http://kinseyconfidential.org Just another WordPress weblog Thu, 18 Mar 2010 14:00:23 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 en hourly 1 2006-2007 aschweig@indiana.edu (Kinsey Confidential) aschweig@indiana.edu (Kinsey Confidential) posts 1440 Just another WordPress weblog Kinsey Confidential Kinsey Confidential aschweig@indiana.edu No no http://kinseyconfidential.org/wp-content/themes/kinsey/images/kinsey-podcast-300.jpg http://kinseyconfidential.org 144 144 http://kinseyconfidential.org/premature-ejaculation-in-sex-is-it-because-i-masturbate/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/premature-ejaculation-in-sex-is-it-because-i-masturbate/#comments Mon, 08 Mar 2010 14:00:02 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1579 http://kinseyconfidential.org/premature-ejaculation-in-sex-is-it-because-i-masturbate/feed/ 0 3:31 Everyone Does It Most men and women have masturbated at some point in their lives whether during adolescence, adulthood, older age or throughout the lifespan. In ... Everyone Does It Most men and women have masturbated at some point in their lives whether during adolescence, adulthood, older age or throughout the lifespan. In fact, even research conducted with parents and teachers of young children shows that most young children touch their genitals for curiosity, to relieve an itch or because they like how it feels. Masturbation is generally regarded as a healthy form of sexual expression. Sperm Production Menrsquo;s bodies make sperm and the fluids that make up semen on an ongoing basis. Masturbating will not cause your body to stop producing sperm or semen. In case yoursquo;re curious, sperm only make up a small portion of the volume of semen. Much of a manrsquo;s seminal fluids come from his prostate gland and other glands called the cowperrsquo;s glands and seminal vesicles. Why We Do It There are many reasons that people masturbate including for fun, curiosity, to release sexual tension, to help themselves fall asleep or to enhance their desire or arousal. There are also different ways that people masturbate alone or with a sexual or romantic relationship partner. While many people touch their genitals, others find that they enjoy stimulating their chest or breasts, their inner thighs or their anus. Some people use their hands to masturbate and others find it pleasurable to use a sex toy, to rub their body against a bed or pillow or to stimulate themselves in the shower or bath. Masturbation Might Help Itrsquo;s also important to note that masturbation does not necessarily cause premature ejaculation or the experience of ejaculating more quickly than you or your wife might like. In fact, certain masturbation exercises might actually help you to learn to last longer during sexual intercourse. These exercises are called the stop-start technique and the squeeze technique. Essentially they involve stimulating yourself during masturbation, then just before the point when you are getting close to ejaculating you either stop all stimulation (for the stop-start technique) or gently squeeze the head of your penis (for the squeeze technique). This may help your arousal to decrease somewhat before you then start stimulating yourself again and repeat the process. Finally, I would encourage you to speak with your wife about her feelings about her sex life. It may be that she is happy with how long you spend having sex. More Information You can learn more about masturbation and partnered techniques to help you last longer during sex in The New Male Sexuality or Coping With Premature Ejaculation. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/condoms-delay-ejaculation-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/condoms-delay-ejaculation-sex/#comments Mon, 22 Feb 2010 14:00:49 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1488 http://kinseyconfidential.org/condoms-delay-ejaculation-sex/feed/ 1 3:22 Condoms to Elongate Intercourse Condoms that are marketed to help men last longer often contain a gel or a cream inside the condom that has benzocaine ... Condoms to Elongate Intercourse Condoms that are marketed to help men last longer often contain a gel or a cream inside the condom that has benzocaine as an active ingredient. Benzocaine works by slightly numbing or desensitizing the skin on a manrsquo;s penis. By reducing sensation during sex, condoms with benzocaine may help men to last longer by several minutes. For men who come more quickly than they or their partner would like, this can be very appealing. Health Warnings Most men are able to use condoms that contain benzocaine without experiencing any negative side effects. However, some men may be sensitive or allergic to benzocaine or to other ingredients used in the cream or gel thatrsquo;s inside the condom. In fact, some case reports describe men who have experienced redness, inflammation or other irritation ndash; sometimes quite severe - to their penis. Unfortunately, sensitive or allergic reactions may last a few days or even as long as a week or two. If a man continues to expose himself to something he is sensitive or allergic to, perhaps because he doesnrsquo;t realize what is causing the problem, he may make the problem even worse. If you