http://kinseyconfidential.org Just another WordPress weblog Thu, 18 Mar 2010 14:00:23 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 en hourly 1 2006-2007 aschweig@indiana.edu (Kinsey Confidential) aschweig@indiana.edu (Kinsey Confidential) posts 1440 Just another WordPress weblog Kinsey Confidential Kinsey Confidential aschweig@indiana.edu No no http://kinseyconfidential.org/wp-content/themes/kinsey/images/kinsey-podcast-300.jpg http://kinseyconfidential.org 144 144 http://kinseyconfidential.org/women-orgasms/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/women-orgasms/#comments Mon, 01 Feb 2010 14:00:30 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1360 http://kinseyconfidential.org/women-orgasms/feed/ 1 http://kinseyconfidential.org/defining-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/defining-sex/#comments Tue, 13 Oct 2009 11:00:42 +0000 Eric Anthony Grollman (M.A.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/defining-sex/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/hpv-genital-warts-contagious/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/hpv-genital-warts-contagious/#comments Mon, 31 Aug 2009 14:00:19 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=1180 http://kinseyconfidential.org/hpv-genital-warts-contagious/feed/ 0 3:10 HPV stands for the human papillomavirus. There are more than 100 strains of HPV and some of these strains are linked to problems with a ... HPV stands for the human papillomavirus. There are more than 100 strains of HPV and some of these strains are linked to problems with a womanrsquo;s cervix, including cervical cancer. Women and men who have certain strains of HPV may also get genital warts, which can be caused by the virus. People get HPV from sexual contact with other people. HPV can be transmitted during oral sex, vaginal sex or anal sex. HPV can even be transmitted from ldquo;dry sexrdquo;, when people rub their genitals together but donrsquo;t actually have intercourse. HPV is extremely common and, although most sexually active women and men have been exposed to HPV from a sexual partner, not everyone who has HPV knows that they have it. For example, as of now we donrsquo;t have reliable HPV tests for men so most men who have HPV may not know that they have it unless they have a more obvious symptom, such as noticeable genital warts. HPV Transmission HPV can be passed to other people during sexual contact. Because of this risk, people who have HPV or genital warts should tell their current or potential sexual partners that they have HPV. Although condoms cannot fully protect against HPV, since HPV is transmitted from skin contact and condoms do not cover all of a personrsquo;s genital skin, using a condom can certainly reduce the risk of transmission. HPV is a very common sexually transmissible infection, or STI. Both men and women can get HPV and both men and women can pass it on to their sexual partners. With time, people who have genital warts often find that they have fewer outbreaks. Also, warts typically do not cause any discomfort or pain. Some healthcare providers do not recommend treating warts as they often go away on their own. Other times, healthcare providers may recommend treatments for genital warts. If you are interested in learning more about your treatment options, ask your healthcare provider for more information. Learn More You can learn more about HPV and genital warts from the Centers for Disease Control and Preventionrsquo;s web site. You can also learn more about STIs and other important sexual health information by reading Our Bodies, Ourselves by the Boston Womenrsquo;s Health Book Collective. Content,Type,,Health,,Disease,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/qa-wife-uninterested-sexual-activities/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/qa-wife-uninterested-sexual-activities/#comments Mon, 17 Aug 2009 14:00:47 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/qa-wife-uninterested-sexual-activities/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/qa-wife-uninterested-sexual-activities/feed/ 1 3:38 Many couples have different levels of sexual desire as well as different types of things that they enjoy doing sexually. Sometimes these preferences cannot be ... Many couples have different levels of sexual desire as well as different types of things that they enjoy doing sexually. Sometimes these preferences cannot be changed. Other times, there is room for movement. Talk To Her My first suggestion would be to try to talk with your wife and let her know that you understand that she is not interested in, or does not enjoy, performing oral sex on you or having sex from behind, and that as much as you believe you would enjoy these sexual activities, you accept her choice. Of course, you have to be sincere about your acceptance if you say this! You might say, however, in your own words, that given that she is your wife and your lover, that you would like to understand more about what she does and doesnrsquo;t like sexually, and perhaps a bit about ldquo;whyrdquo; or ldquo;why notrdquo;. You might also suggest that you would like to share your desires and interests as well. Possibly The Result of Mis-Information Sometimes couples donrsquo;t enjoy certain activities for reasons they have never considered or because of mis-information that they have about a sexual behavior. For example, some women have heard from friends or family members that men want women