http://kinseyconfidential.org Just another WordPress weblog Sat, 13 Mar 2010 17:03:39 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 en hourly 1 2006-2007 aschweig@indiana.edu (Kinsey Confidential) aschweig@indiana.edu (Kinsey Confidential) posts 1440 Just another WordPress weblog Kinsey Confidential Kinsey Confidential aschweig@indiana.edu No no http://kinseyconfidential.org/wp-content/themes/kinsey/images/kinsey-podcast-300.jpg http://kinseyconfidential.org 144 144 http://kinseyconfidential.org/normal-fantasize-sex-random-women/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/normal-fantasize-sex-random-women/#comments Thu, 11 Feb 2010 14:00:18 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1373 http://kinseyconfidential.org/normal-fantasize-sex-random-women/feed/ 0 3:17 Everyone Does It Yes, it is very common for women and men to fantasize about people other than their own partner. In fact, a study published ... Everyone Does It Yes, it is very common for women and men to fantasize about people other than their own partner. In fact, a study published in 2001 in The Journal of Sex Research found that, among 349 women and men ages 18 to 70, all of whom were in relationships at the time of the study, 98% of men and 80% of women said that they had fantasized about someone other than their partner over the previous 2 months. Why fantasize about someone else? Some people find it very stimulating to think about having sex with a friend, a co-worker, a classmate, a total stranger or even a celebrity. These fantasies may occur alone during masturbation or even in the middle of having sex with onersquo;s partner. Bucking the Routine The 2001 research study also found that sexual fantasies about other people are more common as people tend to stay together longer. This makes sense: as much as people may feel committed to each other, sex does tend to change in long term relationships. Couples tend to have sex less often with each other and, when they do have sex, it may feel more routine or less exciting than it did at first. As they look for ways to enhance their arousal and pleasure, they may find that fantasizing about others helps or is fun to do. Mental Infidelity Whether you consider this to be ldquo;cheatingrdquo; or not is more up to you than me. People have their own definitions of what cheating is so it is important for couples to communicate and decide what is or is not okay in the context of their own relationship. Most people would probably not consider fantasizing about others to be cheating ndash; particularly as most women and men do fantasize about people other than their partner. However, some might feel that it feels wrong or inappropriate to them. Fantasy vs. Real Life Sexual fantasies allow people to explore their sexual feelings in often very safe ways. In fantasy, you can explore sides of yourself without having to worry about what is politically correct or who is or is not actually available to you in real life. People can act out romantic sexual fantasies or very explicit no-feelings-involved sexual fantasies. They can be powerful or submissive, have sex with one person or many, or approach a stranger or even a long lost, high school love for sex, massage, making out or to become pregnant. Then, in the blink of an eye, one can turn the fantasy off, return to regular life or return to thinking about onersquo;s own partner. More Information To learn more about sexual fantasies and exploration, consider reading The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex or The Guide to Getting It On. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Relationships,,Love aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/boyfriend-masturbate-porn/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/boyfriend-masturbate-porn/#comments Thu, 24 Dec 2009 14:00:57 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1310 http://kinseyconfidential.org/boyfriend-masturbate-porn/feed/ 1 2:53 Men and Women... and Porn Many women and men are raised in what may as well be two totally different worlds. Very often, girls are raised with ... Men and Women... and Porn Many women and men are raised in what may as well be two totally different worlds. Very often, girls are raised with the belief that porn ndash; which can be difficult to define in the first place ndash; is either wrong or a sign that a man is not as interested in or committed to his partner as he should be. On the other hand, many boys are raised to believe that it is common or normal to watch porn and that it can make masturbation or sex more exciting. Thatrsquo;s not to say that all men watch porn or like porn; they donrsquo;t. Itrsquo;s also not to say that some women donrsquo;t enjoy porn ndash; in fact, a growing number of women seem to be accessing porn, particularly as more women-centered porn images and videos are created. Porn's Affect on Relationships But in the United States, most men have watched porn, particularly as part of their masturbation, and it doesnrsquo;t necessarily mean that they are not satisfied with their relationship or their sex life. It may just be that your boyfriend has watched porn on and off throughout his life, perhaps starting as an older child or a teenager or young adult, and that he still enjoys doing so even now. Talking it Through You might try talking with your boyfriend about his masturbation