or your partner use these types of condoms and notice redness, irritation, itching, inflammation or swelling after using them, then stop using them and ask your healthcare provider about it. If you try these types of condoms and find that you do not experience any negative reactions ndash; again, most men do not ndash; then they may be part of a useful short term strategy to help you last longer during sex. Long Term Solutions Of course, these types of condoms are often not a useful long term strategy. Masturbation exercises such as the stop-start and squeeze technique may be more helpful for men to learn to control the timing of their ejaculate over the long run. In addition, some men are helped by visualization exercises, by learning to relax during sex or to focus on their own physical sensations during sex.nbsp;Others find that with time and experience, they learn how to last longer all on their own. Less commonly, some men find that certain prescription medications ndash; specifically, some SSRI antidepressants ndash; may help them to last longer. Men who are interested in medication options should ask their healthcare provider for more information. More Information To learn more about how to last longer during sex, check out The New Male Sexuality or Coping With Premature Ejaculation: How to Overcome PE, Please Your Partner and Have Great Sex. Bodies,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/girlfriend-feel-bad-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/girlfriend-feel-bad-sex/#comments Mon, 15 Feb 2010 14:00:02 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1314 http://kinseyconfidential.org/girlfriend-feel-bad-sex/feed/ 0 3:12 Real Life Sex Sex is a curious thing that people react to in very different ways. Unfortunately, we donrsquo;t often see sex portrayed in very ... Real Life Sex Sex is a curious thing that people react to in very different ways. Unfortunately, we donrsquo;t often see sex portrayed in very nuanced ways in movies or on television. Sex is often shown as very erotic in movies or as highly exciting or sensation- or performance-focused in much mainstream porn. And yet in reality, people may experience many different emotions in connection with sexual expression and for any number of reasons. Being sexual with another person can make some people feel extremely vulnerable. After all, it involves taking off onersquo;s clothes, and for some people, sex can tap into the depth of their emotions. If they expect a lot of emotional closeness and donrsquo;t get it, they may feel lonely or sad. If they donrsquo;t or expect emotional closeness but their partner expresses emotions theyrsquo;re not ready for or feel able to deal with, they may feel uncomfortable or avoidant. The experience of sexual pleasure and orgasm can also tap into peoplersquo;s brain chemistry in ways that, as scientists, we donrsquo;t fully understand yet. There may be key physical differences that influence how some people feel during or after sex.nbsp; I have heard, for example, from several people who describe sadness associated with sex for reasons they donrsquo;t understand. Getting Help My suggestion would be to consider connecting with a trained sex therapist. Your girlfriend may find it helpful to speak with someone about her emotional experience of sexual expression. She can find a sex therapist through the Society for Sex Therapy and Research's website. She might also find it helpful to speak with a healthcare provider to determine if there are other mood or anxiety issues that may be bothering her more generally, even outside of sex. Expanding Your Repertoire In the meantime, you two might consider exploring a range of being intimate to better understand what helps her to feel good and what doesnrsquo;t. Perhaps there are certain types of physical intimacy, such kissing, cuddling, bathing together, or sensual touching, that will allow her pleasure without sadness. Also, although many women masturbate, some do not ndash; and thatrsquo;s okay. If shersquo;s not interested in self-pleasuring, thatrsquo;s alright. Many women have satisfying experiences of sexuality without incorporating masturbation into their lives. Finally, you two may enjoy reading For Each Other: Sharing Sexual Intimacy for tips on connecting in pleasurable ways. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Relationships,,Love aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/normal-fantasize-sex-random-women/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/normal-fantasize-sex-random-women/#comments Thu, 11 Feb 2010 14:00:18 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1373 http://kinseyconfidential.org/normal-fantasize-sex-random-women/feed/ 0 3:17 Everyone Does It Yes, it is very common for women and men to fantasize about people other than their own partner. In fact, a study published ... Everyone Does It Yes, it is very common for women and men to fantasize about people other than their own partner. In fact, a study published in 2001 in The Journal of Sex Research found that, among 349 women and men ages 18 to 70, all of whom were in relationships at the time of the study, 98% of men and 80% of women said that they had fantasized about someone