http://kinseyconfidential.org Just another WordPress weblog Thu, 18 Mar 2010 14:00:23 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 en hourly 1 2006-2007 aschweig@indiana.edu (Kinsey Confidential) aschweig@indiana.edu (Kinsey Confidential) posts 1440 Just another WordPress weblog Kinsey Confidential Kinsey Confidential aschweig@indiana.edu No no http://kinseyconfidential.org/wp-content/themes/kinsey/images/kinsey-podcast-300.jpg http://kinseyconfidential.org 144 144 http://kinseyconfidential.org/evidence-sexual-orientation-synonymous-identity/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/evidence-sexual-orientation-synonymous-identity/#comments Tue, 02 Mar 2010 11:00:20 +0000 Eric Anthony Grollman (M.A.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1637 http://kinseyconfidential.org/evidence-sexual-orientation-synonymous-identity/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/bloomington-indiana-usas-fourth-gayest-city/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/bloomington-indiana-usas-fourth-gayest-city/#comments Tue, 26 Jan 2010 06:00:49 +0000 Eric Anthony Grollman (M.A.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/bloomington-indiana-usas-fourth-gayest-city/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/bloomington-indiana-usas-fourth-gayest-city/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/sociological-imagination-introducing-eric-anthony-grollman/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/sociological-imagination-introducing-eric-anthony-grollman/#comments Tue, 03 Nov 2009 11:02:09 +0000 Eric Anthony Grollman (M.A.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/sociological-imagination-introducing-eric-anthony-grollman/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/sociological-imagination-introducing-eric-anthony-grollman/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/women-masturbate-lesbian/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/women-masturbate-lesbian/#comments Mon, 02 Nov 2009 14:00:41 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1255 http://kinseyconfidential.org/women-masturbate-lesbian/feed/ 0 3:16 Determining Sexual Orientation Great question! Although many people wonder if there is an easy way to know if a person is gay, straight, bisexual or some ... Determining Sexual Orientation Great question! Although many people wonder if there is an easy way to know if a person is gay, straight, bisexual or some other sexual orientation, the fact is that there is not. Many scientists consider a personrsquo;s sexual orientation to reflect a larger pattern of their romantic and sexual attractions such that women who identify as straight tend, for the most part, to be romantically and sexually attracted to men whereas women who identify as lesbian tend to be romantically and sexually attracted to women. Experiences, Thoughts, and Labels Don't Always Match Up Of course, few things in life are cut and dry and neither is sexual orientation. Some women who identify as heterosexual have explored sexually with other women. They may have kissed other women or engaged in oral sex, breast touching or genital touching with other women. Then again, some women who identify as heterosexual have never engaged in sexual activity with women in waking life, but they may have had pleasurable, satisfying sex dreams about women. Or, like you, they may find that their preferred fantasies during masturbation involve women. The fact that you get turned on thinking of other girls doesnrsquo;t minimize the fact that you also get turned on by your boyfriend. By the same token, many lesbian women have had some type of sexual contact with men. Some lesbian identified women may include men in their sexual fantasies or may have also had enjoyable sex dreams involving men. Just because a lesbian woman enjoys thinking about men or masturbating to images of men ndash; or images of men and women having sex together ndash; does not mean that her true orientation is heterosexual. Research About Sexual Attraction Pioneering sexuality researcher Dr. Alfred Kinsey suggested that sexuality was a rather fluid concept. He found that people sometimes experienced different sexual attractions at different points in their lives and that a personrsquo;s sexual behaviors, dreams and fantasies could vary. He also felt that, based on his research, more people would be attracted to both men and women if only society didnrsquo;t suppress these attractions. Labels Can Change Throughout Life Whether you identify as heterosexual, lesbian or bisexual is up to you. You may find that one label suits you well now and, later in life, you may find that a different sexual orientation label better reflects your feelings and attractions. However you decide to label yourself, try to let go of any stress or anxiety about how you ldquo;shouldrdquo; or ldquo;shouldnrsquo;trdquo; feel sexually. What you find arousing and exciting during your partnered sex play as well as during your masturbation fantasies is likely to keep evolving with time. By keeping an open and accepting mind toward your own experience, you can continue to explore your sexuality in positive ways. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Sexual,Orientation aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/gay-facebook-profile/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/gay-facebook-profile/#comments Tue, 29 Sep 2009 11:00:30 +0000 Eric Anthony Grollman (M.A.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/gay-facebook-profile/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/gay-facebook-profile/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/lesbian-bisexual/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/lesbian-bisexual/#comments Mon, 13 Apr 2009 13:00:40 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/qa-lesbian/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/lesbian-bisexual/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/female-safer-sex-pack/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/female-safer-sex-pack/#comments Mon, 06 Apr 2009 16:01:34 +0000 Natalie Ingraham (M.P.H.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=959 http://kinseyconfidential.org/female-safer-sex-pack/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/british-study-aversion-therapy-exist/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/british-study-aversion-therapy-exist/#comments Mon, 30 Mar 2009 14:23:30 +0000 Natalie Ingraham (M.P.H.