http://kinseyconfidential.org Just another WordPress weblog Sat, 13 Mar 2010 17:03:39 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 en hourly 1 2006-2007 aschweig@indiana.edu (Kinsey Confidential) aschweig@indiana.edu (Kinsey Confidential) posts 1440 Just another WordPress weblog Kinsey Confidential Kinsey Confidential aschweig@indiana.edu No no http://kinseyconfidential.org/wp-content/themes/kinsey/images/kinsey-podcast-300.jpg http://kinseyconfidential.org 144 144 http://kinseyconfidential.org/experienced-orgasm-suggest/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/experienced-orgasm-suggest/#comments Thu, 11 Mar 2010 14:00:33 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1582 http://kinseyconfidential.org/experienced-orgasm-suggest/feed/ 0 3:38 A Common Problem Many women struggle with trying to learn to have an orgasm. Often, even very well educated women who feel comfortable with their own ... A Common Problem Many women struggle with trying to learn to have an orgasm. Often, even very well educated women who feel comfortable with their own bodies, open to their experience, and positive about sex still find it difficult to orgasm. Yoursquo;re certainly not alone in your experience. With time, patience and practice, most women are able to learn to orgasm so the chances that you will, too, are certainly in your favor. There are many different reasons why women take time to learn to orgasm. As much as you may have already learned about anatomy, you might find that there is more to learn that would be helpful. Know Your Anatomy Many medical texts, including their anatomical illustrations, do not accurately depict the clitoris. In fact, many donrsquo;t even show that the clitoris is larger than the frac14; to frac12; an inch of tissue that can be seen from the outside of a womanrsquo;s body. The clitoris extends backward into the body in two branches that may be stimulated from vaginal sex or other types of stimulation. This knowledge alone may give you different ideas for how to approach your body with stimulation. Also, newer research suggests that the clitoris, vagina and urethra are more interconnected than previously thought. The movement or stimulation of one may change the way that other parts of a womanrsquo;s genital or urinary tract feel. In addition, scientists are uncovering new information about different nerve pathways that may be linked to female orgasm and learning about these, such as from the book The Science of Orgasm, may be informative. Playing the Brain Game As helpful as information and education can be, so is the psychological process. You may find that spending time becoming highly aroused ndash; such as through touch or fantasy - helps you to experience greater pleasure during sex and may eventually help you learn to orgasm. Some women are easily distracted during sex - thinking about work, school, laundry, dinner, relationship issues or family ndash; and these distractions can make it difficult to relax, to let go and to focus on onersquo;s own arousal. Other times women donrsquo;t feel the type of intimacy or psychological excitement in their relationship that they find best helps them to experience pleasure or orgasm. Then there are situations in which women put so much pressure on themselves to orgasm that the pressure, stress and anxiety make it more difficult to orgasm. More Information If you are interested in learning more about orgasm, you may find it helpful to read Becoming Orgasmic: A Sexual and Personal Growth Program for Women or Because It Feels Good: A Womanrsquo;s Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction. Content,Type,,Pleasure,,Orgasm,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/turned-husband-rubs-clitoris/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/turned-husband-rubs-clitoris/#comments Thu, 18 Feb 2010 14:00:06 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1485 http://kinseyconfidential.org/turned-husband-rubs-clitoris/feed/ 0 3:06 Likes and Dislikes It may be helpful to know that not all women feel sexually excited from having their clitoris rubbed or their vaginal entrance licked. ... Likes and Dislikes It may be helpful to know that not all women feel sexually excited from having their clitoris rubbed or their vaginal entrance licked. Some women feel excited and lubricate when they engage in those behaviors; others do not. That does not mean that you wonrsquo;t feel physically excited by other types of sex or touch, though. Pregnancy It also does not mean that you canrsquo;t have a baby. A woman may become pregnant whether or not she lubricates or has an orgasm during sex. Your level of sexual excitement has nothing to do with your ability to become pregnant ndash; unless yoursquo;re avoiding sex because itrsquo;s not exciting. However, if you have concerns about your fertility or questions