to perform oral sex on them because they want to have power over them, or to control or degrade them. If your wife has heard this idea at different points in her life, she may have come to believe that. You can understand how, if this is her background, that she might not want to perform oral sex on you. Start Slowly Then again, she may not believe those types of things about fellatio, but she may simply not enjoy it. Performing oral sex on a man can be uncomfortable, especially if a manrsquo;s penis is particularly long or thick. If she indicates that she is open to trying oral sex, you might start slowly ndash; for example, you might negotiate a type of oral sex that she would feel physically or emotionally comfortable with. She may be more comfortable trying this on the bed rather than on her knees, or she may be more comfortable licking the shaft of your penis rather than taking your penis into her mouth. These are the types of details that you will want to discuss with your wife, no matter what type of sex acts you are thinking about approaching her about. Recommended Reading If you have a monogamous relationship, the challenge is to create a sexual relationship together that you can both feel good about. You may find that a book such as Because It Feels Good: A Womanrsquo;s Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction or For Each Other: Sharing Sexual Intimacy is helpful in exploring new ways of being sexual together. If you find it difficult to explore sex in mutually pleasurable ways, you may find it useful to meet together with a sex therapist ndash; you can find one near you at www.aasect.org. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Relationships,,Love aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/qa-strong-genital-odor-oral-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/qa-strong-genital-odor-oral-sex/#comments Mon, 10 Aug 2009 14:00:50 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/qa-strong-genital-odor-oral-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/qa-strong-genital-odor-oral-sex/feed/ 0 3:33 What yoursquo;re going through is a very common process for young women and men who are beginning to think about sharing their body with another ... What yoursquo;re going through is a very common process for young women and men who are beginning to think about sharing their body with another human being in a way that they have never chosen to do before. It is a big decision to make oneself physically and emotionally vulnerable to another person ndash; in this case, to let your boyfriend look at, touch, and ndash; yes ndash; even smell and taste your genitals. A Personal Choice The decision to have oral sex, or any other type of sex, is an enormously personal choice and nothing you should feel that you have to do if you donrsquo;t feel comfortable doing it. Your doctors are absolutely correct that all women have some type of vaginal odor. And you are correct and seemingly in tune with your body to notice that a womanrsquo;s natural vaginal odor tends to change throughout her menstrual cycle as her hormones change. Odors: Not Necessarily A Problem Interestingly, doctors are trained to be able to distinguish common vaginal odors from odors that signal a health problem. Many gynecologists use such as odor to help them make a diagnosis. The fact that you have asked your doctors about your vaginal odor suggests that you feel comfortable talking about your body with a healthcare provider. The fact that trained doctors have suggested your odor is nothing to worry about suggests that it is nothing unusual or indicative of a health problem. If your boyfriend has had oral sex or other types of sex before, or if he has fingered you or other girls before, he likely knows from experience that vaginas have different odors and that it may vary slightly from woman to woman, or from day to day. Even if he has never done any of these things, he has likely heard about vaginal odor from his friends. What you may not know is that many men and women enjoy the way that vaginas and penises smell. Some people chalk up genital odor as par for the course ndash; meaning itrsquo;s nothing they get excited about but nothing that bothers them either. Other people get enormously turned on by the way that their partner smells. Talk About Your Concerns If you want to try oral sex with your boyfriend, and the only thing getting in your way is your concern about odor, you might either just go ahead and try it or you might let your boyfriend know about your concerns. Doing so will give him an opportunity to reassure you of his excitement about being with you. Generally speaking, many healthcare providers do not recommend feminine hygiene products which can irritate the vagina as well as the skin on a womanrsquo;s genitals. Recommended Reading You can learn more about these concerns, as well as natural vaginal odor, in The V Book: A Doctorrsquo;s Guide to Complete Vulvovaginal Health. Bodies,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/late-abstinence/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/late-abstinence/#comments Mon, 22 Jun 2009 14:00:19 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/qa-late-abstinence/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/late-abstinence/feed/ 0 2:43 Just as people have different definitions of what it means to ldquo;have sexrdquo; ndash; in other words, whether ldquo;sexrdquo; is defined as oral, vaginal or ... Just as people have different definitions of what it means to ldquo;have sexrdquo; ndash; in other words, whether ldquo;sexrdquo; is defined as oral, vaginal or anal sex, there are also varied definitions of abstinence. That said, a common understanding of abstinence suggests that one can absolutely be abstinent even if they have had sex in the past. How is this so? Well, technically the word ldquo;abstinencerdquo; comes from the word ldquo;abstainrdquo; which means to refrain or hold oneself back from something. Different Definitions For Different People Sometimes people say that they plan to abstain from sex until they fall in love, become engaged or get married ndash; or that they want to abstain from sex for other reasons, such as until they graduate high school or meet the right person. People who are making conscious choices to abstain from sex may have had oral, vaginal or anal sex in the past, or they may not have had any of these types of sex. If you have already had sex, you can still choose to abstain from whatever types of sex you want to abstain from and for however long you wish to abstain from them. It is never too late to choose to refrain from sexual activities that you donrsquo;t feel comfortable, ready or interested in being involved in. You can still date or have meaningful romantic relationships if you would like to, and you can still engage in the types of physical intimacy that feel right to you. Keep in mind, though, that sexually transmissible infections (or STIs) can be passed through oral sex, vaginal sex and anal sex whether or not you consider these types of sex to be ldquo;sexrdquo;. Communicate Your Choices Also, if you worry that someone will try to pressure you into having sex, talk to a parent, friend or trusted adult for ideas about how you can best communicate your choices to someone yoursquo;re hanging out with or dating. Some people find that talking to others about their choice to be abstinence early in a relationship is helpful so that the person they are interested in knows what they should or shouldnrsquo;t expect from them in terms of sex. Recommended Reading To learn more about abstinence, virginity and sexual choices, check out S.E.X.: The All-You-Need-to-Know Progressive Sexuality Guide to Get You Through High School and College by Heather Corinna. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/virgin-orgasm-intercourse/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/virgin-orgasm-intercourse/#comments Thu, 07 May 2009 13:00:04 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/qa-ways-orgasm-intercourse/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/virgin-orgasm-intercourse/feed/ 0 3:25 People generally think of a virgin as a woman or a man who has not intercourse, although there are different definitions for virginity that people ... People generally think of a virgin as a woman or a man who has not intercourse, although there are different definitions for virginity that people sometimes use. Regardless of your definition of virginity ndash; in other words, regardless of whatever sexual behavior you have or have not done (such as had vaginal intercourse) ndash; women and men can experience sexual pleasure and sometimes even orgasm from a variety of different types of stimulation. So yes, even though your girlfriend has not had sex, she is still likely capable of experiencing orgasm from different types of sexual stimulation, such as stimulation of her clitoris. Difficulty with Orgasm During Intercourse Letrsquo;s back up a few steps, though. First, it may be helpful for you to know that many women find it difficult to orgasm during intercourse. Itrsquo;s not uncommon for it to take months or years for a woman to learn to orgasm at all, let alone from vaginal sex. Second, women often find it easier to orgasm from direct stimulation of the glans clitoris, which is the part of the clitoris that one can see from the outside. The glans clitoris is usually about a quarter or half of an inch long and is often quite sensitive to the touch. Because itrsquo;s such a sensitive body part, not all women like to be touched directly on the clitoris ndash; or if they do, they may prefer certain types of touch over others. Don't Pressure Her As such, if you and your girlfriend talk about your ideas about sexual intimacy and decide that you want to try clitoral stimulation, keep a few things in mind. Try not to pressure her to have an orgasm, as it can take time for women to develop an orgasmic response to sexual stimulation. Try instead to think of your sexual exploration as a chance to find out what feels pleasurable and enjoyable for each of you. You might also try different types of touch ndash; gentle but first pressure on each otherrsquo;s bodies, light touches, quick touches, slow strokes, or other types of touch that you discover together. Try Oral Sex Oral sex is another possible way of stimulating womenrsquo;s or menrsquo;s genitals. Again, there is no one way to do it so exploration is often helpful. Because it is possible to pass sexually transmissible infections, or STIs, during oral sex, yoursquo;ll want to make sure that neither one of you has an STI before deciding to have oral sex. If either of you have ever had any type of oral, vaginal or anal sex with other people, then you should get tested for STIs before getting sexually involved with each other. Remember: there is no one way that sex has to happen, and you two are free to invent your sex play in a way that fits with your values, your feelings for each other, and your ideas about how you want to relate to each other sexually. Further Reading To learn more about sexuality, check out The Guide to Getting It On. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Pregnancy aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/female-safer-sex-pack/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/female-safer-sex-pack/#comments Mon, 06 Apr 2009 16:01:34 +0000 Natalie Ingraham (M.P.H.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=959 http://kinseyconfidential.org/female-safer-sex-pack/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/gonorrhea-chlamydia-soda-cup/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/gonorrhea-chlamydia-soda-cup/#comments Thu, 26 Mar 2009 14:00:54 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=908 http://kinseyconfidential.org/gonorrhea-chlamydia-soda-cup/feed/ 1 2:51 Chlamydia and gonorrhea are sexually transmissible infections ndash; also called STIs ndash; and they are only passed between people through sexual contact. That means that Chlamydia ... Chlamydia and gonorrhea are sexually transmissible infections ndash; also called STIs ndash; and they are only passed between people through sexual contact. That means that Chlamydia and gonnorhea may be transmitted through oral sex, vaginal sex or anal sex, but they are not transmitted by sharing drinks, by kissing or by using a public bathroom. False Positives In very rare instances, tests may come back with false positive results meaning that even though a test result comes back positive ndash; indicating that a person has an infection ndash; in reality the person does not have the infection. If your boyfriend gets tested and does not have either Chlamydia or gonorrhea, you might ask your healthcare provider whether it is possible that your test results were false positives. It is generally not recommended that a person has sex with an infected partner until their partner has also been treated, and both of you have been found to have cleared the infection. So if he hasnrsquo;t already been tested or treated, you two might speak with a healthcare provider about that possibility. Tests Are Usually Highly Accurate That said, it is rare to have false positive test results for Chlamydia or gonorrhea; these are commonly used tests and are highly accurate. I would encourage you to talk with your boyfriend about the possibility that he may have had sex with someone else. If you hadnrsquo;t been tested in years, it is even possible that he had sex with someone quite a long time ago. Even if he says that he has not had sex with other people, you might want to spend some time thinking about your relationship and the possibility that he has indeed had sex with other people. Transmission Risk Reduced Through Using Condoms If you choose to stay together or to continue having sex with each other, you might talk about whether you two want to use protection, such as a condom. Chlamydia and gonorrhea are relatively common bacterial STIs and their risk of transmission can be greatly reduced through the use of condoms. Learn More To learn more about STIs, explore the sexual health and disease section of our web site or the web site of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Content,Type,,Health,,Disease,,Podcast,,Special,,flagged,-,still,needs,some,edits aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/communicating-sex-matters/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/communicating-sex-matters/#comments Mon, 09 Mar 2009 13:02:26 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=938 http://kinseyconfidential.org/communicating-sex-matters/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/multiple-orgasms/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/multiple-orgasms/#comments Thu, 26 Feb 2009 14:00:07 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=865 http://kinseyconfidential.org/multiple-orgasms/feed/ 0 2:56 Although it is uncommon for women to experience many orgasms in a row, some women do have the experience of having orgasms with ease and ... Although it is uncommon for women to experience many orgasms in a row, some women do have the experience of having orgasms with ease and with a higher than average frequency. Ease of Orgasm For Women Womenrsquo;s ease of orgasm may be influenced by a number of factors including feeling relaxed, open to pleasure, unafraid to let go, and able to focus on the physical or emotional sensations that enhance your arousal. Ease of orgasm can be influenced by other factors, too. For example, some research suggests that women who feel comfortable about how their genitals look tend to find it easier to orgasm. The type of sexual stimulation can also affect a womanrsquo;s orgasmic ability. For example, some women may find that they can easily have 5, 10 or more orgasms when they use a vibrator for sexual stimulation, but that they cannot have any orgasms, or only have one, from oral sex or vaginal penetration. Recommended Reading If yoursquo;re interested in exploring your orgasm abilities, there are two books that you might find helpful. The first is called Becoming Orgasmic and the second is titled For Yourself: The Fulfillment of Female Sexuality. Although both books are directed toward women who are trying to learn to orgasm at all ndash; in other words, to have their first orgasm ndash; women who would