other than their partner over the previous 2 months. Why fantasize about someone else? Some people find it very stimulating to think about having sex with a friend, a co-worker, a classmate, a total stranger or even a celebrity. These fantasies may occur alone during masturbation or even in the middle of having sex with onersquo;s partner. Bucking the Routine The 2001 research study also found that sexual fantasies about other people are more common as people tend to stay together longer. This makes sense: as much as people may feel committed to each other, sex does tend to change in long term relationships. Couples tend to have sex less often with each other and, when they do have sex, it may feel more routine or less exciting than it did at first. As they look for ways to enhance their arousal and pleasure, they may find that fantasizing about others helps or is fun to do. Mental Infidelity Whether you consider this to be ldquo;cheatingrdquo; or not is more up to you than me. People have their own definitions of what cheating is so it is important for couples to communicate and decide what is or is not okay in the context of their own relationship. Most people would probably not consider fantasizing about others to be cheating ndash; particularly as most women and men do fantasize about people other than their partner. However, some might feel that it feels wrong or inappropriate to them. Fantasy vs. Real Life Sexual fantasies allow people to explore their sexual feelings in often very safe ways. In fantasy, you can explore sides of yourself without having to worry about what is politically correct or who is or is not actually available to you in real life. People can act out romantic sexual fantasies or very explicit no-feelings-involved sexual fantasies. They can be powerful or submissive, have sex with one person or many, or approach a stranger or even a long lost, high school love for sex, massage, making out or to become pregnant. Then, in the blink of an eye, one can turn the fantasy off, return to regular life or return to thinking about onersquo;s own partner. More Information To learn more about sexual fantasies and exploration, consider reading The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex or The Guide to Getting It On. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Relationships,,Love aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/masturbate-facedown-sexual-problems/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/masturbate-facedown-sexual-problems/#comments Thu, 04 Feb 2010 14:00:26 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1358 http://kinseyconfidential.org/masturbate-facedown-sexual-problems/feed/ 1 3:15 Research in Masturbation The term traumatic masturbatory syndrome was first used in a 1998 article by a clinician who described four of his patients who masturbated ... Research in Masturbation The term traumatic masturbatory syndrome was first used in a 1998 article by a clinician who described four of his patients who masturbated face-down and who experienced sexual problems. However, the term has never been widely accepted by the sex research or therapy community. After all, just because four men who masturbated with this technique also had sexual problems does not mean that the masturbation technique caused the other sexual problems or that itrsquo;s an actual syndrome, let alone a traumatic syndrome. Although a face-down style of masturbation that involves rubbing against the bed appears to be less common than a style that involves a man laying on his back or sitting up, that doesnrsquo;t mean that face-down masturbation will cause sexual problems. However, sometimes men who rely on one and only way of masturbating find it difficult to orgasm from other types of masturbation or sexual stimulation such as oral sex or intercourse. New Techniques In my experiencing working with men, they can often ldquo;re-trainrdquo; their bodies to respond to a wider range of sexual stimulation by varying their masturbation technique. You might try, for example, masturbating with lots of lubricant sometimes, a small amount of lubricant other times and no lubricant at all on other occasions. You might try different paces or rhythms or using different hand techniques. Try to focus on experiencing pleasure rather than the goal of orgasm which can put pressure on your experience and make it even more difficult to come. You might even try masturbating less often. Sometimes, by masturbating less often you can build sexual tension in a way that makes it easier to orgasm when you do masturbate again. Resources If you continue to find it difficult to ejaculate, I would encourage you to speak with your healthcare provider about your experience. In some cases, medical conditions such as diabetes can contribute to menrsquo;s difficulty with ejaculation or orgasm. Sex therapy can be helpful as well in cases where the difficulty ejaculating makes men feel worried, anxious or concerned about dating or being sexual with another person. You can find a sex therapist in your area on Society for Sex Therapy and Research's website. Finally, reading The New Male Sexuality may be helpful as you explore a wider range of sexual