about how to improve your chances of becoming pregnant, check in with a gynecologist or your primary healthcare provider. Exploring During Sex I would encourage you and your partner to explore your sexuality in a broader, more expansive way and to pay attention to your emotional experience of sex rather than only your physical sensations. How does it feel when your husband touches your breasts, your inner thighs, or when he massages your back? How do you feel when you touch him on different parts of his body? You may find it pleasurable or informative to experience different types of touch together. Rubbing each othersrsquo; bodies with a massage cream or a lotion can feel very different, sensually speaking, than rubbing each other with dry hands. Using a slow rhythm can feel different than a quick rhythm. There are also clear differences between being touched or licked in ways that are gentle versus ways that are firm. As you two explore, you may find that you do enjoy being stimulated on your clitoris or around your vaginal entrance but that you prefer different types of touch or licks than you have previously been exploring. Or you may find that you donrsquo;t respond to genital stimulation as greatly as you respond to breast stimulation or to lots and lots of kissing. Thatrsquo;s okay. All women have different experiences from each other. More Information To learn more about exploring each otherrsquo;s bodies, as well as enhancing emotional intimacy, in ways that will promote more pleasurable sex, check out Because It Feels Good: A Womanrsquo;s Guide to Sexual Pleasure or For Each Other: Sharing Sexual Intimacy. Bodies,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/girlfriend-feel-bad-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/girlfriend-feel-bad-sex/#comments Mon, 15 Feb 2010 14:00:02 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1314 http://kinseyconfidential.org/girlfriend-feel-bad-sex/feed/ 0 3:12 Real Life Sex Sex is a curious thing that people react to in very different ways. Unfortunately, we donrsquo;t often see sex portrayed in very ... Real Life Sex Sex is a curious thing that people react to in very different ways. Unfortunately, we donrsquo;t often see sex portrayed in very nuanced ways in movies or on television. Sex is often shown as very erotic in movies or as highly exciting or sensation- or performance-focused in much mainstream porn. And yet in reality, people may experience many different emotions in connection with sexual expression and for any number of reasons. Being sexual with another person can make some people feel extremely vulnerable. After all, it involves taking off onersquo;s clothes, and for some people, sex can tap into the depth of their emotions. If they expect a lot of emotional closeness and donrsquo;t get it, they may feel lonely or sad. If they donrsquo;t or expect emotional closeness but their partner expresses emotions theyrsquo;re not ready for or feel able to deal with, they may feel uncomfortable or avoidant. The experience of sexual pleasure and orgasm can also tap into peoplersquo;s brain chemistry in ways that, as scientists, we donrsquo;t fully understand yet. There may be key physical differences that influence how some people feel during or after sex.nbsp; I have heard, for example, from several people who describe sadness associated with sex for reasons they donrsquo;t understand. Getting Help My suggestion would be to consider connecting with a trained sex therapist. Your girlfriend may find it helpful to speak with someone about her emotional experience of sexual expression. She can find a sex therapist through the Society for Sex Therapy and Research's website. She might also find it helpful to speak with a healthcare provider to determine if there are other mood or anxiety issues that may be bothering her more generally, even outside of sex. Expanding Your Repertoire In the meantime, you two might consider exploring a range of being intimate to better understand what helps her to feel good and what doesnrsquo;t. Perhaps there are certain types of physical intimacy, such kissing, cuddling, bathing together, or sensual touching, that will allow her pleasure without sadness. Also, although many women masturbate, some do not ndash; and thatrsquo;s okay. If shersquo;s not interested in self-pleasuring, thatrsquo;s alright. Many women have satisfying experiences of sexuality without incorporating masturbation into their lives. Finally, you two may enjoy reading For Each Other: Sharing Sexual Intimacy for tips on connecting in pleasurable ways. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Relationships,,Love aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/masturbate-facedown-sexual-problems/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/masturbate-facedown-sexual-problems/#comments Thu, 04 Feb 2010 14:00:26 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1358 http://kinseyconfidential.org/masturbate-facedown-sexual-problems/feed/ 1 3:15 Research in Masturbation The term traumatic masturbatory syndrome was first used in a 1998 article by a clinician who described four of his patients who masturbated ... Research in Masturbation The term traumatic masturbatory syndrome was first used in a 1998 article by a clinician who described four of his patients who masturbated face-down and who experienced sexual problems. However, the term has never been widely accepted by the sex research or therapy community. After all, just because four men who masturbated with this technique also had sexual problems does not mean that the masturbation technique caused the other sexual problems or that itrsquo;s an actual syndrome, let alone a traumatic syndrome. Although a face-down style of masturbation that involves rubbing against the bed appears to be less common than a style that involves a man laying on his back or sitting up, that doesnrsquo;t mean that face-down masturbation will cause sexual problems. However, sometimes men who rely on one and only way of masturbating find it difficult to orgasm from other types of masturbation or sexual stimulation such as oral sex or intercourse. New Techniques In my experiencing working with men, they can often ldquo;re-trainrdquo; their bodies to respond to a wider range of sexual stimulation by varying their masturbation technique. You might try, for example, masturbating with lots of lubricant sometimes, a small amount of lubricant other times and no lubricant at all on other occasions. You might try different paces or rhythms or using different hand techniques. Try to focus on experiencing pleasure rather than the goal of orgasm which can put pressure on your experience and make it even more difficult to come. You might even try masturbating less often. Sometimes, by masturbating less often you can build sexual tension in a way that makes it easier to orgasm when you do masturbate again. Resources If you continue to find it difficult to ejaculate, I would encourage you to speak with your healthcare provider about your experience. In some cases, medical conditions such as diabetes can contribute to menrsquo;s difficulty with ejaculation or orgasm. Sex therapy can be helpful as well in cases where the difficulty ejaculating makes men feel worried, anxious or concerned about dating or being sexual with another person. You can find a sex therapist in your area on Society for Sex Therapy and Research's website. Finally, reading The New Male Sexuality may be helpful as you explore a wider range of sexual pleasure. Content,Type,,Pleasure,,Orgasm,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/women-orgasms/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/women-orgasms/#comments Mon, 01 Feb 2010 14:00:30 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1360 http://kinseyconfidential.org/women-orgasms/feed/ 1 http://kinseyconfidential.org/boyfriends-penis-soft-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/boyfriends-penis-soft-sex/#comments Mon, 25 Jan 2010 14:00:00 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1361 http://kinseyconfidential.org/boyfriends-penis-soft-sex/feed/ 1 http://kinseyconfidential.org/bad-long-masturbating/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/bad-long-masturbating/#comments Thu, 21 Jan 2010 14:00:06 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1319 http://kinseyconfidential.org/bad-long-masturbating/feed/ 0 2:47 Different Experiences Men, like women, vary in terms of how they experience sexual arousal and orgasm. It is not unusual for men to describe feeling more ... Different Experiences Men, like women, vary in terms of how they experience sexual arousal and orgasm. It is not unusual for men to describe feeling more or less aroused, or more or less easily orgasmic, in response to different sexual behaviors or experiences. For example, some men find it easier to orgasm from intercourse than oral sex. Others find that itrsquo;s easier for them to orgasm, or quicker for them to orgasm, from masturbation than from vaginal or anal sex. So, it varies. Trying New Things Watching porn can be highly arousing to some men. If it helps you to feel very excited or aroused and you enjoy its role in your masturbation, that is not necessarily a bad thing. However, if you would like to try to enhance your arousal during masturbation in other ways, there are plenty of options. For example, you might try texting with a partner, trying different hand positions, using lubricant or no lubricant, fantasizing or trying sex toys such as the Fleshlight or a masturbation sleeve. What's the Reason Irsquo;d also like to ask you to consider whether you are lasting as long as 30 or 40 minutes without porn because you want to or because you