http://kinseyconfidential.org Just another WordPress weblog Thu, 18 Mar 2010 14:00:23 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 en hourly 1 2006-2007 aschweig@indiana.edu (Kinsey Confidential) aschweig@indiana.edu (Kinsey Confidential) posts 1440 Just another WordPress weblog Kinsey Confidential Kinsey Confidential aschweig@indiana.edu No no http://kinseyconfidential.org/wp-content/themes/kinsey/images/kinsey-podcast-300.jpg http://kinseyconfidential.org 144 144 http://kinseyconfidential.org/pornography-looks-good-feels-good/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/pornography-looks-good-feels-good/#comments Thu, 17 Dec 2009 19:09:11 +0000 J. Bradley Blankenship (M.S.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1342 http://kinseyconfidential.org/pornography-looks-good-feels-good/feed/ 1 http://kinseyconfidential.org/how-long-should-sex-last/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/how-long-should-sex-last/#comments Thu, 15 Oct 2009 13:00:59 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1237 http://kinseyconfidential.org/how-long-should-sex-last/feed/ 1 3:12 Many men feel pressure in regard to their sexual performance with a partner. As a result, one of the more common questions that we get ... Many men feel pressure in regard to their sexual performance with a partner. As a result, one of the more common questions that we get about sex has to do with learning to last longer during sex. Masturbating to Pornography Yoursquo;re not alone in feeling as though your quick ejaculation during masturbation while watching porn may be influenced by years of feeling as though you had to hurry up so that you didnrsquo;t get caught. Quite a lot of men attribute their quick ejaculation to feeling as though they needed to come quickly before someone found them masturbating or watching porn. How Long Sex Lasts The fact that you can last as long as 5 or 10 minutes during masturbation without porn is encouraging. In spite of common myths about sex, itrsquo;s common or sex to last for less than 15 minutes. Some couples spend 1 or 2 minutes in intercourse, others spend closer to 5 minutes, and some last for 10 minutes, 20 minutes or longer. With experience and practice, men often find that they can increase their control over the timing of their ejaculation. Exercises to Try At home, you can practice the stop-start and squeeze techniques during masturbation. This is how they work: begin by stimulating yourself as usual. Then, just before you get to the point of no return ndash; when you will ejaculate no matter what ndash; either stop all stimulation to your penis by removing your hand (for the stop-start technique) or gently squeeze the head of your penis (for the squeeze technique). Then, as your arousal starts to subside a little, begin stimulating your penis again and then repeat the cycle. As you try these exercises, pay attention to the sensations in your penis, scrotum or in other parts of your body. What types of feelings do you notice as you get closer to feeling as though you are going to ejaculate? Some men notice a twitch in their leg muscles or a feeling in the area of their scrotum. Others notice their penis getting exceptionally hard as their excitement builds. With practice, you can learn to notice these sensations and then back off a little during masturbation or sex by staying still, stopping all stimulation ndash; or when having sex with a partner ndash; by removing your penis and taking a few seconds off before re-inserting it or trying a new sex positions. Learn More You can learn more about ejaculation and menrsquo;s sexuality in The New Male Sexuality which highlights several additional tips and techniques for lasting longer during sex. You can learn more about this book and others on our Kinsey Confidential web site. Content,Type,,Homepage,Featured,,Pleasure,,Orgasm,,Podcast,,Special aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/sex-feel-like/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/sex-feel-like/#comments Thu, 05 Mar 2009 14:00:12 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=873 http://kinseyconfidential.org/sex-feel-like/feed/ 0 3:41 Given the lack of information about sex that is available to many young women and men, many people arenrsquo;t sure what to expect when it ... Given the lack of information about sex that is available to many young women and men, many people arenrsquo;t sure what to expect when it comes to sex ndash; what to do during sex as well as what sex feels like. Yoursquo;re wise to begin seeking out information about sex well before you even have sex so that, by the time you do have sex, your expectations will be fair and reasonable. High Expectations Unfortunately, due to romanticized depictions of sex in porn, Hollywood movies, on television shows, and in books, some people have unrealistically high expectations of sex. These expectations can set the bar so high that no one can live up to them. Men may expect that erections will be easy to get or maintain, or that they will be able to last a long time before they ejaculate. Women may expect that sex will feel comfortable or that they will be able to