and the fact that he watches porn. If you two talk about this, try to approach the issue with an open mind and a genuine interest in learning more about his experiences and where hersquo;s coming from. He may have a very different perspective on porn than you do. If he says that he is indeed attracted to you and satisfied with your sex life together, try talking about how you can approach the porn issue. Is there a way that you can learn to live with the fact that he watches porn? Is he willing to watch it less often or to not watch it in front of you? Or even to give up watching porn? Are you interested in finding some type of porn, or even educational videos about sex, that you two could watch together? There are a many different ways that couples negotiate their private and shared sexual lives and no ldquo;rightrdquo; or ldquo;wrongrdquo; way to figure this out. Find Out More Check out The Guide to Getting It On for more information about the many different ways that women and men experience their sexuality. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Relationships,,Love aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/genital-warts-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/genital-warts-sex/#comments Mon, 21 Dec 2009 14:00:47 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1312 http://kinseyconfidential.org/genital-warts-sex/feed/ 0 3:04 Many men and women have questions about the human papillomavirus ndash; also called HPV ndash; particularly given how often HPV is in the media these ... Many men and women have questions about the human papillomavirus ndash; also called HPV ndash; particularly given how often HPV is in the media these days thanks to news about two vaccines, Gardisil and Cervarix, that can prevent the transmission of some strains of HPV. The short answer to your question is that yes, it is indeed ethical ndash; and common ndash; to have sex after having been diagnosed with genital warts, which are caused by HPV. Now for the longer explanation. What to Know About HPV There are more than 100 strains of HPV. Somewhere around 40 of these can affect the genital skin. Only a few of these strains can cause genital warts. And only a few of these strains are linked to cancer. However, the strains that cause genital warts do not cause cancer, so if you have been diagnosed with genital warts that does not mean that you have strains that are linked to various cancers. That doesnrsquo;t mean that you donrsquo;t have any of the HPV strains that have been linked to cancer ndash; in fact, you might. But you know what? Many, many people have been exposed to HPV and very few of them ever develop cancer. Just because an HPV strain has been linked to cancer does not mean that it will cause cancer. Most people with HPV do not ever develop cancer. In fact, most people with HPV do not experience any noticeable or problematic symptoms of infection. Living With HPV An estimated 60-80% of sexually active women and men will be exposed to HPV over their lives. The vast majority of them continue to have sex after they have been exposed to HPV or diagnosed with genital warts. So yes, you can continue to have sex and to seek out meaningful, pleasurable relationships with others. That said, it would be kind and responsible of you to tell past and future partners about your diagnosis of genital warts. You may or may not pass HPV on to your partners. You cannot cure yourself of the virus at the present time. Then again, they may also have strains of HPV that they will pass onto you. Many people who have HPV donrsquo;t even know it. More Information To learn more about HPV, visit the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention's web site. Content,Type,,Health,,Disease,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/defining-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/defining-sex/#comments Tue, 13 Oct 2009 11:00:42 +0000 Eric Anthony Grollman (M.A.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/defining-sex/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/open-relationships-dysfunctional/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/open-relationships-dysfunctional/#comments Mon, 13 Jul 2009 14:00:58 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/qa-open-relationships-dysfunctional/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/open-relationships-dysfunctional/feed/ 1 3:27 People work out their relationships in numerous ways. In American culture, serial monogamy is one of the more commonly practiced relationship structure among couples ndash; ... People work out their relationships in numerous ways. In American culture, serial monogamy is one of the more commonly practiced relationship structure among couples ndash; especially those that identify as heterosexual. Serial Monogamy The term ldquo;serial monogamyrdquo; refers to the practice of having more than one relationship in onersquo;s lifetime, but having each of the relationships be monogamous. You may know someone who fits into this mold if you perhaps have a friend who had a monogamous relationship when she was in her early twenties and after it ended she may have dated other people for a few months or a few years until she found someone else to be in a monogamous relationship, and so on. Not One "Right" Way Although this is a common structure for many couples, it is by no