canrsquo;t come sooner even if you try. If yoursquo;re taking your time and lasting longer to enjoy the sensations, then more power to you! If you find that you are unable to come sooner as much as you try, then expanding your masturbation routine, as described earlier, might help your body adapt to different types of stimulation. Even if you cannot come sooner, try to not let that trouble you. Masturbation is not the same as partnered sex and you may find that during sex with a partner, your experience of ejaculation and orgasm are quite different. More Information To learn more about ejaculation and learning to control the timing of your orgasm, check out The New Male Sexuality. Content,Type,,Pleasure,,Orgasm,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/gspot-magic-myth-researchers-myth/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/gspot-magic-myth-researchers-myth/#comments Tue, 12 Jan 2010 11:00:01 +0000 Eric Anthony Grollman (M.A.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/gspot-magic-myth-researchers-myth/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/gspot-magic-myth-researchers-myth/feed/ 6 http://kinseyconfidential.org/depression-contribute-erectile-problems/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/depression-contribute-erectile-problems/#comments Mon, 14 Dec 2009 14:00:32 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1295 http://kinseyconfidential.org/depression-contribute-erectile-problems/feed/ 0 3:10 Yes, the mind-body connection is absolutely important when it comes to menrsquo;s and womenrsquo;s experience of sexuality. Thatrsquo;s not to say that physical problems in ... Yes, the mind-body connection is absolutely important when it comes to menrsquo;s and womenrsquo;s experience of sexuality. Thatrsquo;s not to say that physical problems in and of themselves donrsquo;t get in the way of sex or cause sexual problems. It is certainly possible that your blood pressure problems are contributing to your erectile problems. Depression Can Affect Desire However, the mind is important too. Time and again, researchers have found that even mild depression can interfere with menrsquo;s and womenrsquo;s sexual experiences. Depression can contribute to problems with desire, erections and ease of orgasm. When people feel depressed, they may more easily allow distracting thoughts to get in the way of their arousal, which can contribute to erectile problems. If you find yourself saying negative things to yourself about your body, your sexuality, your fantasies or yourself more generally, these may be important to pay attention to. HIV/AIDS Transmission You also made a point to mention that your concern or anxiety about HIV/AIDS has gotten in the way of your being able to pursue a sexual relationship with another person. If you want to be intimate with another person, then it may be important for you to find a way to overcome this anxiety ndash; to realize that through careful decision making one can greatly reduce their risk of HIV or sexually transmissible infections (STI). For example, you and a partner could use condoms for oral, vaginal or anal sex. You and a partner could also agree to get tested together for HIV and other STIs prior to being sexual together.nbsp;In addition, you could be careful to only engage in low risk sexual activities together until you feel more comfortable and confident with each otherrsquo;s HIV status and testing. In short, you may be able to find ways of managing your anxiety around HIV transmission so that you can pursue a satisfying, healthy relationship with another adult. Yes, there is risk involved in sex ndash; but it is also risky to remain isolated and alone if what you want is to connect with another human being. More Information You may find it helpful to meet with a therapist who can help you to manage issues related to depression or anxiety as well as your sexual concerns. You can find a trained sex therapist through the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists at www.aasect.org. Content,Type,,Pleasure,,Orgasm,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/masturbate-sleep-normal/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/masturbate-sleep-normal/#comments Thu, 19 Nov 2009 14:00:11 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1279 http://kinseyconfidential.org/masturbate-sleep-normal/feed/ 1 3:20 Although uncommon, I have heard from quite a few men ndash; and a few women, too ndash; who have had experiences similar to yours. Itrsquo;s ... Although uncommon, I have heard from quite a few men ndash; and a few women, too ndash; who have had experiences similar to yours. Itrsquo;s unclear how many people act sexually during their sleep but when it does happen, people often donrsquo;t even know that they masturbate or attempt to be sexual with other people until they either