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=956 http://kinseyconfidential.org/british-study-aversion-therapy-exist/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/brush-kinsey-sicks-stardom-weekend-mblgtacc/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/brush-kinsey-sicks-stardom-weekend-mblgtacc/#comments Mon, 16 Feb 2009 14:09:54 +0000 Natalie Ingraham (M.P.H.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=930 http://kinseyconfidential.org/brush-kinsey-sicks-stardom-weekend-mblgtacc/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/sex-dreams-marital-infidelity/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/sex-dreams-marital-infidelity/#comments Thu, 05 Feb 2009 14:00:27 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=848 http://kinseyconfidential.org/sex-dreams-marital-infidelity/feed/ 1 3:11 We get quite a lot of questions about sexual fantasies and with good reason: fantasies are a part of a person's sexual life that differs ... We get quite a lot of questions about sexual fantasies and with good reason: fantasies are a part of a person's sexual life that differs from reality in important ways. In fantasy, a person can do whatever they like and feel safe doing it. They can imagine doing things that they might never do in real life, for whatever reason - either because it's not actually appealing to them in real life or because they would feel too scared, threatened, or uncomfortable in real life. In fantasy, however, a person can control every detail of a sexual experience and make it a perfect, arousing, enjoyable experience. Fantasies Not Necessarily Reality The fact that your wife has had dreams or fantasies of lesbian sex, sex with multiple men and sex with men she does not know does not, in and of itself, mean that you are losing her, that she wants to have sex with other people or that there is anything troubling about her sexuality or your relationship together. In fact, it is quite common for women and men to have fantasies of different types of sex. The fact that your wife feels comfortable sharing the details of her sexual dreams and fantasies with you may suggest that she feels close to you, and that she trusts you to listen to her otherwise private thoughts. In other words, rather than signaling anything troubling about your relationship, her sharing her fantasies with you may actually be a sign of something very positive, safe and trusting about your relationship. That said, it is true that sometimes women and men secretly wish that they could have sex with someone else. That doesn't mean that they will actually do so; it often is just a sign of the strength of the human sex drive. Perhaps you can recall a time when you have seen someone who you found very attractive and wondered what it was like to be sexual with them. Just because people have these thoughts does not necessarily mean that their relationship is in trouble. Talk To Her About Your Concerns If you have questions about your wife's sexual fantasies, or her feelings for you, try talking to her in a gentle way that suggests you want to understand and connect with her, rather than judge her. As for her orgasm ability, it is quite common for women to find it difficult to orgasm. It tends to be easier for men to orgasm than it is for women, especially during vaginal intercourse, and many women stimulate themselves to orgasm. To Learn More You can learn more about both fantasy and female orgasm in the book For Each Other: Sharing Sexual Intimacy. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Relationships,,Love aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/new-queer-eharmony/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/new-queer-eharmony/#comments Thu, 04 Dec 2008 10:32:19 +0000 Natalie Ingraham (M.P.H.) http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/2008/12/04/a-new-queer-eharmony/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/new-queer-eharmony/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/same-sex-fantasies/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/same-sex-fantasies/#comments Mon, 24 Nov 2008 14:00:59 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=428 http://kinseyconfidential.org/same-sex-fantasies/feed/ 0 3:29 Sexual fantasies are commonly experienced (and frequently enjoyed) by women and men and they don't always reflect how we feel or the types of sex ... Sexual fantasies are commonly experienced (and frequently enjoyed) by women and men and they don't always reflect how we feel or the types of sex we long for in our waking life. Some people fantasize about being sexual with friends, strangers, neighbors or celebrities - even when they are in monogamous relationships or marriages - but that does not mean that they would actually want to be sexual with these people in reality. Other times, individuals find that they feel aroused by sexual fantasies or images (such as in porn) that relate to domination/submission, group sex, or forced sex. Again, that doesn't mean that a person would actually want to engage in these activities in real life; but people may find them arousing as fantasies. Also, sexual orientation doesn't always match up with one's fantasies. Heterosexual-identified women and men sometimes fantasize about members of their same sex and homosexual-identified women and men may fantasize about individuals of the other sex. Some sex researchers might suggest that sexual fantasies have little to do with sexual orientation, and that - if you have no other reason to believe that you are sexually attracted to women in real life - these fantasies may be arousing for any number of reasons. For one, we often see more images of attractive women looking sexual than we see of men, such as in popular women's magazines, men's magazines, movies and the internet. If fantasizing about women feels taboo to you, that element may add to the psychological excitement of your experience. Other sex researchers might suggest that this nuanced view of your behavior and fantasies is a reflection of the fluidity of sexuality, and the idea that many women and men are probably "bisexual" to some degree, or would be, if society didn't place such strict restrictions on people to behave certain ways. If you are curious about being romantically or sexually involved with women, and that feels appealing or comfortable to you, it may be worth exploring those feelings. That said, there is no one way to be bisexual, heterosexual or homosexual. Just because you enjoy being sexual with men doesn't mean that most of your fantasies have to be about them. Just because you enjoy fantasizing about women, or becoming aroused to such fantasies, doesn't mean that you have to be sexual with women or get into a relationship with them. The way that you live your sexual and romantic life is up to you to decide in a way that feels comfortable and enjoyable to you. To learn more about sexual orientation, including bisexuality, check out the web sites of Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays or the American Institute of Bisexuality. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Sexual,Orientation aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/coming-out/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/coming-out/#comments Fri, 03 Oct 2008 02:59:18 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/2008/10/02/coming-out-or-questioning-onself-as-gay-bisexual-or-lesbian/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/coming-out/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/boring-sex-lesbian-relationships/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/boring-sex-lesbian-relationships/#comments Thu, 04 Sep 2008 23:03:08 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/2008/09/04/qa-avoiding-monotonous-sex-in-lesbian-relationships/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/boring-sex-lesbian-relationships/feed/ 0 3:04 Lesbian Bed Death Although sometimes people suggest that lesbians stereotypically deal with fading sex lives ndash; some experts have even used the term ldquo;lesbian bed deathrdquo; ... Lesbian Bed Death Although sometimes people suggest that lesbians stereotypically deal with fading sex lives ndash; some experts have even used the term ldquo;lesbian bed deathrdquo; ndash; in fact, both same-sex and other-sex couples find that partner sex often becomes less frequent over time. In many ways, this makes sense ndash; at the beginning of a relationship, everything often feels new and exciting and our body chemistry shows it, as does our frequency of physical intimacy, whether through kissing, hand holding or other sexual contact. With time, things tend to settle and couples tend to have sex less often. Sometimes people feel like they are in sex ruts or, as your girlfriend says, that sex gets monotonous. Making "Sex Dates" Although some professionals advise that couples make ldquo;sex datesrdquo; so that they can make time to plan for sex, that is often only useful or effective when both partners buy into that idea. If you want to make ldquo;sex datesrdquo; but your girlfriend finds that too planned-out or unromantic, and she wants sex to be more spontaneous, then that strategy may not work for you as a couple. Similarly, even though you feel like lovemaking can never get monotonous, she feels differently than you do. It can be helpful to get together and talk, to learn how each other feels, to respect your differences, to be gentle with and accepting of each other, to agree to disagree in some instances, and to brainstorm how you might be able to take steps to develop and maintain intimacy in your relationship. Try Therapy Try to remember that this is a shared problem ndash; itrsquo;s not just hers or yours ndash; and in order to make your relationship work in ways that feel meaningful to you both, you will need to come together around this point. You may find that sex therapy is helpful ndash; you can find a trained therapist through the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists. Recommended Reading And even though the text of For Each Other by Dr. Lonnie Barbach may seem generally heterosexual-focused, the information and lessons are intended for same-sex couples, too, and you may find it helpful. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Relationships,,Love aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/questioning-sexual-orientation/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/questioning-sexual-orientation/#comments Mon, 10 Mar 2008 13:00:03 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/blog/2008/03/10/qa-sexual-orientation/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/questioning-sexual-orientation/feed/ 0 3:01 Sexual orientation is complex and there is no one way ndash; even among researchers ndash; to decide at what point one is best described as ... Sexual orientation is complex and there is no one way ndash; even among researchers ndash; to decide at what point one is best described as homosexual, heterosexual, or bisexual. Rather than defining sexual orientation solely in regard to sexual behavior or fantasies, some researchers define sexual orientation as the general pattern of romantic and sexual attraction that one feels based on onersquo;s own gender and the gender of the person he or she is attracted to. That said, emotional and physical attraction don't always go hand-in-hand. In your case, you have deep friendships with men but greater sexual attraction for women. Talk To A Counselor Consider meeting with a campus or community-based counselor who can provide more individualized support and guidance as you work to figure this out. Professional counseling services are confidential and the experience might provide you with additional information about these issues related to sexual orientation, sexual desire and friendship. You can also learn more through a campus or community organization related to gay, lesbian, and bisexual issues or on the web site www.pflag.org (PFLAG stands for Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays). What Is Most Important To You In A Long-term Relationship? It seems like you're struggling with issues that many men and women ndash; regardless of sexual orientation ndash; encounter. Specifically, discovering what factors are most important to you in a long-term relationship ndash; factors such as friendship, sexual attraction, trust, support, intimacy, and at what point one is "settling" if you don't have everything you want in a partner. I'm sorry there aren't more concrete answers to these age-old questions. This is an important topic for you to sort through so it is worth spending some time continuing to gather information, think it through and talk over with someone you trust. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Sexual,Orientation aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/qa-women-and-pornography/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/qa-women-and-pornography/#comments Wed, 28 Nov 2007 21:03:31 +0000 Kinsey Confidential http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/blog/2007/11/28/qa-women-and-pornography/ Subscribe to the Podcast ]]> http://kinseyconfidential.org/qa-women-and-pornography/feed/ 0