http://kinseyconfidential.org Just another WordPress weblog Thu, 18 Mar 2010 14:00:23 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 en hourly 1 2006-2007 aschweig@indiana.edu (Kinsey Confidential) aschweig@indiana.edu (Kinsey Confidential) posts 1440 Just another WordPress weblog Kinsey Confidential Kinsey Confidential aschweig@indiana.edu No no http://kinseyconfidential.org/wp-content/themes/kinsey/images/kinsey-podcast-300.jpg http://kinseyconfidential.org 144 144 http://kinseyconfidential.org/experienced-orgasm-suggest/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/experienced-orgasm-suggest/#comments Thu, 11 Mar 2010 14:00:33 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1582 http://kinseyconfidential.org/experienced-orgasm-suggest/feed/ 0 3:38 A Common Problem Many women struggle with trying to learn to have an orgasm. Often, even very well educated women who feel comfortable with their own ... A Common Problem Many women struggle with trying to learn to have an orgasm. Often, even very well educated women who feel comfortable with their own bodies, open to their experience, and positive about sex still find it difficult to orgasm. Yoursquo;re certainly not alone in your experience. With time, patience and practice, most women are able to learn to orgasm so the chances that you will, too, are certainly in your favor. There are many different reasons why women take time to learn to orgasm. As much as you may have already learned about anatomy, you might find that there is more to learn that would be helpful. Know Your Anatomy Many medical texts, including their anatomical illustrations, do not accurately depict the clitoris. In fact, many donrsquo;t even show that the clitoris is larger than the frac14; to frac12; an inch of tissue that can be seen from the outside of a womanrsquo;s body. The clitoris extends backward into the body in two branches that may be stimulated from vaginal sex or other types of stimulation. This knowledge alone may give you different ideas for how to approach your body with stimulation. Also, newer research suggests that the clitoris, vagina and urethra are more interconnected than previously thought. The movement or stimulation of one may change the way that other parts of a womanrsquo;s genital or urinary tract feel. In addition, scientists are uncovering new information about different nerve pathways that may be linked to female orgasm and learning about these, such as from the book The Science of Orgasm, may be informative. Playing the Brain Game As helpful as information and education can be, so is the psychological process. You may find that spending time becoming highly aroused ndash; such as through touch or fantasy - helps you to experience greater pleasure during sex and may eventually help you learn to orgasm. Some women are easily distracted during sex - thinking about work, school, laundry, dinner, relationship issues or family ndash; and these distractions can make it difficult to relax, to let go and to focus on onersquo;s own arousal. Other times women donrsquo;t feel the type of intimacy or psychological excitement in their relationship that they find best helps them to experience pleasure or orgasm. Then there are situations in which women put so much pressure on themselves to orgasm that the pressure, stress and anxiety make it more difficult to orgasm. More Information If you are interested in learning more about orgasm, you may find it helpful to read Becoming Orgasmic: A Sexual and Personal Growth Program for Women or Because It Feels Good: A Womanrsquo;s Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction. Content,Type,,Pleasure,,Orgasm,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/boyfriends-penis-soft-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/boyfriends-penis-soft-sex/#comments Mon, 25 Jan 2010 14:00:00 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1361 http://kinseyconfidential.org/boyfriends-penis-soft-sex/feed/ 1 http://kinseyconfidential.org/feel-restricted-sex-life-girlfriend/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/feel-restricted-sex-life-girlfriend/#comments Thu, 10 Dec 2009 14:00:56 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1294 http://kinseyconfidential.org/feel-restricted-sex-life-girlfriend/feed/ 2 3:12 Irsquo;m sorry to hear that your sex life isnrsquo;t as enjoyable or as exciting as you wish it were and that you feel limited in ... Irsquo;m sorry to hear that your sex life isnrsquo;t as enjoyable or as exciting as you wish it were and that you feel limited in the ways that you can express your affection to or attraction for you girlfriend. It can be difficult not to take those types of limits to heart or to feel frustrated by these restrictions. It sounds as though your girlfriend, too, experiences both emotional and possibly physical difficulties in regard to her sexuality. I canrsquo;t help but wonder, for example, what she means by oral sex bringing back bad memories for her. Everyone is entitled to keep secrets that make sense for them and it is certainly not the case that she should have to share information with you if she is not yet ready or able to. History of Sexual Abuse However, if she has a past history of having been abused as a child or if she had uncomfortable, painful or nonconsensual experiences of sex as a teenager or adult, it is very possible that this past continues to have an impact on her. She may or may not be ready to deal with these issues either on her own or with