approach someone for sex while sleeping or until they begin sharing a bed with a partner, at which point onersquo;s partner notices the behavior. In your case, your partner has noticed that yoursquo;ve been masturbating during your sleep. It seems fairly common for women and men to recall experiences of orgasm during sleep or even to wake up in the middle of the night and find that they are rubbing their genitals against the bed, possibly in the middle of a sexual dream. What Happens When You Sleep What is less common is active masturbation or sexual behavior while sleeping. As you are sleeping when this happens, you cannot know what you are doing. As such, you might ask your partner how it is that you are masturbating while sleeping. Are you using your hands? Rubbing against the bed? Do you tend to speak while masturbating? And are your eyes open or closed? Talking to a Healthcare Provider This type of information may help your healthcare provider to better figure out what may be happening during your sleep. You may even ask your healthcare provider about the possibility of being referred to a sleep clinic as sexual behavior during sleep ndash; what has been called sexsomnia or sleepsex - is often associated with sleep disorders. You may be able to undergo testing to determine how it is that your sleep cycles may be functioning. In some cases, medication can help to improve your sleep. Communicate With Your Partner In the mean time, you may find it helpful to talk with your partner about this behavior. It is unlikely a sign of a psychological condition. Rather, your sleep masturbation is more likely to be a symptom of a sleep disorder or to be a normal variation of sleep behavior. You and your partner might want to brainstorm about how to handle this while you decide whether you want to meet with a healthcare provider about it, which I would recommend doing. Some couples enjoy sleepsex or these types of sexual behaviors that occur while one person is asleep and the other is awake. Others feel uncomfortable in response to them. Problems With Sleepsex It can be important to seek attention from a healthcare provider as, in some cases, people have attempted to have non-consensual sex with others while asleep. In some instances, sleeping adults have even tried to have sex with children, and not recalled any of it after the fact. You can imagine how traumatic such an experience would be for everyone involved. To learn more about sexsomnia or sleepsex, please check in with your healthcare provider or a sleep clinic. Thank you for coming to us with your question. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/hooking-todays-rewards-1960s-sexual-revolution/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/hooking-todays-rewards-1960s-sexual-revolution/#comments Tue, 17 Nov 2009 11:00:12 +0000 Eric Anthony Grollman (M.A.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/hooking-todays-rewards-1960s-sexual-revolution/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/hooking-todays-rewards-1960s-sexual-revolution/feed/ 3 http://kinseyconfidential.org/women-easily-achieve-orgasm/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/women-easily-achieve-orgasm/#comments Mon, 16 Nov 2009 14:00:06 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1278 http://kinseyconfidential.org/women-easily-achieve-orgasm/feed/ 2 http://kinseyconfidential.org/boredom-expressing-desire-variety-bedroom/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/boredom-expressing-desire-variety-bedroom/#comments Thu, 08 Oct 2009 13:00:32 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1232 http://kinseyconfidential.org/boredom-expressing-desire-variety-bedroom/feed/ 0 3:15 It can be challenging enough to find someone to date or marry who has enough of the qualities that a person wants in a partner. ... It can be challenging enough to find someone to date or marry who has enough of the qualities that a person wants in a partner. Even more difficult is to find someone who has these qualities, who you like or love, who likes or loves you back and who just happens to have the same sexual preferences or desires as you do. Different Likes and Dislikes Given the complexities of love and attraction, then, itrsquo;s actually quite common to have different likes or dislikes in regard to sex. It is how couples work out those differences that matters. In your situation, you and your fianceacute; appear to be at a standstill in regard to sexual intimacy. You participate in the sexual activities that appear to bring him enjoyment and/or orgasm ndash; specifically, vaginal intercourse that follows a little bit of foreplay. However, he has made it clear to you that he does not want to participate in any of the sexual activities that you crave. Further, you seem to feel as though he is unfairly comparing you to other women he has had