means the only way to have a satisfying, enjoyable, or meaningful relationship. Some couples ndash; like you and your husband ndash; prefer to be in an open relationship and there is no reason to believe that the desire to be in an open relationship is related to anything psychologically wrong or damaging. There is nothing necessarily ldquo;wrongrdquo; with people for wanting to be in an open relationship just as there is nothing necessarily ldquo;wrongrdquo; with people for wanting to be in a monogamous relationship. They are simply different relationship preferences, each with their own challenges and advantages. As you likely know, there are many different ways to have open relationships just as there are different ways to have monogamous relationships. In some open relationships, only one partner has sex with other people. In other open relationships, both partners may have sex with people besides their primary partner. Some couples are very specific about what types of sex acts can occur with other people and, for some, only sex in which they both participate with others (such as threesomes or group sex) are permitted. Less Social Support Because open relationships are less commonly talked about in mainstream American culture, there is less social support for them. Some researchers believe that this lower level of social support can make open relationships challenging to sustain. This doesnrsquo;t mean that open relationships canrsquo;t make it over the long term, but it does mean that it can be helpful to identify friends or family who will support you and the choices you make that help you to feel whole, healthy, happy and satisfied. Recommended Reading In recent years, more books have been written about open relationships and the unique challenges that come with these relationships as well as the relationship and communication skills that can be helpful in helping them to thrive. For additional perspectives and insights, you might find it helpful to read The Ethical Slut or Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Relationships,,Love aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/intercourse-ending-long-relationship/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/intercourse-ending-long-relationship/#comments Mon, 18 May 2009 14:00:42 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/qa-intercourse-long-relationship/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/intercourse-ending-long-relationship/feed/ 0 2:59 Irsquo;m not certain if yoursquo;re asking how likely it is that a woman will have intercourse with other people at any point in her life ... Irsquo;m not certain if yoursquo;re asking how likely it is that a woman will have intercourse with other people at any point in her life after a relationship ends or how likely it is that she will have intercourse with other men within a relatively short period of time after her long-term relationship ends. Of course, women vary and one answer will not be accurate for all women. It is true that some women ndash; like some men - have one and only love, or one and only sexual partnership, and never have another. This was particularly true among older generations. New Partnerships But even among older women and men now, whose spouses die after a marriage that may have spanned several decades, some people do begin new romantic or sexual relationships. Some begin these new partnerships soon after their partner dies, or soon after they divorce or separate, and others may take longer to begin a new partnership. With younger people, there is also some variation. However, most young people ndash; if their relationship ends for whatever reason ndash; will likely have another romantic or sexual relationship in their lives. After all, for most people, life is quite long and is full of opportunities for meeting people and experiencing attraction or love. Also, most people want to spend large portions of their lives engaged in loving, intimate and/or sexual relationships with another person. Many Factors That said, there are many factors that influence how long a person may wait before they enter a sexual relationship with someone after a relationship has ended. Some people jump rather quickly into a new sexual partnership perhaps because they miss being sexual with another person, or maybe because theyrsquo;ve simply met someone who they feel very comfortable with or attracted to. Other people take a longer time to begin a new sexual partnership. They may do this consciously, by deciding to wait a certain number of weeks or months before dating again or getting involved with someone. Or they may do this unconsciously ndash; they may, for example, find that they feel too hurt, sad, depressed or uncomfortable about being sexual with someone new. Recommended Reading To learn more about how to move on emotionally and physically following the end of a relationship, check out How to Survive the Loss of a Love. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Relationships,,Love aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/family-webisodes-spotlight-polyamory/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/family-webisodes-spotlight-polyamory/#comments Wed, 08 Apr 2009 14:01:15 +0000 Natalie Ingraham (M.P.H.