http://kinseyconfidential.org Just another WordPress weblog Thu, 18 Mar 2010 14:00:23 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 en hourly 1 2006-2007 aschweig@indiana.edu (Kinsey Confidential) aschweig@indiana.edu (Kinsey Confidential) posts 1440 Just another WordPress weblog Kinsey Confidential Kinsey Confidential aschweig@indiana.edu No no http://kinseyconfidential.org/wp-content/themes/kinsey/images/kinsey-podcast-300.jpg http://kinseyconfidential.org 144 144 http://kinseyconfidential.org/virginity/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/virginity/#comments Mon, 05 Oct 2009 13:00:37 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1229 http://kinseyconfidential.org/virginity/feed/ 0 3:05 Defining Virginity People define virginity in different ways. However, one of the most common definitions of virginity for heterosexual women is whether they have had penile-vaginal ... Defining Virginity People define virginity in different ways. However, one of the most common definitions of virginity for heterosexual women is whether they have had penile-vaginal sex. If you recently had vaginal intercourse for the first time, with your boyfriend putting his penis inside of your vagina, then most people would probably consider that to be losing your virginity. So no, by most peoplersquo;s definitions you would no longer be a virgin and there is no way to reverse that. Losing onersquo;s virginity is a physical act, whether or not a woman notices any blood from her vagina. The reason why some women bleed when they first have sex is because a thin layer of tissue called the hymen covers part of a womanrsquo;s vaginal entrance. When a woman has sex, the hymen tears and she may bleed a little bit. However, some women donrsquo;t have very much of this tissue to begin with or else the tissue they did have may have torn for other reasons such as from using tampons, from masturbation or from being fingered by a partner. This is why looking for blood on the sheets, or even going to the doctor, is not helpful in terms of establishing whether or not a woman is a virgin. "Born Again Virgins" Even though you canrsquo;t reverse time to before you had sex, you may be interested to know that some people consider themselves to be ldquo;born again virginsrdquo; if they have had sex before but now are choosing to wait to have sex again until they feel more ready, more in love or are married. If you are having second thoughts about being sexually active, itrsquo;s important to know that just because you have had sex once does not mean that you have to do it again any time soon if you are not ready to or if you donrsquo;t want to. Sex is a very intimate act for many women and men. Some people connect sex with love, intimacy or relationships and may feel as though they want a certain relationship with another person before they have sex. Other times, people may have found a wonderful romantic partner but may want to wait to have sex until they feel as though they have more effective reliable birth control or until they feel comfortable with the possibility of becoming parents, should they possibly become pregnant. Learn More To learn more about sex, check out S.E.X.: The All You Need to Know Progressive Sexuality Guide to Get You Through High School and College. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/vaginal-tearing-intercourse-fingering/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/vaginal-tearing-intercourse-fingering/#comments Thu, 24 Sep 2009 14:00:18 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=1191 http://kinseyconfidential.org/vaginal-tearing-intercourse-fingering/feed/ 0 3:13 Many young women and men have questions about having sex for the first time and losing onersquo;s virginity. In regard to your question, it is ... Many young women and men have questions about having sex for the first time and losing onersquo;s virginity. In regard to your question, it is indeed possible to experience vaginal bleeding from either fingering or penile penetration. Vaginal Tearing The vagina is made up of sensitive tissue. It can be easily torn from fingering as may occur during sex play. It can also be torn by little snags of a personrsquo;s fingernails. Penetration ndash; whether from a finger or a manrsquo;s penis ndash; can also cause the hymen to tear, either just a little or a lot. The hymen is a thin layer of tissue that partially covers a womanrsquo;s vaginal entrance. Although the size of the tissue is small, it is filled with blood vessels. As such, even if just a little bit of the hymen tears, a woman or her partner may notice blood on onersquo;s fingers, penis or on the sheets. Unfortunately, it is impossible to know whether the bleeding occurred from fingering or penetration. Slow Down However, the fact that you feel as though he may be taking advantage of your lack of experience is something to pay attention to. If you feel as though you donrsquo;t have as much power or control over the sexual aspects of your relationship, you may find that it is important to talk to your boyfriend about what you do or do not want to happen sexually and what you are or are not feeling ready for. It may be that you are more comfortable exploring at a slower pace or that you would like to learn more about sex before you continue to engage in such intimate sex play together. Also, keep in mind that vaginal penetration with a manrsquo;s penis ndash; even if itrsquo;s just a little bit ndash; can put a woman at risk for pregnancy or sexually transmissible infections, also called STIs. If you do not wish to become pregnant at this time, you may want to not engage in vaginal penetration or you may want to learn more about birth control options. Learning More You can learn more about sex by reading S.E.X.: The All You Need to Know Progressive Sexuality Guide to Get You Through High School and College or The Guide to Getting It On. Bodies,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/sex-feel-like/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/sex-feel-like/#comments Thu, 05 Mar 2009 14:00:12 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=873 