sex with or that he is suggesting something may be wrong with you because your body responds in a different way than other women he has had sex with. Power Dynamics and Frustration This is problematic for several reasons. You seem to feel misunderstood and maybe unheard in your relationship. This is important to pay attention to because if you feel as though you donrsquo;t have power or a voice in your romantic and sexual relationship, then those types of power dynamics can lead to feelings of helplessness or frustration. Because yoursquo;ve expressed significant concern about the future of your sex life together, I would recommend that you consider meeting together with a sex therapist. Find A Sex Therapist Consider approaching him about your need to find some way to have a more mutually pleasurable sex life and your hope that a trained sex therapist might be able to help you two with your concerns and frustrations. You can find a sex therapist in your area through the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapistsrsquo; web site or through the web site of the Society for Sex Therapy and Research. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Relationships,,Love aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/chemical-emotional-intimacy-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/chemical-emotional-intimacy-sex/#comments Mon, 28 Sep 2009 13:00:40 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1209 http://kinseyconfidential.org/chemical-emotional-intimacy-sex/feed/ 1 2:48 Womenrsquo;s and menrsquo;s bodies go through a variety of physical and chemical changes during sexual excitement and at the time of orgasm. Specifically, at orgasm, ... Womenrsquo;s and menrsquo;s bodies go through a variety of physical and chemical changes during sexual excitement and at the time of orgasm. Specifically, at orgasm, womenrsquo;s and menrsquo;s bodies release peak levels of a hormone called oxytocin. Oxytocin - The "Bonding Hormone" Although more research is needed to understand the relationship of oxytocin to our emotions, some people have described oxytocin as a sort of ldquo;bonding hormonerdquo; in that it may possibly influence us to feel more emotional or to feel closer or more connected to others. Women and men also release more prolactin at the time of orgasm, which is associated with feelings of contentment or satisfaction. Prolactin And Orgasm Again, we need more research to understand the role of prolactin in orgasm, both physically and in regard to our emotions, but it may be that the release of either of these hormones ndash; or other changes that happen at the time of orgasm ndash; may contribute to your emotional response. Many people, whether or not they feel sexually excited or experience orgasm as part of sex, feel overwhelmed for other reasons. They may connect sex with feelings of love, closeness or intimacy in ways that feel very emotional for them. Perhaps you enjoy being physically intimate in ways with your partner that bring up a range of feelings for you. Some women and men tear up, cry, or laugh during or after sex. Others smile uncontrollably or feel very sad, calm, relaxed or even excited. Not The Same For All Women And Men Not all women or men, for that matter, share the same feelings about sex, intimacy or orgasm. Also, sometimes peoplersquo;s experiences change over time or with different partners. Sometimes sex may feel very emotional or connecting with one partner, or at a certain time in a personrsquo;s life, and at other times it may feel invigorating, fun, lonely, exciting, sad, or neutral. Recommended Reading To learn more about physical and emotional experiences related to sex, check out The Science of Orgasm. Content,Type,,Pleasure,,Orgasm,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/vaginal-clamping-reaching-orgasm/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/vaginal-clamping-reaching-orgasm/#comments Mon, 08 Jun 2009 14:00:42 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/qa-vaginal-clamping-reaching-orgasm/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/vaginal-clamping-reaching-orgasm/feed/ 0 2:56 Thank you for your question. It is unusual to hear of such extreme muscular contractions to the extent that sex is painful for a woman's ... Thank you for your question. It is unusual to hear of such extreme muscular contractions to the extent that sex is painful for a woman's partner. Some people describe vaginismus, a condition that makes vaginal penetration difficult or impossible for some women, as being characterized by uncontrolled muscular spasms that are painful and prevent penetration. However, in research, these muscular spasms have not quite been identified even though womenrsquo;s experience of pain in very real. We do know that ndash; under normal, healthy conditions - women's pelvic muscles contract