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=960 http://kinseyconfidential.org/family-webisodes-spotlight-polyamory/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/women-sex-science-kinsey-style/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/women-sex-science-kinsey-style/#comments Fri, 13 Mar 2009 16:12:53 +0000 Natalie Ingraham (M.P.H.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=947 http://kinseyconfidential.org/women-sex-science-kinsey-style/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/playing-catchup/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/playing-catchup/#comments Mon, 09 Mar 2009 16:13:36 +0000 Natalie Ingraham (M.P.H.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=939 http://kinseyconfidential.org/playing-catchup/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/communicating-sex-matters/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/communicating-sex-matters/#comments Mon, 09 Mar 2009 13:02:26 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=938 http://kinseyconfidential.org/communicating-sex-matters/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/robotic-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/robotic-sex/#comments Mon, 02 Mar 2009 14:00:30 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=868 http://kinseyconfidential.org/robotic-sex/feed/ 0 2:58 Often when women and men describe sex as "robotic", what they are really noticing is a lack of connection with their partner. When two people ... Often when women and men describe sex as "robotic", what they are really noticing is a lack of connection with their partner. When two people aren't connecting emotionally during sex, then all that's left are the physical aspects to sex, which can feel like they're "going through the motions". This can happen for a variety of reasons and, since it is important to you to improve the sexual aspects of your relationship with your girlfriend, it may be worth talking to her about in a way that doesn't come across as judgmental or critical. Not "Robotic" Try not to describe the sex as "robotic" when you talk to her, as she may be trying very hard to please you and may feel sensitive to criticism. Instead, try sharing your hopes for your sex life together and what you'd like to see more of, such as more connection, relaxation, and time spent giving each other pleasure - whether or not you live up to any standard of what sex should be like. Some people find it difficult to relax, let go and get into sex, and this can lead to sex that feels less connecting. Perhaps your girlfriend has had second thoughts about her decision to have sex with you, or wonders in some ways if she is ready to have sex, or if she wants to have the types of sex that you two are having. Other Worries And Anxiety Other concerns can get in the way, too. For example, is it possible that she is worried or anxious about pregnancy or infection? What types of conversations have you two had around these issues? Other times people find it difficult to let go and connect with their partner, sexually, because they aren't quite sure what to do. They may have read books or magazine articles about sex, and may be thinking in their heads about the things they are "supposed" to do rather than touching their partner in ways that feel pleasurable and sensuous to them. To make sex feel more pleasurable and connecting, it can help to talk to each other about sex, and it can also be helpful to learn to touch each other in enjoyable ways - even when you're not actually having sex. Recommended Reading The book For Each Other: Sharing Sexual Intimacy provides detailed exercises that couples can use to learn to touch each other in pleasurable ways, in and out of the bedroom. Spending time cuddling, massaging each other and really listening to each other can help move your sex from feeling robotic to feeling just the right mix of comforting and exciting. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Relationships,,Love aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/sex-dreams-marital-infidelity/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/sex-dreams-marital-infidelity/#comments Thu, 05 Feb 2009 14:00:27 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=848 http://kinseyconfidential.org/sex-dreams-marital-infidelity/feed/ 1 3:11 We get quite a lot of questions about sexual fantasies and with good reason: fantasies are a part of a person's sexual life that differs ... We get quite a lot of questions about sexual fantasies and with good reason: fantasies are a part of a person's sexual life that differs from reality in important ways. In fantasy, a person can do whatever they like and feel safe doing it. They can imagine doing things that they might never do in real life, for whatever reason - either because it's not actually appealing to them in real life or because they would feel too scared, threatened, or uncomfortable in real life. In fantasy, however, a person can control every detail of a sexual experience and make it a perfect, arousing, enjoyable experience. Fantasies Not Necessarily Reality The fact that your wife has had dreams or fantasies of lesbian sex, sex with multiple men and sex with men she does not know does not, in and of itself, mean that you are losing her, that she wants to have sex with other people or that there is anything troubling about her sexuality or your relationship together. In fact, it is quite common for women and men to have fantasies of