like to learn to change their experience of orgasm in other ways may benefit from reading these books, too. Thatrsquo;s because these books offer many suggestions related to becoming comfortable with onersquo;s body, addressing memories of trauma or abuse, enhancing arousal, and learning to cue onersquo;s desire in ways that can help to make orgasm easier. Although both books have a heterosexual focus, many of the exercises are easily applied to women in relationships with other women, too. Finally, although you may hear stories about how hard it is for many to orgasm once, let alone multiple times, let me reassure you that although thatrsquo;s true, it doesnrsquo;t mean that your goal isnrsquo;t worth considering. After all, whether or not you ever have as many orgasms as your girlfriend does, you may find that it is quite possible for you to enhance your experiences of pleasure, connection, intimacy and orgasm in ways that you will find fun, exciting or meaningful. Content,Type,,Pleasure,,Orgasm,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/sex-mardi-gras/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/sex-mardi-gras/#comments Mon, 23 Feb 2009 14:36:19 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=933 http://kinseyconfidential.org/sex-mardi-gras/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/pregnancy-infection-risk-lesbian-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/pregnancy-infection-risk-lesbian-sex/#comments Thu, 18 Dec 2008 14:00:07 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=475 http://kinseyconfidential.org/pregnancy-infection-risk-lesbian-sex/feed/ 0 3:32 Thanks for your question. In order to become pregnant from sex, a woman would have to have sex with a man, as sperm are required ... Thanks for your question. In order to become pregnant from sex, a woman would have to have sex with a man, as sperm are required for pregnancy. Women simply cannot get pregnant from sex with other women; it is not possible. When female couples wish to have a baby together, they need to use a sperm donor, as they need sperm to fertilize a woman's egg in order to begin a pregnancy. Risk Of Sexually Transmissible Infections (STIs) That said, women can pass sexually transmissible infections, or STIs, to each other through sexual practices. For example, two women can pass bacterial infections such as chlamydia and gonorrhea to each other through oral sex, sharing sex toys, or other sexual play behaviors that involve genital contact. Even yeast infections may be sexually passed among two women, as can herpes, syphilis, HIV and the human papillomavirus (or HPV). Reducing Infection Risk Women can reduce their risk of infection by taking steps toward safer sex. For example, women should not share sex toys with each other. If they both enjoy sex play that involves vibrators or dildos, they should each have their own toy. If they decide to share a toy anyway, then they should place a new, unused condom on the toy before using it and then take the condom off, throw it away, and put a new condom on the toy before the second person uses it. When it comes to oral sex, women can use a latex dental dam or a condom cut in half to serve as a barrier for cunnilingus. This can prevent the spread of infection from mouth to genitals or from genitals to mouth. Talk To Each Other Female couples, like male couples and male-female couples, are best advised to talk to each other about each other's STI testing and treatment history. Like other couples, there is much joy and pleasure to be had for female couples, however, concerns about infection risk can get in the way of being able to relax and enjoy sex. At least in regard to pregnancy risk, you can relax and rest assured that you are not able to become pregnant from sex with another woman. Sometimes concerns about pregnancy or infection reflect more general concerns that a person might have about being sexual. If you are new to sex, and you have questions about it, consider talking to a parent, trusted adult, healthcare provider or counselor about your questions, concerns, anxieties or expectations for sex. If you feel comfortable, you might try talking to your friend about her thoughts on your sexual experience together, how you both felt about it at the time and how you feel about it now, and what - if anything - it means for your friendship. Talking about sex can feel difficult at first, but it often gets easier with practice and can help to make one's sexual life and romantic relationships more enjoyable, relaxing and pleasurable. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Pregnancy aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/yeast-infection-oral-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/yeast-infection-oral-sex/#comments Thu, 16 Oct 2008 14:00:48 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=388 http://kinseyconfidential.org/yeast-infection-oral-sex/feed/ 2 3:27 Great question - and one that's on the minds of many men and women. In most cases, oral sex performed on a woman does not ... Great question - and one that's on the minds of many men and women. In most cases, oral sex performed on a woman does not raise her chances of getting a yeast infection. Saliva and Yeast Infection Risk But for some women who are prone to yeast infections, it does. Another sex act that can increase the odds of having a yeast infection - as you hinted at - is having vaginal intercourse with a man after one has just