcare provider about any lifestyle behaviors you may be able to modify that could help you to become pregnant more easily or could help you to sustain a healthier pregnancy should you become pregnant. For example, your doctor or nurse may advise you to stop drinking alcohol and to stop smoking during this time. He or she may also advise you on exercise or eating. Men tend to have higher sperm quality when they are of a healthy weight and are non-smokers. Women also tend to have healthier pregnancies and lower risk deliveries when they are of a healthy weight. What a healthy weight is for you, though, is something that only you and your healthcare provider can know as everyonersquo;s bodies are built a little differently. Stick to a Schedule Couples who are trying to become pregnant sometimes find it helpful to start tracking the timing of a womanrsquo;s ovulation so that they know when she is most likely to become pregnant. Having sex frequently, such as every 2 days or more often, may be recommended as well. Some research suggests that certain aspects of a womanrsquo;s diet can help her to increase the chances of becoming pregnant; for example, whole milk products may be preferable to nonfat milk products for women who would like to become pregnant. Relaxation can also be an important part of becoming pregnant. More Information To learn more about healthy pregnancy and fertility issues, check in with your healthcare provider. You may also find it helpful to read The Fertility Diet and Our Bodies, Ourselves: Pregnancy and Birth. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Pregnancy aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/study-finds-universal-definition-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/study-finds-universal-definition-sex/#comments Tue, 09 Mar 2010 11:00:33 +0000 Eric Anthony Grollman (M.A.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1689 http://kinseyconfidential.org/study-finds-universal-definition-sex/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/premature-ejaculation-in-sex-is-it-because-i-masturbate/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/premature-ejaculation-in-sex-is-it-because-i-masturbate/#comments Mon, 08 Mar 2010 14:00:02 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1579 http://kinseyconfidential.org/premature-ejaculation-in-sex-is-it-because-i-masturbate/feed/ 0 3:31 Everyone Does It Most men and women have masturbated at some point in their lives whether during adolescence, adulthood, older age or throughout the lifespan. In ... Everyone Does It Most men and women have masturbated at some point in their lives whether during adolescence, adulthood, older age or throughout the lifespan. In fact, even research conducted with parents and teachers of young children shows that most young children touch their genitals for curiosity, to relieve an itch or because they like how it feels. Masturbation is generally regarded as a healthy form of sexual expression. Sperm Production Menrsquo;s bodies make sperm and the fluids that make up semen on an ongoing basis. Masturbating will not cause your body to stop producing sperm or semen. In case yoursquo;re curious, sperm only make up a small portion of the volume of semen. Much of a manrsquo;s seminal fluids come from his prostate gland and other glands called the cowperrsquo;s glands and seminal vesicles. Why We Do It There are many reasons that people masturbate including for fun, curiosity, to release sexual tension, to help themselves fall asleep or to enhance their desire or arousal. There are also different ways that people masturbate alone or with a sexual or romantic relationship partner. While many people touch their genitals, others find that they enjoy stimulating their chest or breasts, their inner thighs or their anus. Some people use their hands to masturbate and others find it pleasurable to use a sex toy, to rub their body against a bed or pillow or to stimulate themselves in the shower or bath. Masturbation Might Help Itrsquo;s also important to note that masturbation does not necessarily cause premature ejaculation or the experience of ejaculating more quickly than you or your wife might like. In fact, certain masturbation exercises might actually help you to learn to last longer during sexual intercourse. These exercises are called the stop-start technique and the squeeze technique. Essentially they involve stimulating yourself during masturbation, then just before the point when you are getting close to ejaculating you either stop all stimulation (for the stop-start technique) or gently squeeze the head of your penis (for the squeeze technique). This may help your arousal to decrease somewhat before you then start stimulating yourself again and repeat the process. Finally, I would encourage you to speak with your wife about her feelings about her sex life. It may be that she is happy with how long you spend having sex. More Information You can learn more about masturbation and partnered techniques to help you last longer during sex in The New Male Sexuality or Coping With Premature Ejaculation. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/defining-sex-addiction-legitimate/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/defining-sex-addiction-legitimate/#comments Mon, 01 Mar 2010 14:00:05 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1493 http://kinseyconfidential.org/defining-sex-addiction-legitimate/feed/ 2 3:34 Scientific Definition Many research scientists who study sex struggle with the concept of sex addiction. Although the term ldquo;sex addictionrdquo; is often used in the media, ... Scientific Definition Many research scientists who study sex struggle with the concept of sex addiction. Although the term ldquo;sex addictionrdquo; is often used in the media, it is not used as commonly among scientific circles. Thatrsquo;s not to say that sex researchers and therapists donrsquo;t encounter people with problems related to sex. In fact, itrsquo;s quite clear that a small proportion of people ndash; more so men than women ndash; experience their sexuality in a way that may feel out of control or addictive to them, even if it is not a ldquo;truerdquo; addiction. Addictive Behaviors? Some researchers feel that there is a gray line between describing something as an ldquo;addictionrdquo; versus a bad habit or a behavior that has gotten out of control in someonersquo;s life. For example, some years ago the media used to talk a lot about ldquo;shopping addictionsrdquo;. These days, people may describe themselves as having an addiction to their technology such as to their Blackberry, iPhone or Facebook. However, feeling obsessed with or tied to something is not the same as an actual addiction. If someone had to go a few days without shopping or checking their online profile, they may not like it but they wouldnrsquo;t exhibit the signs of withdrawal that people who are addicted to drugs or alcohol do. The Rules of the Relationship The idea of sex addiction is also challenging because it seems to be influenced by what is acceptable behavior within a personrsquo;s relationship or social circle. For example, some women say that they feel their husband has a sex addiction because he continued to masturbate even after they got married. Others have expressed concern that their partner has a sex addiction because he or she watches porn regularly even though theyrsquo;re in a relationship. However, just because someone doesnrsquo;t like or approve of their partnerrsquo;s behavior does not make it an addiction. After all, someone else might accept or even feel turned on by the idea that their partner masturbates on their own or watches porn. People differ. So, is the problem the behavior or how a couple negotiates and communicates about the behavior? Legitimate Concerns That said, there are other cases that are more extreme in which people find it very difficult to stop a sexual behavior that is causing them great distress or problems in their personal or professional life, or even legal problems. Some people develop a strong urge, that may even feel uncontrollable, to masturbate in public or to masturbate throughout the day, even while at their desk at work. Others may find it difficult to stop having sex with strangers, or to stop having affairs, even though they want to stop. Finding Help If a sexual behavior is causing distress or is problematic in a personrsquo;s life, a sex therapist can often help. Though some sex therapists use the term ldquo;sex addictionrdquo; others describe it as hypersexuality or as an impulsive-compulsive behavioral issue. The term, however, is less important than seeking quality help from a trained professional when needed. You can find a sex therapist in your area through the web site of The Society for Sex Therapy and Research. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/casual-sex-hooking-psychological-harm/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/casual-sex-hooking-psychological-harm/#comments Tue, 23 Feb 2010 11:00:32 +0000 Eric Anthony Grollman (M.A.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/casual-sex-hooking-psychological-harm/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/casual-sex-hooking-psychological-harm/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/normal-fantasize-sex-random-women/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/normal-fantasize-sex-random-women/#comments Thu, 11 Feb 2010 14:00:18 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1373 http://kinseyconfidential.org/normal-fantasize-sex-random-women/feed/ 0 3:17 Everyone Does It Yes, it is very common for women and men to fantasize about people other than their own partner. In fact, a study published ... Everyone Does It Yes, it is very common for women and men to fantasize about people other than their own partner. In fact, a study published in 2001 in The Journal of Sex Research found that, among 349 women and men ages 18 to 70, all of whom were in relationships at the time of the study, 98% of men and 80% of women said that they had fantasized about someone other than their partner over the previous 2 months. Why fantasize about someone else? Some people find it very stimulating to think about having sex with a friend, a co-worker, a classmate, a total stranger or even a celebrity. These fantasies may occur alone during masturbation or even in the middle of having sex with onersquo;s partner. Bucking the Routine The 2001 research study also found that sexual fantasies about other people are more common as people tend to stay together longer. This makes sense: as much as people may feel committed to each other, sex does tend to change in long term relationships. Couples tend to have sex less often with each other and, when they do have sex, it may feel more routine or less exciting than it did at first. As they look for ways to enhance their arousal and pleasure, they may find that fantasizing about others helps or is fun to do. Mental Infidelity Whether you consider this to be ldquo;cheatingrdquo; or not is more up to you than me. People have their own definitions