a therapist, but at some point she may find that in order to have a more comfortable, pleasurable or satisfying sexual experience, that she may need to. Vulvodynia In terms of vaginal touching, does she not want you to touch her vaginal because of these same bad memories? Or does it hurt for her vagina or vulva to be touched for other reasons? Some women ndash; perhaps as many as 10 to 15% of women ndash; experience genital pain that can result from daily activities such as bike riding or sitting at a desk, as well as from sexual activities. To learn more about vulvodynia (which means vulvar pain), you or your girlfriend can visit the web site of the National Vulvodynia Association, which is www.nva.org. More Information If your girlfriend has a history of having been sexually abused or assaulted, she may find it helpful to read The Courage to Heal or to meet with a therapist. She can find one through the American Psychological Associationrsquo;s web site which is www.apa.org. In the mean time, you two may also be able to find comfortable ways of connecting in intimate ways that take you away from the unsuccessful things that yoursquo;ve tried together and more into new ways of exploring. Consider getting together and reading For Each Other: Sharing Sexual Intimacy for creative ideas about exploring together. Content,Type,,Pleasure,,Orgasm,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/love-sex-youth-intellectual-disabilities/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/love-sex-youth-intellectual-disabilities/#comments Thu, 08 Oct 2009 06:09:55 +0000 Jennifer Bass (M.P.H.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1200 http://kinseyconfidential.org/love-sex-youth-intellectual-disabilities/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/chemical-emotional-intimacy-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/chemical-emotional-intimacy-sex/#comments Mon, 28 Sep 2009 13:00:40 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1209 http://kinseyconfidential.org/chemical-emotional-intimacy-sex/feed/ 1 2:48 Womenrsquo;s and menrsquo;s bodies go through a variety of physical and chemical changes during sexual excitement and at the time of orgasm. Specifically, at orgasm, ... Womenrsquo;s and menrsquo;s bodies go through a variety of physical and chemical changes during sexual excitement and at the time of orgasm. Specifically, at orgasm, womenrsquo;s and menrsquo;s bodies release peak levels of a hormone called oxytocin. Oxytocin - The "Bonding Hormone" Although more research is needed to understand the relationship of oxytocin to our emotions, some people have described oxytocin as a sort of ldquo;bonding hormonerdquo; in that it may possibly influence us to feel more emotional or to feel closer or more connected to others. Women and men also release more prolactin at the time of orgasm, which is associated with feelings of contentment or satisfaction. Prolactin And Orgasm Again, we need more research to understand the role of prolactin in orgasm, both physically and in regard to our emotions, but it may be that the release of either of these hormones ndash; or other changes that happen at the time of orgasm ndash; may contribute to your emotional response. Many people, whether or not they feel sexually excited or experience orgasm as part of sex, feel overwhelmed for other reasons. They may connect sex with feelings of love, closeness or intimacy in ways that feel very emotional for them. Perhaps you enjoy being physically intimate in ways with your partner that bring up a range of feelings for you. Some women and men tear up, cry, or laugh during or after sex. Others smile uncontrollably or feel very sad, calm, relaxed or even excited. Not The Same For All Women And Men Not all women or men, for that matter, share the same feelings about sex, intimacy or orgasm. Also, sometimes peoplersquo;s experiences change over time or with different partners. Sometimes sex may feel very emotional or connecting with one partner, or at a certain time in a personrsquo;s life, and at other times it may feel invigorating, fun, lonely, exciting, sad, or neutral. Recommended Reading To learn more about physical and emotional experiences related to sex, check out The Science of Orgasm. Content,Type,,Pleasure,,Orgasm,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/qa-wife-uninterested-sexual-activities/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/qa-wife-uninterested-sexual-activities/#comments Mon, 17 Aug 2009 14:00:47 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/qa-wife-uninterested-sexual-activities/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/qa-wife-uninterested-sexual-activities/feed/ 1 3:38 Many couples have different levels of sexual desire as well as different types of things that they enjoy doing sexually. Sometimes these preferences cannot be ... Many couples have different levels of sexual desire as well as different types of things that they enjoy doing sexually. Sometimes these preferences cannot be changed. Other times, there is room for movement. Talk To Her My first suggestion would be to try to talk with your wife and let her know that you understand that she is not interested in, or does not enjoy, performing oral sex on you or having sex from behind, and that as much as you believe you would enjoy these sexual activities, you accept her choice. Of course, you have to be sincere about your acceptance if you say this! You might say, however, in your own words, that