during orgasm, however these contractions are usually not painful for either partner. Some women and men have unusually strong contractions and it may be that physical therapy would be helpful for your friend. Consider Physical Therapy Some physical therapists actually specialize in pelvic floor issues so your friend may want to contact a physical therapist for more information, or start with her healthcare provider just to make sure that she is generally healthy. The National Vulvodynia Association and International Society for the Study of Vulvovaginal Disease may also be able to provide referrals to physical therapists who specialize in this area or for other vulvovaginal specialists who could be of help. Explore Other Ways Of Being Sexual In the mean time, your friend and her husband might try to explore other ways of being sexual. For example, they might explore a range of positions to see if the clamping occurs in all positions or just one or two. If the painful clamping occurs only during orgasm, then perhaps they could enjoy intercourse for the experience of pleasure but bring her to orgasm in other ways such as from oral sex, the use of a vibrator or hand stimulation. It may even be that the clamping is reduced or helped by learning to relax during sex. Recommended Reading If so, they may find that a book such as For Each Other: Sharing Sexual Intimacy, can be helpful by presenting various sexual exercises, tips and techniques for satisfying sexual exploration. Content,Type,,Pleasure,,Orgasm,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/trouble-maintaining-erection-time/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/trouble-maintaining-erection-time/#comments Mon, 01 Jun 2009 14:00:20 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/qa-trouble-maintaining-erection-time/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/trouble-maintaining-erection-time/feed/ 0 3:13 Nearly all men will experience difficulties getting or keeping an erection at some point in their lives. Unfortunately, not everyone knows this and so when ... Nearly all men will experience difficulties getting or keeping an erection at some point in their lives. Unfortunately, not everyone knows this and so when erection problems happen to them or their partner, they may worry that they have done something wrong. Performance Anxiety When erectile problems occur among young, healthy men, the cause is typically psychological. Many men experience what we sometimes call ldquo;performance anxietyrdquo; ndash; the stress or worry that they should be a good lover, give their partner an orgasm, have sex that lasts a certain length of time, or otherwise ldquo;performrdquo; sexually in a certain way. This type of stress ndash; like any other type of stress ndash; can make it difficult to experience pleasurable sex and to fully allow the process of sexual arousal to enhance onersquo;s erections. Concerns about pregnancy or infection can also make it difficult for a man to get or keep an erection. Communicating And Learning What Feels Right Other times, menrsquo;s erectile problems may be influenced by their inexperience at sex. When men are just beginning to have sex, they may not yet know how to move their bodies with their partnerrsquo;s bodies in ways that enhance their erection. Over time, men and their partners tend to learn more about their own and their partnerrsquo;s bodies such as what feels good, what doesnrsquo;t and what is more or less likely to lead to enhanced arousal and excitement for both people. That doesnrsquo;t mean that either person is doing anything ldquo;wrongrdquo; at the beginning of their relationship; it just means that it takes time for two people to learn what feels enjoyable and to practice communicating to each other about sex. If you and your boyfriend expect to have sex again, you might consider talking to each other about any concerns that you have about sex, including preventing pregnancy or infection. You might also find that talking about the pleasurable aspects of sex is helpful including what types of touch feel good, how you like to kiss or be kissed, and any sexual behaviors that you very much want to try versus those that you are not comfortable with or donrsquo;t want to try. Ongoing Erectile Problems Ongoing erectile problems may be a sign of diabetes, heart conditions or other medical conditions, which is why it is always important for men to discuss these issues with their healthcare provider if they continue or if they cause stress or worry. Often, however, erectile problems among younger men come and go, and tend to improve as men and their partners become more comfortable with each other and with sex. Recommended Reading You can learn more about these issues and others in The New Male Sexuality by Dr. Bernie Zilbergeld. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No