pleasure. Content,Type,,Pleasure,,Orgasm,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/women-orgasms/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/women-orgasms/#comments Mon, 01 Feb 2010 14:00:30 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1360 http://kinseyconfidential.org/women-orgasms/feed/ 1 http://kinseyconfidential.org/bad-long-masturbating/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/bad-long-masturbating/#comments Thu, 21 Jan 2010 14:00:06 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1319 http://kinseyconfidential.org/bad-long-masturbating/feed/ 0 2:47 Different Experiences Men, like women, vary in terms of how they experience sexual arousal and orgasm. It is not unusual for men to describe feeling more ... Different Experiences Men, like women, vary in terms of how they experience sexual arousal and orgasm. It is not unusual for men to describe feeling more or less aroused, or more or less easily orgasmic, in response to different sexual behaviors or experiences. For example, some men find it easier to orgasm from intercourse than oral sex. Others find that itrsquo;s easier for them to orgasm, or quicker for them to orgasm, from masturbation than from vaginal or anal sex. So, it varies. Trying New Things Watching porn can be highly arousing to some men. If it helps you to feel very excited or aroused and you enjoy its role in your masturbation, that is not necessarily a bad thing. However, if you would like to try to enhance your arousal during masturbation in other ways, there are plenty of options. For example, you might try texting with a partner, trying different hand positions, using lubricant or no lubricant, fantasizing or trying sex toys such as the Fleshlight or a masturbation sleeve. What's the Reason Irsquo;d also like to ask you to consider whether you are lasting as long as 30 or 40 minutes without porn because you want to or because you canrsquo;t come sooner even if you try. If yoursquo;re taking your time and lasting longer to enjoy the sensations, then more power to you! If you find that you are unable to come sooner as much as you try, then expanding your masturbation routine, as described earlier, might help your body adapt to different types of stimulation. Even if you cannot come sooner, try to not let that trouble you. Masturbation is not the same as partnered sex and you may find that during sex with a partner, your experience of ejaculation and orgasm are quite different. More Information To learn more about ejaculation and learning to control the timing of your orgasm, check out The New Male Sexuality. Content,Type,,Pleasure,,Orgasm,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/order-stop-ejaculating-asleep/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/order-stop-ejaculating-asleep/#comments Thu, 07 Jan 2010 14:00:05 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1315 http://kinseyconfidential.org/order-stop-ejaculating-asleep/feed/ 1 http://kinseyconfidential.org/stop-masturbating-premature-ejaculations-stop/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/stop-masturbating-premature-ejaculations-stop/#comments Mon, 28 Dec 2009 14:00:16 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1313 http://kinseyconfidential.org/stop-masturbating-premature-ejaculations-stop/feed/ 0 2:28 Yours is a wonderful question and by asking it, we will hopefully be able to help many men who have questions about premature ejaculation and ... Yours is a wonderful question and by asking it, we will hopefully be able to help many men who have questions about premature ejaculation and learning to control the timing of ejaculation. Everyone Does It Masturbation is an extremely common sexual activity ndash; most men and women have masturbated. This is particularly true for young men and women, for whom masturbation is quite common and an excellent choice for safer sex and for learning about onersquo;s own body. Speaking of which, masturbation can actually help men learn to control the timing of their ejaculation. In other words, by practicing very specific masturbation techniques, you may be able to get more in touch with your body so that you can stop yourself from ejaculating before yoursquo;re ready. It will likely take time and a good deal of practice, but this type of practice can be quite pleasurable! Masturbation Techniques Two techniques that are commonly used by men who would like to develop ejaculatory control are the stop-start technique and the squeeze technique. Here is how they work: Start by stimulating your body in the way that you usually do. As you build arousal, pay attention to your bodily sensations. Just before the point of no return ndash; when you will ejaculate no matter what happens ndash; stop all stimulation and let your arousal subside a little. Then start the stimulation again and repeat the cycle. This is the stop-start technique. The squeeze technique is similar except instead of stopping all stimulation, one can gently squeeze the head of onersquo;s penis and then let the arousal subside. Learn More More detailed instructions about these and other techniques for learning ejaculatory control are described in The New Male Sexuality. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/boyfriend-masturbate-porn/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/boyfriend-masturbate-porn/#comments Thu, 24 Dec 2009 14:00:57 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1310 http://kinseyconfidential.org/boyfriend-masturbate-porn/feed/ 1 2:53 Men and Women... and Porn Many women and men are raised in what may as well be two totally different worlds. Very often, girls are raised with ... Men and Women... and Porn Many women and men are raised in what may as well be two totally different worlds. Very often, girls are raised with the belief that porn ndash; which can be difficult to define in the first place ndash; is either wrong or a sign that a man is not as interested in or committed to his partner as he should be. On the other hand, many boys are raised to believe that it is common or normal to watch porn and that it can make masturbation or sex more exciting. Thatrsquo;s not to say that all men watch porn or like porn; they donrsquo;t. Itrsquo;s also not to say that some women donrsquo;t enjoy porn ndash; in fact, a growing number of women seem to be accessing porn, particularly as more women-centered porn images and videos are created. Porn's Affect on Relationships But in the United States, most men have watched porn, particularly as part of their masturbation, and it doesnrsquo;t necessarily mean that they are not satisfied with their relationship or their sex life. It may just be that your boyfriend has watched porn on and off throughout his life, perhaps starting as an older child or a teenager or young adult, and that he still enjoys doing so even now. Talking it Through You might try talking with your boyfriend about his masturbation and the fact that he watches porn. If you two talk about this, try to approach the issue with an open mind and a genuine interest in learning more about his experiences and where hersquo;s coming from. He may have a very different perspective on porn than you do. If he says that he is indeed attracted to you and satisfied with your sex life together, try talking about how you can approach the porn issue. Is there a way that you can learn to live with the fact that he watches porn? Is he willing to watch it less often or to not watch it in front of you? Or even to give up watching porn? Are you interested in finding some type of porn, or even educational videos about sex, that you two could watch together? There are a many different ways that couples negotiate their private and shared sexual lives and no ldquo;rightrdquo; or ldquo;wrongrdquo; way to figure this out. Find Out More Check out The Guide to Getting It On for more information about the many different ways that women and men experience their sexuality. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Relationships,,Love aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/sperm/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/sperm/#comments Thu, 03 Dec 2009 14:00:51 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1289 http://kinseyconfidential.org/sperm/feed/ 1 2:41 Sperm only account for about 5% of a manrsquo;s ejaculation by volume whereas fluids from the seminal vesicles and prostate gland account for the vast ... Sperm only account for about 5% of a manrsquo;s ejaculation by volume whereas fluids from the seminal vesicles and prostate gland account for the vast majority of semen. As such, if you are hoping that more sperm will make for larger amounts of semen when you ejaculate, think again! Unable to Increase the Volume of Ejaculate In fact, I am not aware of any way to reliably increase the volume of your ejaculate. Some men find that they emit more semen when they have had less frequent masturbation or partnered sex or when they have allowed their arousal to build up substantially before ejaculating. Others notice little, if any, difference when they try these things. Now, if yoursquo;re not interested in changing your semen volume ndash; but rather you are interested in increasing your sperm count itself, that may be another story. Increasing Your Sperm Count If a healthcare provider has told you that you have a low sperm count, and you and your partner wish to become pregnant, then you may be able to make some lifestyle changes that can either result in more sperm per ejaculation or that may help the sperm you do produce to swim faster or to be of higher quality. Some research, for example, has linked high body fat to lower sperm count or to lower sperm quality. Other research has examined the relationship between caffeine consumption or cigarette smoking with the suggestion that high caffeine consumption and smoking can have a negative impact on sperm quality. Then there are temperature issues to consider in that men who are trying to conceive may find it helpful to steer clear of tight underwear, steam rooms or hot tubs so that their testicles ndash; where sperm are produced ndash; arenrsquo;t subjected to warm temperatures, which can impair sperm production. If you are concerned about your sperm count or your fertility, check in with a healthcare provider for advice about what you can personally to do improve your sperm count or quality. Depending on your personal health history and your goals regarding pregnancy, some strategies may be better choices than others and you can discuss these options with a healthcare provider. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/masturbate-sleep-normal/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/masturbate-sleep-normal/#comments Thu, 19 Nov 2009 14:00:11 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1279 http://kinseyconfidential.org/masturbate-sleep-normal/feed/ 1 3:20 Although uncommon, I have heard from quite a few men ndash; and a few women, too ndash; who have had experiences similar to yours. Itrsquo;s ... Although uncommon, I have heard from quite a few men ndash; and a few women, too ndash; who have had experiences similar to yours. Itrsquo;s unclear how many people act sexually during their sleep but when it does happen, people often donrsquo;t even know that they masturbate or attempt to be sexual with other people until they either approach someone for sex while sleeping or until they begin sharing a bed with a partner, at which point onersquo;s partner notices the behavior. In your case, your partner has noticed that yoursquo;ve been masturbating during your sleep. It seems fairly common for women and men to recall experiences of orgasm during sleep or even to wake up in the middle of the night and find that they are rubbing their genitals against the bed, possibly in the middle of a sexual dream. What Happens When You Sleep What is less common is active masturbation or sexual behavior while sleeping. As you are sleeping when this happens, you cannot know what you are doing. As such, you might ask your partner how it is that you are masturbating while sleeping. Are you using your hands? Rubbing against the bed? Do you tend to speak while masturbating? And are your eyes open or closed? Talking to a Healthcare Provider This type of information may help your healthcare provider to better figure out what may be happening during your sleep. You may even ask your healthcare provider about the possibility of being referred to a sleep clinic as sexual behavior during sleep ndash; what has been called sexsomnia or sleepsex - is often associated with sleep disorders. You may be able to undergo testing to determine how it is that your sleep cycles may be functioning. In some cases, medication can help to improve your sleep. Communicate With Your Partner In the mean time, you may find it helpful to talk with your partner about this behavior. It is unlikely a sign of a psychological condition. Rather, your sleep masturbation is more likely to be a symptom of a sleep disorder or to be a normal variation of sleep behavior. You and your partner might want to brainstorm about how to handle this while you decide whether you want to meet with a healthcare provider about it, which I would recommend doing. Some couples enjoy sleepsex or these types of sexual behaviors that occur while one person is asleep and the other is awake. Others feel uncomfortable in response to them. Problems With Sleepsex It can be important to seek attention from a healthcare provider as, in some cases, people have attempted to have non-consensual sex with others while asleep. In some instances, sleeping adults have even tried to have sex with children, and not recalled any of it after the fact. You can imagine how traumatic such an experience would be for everyone involved. To learn more about sexsomnia or sleepsex, please check in with your healthcare provider or a sleep clinic. Thank you for coming to us with your question. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/normal-masturbate-times-day/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/normal-masturbate-times-day/#comments Mon, 09 Nov 2009 14:00:42 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1257 http://kinseyconfidential.org/normal-masturbate-times-day/feed/ 1 2:21 There is no one frequency of sex or masturbation thatrsquo;s considered normal and masturbating two to three times a day is certainly within the typical ... There is no one frequency of sex or masturbation thatrsquo;s considered normal and masturbating two to three times a day is certainly within the typical range of frequencies that are reported by young men who are about your age. Many Reasons to Masturbate People tend to masturbate more often when they are feeling highly aroused or sexually excited, whether or not they have a partner or are in a relationship. In your case, you are in a relationship with a woman but shersquo;s not physically near you. Perhaps you talk to her on the phone, text each other or just think about her and feel sexually aroused. And then maybe at times you decide to masturbate to release any sexual tension you may have, because it feels pleasurable, because you enjoy fantasizing about your girlfriend, or to help yourself fall asleep. There are many different reasons why men and women masturbate. Some couples even masturbate together. In long distance relationships, some couples enjoy participating in phone sex in which they talk about their sexual fantasies or what they wish they could do together. Other times, couples tell each other about how they may have masturbated earlier in the day or the previous night thinking about their partner. There's