different types of sex. The fact that your wife feels comfortable sharing the details of her sexual dreams and fantasies with you may suggest that she feels close to you, and that she trusts you to listen to her otherwise private thoughts. In other words, rather than signaling anything troubling about your relationship, her sharing her fantasies with you may actually be a sign of something very positive, safe and trusting about your relationship. That said, it is true that sometimes women and men secretly wish that they could have sex with someone else. That doesn't mean that they will actually do so; it often is just a sign of the strength of the human sex drive. Perhaps you can recall a time when you have seen someone who you found very attractive and wondered what it was like to be sexual with them. Just because people have these thoughts does not necessarily mean that their relationship is in trouble. Talk To Her About Your Concerns If you have questions about your wife's sexual fantasies, or her feelings for you, try talking to her in a gentle way that suggests you want to understand and connect with her, rather than judge her. As for her orgasm ability, it is quite common for women to find it difficult to orgasm. It tends to be easier for men to orgasm than it is for women, especially during vaginal intercourse, and many women stimulate themselves to orgasm. To Learn More You can learn more about both fantasy and female orgasm in the book For Each Other: Sharing Sexual Intimacy. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Relationships,,Love aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/thinking-aloud-sex-relationships/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/thinking-aloud-sex-relationships/#comments Wed, 04 Feb 2009 18:28:18 +0000 Natalie Ingraham (M.P.H.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=893 http://kinseyconfidential.org/thinking-aloud-sex-relationships/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/sexual-communication-talking-about-virginity/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/sexual-communication-talking-about-virginity/#comments Mon, 02 Feb 2009 14:00:48 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=846 http://kinseyconfidential.org/sexual-communication-talking-about-virginity/feed/ 0 3:07 Many people are uncertain about how to talk to others about sex, including the fact that they have not yet had sex, and itrsquo;s good ... Many people are uncertain about how to talk to others about sex, including the fact that they have not yet had sex, and itrsquo;s good of you to seek out information about what such communication might feel like for others. Awkwardness Factor I suppose the awkwardness factor depends on what you mean by talking to other people about the fact that yoursquo;re a virgin, as well as on the comfort level of the people you are talking to. For example, it might make people feel uncomfortable for you to talk about your virginity in a conversation that seemingly has nothing to do with either sex or virginity, like if the conversation were about school, basketball, shopping or the weather. If, however, you were in a conversation with friends, family or someone you liked in a romantic or sexual way, and you were already talking about personal issues such as your values or choices related to relationships and sexuality, then it might be something to bring up. Because many people do not have experience talking about sex and virginity, talking about these topics can indeed feel awkward at first. However, the awkwardness itself is not a reason to avoid these conversations. With practice, and by making the choice to have these conversations with people you feel close to and trust with your feelings, conversations about sexuality often become increasingly more comfortable and easy-going. To make sure that the other person feels comfortable, you can ask him or her whether the conversations feels comfortable for them. Talking About Sex Learning to talk about sexuality is important for many reasons. If it is important to you to let a potential boyfriend or girlfriend know that you are a virgin, then doing so may help you to feel more comfortable as you begin to get to know each other, hang out or date. If or when you decide to have sex, learning to talk about sexuality can help you to ask important questions of potential partners, such as questions about their values related to sexuality, their past sexual experiences or their history of having been tested for sexually transmissible infections. Feeling comfortable with sexual communication can also make it easier to discuss your sexual likes and dislikes, your interests and your boundaries, so that more of your sexual experiences have the potential to feel pleasurable. Learning to discuss sexuality issues can also make it easier for you to talk to your healthcare provider about your sexual and reproductive health. More On Sexual Communication To learn more about sexual communication, check out The Guide to Getting It On and For Each Other: Sharing Sexual Intimacy. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Relationships,,Love aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/aging-sexual-desire/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/aging-sexual-desire/#comments Thu, 22 Jan 2009 14:00:55 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=758 http://kinseyconfidential.org/aging-sexual-desire/feed/ 1 3:23 More often these days, people are talking more openly about desire - both in terms of how couples may have different levels of desire as ... More often these days, people are talking more openly about desire - both in terms of how couples may have different levels of desire as well as in terms of how desire often changes throughout one's lifetime. Desire Discrepancy Having different levels of desire - what we often call desire discrepancy - can be difficult for couples, as the person who wants more sex often feels as though they are pestering their partner, or they may feel as though they are not attracted or loved anymore when they ask for sex and their partner declines. The person who wants less sex, or none at all, may feel guilty or as if they are depriving their partner, and yet they may also feel bothered or annoyed at being asked so often for something that they have clearly said they do not want. Often when a couple notices these differences in desire, the changes have been building over time - even if they seem to have happened overnight. It may be that your wife hasn't enjoyed sex for some time and that she has only recently felt comfortable saying this to you. Or else perhaps she has long enjoyed having sex, but recent changes related to menopause, aging or medical conditions have made sex feel less pleasurable or enjoyable for her, or even painful. Significant Changes Around Menopause Sex changes significantly for many women around the time of menopause and she may find it helpful to speak with her healthcare provider about any changes she has noticed not only in relation to desire but also in regard to vaginal dryness, genital sensation, temperature changes or general bodily comfort. You two might also find it helpful to meet with a sex therapist to help you find ways to express and receive affection with each other, even if you don't actually have sex together for some time - if at all. Sometimes a person will stop wanting to be kissed or hugged, mainly because they worry that it will lead to sex. Perhaps your wife will be more open to meeting with a therapist, and working on your shared affection, if you assure her that you will not pressure her do anything she is not interested in (such as have sex). You might say, though, that because you value your relationship so much - including your ability to be affectionate and express love in ways such as kissing, hugging and cuddling - that you would like to see if there are ways that you can find pleasure and joy with each other. Recommended Reading The book For Each Other: Sharing Sexual Intimacy may be a helpful resource and you can find a sex therapist through the web site of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists. Content,Type,,Pleasure,,Orgasm,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/pregnancy-planning-deception/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/pregnancy-planning-deception/#comments Mon, 12 Jan 2009 14:00:27 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=552 http://kinseyconfidential.org/pregnancy-planning-deception/feed/ 0 2:58 While it is possible to get pregnant from taking a man's ejaculate from the condom and inserting it into your vagina, I wouldn't recommend it ... While it is possible to get pregnant from taking a man's ejaculate from the condom and inserting it into your vagina, I wouldn't recommend it - as you can imagine. You said yourself that the fact that you emptied his condom inside your vagina is something you cannot explain to yourself, even now, except to say, of course, that you want to become pregnant and he doesn't. A Betrayal Of Trust It takes two to tango for a reason, I suppose, and perhaps a major reason is that maintaining a healthy pregnancy and raising a child is often healthier for the child - and healthier for the couple - when it has been done without deception. By having sex with a condom, you and your husband have made the choice to not risk getting pregnant at the moment. And while he may have moments of wanting to have a baby with you, he also has hesitations. Taking his semen in secret is a betrayal of the trust that he gives you, and such deception could cause problems in your relationship. It can be difficult, and sensitive, for a couple to talk openly and honestly with each other about their feelings related to getting pregnant and yet communication is very important, as is honesty. Talk To Your Husband If you would like to become pregnant, please consider ways in which you could talk to your husband about this possibility rather than going about it in ways that betray his trust. He may have good reasons for not yet wanting to become pregnant together than go above and beyond money. Also, if you are serious about becoming pregnant, it would be a wise idea to talk to your gynecologist to learn whether there are any personal health issues that you might want to address now rather than once a pregnancy is already underway. He or she might also advise you on other issues related to having a healthy pregnancy, that you can start now, such as taking prenatal vitamins, avoiding cigarette smoke, diet and exercise. Learn More You can learn more about pregnancy by reading Our Bodies, Ourselves: Pregnancy and Birth. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Pregnancy aschweig@indiana.edu no No