orgasm easily, or from a certain position. Both women and men may have the expectation that sex will feel fantastic or, as is often said in magazines, ldquo;mind-blowingrdquo;. Different For Different People Any of these expectations can set the bar too high for sex. The reality is that sex feels different for people at different times. The first time that a couple has sex, it may feel a little bit awkward unless the two people have talked about sex, their feelings about having sex together, their concerns about pregnancy or infection, and what it means for their friendship or relationship. Even after communicating about sex, going forward with it can still feel awkward. When sex is something that both people want, and they take their time going into it and check in with each other to make sure they both still want to do everything they are doing, then they have a better chance at having sex that feels pleasurable. Itrsquo;s when two people donrsquo;t talk to each other about their sexual choices, and go into sex without having thoughts about how it might affect them personally or as a couple, that therersquo;s a higher likelihood of either having sex that feels unpleasurable, uncomfortable or even regrettable. How sex feels can also be influenced by a personrsquo;s mood, their partnerrsquo;s mood, how the relationship is going and whether one feels distracted by thinking about other things. The Physical Feeling Of Sex The way that sex feels, physically, depends on what type of sex it is. Since most people mean vaginal sex when they ask about ldquo;sexrdquo;, wersquo;ll focus on that. Vaginal sex can feel uncomfortable or painful for women the first few times that they have sex. Though part of this discomfort may be due to the tearing of a womanrsquo;s hymen, discomfort can also be caused when a woman feels nervous about sex or hasnrsquo;t spent much time in foreplay that would otherwise enhance her arousal. Spending time doing things that feel sexually exciting to her, or using a lubricant, can make sex feel more comfortable and pleasurable for a woman and her partner. Men, on the other hand, often describe vaginal sex as feeling warm and wet, and often a bit tight. If the fit of both bodies is uncomfortably tight, then, again, using a personal lubricant can help. Bodies,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/kinsey-playboy-magazine/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/kinsey-playboy-magazine/#comments Thu, 15 Jan 2009 22:18:17 +0000 Natalie Ingraham (M.P.H.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=779 http://kinseyconfidential.org/kinsey-playboy-magazine/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/why-do-men-watch-porn/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/why-do-men-watch-porn/#comments Mon, 08 Dec 2008 14:00:30 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=439 http://kinseyconfidential.org/why-do-men-watch-porn/feed/ 0 3:29 Because watching porn is a relatively common experience that many male teenagers share as they grow up together, men often grow up to see it ... Because watching porn is a relatively common experience that many male teenagers share as they grow up together, men often grow up to see it as a relatively typical, normal and healthy form of sexual expression. Not all men watch porn, of course - some have never seen it and others have seen it, but may feel guilty or shameful watching it, particularly if they have been raised with family, religious or cultural values that view masturbation or viewing sexual images as harmful, wrong or immoral. Others find porn to be funny, silly or un-arousing. Fewer Girls Than Guys Fewer girls, on the other hand, tend to have been exposed to sexual images while growing up. It is not nearly as common for women to describe many instances in which they purposely looked at sexually explicit images in magazines, videos or on the internet. In addition, many young women recall hearing negative things about porn from their mothers or from friends or older sisters. They may have heard that it was wrong for men to watch porn, or that watching porn is a sign of a bad partner, or a partner who is more likely to degrade women or to cheat on a woman. Any of these messages can make a woman feel understandably weary, distrustful or sad about growing up and finding that her boyfriend, fianceacute; or husband watched porn. Then again, some women enjoy watching porn as much as some men, so people do vary. Overcoming Difference In Gender and Experience There are many ways that couples come to term with these differences in gender and experience. Some couples look for sexual images that a woman can feel comfortable with and they may watch these together, as part of their sex play. If this interests you, look for titles by Candida Royalle, or browse a wider range of options at woman-oriented sex boutiques. Other times, a man may try to stop watching porn, though that can be difficult for some to do, especially if they feel that there is nothing wrong with it or if they feel judged, condemned or misunderstood by their partner. For many men, their watching porn is simply a part of their masturbation and a