Nothing Harmful About Masturbation Fortunately, masturbation is not bad for a personrsquo;s health. Masturbation can help people to feel calm or relaxed and it can also just be a lot of fun, whether itrsquo;s done alone or with a partner. Additional Resources To learn more about masturbation, check out The Big Book of Masturbation. To learn more about solo masturbation, partnered masturbation or different types of sex play with a partner, check out The Guide to Getting It On. Content,Type,,Pleasure,,Orgasm,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/women-masturbate-lesbian/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/women-masturbate-lesbian/#comments Mon, 02 Nov 2009 14:00:41 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1255 http://kinseyconfidential.org/women-masturbate-lesbian/feed/ 0 3:16 Determining Sexual Orientation Great question! Although many people wonder if there is an easy way to know if a person is gay, straight, bisexual or some ... Determining Sexual Orientation Great question! Although many people wonder if there is an easy way to know if a person is gay, straight, bisexual or some other sexual orientation, the fact is that there is not. Many scientists consider a personrsquo;s sexual orientation to reflect a larger pattern of their romantic and sexual attractions such that women who identify as straight tend, for the most part, to be romantically and sexually attracted to men whereas women who identify as lesbian tend to be romantically and sexually attracted to women. Experiences, Thoughts, and Labels Don't Always Match Up Of course, few things in life are cut and dry and neither is sexual orientation. Some women who identify as heterosexual have explored sexually with other women. They may have kissed other women or engaged in oral sex, breast touching or genital touching with other women. Then again, some women who identify as heterosexual have never engaged in sexual activity with women in waking life, but they may have had pleasurable, satisfying sex dreams about women. Or, like you, they may find that their preferred fantasies during masturbation involve women. The fact that you get turned on thinking of other girls doesnrsquo;t minimize the fact that you also get turned on by your boyfriend. By the same token, many lesbian women have had some type of sexual contact with men. Some lesbian identified women may include men in their sexual fantasies or may have also had enjoyable sex dreams involving men. Just because a lesbian woman enjoys thinking about men or masturbating to images of men ndash; or images of men and women having sex together ndash; does not mean that her true orientation is heterosexual. Research About Sexual Attraction Pioneering sexuality researcher Dr. Alfred Kinsey suggested that sexuality was a rather fluid concept. He found that people sometimes experienced different sexual attractions at different points in their lives and that a personrsquo;s sexual behaviors, dreams and fantasies could vary. He also felt that, based on his research, more people would be attracted to both men and women if only society didnrsquo;t suppress these attractions. Labels Can Change Throughout Life Whether you identify as heterosexual, lesbian or bisexual is up to you. You may find that one label suits you well now and, later in life, you may find that a different sexual orientation label better reflects your feelings and attractions. However you decide to label yourself, try to let go of any stress or anxiety about how you ldquo;shouldrdquo; or ldquo;shouldnrsquo;trdquo; feel sexually. What you find arousing and exciting during your partnered sex play as well as during your masturbation fantasies is likely to keep evolving with time. By keeping an open and accepting mind toward your own experience, you can continue to explore your sexuality in positive ways. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Sexual,Orientation aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/regain-erection-quicker-orgasm/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/regain-erection-quicker-orgasm/#comments Mon, 26 Oct 2009 14:00:40 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1253 http://kinseyconfidential.org/regain-erection-quicker-orgasm/feed/ 0 3:24 Men Vs. Women Although menrsquo;s and womenrsquo;s bodies are similar in many ways (both sexes have two eyes, two ears, a nose, two legs, etc) there ... Men Vs. Women Although menrsquo;s and womenrsquo;s bodies are similar in many ways (both sexes have two eyes, two ears, a nose, two legs, etc) there are also some key differences. For example, not only do males and females vary in terms of their genitals ndash; the whole ldquo;boys have a penis and girls have a vaginardquo; ndash; but our genitals and sexual response work in different ways too. Refractory Period Unlike women (who are capable of multiple orgasms), men have whatrsquo;s called a refractory period which is the time between one ejaculation and their ability to ejaculate again. Young men, particularly those in their teens and twenties, can often have more than one ejaculation in a short period of time. Sometimes after sex that ends in ejaculation, a guy can keep having sex with only a slight