given that she is your wife and your lover, that you would like to understand more about what she does and doesnrsquo;t like sexually, and perhaps a bit about ldquo;whyrdquo; or ldquo;why notrdquo;. You might also suggest that you would like to share your desires and interests as well. Possibly The Result of Mis-Information Sometimes couples donrsquo;t enjoy certain activities for reasons they have never considered or because of mis-information that they have about a sexual behavior. For example, some women have heard from friends or family members that men want women to perform oral sex on them because they want to have power over them, or to control or degrade them. If your wife has heard this idea at different points in her life, she may have come to believe that. You can understand how, if this is her background, that she might not want to perform oral sex on you. Start Slowly Then again, she may not believe those types of things about fellatio, but she may simply not enjoy it. Performing oral sex on a man can be uncomfortable, especially if a manrsquo;s penis is particularly long or thick. If she indicates that she is open to trying oral sex, you might start slowly ndash; for example, you might negotiate a type of oral sex that she would feel physically or emotionally comfortable with. She may be more comfortable trying this on the bed rather than on her knees, or she may be more comfortable licking the shaft of your penis rather than taking your penis into her mouth. These are the types of details that you will want to discuss with your wife, no matter what type of sex acts you are thinking about approaching her about. Recommended Reading If you have a monogamous relationship, the challenge is to create a sexual relationship together that you can both feel good about. You may find that a book such as Because It Feels Good: A Womanrsquo;s Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction or For Each Other: Sharing Sexual Intimacy is helpful in exploring new ways of being sexual together. If you find it difficult to explore sex in mutually pleasurable ways, you may find it useful to meet together with a sex therapist ndash; you can find one near you at www.aasect.org. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Relationships,,Love aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/genital-fit-genital-size/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/genital-fit-genital-size/#comments Mon, 03 Aug 2009 14:00:19 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=1108 http://kinseyconfidential.org/genital-fit-genital-size/feed/ 0 3:31 Although many people joke about the size of penises and vaginas, people rarely talk about genital size in ways that are helpful or informative. As ... Although many people joke about the size of penises and vaginas, people rarely talk about genital size in ways that are helpful or informative. As such, it leaves many people wondering if their own or their partnerrsquo;s genital size is normal. Genital Fit When discussing how sex feels, I find it helpful to start by talking about ldquo;genital fitrdquo; rather than either partnerrsquo;s genital size, given that both partnerrsquo;s genital size affects the overall fit. It seems that sex feels different to you now and you have attributed this to your wife possibly having a bigger or wider vagina than she did when she was younger. Changes With Age Menrsquo;s and womenrsquo;s bodies both experience changes with age, and it is possible that her vagina has not changed but your erections may be what has changed. It is common for men to experience less rigid or reliable erections with age, which can translate into a somewhat smaller erect penis size with age. If your erections are even slightly shorter or thinner than they used to be, it could cause vaginal intercourse to feel more ldquo;looserdquo; or ldquo;roomyrdquo; than it used to. Then again, you are not the only person who has been getting older. Your wife, too, is aging as we all are and her body also bore your family two children. Even though both children were both delivered by C-section rather than through vaginal birth, the experience of being pregnant can weaken womenrsquo;s pelvic floor muscles, as may other things such as heavy lifting or medical conditions. Over time, as a womanrsquo;s pelvic floor muscles weaken or relax, they can make the vaginal feel wider or looser than it once did. Often times, this is associated with symptoms such as mild, moderate or severe urinary or fecal incontinence ndash; in other words, feeling as though one has to urinate or defecate without meaning to. Questions of Trust and Fidelity Again, given how little we talk about genital size in helpful ways, it is understandable that you wondered how it is that sex now feels different. However, it may also be that your questions about her fidelity or sexual practices have made your wife feel bad about her body or as if you donrsquo;t trust her. Try to consider ways that you can express your love and respect for her, and how you can approach your aging and changing bodies in open and accepting ways. If your wife is experiencing symptoms related to incontinence, she might find it helpful to talk to a healthcare provider, such as a gynecologist. Recommended Reading You and your wife may also find it helpful to explore each otherrsquo;s bodies in ways you may not have done in months or years. A book such as For Each Other: Sharing Sexual Intimacy is packed with tips and techniques for exploration