http://kinseyconfidential.org Just another WordPress weblog Thu, 18 Mar 2010 14:00:23 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 en hourly 1 2006-2007 aschweig@indiana.edu (Kinsey Confidential) aschweig@indiana.edu (Kinsey Confidential) posts 1440 Just another WordPress weblog Kinsey Confidential Kinsey Confidential aschweig@indiana.edu No no http://kinseyconfidential.org/wp-content/themes/kinsey/images/kinsey-podcast-300.jpg http://kinseyconfidential.org 144 144 http://kinseyconfidential.org/open-relationships-dysfunctional/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/open-relationships-dysfunctional/#comments Mon, 13 Jul 2009 14:00:58 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/qa-open-relationships-dysfunctional/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/open-relationships-dysfunctional/feed/ 1 3:27 People work out their relationships in numerous ways. In American culture, serial monogamy is one of the more commonly practiced relationship structure among couples ndash; ... People work out their relationships in numerous ways. In American culture, serial monogamy is one of the more commonly practiced relationship structure among couples ndash; especially those that identify as heterosexual. Serial Monogamy The term ldquo;serial monogamyrdquo; refers to the practice of having more than one relationship in onersquo;s lifetime, but having each of the relationships be monogamous. You may know someone who fits into this mold if you perhaps have a friend who had a monogamous relationship when she was in her early twenties and after it ended she may have dated other people for a few months or a few years until she found someone else to be in a monogamous relationship, and so on. Not One "Right" Way Although this is a common structure for many couples, it is by no means the only way to have a satisfying, enjoyable, or meaningful relationship. Some couples ndash; like you and your husband ndash; prefer to be in an open relationship and there is no reason to believe that the desire to be in an open relationship is related to anything psychologically wrong or damaging. There is nothing necessarily ldquo;wrongrdquo; with people for wanting to be in an open relationship just as there is nothing necessarily ldquo;wrongrdquo; with people for wanting to be in a monogamous relationship. They are simply different relationship preferences, each with their own challenges and advantages. As you likely know, there are many different ways to have open relationships just as there are different ways to have monogamous relationships. In some open relationships, only one partner has sex with other people. In other open relationships, both partners may have sex with people besides their primary partner. Some couples are very specific about what types of sex acts can occur with other people and, for some, only sex in which they both participate with others (such as threesomes or group sex) are permitted. Less Social Support Because open relationships are less commonly talked about in mainstream American culture, there is less social support for them. Some researchers believe that this lower level of social support can make open relationships challenging to sustain. This doesnrsquo;t mean that open relationships canrsquo;t make it over the long term, but it does mean that it can be helpful to identify friends or family who will support you and the choices you make that help you to feel whole, healthy, happy and satisfied. Recommended Reading In recent years, more books have been written about open relationships and the unique challenges that come with these relationships as well as the relationship and communication skills that can be helpful in helping them to thrive. For additional perspectives and insights, you might find it helpful to read The Ethical Slut or Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Relationships,,Love aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/communicating-sex-matters/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/communicating-sex-matters/#comments Mon, 09 Mar 2009 13:02:26 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=938 http://kinseyconfidential.org/communicating-sex-matters/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/birth-control-effectiveness-unprotected-se/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/birth-control-effectiveness-unprotected-se/#comments Thu, 27 Nov 2008 14:00:55 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=432 http://kinseyconfidential.org/birth-control-effectiveness-unprotected-se/feed/ 0 2:58 At some point in their lives, many women and men become interested in having sex without a condom either so that they can become pregnant ... At some point in their lives, many women and men become interested in having sex without a condom either so that they can become pregnant or so that they can experience sex in a way that may feel closer, more natural or more sensitive than sex with a condom. However, having sex without a condom opens a couple to greater risks, and you are wise to consider these. Birth Control Effectiveness If you have been taking your birth control pills consistently and correctly (as prescribed), then there is little chance of becoming pregnant if you have sex without a condom. Birth control pills are about 99% effective at preventing pregnancy with perfect use, and about 92% effective with typical use. You and your boyfriend are wise to consider pregnancy risk issues and to pay attention to your risk of sexually transmissible infections (STI), particularly since birth control pills don't protect against STI. Depending on when each of you was last tested for STIs, you may want to get tested again if needed. For example, HIV tests are often only considered absolutely accurate if a person gets tested 