decrease in the firmness of his erection. Mostly, though, it takes time for a man to get a second erection after he has already ejaculated (whether that ejaculation was from masturbation, oral sex, mutual masturbation, vaginal sex or anal sex). Sometimes it may only take a few moments but often it takes at least 15 or 30 minutes for men ndash; even young, college-aged men like yourself ndash; to get a second erection after they ejaculate. Welcome to your refractory period! As men age, their refractory period typically lengthens meaning that it often takes longer for men to get a second erection after they ejaculate. Some men may need to wait hours before they can ejaculate again or get a second erection. Other men may need to wait a day or longer. Can It Be Changed? There is no way to change onersquo;s refractory period and no special technique to being able to have multiple ejaculations in a short period of time. Some men pay attention to how their particular bodies work and may notice that itrsquo;s easier for them to become erect again if they are working out, eating well, getting sufficient sleep, abstaining from cigarettes or alcohol (both of which may impair menrsquo;s erectile function), or if they are feeling extremely mentally or physically aroused. Other times, men find it difficult to pinpoint any specific pattern to the way their erections work. Other Ways To Enjoy Each Other The good news is that pleasurable, enjoyable sex doesnrsquo;t always require an erection. Pleasurable sex isnrsquo;t always about intercourse or what some may think of as ldquo;normalrdquo; or ldquo;standardrdquo; sex. If you want to keep exploring each otherrsquo;s bodies, then whether or not you have a second erection, you and your partner can continue to kiss, to stimulate each othersrsquo; genitals with your hands, to massage each otherrsquo;s bodies all over, to play with sex toys or to lay in bed and talk and laugh. More Information You can learn more about menrsquo;s sexuality, including erections, ejaculation and enhancing sex play with a partner, in The New Male Sexuality. Content,Type,,Pleasure,,Orgasm,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/how-long-should-sex-last/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/how-long-should-sex-last/#comments Thu, 15 Oct 2009 13:00:59 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1237 http://kinseyconfidential.org/how-long-should-sex-last/feed/ 1 3:12 Many men feel pressure in regard to their sexual performance with a partner. As a result, one of the more common questions that we get ... Many men feel pressure in regard to their sexual performance with a partner. As a result, one of the more common questions that we get about sex has to do with learning to last longer during sex. Masturbating to Pornography Yoursquo;re not alone in feeling as though your quick ejaculation during masturbation while watching porn may be influenced by years of feeling as though you had to hurry up so that you didnrsquo;t get caught. Quite a lot of men attribute their quick ejaculation to feeling as though they needed to come quickly before someone found them masturbating or watching porn. How Long Sex Lasts The fact that you can last as long as 5 or 10 minutes during masturbation without porn is encouraging. In spite of common myths about sex, itrsquo;s common or sex to last for less than 15 minutes. Some couples spend 1 or 2 minutes in intercourse, others spend closer to 5 minutes, and some last for 10 minutes, 20 minutes or longer. With experience and practice, men often find that they can increase their control over the timing of their ejaculation. Exercises to Try At home, you can practice the stop-start and squeeze techniques during masturbation. This is how they work: begin by stimulating yourself as usual. Then, just before you get to the point of no return ndash; when you will ejaculate no matter what ndash; either stop all stimulation to your penis by removing your hand (for the stop-start technique) or gently squeeze the head of your penis (for the squeeze technique). Then, as your arousal starts to subside a little, begin stimulating your penis again and then repeat the cycle. As you try these exercises, pay attention to the sensations in your penis, scrotum or in other parts of your body. What types of feelings do you notice as you get closer to feeling as though you are going to ejaculate? Some men notice a twitch in their leg muscles or a feeling in the area of their scrotum. Others notice their penis getting exceptionally hard as their excitement builds. With practice, you can learn to notice these sensations and then back off a little during masturbation or sex by staying still, stopping all stimulation ndash; or when having sex with a partner ndash; by removing your penis and taking a few seconds off before re-inserting it or trying a new sex positions. Learn More You can learn more about ejaculation and menrsquo;s sexuality in The New Male Sexuality which highlights several additional tips and techniques for lasting longer during sex. You can learn more about this book and others on our Kinsey Confidential web site. Content,Type,,Homepage,Featured,,Pleasure,,Orgasm,,Podcast,,Special aschweig@indiana.edu no No