and re-connection. Bodies,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/late-abstinence/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/late-abstinence/#comments Mon, 22 Jun 2009 14:00:19 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/qa-late-abstinence/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/late-abstinence/feed/ 0 2:43 Just as people have different definitions of what it means to ldquo;have sexrdquo; ndash; in other words, whether ldquo;sexrdquo; is defined as oral, vaginal or ... Just as people have different definitions of what it means to ldquo;have sexrdquo; ndash; in other words, whether ldquo;sexrdquo; is defined as oral, vaginal or anal sex, there are also varied definitions of abstinence. That said, a common understanding of abstinence suggests that one can absolutely be abstinent even if they have had sex in the past. How is this so? Well, technically the word ldquo;abstinencerdquo; comes from the word ldquo;abstainrdquo; which means to refrain or hold oneself back from something. Different Definitions For Different People Sometimes people say that they plan to abstain from sex until they fall in love, become engaged or get married ndash; or that they want to abstain from sex for other reasons, such as until they graduate high school or meet the right person. People who are making conscious choices to abstain from sex may have had oral, vaginal or anal sex in the past, or they may not have had any of these types of sex. If you have already had sex, you can still choose to abstain from whatever types of sex you want to abstain from and for however long you wish to abstain from them. It is never too late to choose to refrain from sexual activities that you donrsquo;t feel comfortable, ready or interested in being involved in. You can still date or have meaningful romantic relationships if you would like to, and you can still engage in the types of physical intimacy that feel right to you. Keep in mind, though, that sexually transmissible infections (or STIs) can be passed through oral sex, vaginal sex and anal sex whether or not you consider these types of sex to be ldquo;sexrdquo;. Communicate Your Choices Also, if you worry that someone will try to pressure you into having sex, talk to a parent, friend or trusted adult for ideas about how you can best communicate your choices to someone yoursquo;re hanging out with or dating. Some people find that talking to others about their choice to be abstinence early in a relationship is helpful so that the person they are interested in knows what they should or shouldnrsquo;t expect from them in terms of sex. Recommended Reading To learn more about abstinence, virginity and sexual choices, check out S.E.X.: The All-You-Need-to-Know Progressive Sexuality Guide to Get You Through High School and College by Heather Corinna. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/virgin-orgasm-intercourse/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/virgin-orgasm-intercourse/#comments Thu, 07 May 2009 13:00:04 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/qa-ways-orgasm-intercourse/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/virgin-orgasm-intercourse/feed/ 0 3:25 People generally think of a virgin as a woman or a man who has not intercourse, although there are different definitions for virginity that people ... People generally think of a virgin as a woman or a man who has not intercourse, although there are different definitions for virginity that people sometimes use. Regardless of your definition of virginity ndash; in other words, regardless of whatever sexual behavior you have or have not done (such as had vaginal intercourse) ndash; women and men can experience sexual pleasure and sometimes even orgasm from a variety of different types of stimulation. So yes, even though your girlfriend has not had sex, she is still likely capable of experiencing orgasm from different types of sexual stimulation, such as stimulation of her clitoris. Difficulty with Orgasm During Intercourse Letrsquo;s back up a few steps, though. First, it may be helpful for you to know that many women find it difficult to orgasm during intercourse. Itrsquo;s not uncommon for it to take months or years for a woman to learn to orgasm at all, let alone from vaginal sex. Second, women often find it easier to orgasm from direct stimulation of the glans clitoris, which is the part of the clitoris that one can see from the outside. The glans clitoris is usually about a quarter or half of an inch long and is often quite sensitive to the touch. Because itrsquo;s such a sensitive body part, not all women like to be touched directly on the clitoris ndash; or if they do, they may prefer certain types of touch over others. Don't Pressure Her As such, if you and your girlfriend talk about your ideas about sexual intimacy and decide that you want to try clitoral stimulation, keep a few things in mind. Try not to pressure her to have an orgasm, as it can take time for women to develop an orgasmic response to sexual stimulation. Try instead to think of your sexual exploration as a chance to find out what feels pleasurable and enjoyable for each of you. You might also try different types of touch ndash; gentle but first pressure on each otherrsquo;s bodies, light touches, quick touches, slow strokes, or other types of touch that you discover together. Try Oral Sex Oral sex is another possible way of stimulating womenrsquo;s or menrsquo;s genitals. Again, there is no one way to do it so exploration is often helpful. Because it is possible to pass sexually transmissible infections, or STIs, during oral sex, yoursquo;ll want to make sure that neither one of you has an STI before deciding to have oral sex. If either of you have ever had any type of oral, vaginal or anal sex with other people, then you should get tested for STIs before getting sexually involved with each other. Remember: there is no one way that sex has to happen, and you two are free to invent your sex play in a way that fits with your values, your feelings for each other, and your ideas about how you want to relate to each other sexually. Further Reading To learn more about sexuality, check out The Guide to Getting It On. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Pregnancy aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/husband-stopped-sleeping-with-me/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/husband-stopped-sleeping-with-me/#comments Mon, 30 Mar 2009 14:00:04 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=912 http://kinseyconfidential.org/husband-stopped-sleeping-with-me/feed/ 0 3:19 Irsquo;m sorry to hear about this drastic change in your sex life. It can feel confusing and frustrating to want to be sexually intimate with ... Irsquo;m sorry to hear about this drastic change in your sex life. It can feel confusing and frustrating to want to be sexually intimate with onersquo;s partner and for that partner to decline invitations to have sex. This can feel particularly upsetting when itrsquo;s unclear why sex has stopped. After all, how can you fix a relationship problem if you donrsquo;t understand how it started in the first place, or the reasons behind it now? Many Possible Reasons People stop having sex for many reasons and it is impossible for us to know why your husband stopped having sex with you. Since it seems as though the two of you have discussed the possibility of him seeing a doctor in regard to the lack of sex, I wonder if you noticed physical problems ndash; such as difficulties with erections ndash; that might be contributing to the lack of sex. Sometimes men begin to notice erection problems during sex with a partner, or even during their own masturbation, and they begin to shy away from sex for fear of failure. Other times men, like some women, may choose to stop having sex because they lose desire for sex. Desire can decrease for any number of reasons including relationship problems or health problems. Even if your husband doesnrsquo;t want to talk to a doctor about his sex life, I wonder if he could be encouraged to see a doctor for an annual wellness exam in case he has any health conditions that should be addressed. Whether his choice to stop having sex is related to physical problems, anxiety, depression, or relationship issues is anyonersquo;s guess. However, sexual intimacy is clearly important to you and you have a right to understand more about these changes to your sexual life and marriage. Consider Therapy or Counseling You might ask your husband if he would consider going with you to meet with a sex therapist or marriage counselor. Perhaps reassure him ndash; and mean it ndash; that your goal is to work on becoming closer and strengthening your marriage, rather than being to get him to have sex. After all, if you can get your relationship intimacy back on track, you may have a chance ndash; over time ndash; of restoring your sex life. You can find a sex therapist through the web site of the Society for Sex Therapy and Researching, and you can locate marriage therapists through the web site of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists. Further Reading Finally, consider reading The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by Dr. John Gottman. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Relationships,,Love,,Special,,flagged,-,still,needs,some,edits aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/robotic-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/robotic-sex/#comments Mon, 02 Mar 2009 14:00:30 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=868 http://kinseyconfidential.org/robotic-sex/feed/ 0 2:58 Often when women and men describe sex as "robotic", what they are really noticing is a lack of connection with their partner. When two people ... Often when women and men describe sex as "robotic", what they are really noticing is a lack of connection with their partner. When two people aren't connecting emotionally during sex, then all that's left are the physical aspects to sex, which can feel like they're "going through the motions". This can happen for a variety of reasons and, since it is important to you to improve the sexual aspects of your relationship with your girlfriend, it may be worth talking to her about in a way that doesn't come across as judgmental or critical. Not "Robotic" Try not to describe the sex as "robotic" when you talk to her, as she may be trying very hard to please you and may feel sensitive to criticism. Instead, try sharing your hopes for your sex life together and what you'd like to see more of, such as more connection, relaxation, and time spent giving each other pleasure - whether or not you live up to any standard of what sex should be like. Some people find it difficult to relax, let go and get into sex, and this can lead to sex that feels less connecting. Perhaps your girlfriend has had second thoughts about her decision to have sex with you, or wonders in some ways if she is ready to have sex, or