3-6 months after their last possible exposure. Issues To Consider Finally, before having sex without a condom, it may be worth thinking through a few other things in regard to your relationship. For example, if you were to unintentionally become pregnant, how would each of you feel about raising a child, adoption, or abortion? What are your expectations about exclusivity or monogamy? In what way might having sex without a condom affect your feelings for each other, your sense of closeness, or your anxiety about becoming pregnant? If you stop using condoms, how will you feel about assuming primary responsibility for reducing pregnancy risk? And how will you two share the cost of contraception? There are, of course, no "right" answers to these questions. Thinking about these issues, however, and talking to each other about these or other aspects of your relationship and sexual life together may help you to make decisions that you both feel comfortable with. And when couples feel comfortable with their sexual decisions, they also expand the possibilities for sexual pleasure and enjoyment. Birth,Control,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/sex-at-work-brits/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/sex-at-work-brits/#comments Tue, 18 Nov 2008 21:27:03 +0000 Samantha Seeger http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/2008/11/18/1-in-5-brits/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/sex-at-work-brits/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/monogamy-open-relationships-gay-couples/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/monogamy-open-relationships-gay-couples/#comments Thu, 14 Aug 2008 23:05:57 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/2008/08/14/qa-what-is-it-like-to-be-with-other-men/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/monogamy-open-relationships-gay-couples/feed/ 0 3:39 These issues are common to many romantic relationships for both same-sex and male-female couples ndash; and are perhaps felt more acutely when one is relatively ... These issues are common to many romantic relationships for both same-sex and male-female couples ndash; and are perhaps felt more acutely when one is relatively new to sex and relationships. Changes In Sexual Desire Often, people in long term relationships find that, over time, they notice changes in their sexual desire. Sometimes people notice that they arenrsquo;t as sexually attracted to their partner as they used to be, or else perhaps they still feel attracted to their partner but they want sex less often than they used to. Other times men or women may find that ndash; even if their attraction and desire are strong - they still wonder about being sexual with other people. These feelings and curiosities can feel exciting, scary or both, as they contemplate what these feelings mean or how their relationship might change. Some people use these fantasies to fuel their desire for their partner, perhaps fantasizing about sex with someone else even while having sex with their partner. Other times, people may consider having sex with others. Open Relationships Among male-female couples, it is not common to be in an ldquo;open relationshiprdquo; (where one or both partners has sex with other people, and is honest about that with their partner). Open relationships are more common among gay men. That doesnrsquo;t mean that you should make your relationship ldquo;openrdquo; just because some other gay men do it; many gay men enjoy monogamous relationships. However, because open relationships are more common among gay men, you may find more support for talking to your boyfriend about your feelings about being sexual with other men. Maybe ndash; like many men and women - he has had similar feelings or fantasies too. Managing Relationships Managing relationships ndash; and negotiating sex within and outside of relationships ndash; is a skill that most people could benefit from developing, whatever their gender or sexual orientation. Some aspects of sex are different among men who have sex with men, though. For example, men who are interested in men have different opportunities than men who are interested in women in terms of being able to access sexual partners through public cruising, sex clubs and bath houses. In some gay communities or social circles, it may feel like having an open relationship is ldquo;the normrdquo;, which can be challenging for gay men who prefer monogamy. Balancing onersquo;s feelings for onersquo;s partner and onersquo;s feelings for others is something that many people find to be difficult or even painful. It can be hard to think about risking losing someone you care so much about. Read More You may find it helpful to read a book that describes how others have navigated similar feelings and challenges, such as The Male Couple: How Relationships Develop by David McWhirter. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Relationships,,Love aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/colbert-takes-on-an-inside-look-at-affairs/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/colbert-takes-on-an-inside-look-at-affairs/#comments Thu, 12 Jun 2008 15:27:17 +0000 Samantha Seeger http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/2008/06/12/colbert-takes-on-an-inside-look-at-affairs/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/colbert-takes-on-an-inside-look-at-affairs/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/abnormal-pap-smear/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/abnormal-pap-smear/#comments Wed, 30 Aug 2006 20:40:29 +0000 Kinsey Confidential http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/blog/2006/08/30/qa-what-does-an-abnormal-pap-smear-mean/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/abnormal-pap-smear/feed/ 0