of what cheating is so it is important for couples to communicate and decide what is or is not okay in the context of their own relationship. Most people would probably not consider fantasizing about others to be cheating ndash; particularly as most women and men do fantasize about people other than their partner. However, some might feel that it feels wrong or inappropriate to them. Fantasy vs. Real Life Sexual fantasies allow people to explore their sexual feelings in often very safe ways. In fantasy, you can explore sides of yourself without having to worry about what is politically correct or who is or is not actually available to you in real life. People can act out romantic sexual fantasies or very explicit no-feelings-involved sexual fantasies. They can be powerful or submissive, have sex with one person or many, or approach a stranger or even a long lost, high school love for sex, massage, making out or to become pregnant. Then, in the blink of an eye, one can turn the fantasy off, return to regular life or return to thinking about onersquo;s own partner. More Information To learn more about sexual fantasies and exploration, consider reading The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex or The Guide to Getting It On. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Relationships,,Love aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/survey-reveals-major-gaps-young-adults-knowledge-safe-sex-2/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/survey-reveals-major-gaps-young-adults-knowledge-safe-sex-2/#comments Tue, 09 Feb 2010 11:00:22 +0000 Eric Anthony Grollman (M.A.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/survey-reveals-major-gaps-young-adults-knowledge-safe-sex-2/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/survey-reveals-major-gaps-young-adults-knowledge-safe-sex-2/feed/ 1 http://kinseyconfidential.org/women-orgasms/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/women-orgasms/#comments Mon, 01 Feb 2010 14:00:30 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1360 http://kinseyconfidential.org/women-orgasms/feed/ 1 http://kinseyconfidential.org/condoms-girlfriend-bleed-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/condoms-girlfriend-bleed-sex/#comments Thu, 28 Jan 2010 14:00:14 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1359 http://kinseyconfidential.org/condoms-girlfriend-bleed-sex/feed/ 1 3:08 Feeling the Friction Sexual intercourse involves friction between two peoplersquo;s bodies. Just the right amount of friction can contribute to menrsquo;s and womenrsquo;s physical pleasure during ... Feeling the Friction Sexual intercourse involves friction between two peoplersquo;s bodies. Just the right amount of friction can contribute to menrsquo;s and womenrsquo;s physical pleasure during sex. The friction of sexual stimulation on a manrsquo;s penis or against a womanrsquo;s vulva or vagina can even help men and women have orgasms. Too much friction, though, and sex may feel uncomfortable or painful. Too little friction and it may not feel like much of anything is happening during intercourse. Condoms' Contributions Wearing a condom can add to the friction during sex. Sometimes this added friction is a welcome sensation; other times, it is not. It may be that the condom adds a little too much friction for you and your girlfriend ndash; but that doesnrsquo;t mean that you have to give up wearing condoms. After all, condoms are a highly effective means of reducing the risk of pregnancy and sexually transmissible infections, or STIs. Sex Solutions Perhaps you and your girlfriend already have a tight genital fit and the condom provides a bit too much friction. Or maybe sexual intercourse starts out all right with the condom on but it lasts so long or is vigorous in a way that the lubricant on the condom eventually dries up, leaving you with a dry condom and more friction than feels pleasurable. If this is the case, then sex may feel dry and your girlfriend may be more prone to small vaginal tears, which can result in small amounts of bleeding during or after sex. Most women will experience small vaginal cuts or tears at some point in their lives; usually they are not painful and will heal within a few days. To prevent vaginal cuts or bleeding, however, try adding extra water-based lubricant or silicone-based lubricant to the condom after it is already on your penis. You may find that by adding lubricant, sex feels more comfortable and pleasurable and your girlfriend may be less likely to bleed during or after sex. If sex goes on for a long time or is particularly rough or vigorous, make sure to add more lubricant as needed. More Information You can learn more about different types of lubricants, how to use them and how lubricants can contribute to more pleasurable sex in my book, Because It Feels Good: A Womanrsquo;s Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/boyfriends-penis-soft-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/boyfriends-penis-soft-sex/#comments Mon, 25 Jan 2010 14:00:00 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1361 http://kinseyconfidential.org/boyfriends-penis-soft-sex/feed/ 1 http://kinseyconfidential.org/girlfriend-pregnant-missed-pill/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/girlfriend-pregnant-missed-pill/#comments Thu, 14 Jan 2010 14:00:33 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1320 http://kinseyconfidential.org/girlfriend-pregnant-missed-pill/feed/ 2 2:44 Great question! Many men and women who are having sex and who are not ready to be