if she wants to have the types of sex that you two are having. Other Worries And Anxiety Other concerns can get in the way, too. For example, is it possible that she is worried or anxious about pregnancy or infection? What types of conversations have you two had around these issues? Other times people find it difficult to let go and connect with their partner, sexually, because they aren't quite sure what to do. They may have read books or magazine articles about sex, and may be thinking in their heads about the things they are "supposed" to do rather than touching their partner in ways that feel pleasurable and sensuous to them. To make sex feel more pleasurable and connecting, it can help to talk to each other about sex, and it can also be helpful to learn to touch each other in enjoyable ways - even when you're not actually having sex. Recommended Reading The book For Each Other: Sharing Sexual Intimacy provides detailed exercises that couples can use to learn to touch each other in pleasurable ways, in and out of the bedroom. Spending time cuddling, massaging each other and really listening to each other can help move your sex from feeling robotic to feeling just the right mix of comforting and exciting. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Relationships,,Love aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/penis-enlargement-pills-average-penis-size/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/penis-enlargement-pills-average-penis-size/#comments Mon, 23 Feb 2009 14:00:29 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=863 http://kinseyconfidential.org/penis-enlargement-pills-average-penis-size/feed/ 1 2:55 First things first: 6 inches long is nowhere near small when it comes to penis size. In fact, several studies of penis size have found ... First things first: 6 inches long is nowhere near small when it comes to penis size. In fact, several studies of penis size have found that the average erect penis length is anywhere from 5.1 to 5.8 inches. That makes you above average in length. "Safe And Effective" Second, there are currently no ways to increase the size of a man's penis that are considered "safe and effective". Although you may notice many advertisements for herbs, pills and weights to increase the size of a man's penis, I know of no product that has been scientifically tested and found to actually work. To make matters more challenging, the vast majority of penis enlargement products are not approved by the Food and Drug Administration, and are often sold as nutritional supplements. This means that even scientists and doctors don't often know what chemicals or ingredients are used to make herbal penis enlargement pills, and so it's very difficult - if not impossible - to know what types of health risks you might be facing if you were to take herbal pills for penis enlargement. Talk To A Healthcare Provider If you do decide to go forward and buy herbal pills that are marketed for penis enlargement, in spite of the fact that no scientific evidence supports such claims, I would strongly encourage you to speak with your healthcare provider. Show him or her the pills that you are thinking about taking as well as any ingredient lists or web site information related to the pills so that he or she can give you more informed feedback about what effects, if any, such pills may have on your health and well-being. Why Worry? Finally, you might spend some time considering why you are focused on your penis size. If you were worried that you didn't measure up to other men, perhaps you now feel reassured that your size is well within the normal range of penis sizes. If you have concerns about being able to please a sexual partner, you might find it helpful to know that sexual technique, knowledge, communication and a focus on mutual pleasure tend to be far more important to a couple's sexual satisfaction than penis size. Recommended Reading Books you might find interesting that are related to these topics include For Each Other: Sharing Sexual Intimacy and The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex. Bodies,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/sex-dreams-marital-infidelity/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/sex-dreams-marital-infidelity/#comments Thu, 05 Feb 2009 14:00:27 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=848 http://kinseyconfidential.org/sex-dreams-marital-infidelity/feed/ 1 3:11 We get quite a lot of questions about sexual fantasies and with good reason: fantasies are a part of a person's sexual life that differs ... We get quite a lot of questions about sexual fantasies and with good reason: fantasies are a part of a person's sexual life that differs from reality in important ways. In fantasy, a person can do whatever they like and feel safe doing it. They can imagine doing things that they might never do in real life, for whatever reason - either because it's not actually appealing to them in real life or because they would feel too scared, threatened, or uncomfortable in real life. In fantasy, however, a person can control every detail of a sexual experience and make it a perfect, arousing, enjoyable experience. Fantasies Not Necessarily Reality The fact that your wife has had dreams or fantasies of lesbian sex, sex with multiple men and sex with men she does not know does not, in and of itself, mean that you are losing her, that she wants to have sex with other people or that there is anything troubling about her sexuality or