performed oral sex on him. In both cases, it's the saliva that can raise the yeast infection risk. That said, it is completely possible for one but not both of these sex acts to contribute to a woman's yeast infection risk. Maybe your saliva on her genitals interacts with her body in a way that promotes yeast overgrowth whereas her saliva on your penis, which then goes into her vagina, does not have the same effect. That is certainly a possibility. And while this used to not be a problem for you two, it's also true that women who never used to get yeast infections can become more prone to them at different points in their lives, particularly due to hormonal changes. Check In With A Specialist If your wife is particularly prone to yeast infections, or finds that her body doesn't always respond easily to treatment, she might consider checking in with a specialist in vulvovaginal health. You two can also learn more about yeast infections, sex and other vaginal health issues in The V Book: A Doctor's Guide to Complete Vulvovaginal Health. The International Society for the Study of Vulvovaginal Disease is another good resource for information about vulvovaginal health and you can also contact them to locate healthcare providers who specialize in vaginal health issues, like yeast infections, in your area. Satisfying Sex And Communication Having a satisfying sex life in the midst of dealing with yeast infections is definitely possible, though you might find that communication becomes even more important. If you're feeling disappointed about not being able to perform oral sex on your wife, this is something that you might try talking with her about so that she can reassure you that it's not about you, but about her body. And there may be other ways to work around the situation, such as using a dental dam or condom cut in half as a barrier between your mouth and her genitals. That way you might be able to occasionally indulge in oral sex without putting her at risk for an uncomfortable or painful yeast infection. Content,Type,,Health,,Disease,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/long-blowjob-virgin/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/long-blowjob-virgin/#comments Mon, 18 Aug 2008 23:11:46 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/2008/08/18/qa-my-boyfriend-is-virgin-and-im-frustrated-by-long-blowjobs/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/long-blowjob-virgin/feed/ 0 3:16 Although we commonly seem to accept the fact that many women find that it is difficult, or takes a long time, to have an orgasm, ... Although we commonly seem to accept the fact that many women find that it is difficult, or takes a long time, to have an orgasm, many people are often surprised to find out that many men find it difficult to ejaculate or have an orgasm as well. Sometimes men find it difficult to reach orgasm in very specific situations, like if they worry that someone will walk in on them or hear them having sex. Other times, men find it difficult to orgasm from certain types of sex acts, such as hand stimulation, oral sex, vaginal intercourse, or anal sex. Talking To Your Boyfriend If this is an issue that you and your boyfriend can talk to each other comfortable and with care and respect for each other, you might consider asking him whether he is able to reach orgasm during masturbation. If he is able to do so, then you may have a starting place. You might be able to ask him if he would feel comfortable masturbating in front of you either while you watch or while you kiss him, or while you do something else that you both would find enjoyable or arousing. You might be able to learn how it is that he masturbates, and then try a similar style of hand stimulation yourself. Sometimes men who have difficulty masturbating from hand or oral stimulation from a partner simply have developed a very effective, but often specific, technique that works for them, and they may find it difficult to communicate that to a partner. With time and practice, he may be able to learn to reach orgasm from different types of stimulation. To do this, he may want to start masturbating in different ways ndash; with and without lubrication, with varying hand positions, or other strategies, such as rubbing against his bed or pillows. That is ndash; only if he wants to learn to expand his repertoire. Focus Less On Orgasm You might also try to relax and focus less on his orgasm as a goal, and instead place importance on pleasure, intimacy and connection. Focusing too much on trying to get him to have an orgasm may feel like pressure to him, or may make him aware of the fact that it takes him a while to have an orgasm, and that pressure or anxiety can make it even more difficult to orgasm. Recommended Reading You might find that The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex or The Guide to Getting It On can provide ideas for other ways of sexual play, and For Each Other by Dr. Lonnie Barbach may help you learn more about sexually relating to each other. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Relationships,,Love aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/oral-sex-enjoyment/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/oral-sex-enjoyment/#comments Thu, 15 May 2008 21:52:40 +0000 Samantha Seeger http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/2008/05/13/oral-sex-enjoyment/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/oral-sex-enjoyment/feed/ 0