parents have questions about sex and pregnancy risk. Types ... Great question! Many men and women who are having sex and who are not ready to be parents have questions about sex and pregnancy risk. Types of Birth Control Pills If your girlfriend took her pill every day, as directed, then she likely is not at risk of pregnancy. If she is using a combination birth control pill, which has estrogen and progesterone in it, then there is a larger window of time in which a woman can take her pill each day and not be at a high risk for pregnancy. Although it can be helpful to take the pill at the same time every day, it does not have to be exact for combination pills, which is the most common type of pill that women take. On the other hand, if your girlfriend is taking a progesterone only pill then she would need to be more precise in terms of when she takes her birth control pill each day in order to maintain the effectiveness of the pill. If she is not sure which pill type she takes or would like more information about how many hours she has to take the pill each day, she can call her pharmacist or healthcare provider for information about her specific pill type. Plan B - "The Morning After Pill" Plan B ndash; also called the morning after pill ndash; is a highly effective means of birth control when taken within a few days of unprotected sex. If it has been less than 5 days since you two had unprotected sex, you can ask your healthcare provider for more information about this option. That said, it does not sound as though she was at a high risk of pregnancy if she uses combination birth control pills and takes her pill each day as directed. Other Birth Control Methods To further reduce your pregnancy risk and to enhance your peace of mind, consider using condoms during sex or pulling out before ejaculating and ejaculating somewhere else such as into a towel or tissue or on her stomach or back. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Pregnancy aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/order-stop-ejaculating-asleep/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/order-stop-ejaculating-asleep/#comments Thu, 07 Jan 2010 14:00:05 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1315 http://kinseyconfidential.org/order-stop-ejaculating-asleep/feed/ 1 http://kinseyconfidential.org/common-swing-lifestyle/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/common-swing-lifestyle/#comments Mon, 04 Jan 2010 14:00:26 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1317 http://kinseyconfidential.org/common-swing-lifestyle/feed/ 0 3:16 How Common is Swinging There are very few good studies on the swinging lifestyle in the United States let alone population based studies that would allow ... How Common is Swinging There are very few good studies on the swinging lifestyle in the United States let alone population based studies that would allow us to guess at just how common or rare swinging is. The data that we do have suggest that swinging is relatively uncommon in the United States. However, uncommon doesnrsquo;t mean that itrsquo;s right or wrong ndash; it just means that a minority of men and women engage in it. From Clubs to Living Rooms Swinging is also practiced in different ways. Some swinging, as you may know, takes place in club settings in which people may private membership dues to belong to the club. Other times, swinging takes place in the context of private parties that may occur in peoplersquo;s homes or in privately rented space at a club, bar or hotel. There are also swingers conventions that take place in cities around the world and that may draw as many as a few hundred or a few thousand adult women and men to come to a resort or hotel, to learn about whatrsquo;s new in the swing lifestyle, and to possibly meet new friends and partners. Rules and Regulations There are also different ways that swinging takes place. Some clubs or parties do not allow single men into the scene whereas others do. On the contrary, single women are more often allowed into swing events as they are, quite frankly, more often in demand for sex play. Couples themselves have their own rules on what will or wonrsquo;t work for them. Some couples decide that they will only engage in sex that occurs together whereas others enjoy splitting up and having sex with other people in private settings at the club or party or in their own home. Joining a Group There are also swing organizations that work in different ways. Some groups are open to anyone who is willing to sign up, join in and/or pay for an entry fee or a membership. Others are highly restrictive and may require that you be invited by an existing member or that you submit photographs or write essays before you are allowed to join. Risks and Rewards So while swinging is not entirely common, it is not terribly rare either. It is practiced by enough people that there are events that consist of hundreds or thousands of attendees. And while some people find that swinging is not for them, that they are too worried about sexual infection risk or unable to comfortable handle issues related to jealousy or communication, others very much enjoy the novelty and pleasure found in a swinging lifestyle. And aside from the sex, some women and men appreciate the new friendships that come from being sexual with others. More Information To learn more about swinging and having more than one lover, check out the book Opening Up. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Relationships,,Love aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/genital-warts-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/genital-warts-sex/#comments Mon, 21 Dec 2009 14:00:47 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1312 http://kinseyconfidential.org/genital-warts-sex/feed/ 0 3:04 Many men and women have questions about the human papillomavirus ndash; also called HPV ndash; particularly given how often HPV is in the media these ... Many men and women have questions about the human papillomavirus ndash; also called HPV ndash; particularly given how often HPV is in the media these days thanks to news about two vaccines, Gardisil and Cervarix, that can prevent the transmission of some strains of HPV. The short answer to your question is that yes, it is indeed ethical ndash; and common ndash; to have sex after having been diagnosed with genital warts, which are caused by HPV. Now for the longer explanation. What to Know About HPV There are more than 100 strains of HPV. Somewhere around 40 of these can affect the genital skin. Only a few of these strains can cause genital warts. And only a few of these strains are linked to cancer. However, the strains that cause genital warts do not cause cancer, so if you have been diagnosed with genital warts that does not mean that you have strains that are linked to various cancers. That doesnrsquo;t mean that you donrsquo;t have any of the HPV strains that have been linked to cancer ndash; in fact, you might. But you know what? Many, many people have been exposed to HPV and very few of them ever develop cancer. Just because an HPV strain has been linked to cancer does not mean that it will cause cancer. Most people with HPV do not ever develop cancer. In fact, most people with HPV do not experience any noticeable or problematic symptoms of infection. Living With HPV An estimated 60-80% of sexually active women and men will be exposed to HPV over their lives. The vast majority of them continue to have sex after they have been exposed to HPV or diagnosed with genital warts. So yes, you can continue to have sex and to seek out meaningful, pleasurable relationships with others. That said, it would be kind and responsible of you to tell past and future partners about your diagnosis of genital warts. You may or may not pass HPV on to your partners. You cannot cure yourself of the virus at the present time. Then again, they may also have strains of HPV that they will pass onto you. Many people who have HPV donrsquo;t even know it. More Information To learn more about HPV, visit the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention's web site. Content,Type,,Health,,Disease,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/feel-restricted-sex-life-girlfriend/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/feel-restricted-sex-life-girlfriend/#comments Thu, 10 Dec 2009 14:00:56 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1294 http://kinseyconfidential.org/feel-restricted-sex-life-girlfriend/feed/ 2 3:12 Irsquo;m sorry to hear that your sex life isnrsquo;t as enjoyable or as exciting as you wish it were and that you feel limited in ... Irsquo;m sorry to hear that your sex life isnrsquo;t as enjoyable or as exciting as you wish it were and that you feel limited in the ways that you can express your affection to or attraction for you girlfriend. It can be difficult not to take those types of limits to heart or to feel frustrated by these restrictions. It sounds as though your girlfriend, too, experiences both emotional and possibly physical difficulties in regard to her sexuality. I canrsquo;t help but wonder, for example, what she means by oral sex bringing back bad memories for her. Everyone is entitled to keep secrets that make sense for them and it is certainly not the case that she should have to share information with you if she is not yet ready or able to. History of Sexual Abuse However, if she has a past history of having been abused as a child or if she had uncomfortable, painful or nonconsensual experiences of sex as a teenager or adult, it is very possible that this past continues to have an impact on her. She may or may not be ready to deal with these issues either on her own or with a therapist, but at some point she may find that in order to have a more comfortable, pleasurable or satisfying sexual experience, that she may need to. Vulvodynia In terms of vaginal touching, does she not want you to touch her vaginal because of these same bad memories? Or does it hurt for her vagina or vulva to be touched for other reasons? Some women ndash; perhaps as many as 10 to 15% of women ndash; experience genital pain that can result from daily activities such as bike riding or sitting at a desk, as well as from sexual activities. To learn more about vulvodynia (which means vulvar pain), you or your girlfriend can visit the web site of the National Vulvodynia Association, which is www.nva.org. More Information If your girlfriend has a history of having been sexually abused or assaulted, she may find it helpful to read The Courage to Heal or to meet with a therapist. She can find one through the American Psychological Associationrsquo;s web site which is www.apa.org. In the mean time, you two may also be able to find comfortable ways of connecting in intimate ways that take you away from the unsuccessful things that yoursquo;ve tried together and more into new ways of exploring. Consider getting together and reading For Each Other: Sharing Sexual Intimacy for creative ideas about exploring together. Content,Type,,Pleasure,,Orgasm,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No