your relationship together. In fact, it is quite common for women and men to have fantasies of different types of sex. The fact that your wife feels comfortable sharing the details of her sexual dreams and fantasies with you may suggest that she feels close to you, and that she trusts you to listen to her otherwise private thoughts. In other words, rather than signaling anything troubling about your relationship, her sharing her fantasies with you may actually be a sign of something very positive, safe and trusting about your relationship. That said, it is true that sometimes women and men secretly wish that they could have sex with someone else. That doesn't mean that they will actually do so; it often is just a sign of the strength of the human sex drive. Perhaps you can recall a time when you have seen someone who you found very attractive and wondered what it was like to be sexual with them. Just because people have these thoughts does not necessarily mean that their relationship is in trouble. Talk To Her About Your Concerns If you have questions about your wife's sexual fantasies, or her feelings for you, try talking to her in a gentle way that suggests you want to understand and connect with her, rather than judge her. As for her orgasm ability, it is quite common for women to find it difficult to orgasm. It tends to be easier for men to orgasm than it is for women, especially during vaginal intercourse, and many women stimulate themselves to orgasm. To Learn More You can learn more about both fantasy and female orgasm in the book For Each Other: Sharing Sexual Intimacy. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Relationships,,Love aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/sexual-communication-talking-about-virginity/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/sexual-communication-talking-about-virginity/#comments Mon, 02 Feb 2009 14:00:48 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=846 http://kinseyconfidential.org/sexual-communication-talking-about-virginity/feed/ 0 3:07 Many people are uncertain about how to talk to others about sex, including the fact that they have not yet had sex, and itrsquo;s good ... Many people are uncertain about how to talk to others about sex, including the fact that they have not yet had sex, and itrsquo;s good of you to seek out information about what such communication might feel like for others. Awkwardness Factor I suppose the awkwardness factor depends on what you mean by talking to other people about the fact that yoursquo;re a virgin, as well as on the comfort level of the people you are talking to. For example, it might make people feel uncomfortable for you to talk about your virginity in a conversation that seemingly has nothing to do with either sex or virginity, like if the conversation were about school, basketball, shopping or the weather. If, however, you were in a conversation with friends, family or someone you liked in a romantic or sexual way, and you were already talking about personal issues such as your values or choices related to relationships and sexuality, then it might be something to bring up. Because many people do not have experience talking about sex and virginity, talking about these topics can indeed feel awkward at first. However, the awkwardness itself is not a reason to avoid these conversations. With practice, and by making the choice to have these conversations with people you feel close to and trust with your feelings, conversations about sexuality often become increasingly more comfortable and easy-going. To make sure that the other person feels comfortable, you can ask him or her whether the conversations feels comfortable for them. Talking About Sex Learning to talk about sexuality is important for many reasons. If it is important to you to let a potential boyfriend or girlfriend know that you are a virgin, then doing so may help you to feel more comfortable as you begin to get to know each other, hang out or date. If or when you decide to have sex, learning to talk about sexuality can help you to ask important questions of potential partners, such as questions about their values related to sexuality, their past sexual experiences or their history of having been tested for sexually transmissible infections. Feeling comfortable with sexual communication can also make it easier to discuss your sexual likes and dislikes, your interests and your boundaries, so that more of your sexual experiences have the potential to feel pleasurable. Learning to discuss sexuality issues can also make it easier for you to talk to your healthcare provider about your sexual and reproductive health. More On Sexual Communication To learn more about sexual communication, check out The Guide to Getting It On and For Each Other: Sharing Sexual Intimacy. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Relationships,,Love aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/aging-sexual-desire/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/aging-sexual-desire/#comments Thu, 22 Jan 2009 14:00:55 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=758 http://kinseyconfidential.org/aging-sexual-desire/feed/ 1 3:23 More often these days, people are talking more openly about desire - both in terms of how couples may have different levels of desire as ... More often these days, people are talking more openly about desire - both in terms of how couples may have different levels of desire as well as in terms of how desire often changes throughout one's lifetime. Desire Discrepancy Having different levels of desire - what we often call desire discrepancy - can be difficult for couples, as the person who wants more sex often feels as though they are pestering their partner, or they may feel as though they are not attracted or loved anymore when they ask for sex and their partner declines. The person who wants less sex, or none at all, may feel guilty or as if they are depriving their partner, and yet they may also feel bothered or annoyed at being asked so often for something that they have clearly said they do not want. Often when a couple notices these differences in desire, the changes have been building over time - even if they seem to have happened overnight. It may be that your wife hasn't enjoyed sex for some time and that she has only recently felt comfortable saying this to you. Or else perhaps she has long enjoyed having sex, but recent changes related to menopause, aging or medical conditions have made sex feel less pleasurable or enjoyable for her, or even painful. Significant Changes Around Menopause Sex changes significantly for many women around the time of menopause and she may find it helpful to speak with her healthcare provider about any changes she has noticed not only in relation to desire but also in regard to vaginal dryness, genital sensation, temperature changes or general bodily comfort. You two might also find it helpful to meet with a sex therapist to help you find ways to express and receive affection with each other, even if you don't actually have sex together for some time - if at all. Sometimes a person will stop wanting to be kissed or hugged, mainly because they worry that it will lead to sex. Perhaps your wife will be more open to meeting with a therapist, and working on your shared affection, if you assure her that you will not pressure her do anything she is not interested in (such as have sex). You might say, though, that because you value your relationship so much - including your ability to be affectionate and express love in ways such as kissing, hugging and cuddling - that you would like to see if there are ways that you can find pleasure and joy with each other. Recommended Reading The book For Each Other: Sharing Sexual Intimacy may be a helpful resource and you can find a sex therapist through the web site of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists. Content,Type,,Pleasure,,Orgasm,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/long-blowjob-virgin/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/long-blowjob-virgin/#comments Mon, 18 Aug 2008 23:11:46 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/2008/08/18/qa-my-boyfriend-is-virgin-and-im-frustrated-by-long-blowjobs/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/long-blowjob-virgin/feed/ 0 3:16 Although we commonly seem to accept the fact that many women find that it is difficult, or takes a long time, to have an orgasm, ... Although we commonly seem to accept the fact that many women find that it is difficult, or takes a long time, to have an orgasm, many people are often surprised to find out that many men find it difficult to ejaculate or have an orgasm as well. Sometimes men find it difficult to reach orgasm in very specific situations, like if they worry that someone will walk in on them or hear them having sex. Other times, men find it difficult to orgasm from certain types of sex acts, such as hand stimulation, oral sex, vaginal intercourse, or anal sex. Talking To Your Boyfriend If this is an issue that you and your boyfriend can talk to each other comfortable and with care and respect for each other, you might consider asking him whether he is able to reach orgasm during masturbation. If he is able to do so, then you may have a starting place. You might be able to ask him if he would feel comfortable masturbating in front of you either while you watch or while you kiss him, or while you do something else that you both would find enjoyable or arousing. You might be able to learn how it is that he masturbates, and then try a similar style of hand stimulation yourself. Sometimes men who have difficulty masturbating from hand or oral stimulation from a partner simply have developed a very effective, but often specific, technique that works for them, and they may find it difficult to communicate that to a partner. With time and practice, he may be able to learn to reach orgasm from different types of stimulation. To do this, he may want to start masturbating in different ways ndash; with and without lubrication, with varying hand positions, or other strategies, such as rubbing against his bed or pillows. That is ndash; only if he wants to learn to expand his repertoire. Focus Less On Orgasm You might also try to relax and focus less on his orgasm as a goal, and instead place importance on pleasure, intimacy and connection. Focusing too much on trying to get him to have an orgasm may feel like pressure to him, or may make him aware of the fact that it takes him a while to have an orgasm, and that pressure or anxiety can make it even more difficult to orgasm. Recommended Reading You might find that The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex or The Guide to Getting It On can provide ideas for other ways of sexual play, and For Each Other by Dr. Lonnie Barbach may help you learn more about sexually relating to each other. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Relationships,,Love aschweig@indiana.edu no No