http://kinseyconfidential.org/sex-feel-like/feed/ 0 3:41 Given the lack of information about sex that is available to many young women and men, many people arenrsquo;t sure what to expect when it ... Given the lack of information about sex that is available to many young women and men, many people arenrsquo;t sure what to expect when it comes to sex ndash; what to do during sex as well as what sex feels like. Yoursquo;re wise to begin seeking out information about sex well before you even have sex so that, by the time you do have sex, your expectations will be fair and reasonable. High Expectations Unfortunately, due to romanticized depictions of sex in porn, Hollywood movies, on television shows, and in books, some people have unrealistically high expectations of sex. These expectations can set the bar so high that no one can live up to them. Men may expect that erections will be easy to get or maintain, or that they will be able to last a long time before they ejaculate. Women may expect that sex will feel comfortable or that they will be able to orgasm easily, or from a certain position. Both women and men may have the expectation that sex will feel fantastic or, as is often said in magazines, ldquo;mind-blowingrdquo;. Different For Different People Any of these expectations can set the bar too high for sex. The reality is that sex feels different for people at different times. The first time that a couple has sex, it may feel a little bit awkward unless the two people have talked about sex, their feelings about having sex together, their concerns about pregnancy or infection, and what it means for their friendship or relationship. Even after communicating about sex, going forward with it can still feel awkward. When sex is something that both people want, and they take their time going into it and check in with each other to make sure they both still want to do everything they are doing, then they have a better chance at having sex that feels pleasurable. Itrsquo;s when two people donrsquo;t talk to each other about their sexual choices, and go into sex without having thoughts about how it might affect them personally or as a couple, that therersquo;s a higher likelihood of either having sex that feels unpleasurable, uncomfortable or even regrettable. How sex feels can also be influenced by a personrsquo;s mood, their partnerrsquo;s mood, how the relationship is going and whether one feels distracted by thinking about other things. The Physical Feeling Of Sex The way that sex feels, physically, depends on what type of sex it is. Since most people mean vaginal sex when they ask about ldquo;sexrdquo;, wersquo;ll focus on that. Vaginal sex can feel uncomfortable or painful for women the first few times that they have sex. Though part of this discomfort may be due to the tearing of a womanrsquo;s hymen, discomfort can also be caused when a woman feels nervous about sex or hasnrsquo;t spent much time in foreplay that would otherwise enhance her arousal. Spending time doing things that feel sexually exciting to her, or using a lubricant, can make sex feel more comfortable and pleasurable for a woman and her partner. Men, on the other hand, often describe vaginal sex as feeling warm and wet, and often a bit tight. If the fit of both bodies is uncomfortably tight, then, again, using a personal lubricant can help. Bodies,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/pain-during-sex-first-time/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/pain-during-sex-first-time/#comments Mon, 29 Dec 2008 14:00:28 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=485 http://kinseyconfidential.org/pain-during-sex-first-time/feed/ 0 3:25 A woman's first experience, or first several experiences, with vaginal intercourse are sometimes uncomfortable and, occasionally, may even be painful. If a woman has never before ... A woman's first experience, or first several experiences, with vaginal intercourse are sometimes uncomfortable and, occasionally, may even be painful. If a woman has never before had vaginal penetration such as with her own or a partner's fingers, a sex toy or even a tampon, then her vaginal entrance may be largely covered by her hymen. When the hymen - which is a thin area of tissue that is filled with tiny blood vessels - tears, a woman may or may not notice vaginal bleeding, and she may or may not feel discomfort or pain. Lack of Information The tearing of the hymen is not the only reason why a woman may feel discomfort or pain when she first starts having sex. Often times, women may experience uncomfortable sex due to a lack of information about sex. For example, by the time women first start having sex, they may have never learned that using a personal lubricant can make sex more comfortable or pleasurable. Or else they may not have learned that spending more time in foreplay before starting penetration can help a woman's body to create more natural vaginal lubrication, which can also make sex feel more comfortable and pleasurable. Ready To Have Sex? And while many adults often encourage young women and men to wait to have sex until they are older, until they are married or until they are in love, adults may not spend enough time talking to young women and men about some of the benefits of waiting until they are feeling ready to have sex. For example, when two people feel uncomfortable with each other and unsure how to talk to each other about sex, then the sex itself is perhaps less likely to feel comfortable or pleasurable. However, when two people feel comfortable talking to each other about sex, and have spent time considering the emotional and physical risks of having sex - and how they plan to deal with such risks - then they are better situated to experienced more relaxed, pleasurable, comfortable sex. Feeling Comfortable: Physically and Emotionally Before you begin having sex, you might consider ways that you can feel not just physically comfortable (such as through the use of a lubricant or taking your time to begin with gentle penetration), but also ways that you can feel emotionally comfortable with your sexual choices. You and your partner might ask each other about how having sex with affect your relationship, or your expectations for exclusivity, or your plans for reducing the risk of pregnancy or infection. Recommended Reading You can learn more about having sex and how to make it more comfortable by reading S.E.X.: The All-You-Need-To-Know Progressive Sexuality Guide to Get You Through High School and College by Heather Corinna. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/vaginal-bleeding-after-sex-rpregnancy-risk/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/vaginal-bleeding-after-sex-rpregnancy-risk/#comments Thu, 20 Nov 2008 14:00:40 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=424 http://kinseyconfidential.org/vaginal-bleeding-after-sex-rpregnancy-risk/feed/ 0 3:37 Many women experience vaginal bleeding during the first few times that they had sex. When the hymen tears, it does not necessarily tear all at ... Many women experience vaginal bleeding during the first few times that they had sex. When the hymen tears, it does not necessarily tear all at once. It may continue to tear gradually over time, and sexual experience, so it is indeed common to experience slight bleeding on the second or even third occurrence of sex. That said, if you continue to noticed bleeding or if you have any other vaginal symptoms such as irritation, itching, or burning, you should check in with a healthcare provider to rule out other health issues, including sexually transmissible infections, or STIs. All women who are sexually active, even if just once or twice, should have a gynecological exam anyway as a means of caring for their reproductive health. So if you haven't already done so, now may be a good time to make an appointment for a gynecological exam. This is particularly true now that you had unprotected sex with a partner. It is not true that you cannot get pregnant from sex if you bleed. In fact, a woman can absolutely become pregnant from unprotected sex, even if it is her first or second time having sex, and even if she bleeds. The blood, for example, does not "wash out" the semen. If this just recently happened, you might contact your healthcare provider immediately for information about emergency contraception (also called the "morning after pill") which can help to reduce the risk of pregnancy if taken within 5 days of unprotected sex. It is most effective when taken very soon, such as within 3 days, of unprotected intercourse. As you know, many women and men find that alcohol can lower a person's inhibitions and affect their judgment, which can contribute to them doing things that they might not normally do. If you did not want to have sex with this person, or if you did not want to have unprotected sex, but did so because you were drunk, then perhaps this is an opportunity to re-evaluate your choices regarding drinking and sexuality. Some women and men make pacts with their close friends that at least one of them will remain completely sober and will not let the others do things that they say they don't want to do. In the future, perhaps you and your friends can discuss ways of keeping each other safe if you plan to drink. To learn more about women's sexual health, including issues related to safer sex, pregnancy risk and the relationship between alcohol and sex, you might read Our Bodies, Ourselves by the Boston Women's Health Book Collective. Bodies,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/hymen-bleeding-first-time-intercourse/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/hymen-bleeding-first-time-intercourse/#comments Thu, 30 Oct 2008 14:00:36 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=405 http://kinseyconfidential.org/hymen-bleeding-first-time-intercourse/feed/ 0 3:07 Great question! Although many women bleed during or after the first time that they have intercourse, not all do - and the presence or absence ... Great question! Although many women bleed during or after the first time that they have intercourse, not all do - and the presence or absence of blood on the sheets is not a reliable indicator of whether or not a woman is a virgin, even though people in some cultures still look for this as a sign of virginity. Different for Different Girls Most girls are born with a layer of tissue called the hymen that covers much of their vaginal entrance. Though thin, the hymen is filled with blood vessels and so when it tears, there is often some visible blood. In some girls, the tissue is quite thin and in others the hymen is thicker. Some girls aren't born with much of a hymen at all and it's important to realize that there are differences in girls' hymens as early as infancy. As girls grow up, the hymen may be worn away for different reasons. Some girls - like some boys - stimulate their genitals with their hands or other objects. Masturbating in this way may wear away some of a girl's hymen. Some health professionals have thought that certain activities that impact the vulva, such as horseback riding or gymnastics, may also contribute to the gradual wearing away of the hymen, but research has yet to confirm that this is true. Many Ways The Hymen Can Be Worn Away As young women, mutual masturbation, or fingering, can also wear away at the hymen, as can using tampons during a menstrual period. As you can see, there are many ways that a hymen can be gently worn away over the years so that by the time a woman has vaginal intercourse for the first time, she may not have any noticeable bleeding. That doesn't mean that she's not a virgin. If you have questions about your girlfriend's previous sexual experiences, it is better to ask her in ways that are respectful, gentle and caring rather than to make assumptions based on the bedroom sheets. It is also worth considering to what extent her sexual history matters to you in your current relationship, as well as to what extent your own history may matter to her. Learn More To learn more about communicating with a partner and coming to terms with each other's sexual past, you might want to read For Each Other: Sharing Sexual Intimacy by Dr. Lonnie Barbach. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/using-vibrator-vaginal-bleeding/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/using-vibrator-vaginal-bleeding/#comments Thu, 25 Sep 2008 14:00:19 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=358 http://kinseyconfidential.org/using-vibrator-vaginal-bleeding/feed/ 0 3:09 If you have never had vaginal penetration before, it is more likely that the bleeding you are experiencing is the gradual tearing of your hymen, ... If you have never had vaginal penetration before, it is more likely that the bleeding you are experiencing is the gradual tearing of your hymen, which is a thin tissue filled with blood vessels that covers much of women's vaginal entrances. Some women gradually wear their hymen away through tampon use or finger stimulation alone (or with a partner) during adolescence. Also some women naturally have thinner or thicker hymens than other women, so bleeding can vary when one first penetrates their vagina. Some women report quite a lot of bleeding and for other women the bleeding is barely noticeable. Different Definitions of Virginity Sometimes women worry that if they penetrate their vagina - and thus tear their hymen - then they are no longer a virgin, but that is not true. People have different definitions of virginity, but most commonly it is considered that a virgin is someone who has not "had sex" yet (and people have different definitions of what "sex" means too - such as oral sex, vaginal sex, anal sex, etc, so even that varies a bit). Given your age, it is a good idea to check in with a healthcare provider to get a gynecological exam which is an important step in taking care of your sexual and reproductive health - even if you are not having sex with a partner, you still have important reproductive organs that should be checked out. That may give you some peace of mind about your genital and reproductive health as well. Learn More To learn more about sexual play with a vibrator, you might want to read The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex. Also keep in mind that you don't have to use your vibrator to penetrate your vagina unless you want to or find that it feels good. Quite a lot of women hold their vibrator up to their clitoris (without using it to penetrate their vagina) so that is another option too. Bodies,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/sex-with-virgin-bleeding/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/sex-with-virgin-bleeding/#comments Mon, 28 Jul 2008 16:35:35 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/2008/07/28/qa-bleeding-the-first-time/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/sex-with-virgin-bleeding/feed/ 0 3:41 It is true that sometimes a small amount of bleeding occurs during the first time - or first few times- that a woman has vaginal ... It is true that sometimes a small amount of bleeding occurs during the first time - or first few times- that a woman has vaginal intercourse. Usually the bleeding is due to tearing of a woman's hymen, which is a thin layer of tissue that's rich with blood vessels and may cover a portion of the vaginal entrance. The Hymen And Bleeding While nearly all girls are born with a hymen, the size of the hymen can vary greatly. Also, some women's hymens are gradually torn over the years due to self-masturbation, tampon use or sexual activities such as finger stimulation. As a result, by the time a woman first experiences intercourse, she may notice only small amounts of bleeding, or none at all. Others notice larger amounts of bleeding. Some couples continue with sex when bleeding occurs; others are more comfortable stopping and checking things out. Some women experience physical discomfort with early attempts at intercourse; others do not. These are reasons why it is important to continue checking in with each other. You might even choose to have sex on a towel or dark sheets if concerns about bleeding interfere with feeling relaxed and open to pleasure. Vaginal Tearing Bleeding can also be caused by vaginal tearing. A woman might notice this during sex or afterwards, or even the next. If at any time a woman feels discomfort, pain or has concerns about bleeding, she might consider checking in with her healthcare provider (which is recommended prior to becoming sexually active, anyway). Using Lubricant The risk of vaginal tearing may be reduced by using a store-bought lubricant during intercourse. It can be applied to a man's penis (over the condom) and to a woman's vaginal entrance, to make intercourse more comfortable. If you're using latex condoms, choose a water or silicone based lubricant. Lubricants can be incorporated into your sex play in fun, sexy, pleasurable ways. You can watch each other apply it to your own genitals, or take turns and apply it on each otherrsquo;s bodies. Safer, more comfortable sex can absolutely be enjoyable. Good Communication Regardless of your partner's level of experience, it can be good to ask each other questions like, Are you comfortable?, Shall we keep going?, Do you want to stop?, or How does this feel? Good communication can help you and your partner decide whether you want to continue sexual activities, try different things, vary your position or rhythm, or stop altogether. Before deciding to be sexual together, people often remember to ask each other important questions about sexually transmitted infections (STI) and condom use. However, they sometimes shy away from asking equally important questions about the emotional side of sex. Letting your partner know how you feel about sharing sexual experiences -- your values, expectations, excitement and concerns -- and asking how he or she feels in return can help deepen your relationship and bring you closer to developing the relationship you desire. Bodies,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/virginity-pre-marital-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/virginity-pre-marital-sex/#comments Wed, 16 Feb 2005 21:45:47 +0000 Kinsey Confidential http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/2005/02/16/qa-virginity-and-pre-marital-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/virginity-pre-marital-sex/feed/ 0