wider range of sexual activities, and not a reflection of their attraction, love or lust for their partner. And yet, if you are feeling insecure, worthless and sad because of your different feelings about porn, that can affect your relationship and your ability to feel safe, vulnerable and intimate together. Recommended Resources You may find that reading a book such as For Each Other: Sharing Sexual Intimacy can help you two to improve sexual communication and work around this issue, or else you may find that sex therapy can be helpful. You can find a sex therapist through the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Relationships,,Love aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/worlds-largest-porn-collection/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/worlds-largest-porn-collection/#comments Thu, 07 Feb 2008 22:55:25 +0000 Samantha Seeger http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/blog/2008/02/07/worlds-largest-collection/ Weekend section of the Indiana Daily Student. An "IU Mythbusters" article sheds light on some of IU's biggest campus myths. Included is the myth that The Kinsey Institute has the world's biggest "porn" collection. ]]> http://kinseyconfidential.org/worlds-largest-porn-collection/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/boyfriend-watches-porn/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/boyfriend-watches-porn/#comments Wed, 06 Feb 2008 18:51:00 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/blog/2008/02/06/qa-it-bothers-me-when-my-boyfriend-watches-porn/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/boyfriend-watches-porn/feed/ 0 3:14 Although it is common for many men and, to a lesser extent, women, to watch porn, it is also common for many people to have ... Although it is common for many men and, to a lesser extent, women, to watch porn, it is also common for many people to have questions or insecurities about their partnerrsquo;s choice to watch sexually explicit materials. Good To Be Aware Of Your Feelings There is nothing wrong with you for feeling anxious or uncomfortable about your boyfriendrsquo;s interest in porn. It is good that you are aware of your feelings. Many people use porn as part of their masturbation routine because it can be a quick, enjoyable or easy means of sexual arousal. This does not mean that it is more arousing than you or that your boyfriend prefers porn actresses to you; his use of porn may be part of a long-standing habit that says more about his masturbation routine than it does about his relationship with, or feelings for, you. I commend you for trying to communicate with your boyfriend and address the issue of how he can enjoy this part of his sexuality at the same time that you can come to feel comfortable it. Nothing To Worry About? You mentioned that when you talked to him about his, he said that his porn watching was not a big deal and that you had nothing to worry about. While he was likely trying to reassure you, it may be that you need more from the conversation in order to feel adequately reassured. You might consider approaching him again and saying something like, ldquo;I know that wersquo;ve discussed your watching porn before, and I understand that this feels normal to you, but it would help me to talk to you more about my fears so that I can learn to feel better about this.rdquo; In relationships, it is good to voice your concerns rather than keep them secret, and you may find that conversations go more easily when you use ldquo;I messagesrdquo; where you express how you feel rather than focus on what someone else does (e.g., ldquo;When I think about you watching porn, I feel insecurerdquo; rather than ldquo;You make me feel insecurerdquo;). Sometimes it can be helpful to give your partner insight into your train of thought, as in ldquo;Sometimes when I think about you watching porn, I canrsquo;t help but wonder whether Irsquo;m pretty enough, sexy enough or arousing enough for you. I know you donrsquo;t mean for this to happen, but these are my feelings and Irsquo;d like to talk about this with you so that I can feel better about it.rdquo; Negotiating Boundaries You two may also want to negotiate boundaries. For example, just because you want to become okay with him watching porn does not mean that it is okay with you under all circumstances. If you donrsquo;t want to see it yourself, or you donrsquo;t want him watching it when you are home, it is okay to discuss that. Further Reading All relationships have their challenges and learning to communicate in gentle, respectful and effective ways is key. You may find the book The Relationship Cure by Dr. John Gottman to be a helpful resource. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Relationships,,Love aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/qa-women-and-pornography/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/qa-women-and-pornography/#comments Wed, 28 Nov 2007 21:03:31 +0000 Kinsey Confidential http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/blog/2007/11/28/qa-women-and-pornography/ Subscribe to the Podcast ]]> http://kinseyconfidential.org/qa-women-and-pornography/feed/ 0