http://kinseyconfidential.org Just another WordPress weblog Thu, 18 Mar 2010 14:00:23 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 en hourly 1 2006-2007 aschweig@indiana.edu (Kinsey Confidential) aschweig@indiana.edu (Kinsey Confidential) posts 1440 Just another WordPress weblog Kinsey Confidential Kinsey Confidential aschweig@indiana.edu No no http://kinseyconfidential.org/wp-content/themes/kinsey/images/kinsey-podcast-300.jpg http://kinseyconfidential.org 144 144 http://kinseyconfidential.org/initiate-sex-girlfriend/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/initiate-sex-girlfriend/#comments Mon, 11 May 2009 14:00:48 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/qa-initiate-sex-girlfriend/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/initiate-sex-girlfriend/feed/ 2 4:10 Considering how rare it is for young men and women to have received comprehensive sexuality information in school or from their parents, itrsquo;s not surprising ... Considering how rare it is for young men and women to have received comprehensive sexuality information in school or from their parents, itrsquo;s not surprising that many people are curious about what exactly happens when two people have sex. Even when teachers and parents do talk to their teenaged or college-aged kids about having sex, they often focus mainly on the risks associated with sex such as sexually transmissible infections (STI), unintended pregnancy, or feeling hurt, used or heartbroken. Itrsquo;s less common for men and women to learn about the possible pleasures and joys associated with sex as well as the basic ldquo;how-tordquo; information about sex, including who initiates it. Couples often find that it feels natural to take turns. Sometimes one person initiates and other times the other person initiates. It can feel sexy for people to each get a chance to initiate or to respond. Talk To Her I would recommend talking to this girl to learn more about her interest in being sexual with you. Are you certain that she wants to have sex with you? If so, how do you know? Some people mistake flirtation for an interest in sex, and itrsquo;s important to make sure that the person you think wants to have sex with you truly does want to have sex with you before you go any further. All too often, people mis-read signals and may end up in a situation in which one person said that sex was wanted and the other one says it wasnrsquo;t - that it was assault or rape. Making certain that your partner wants to be sexual with you is therefore critical. If you talk and find out that she is interested in having sex, donrsquo;t forget to make sure that you want to have sex too! Sometimes men have sex simply because theyrsquo;ve found someone who wants to have sex with them, rather than because they are attracted to, in like or in love with the person. If you want to wait until you find someone who you are more attracted to or who you have certain feelings or commitments to, or find it easier to talk about sex with, thatrsquo;s okay too. ...And Talk Some More If you both want to have sex, Irsquo;d recommend that you do even more talking first. What steps are you both taking regarding birth control? You mentioned that you havenrsquo;t had sex before, but have you had other types of sex such as oral sex or dry sex (rubbing your naked genitals against a partnerrsquo;s naked genitals)? Has she? If so, you two may want to get tested for STIs before being sexual with each other. You may also want to discuss your expectations for having sex such as whether you will consider yourselves to be in a relationship, to be free to date other people or not, whether you want to hang out more often, and such. Believe it or not, this whole process of communication is a major part of initiating sex as it lets your partner know that yoursquo;re into them and that yoursquo;re taking it seriously and treating them ndash; and yourself - with respect and care. Foreplay When it comes to the physical aspects of sex, people often start with kissing and non-genital touching, such as touching or caressing each other on the stomach, back, breasts/chest, arms or inner thighs before moving to genital touching. Some people spend 10 or 20 minutes or longer in foreplay before having intercourse. Others spend even longer (an hour or more) in foreplay, which can increase arousal and enhance a womanrsquo;s natural vaginal lubrication, making sex more comfortable and pleasurable. Learn More To learn more about sex, check out S.E.X. The All-You-Need-to-Know Progressive Sexuality Guide to Get You Through High School and College by Heather Corinna. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Relationships,,Love aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/communicating-sex-matters/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/communicating-sex-matters/#comments Mon, 09 Mar 2009 13:02:26 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=938 http://kinseyconfidential.org/communicating-sex-matters/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/sex-feel-like/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/sex-feel-like/#comments Thu, 05 Mar 2009 14:00:12 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=873 http://kinseyconfidential.org/sex-feel-like/feed/ 0 3:41 Given the lack of information about sex that is available to many young women and men, many people arenrsquo;t sure what to expect when it ... Given the lack of information about sex that is available to many young women and men, many people arenrsquo;t sure what to expect when it comes to sex ndash; what to do during sex as well as what sex feels like. Yoursquo;re wise to begin seeking out information about sex well before you even have sex so that, by the time you do have sex, your expectations will be fair and reasonable. High Expectations Unfortunately, due to romanticized depictions of sex in porn, Hollywood movies, on television shows, and in books, some people have unrealistically high expectations of sex. These expectations can set the bar so high that no one can live up to them. Men may expect that erections will be easy to get or maintain, or that they will be able to last a long time before they ejaculate. Women may expect that sex will feel comfortable or that they will be able to orgasm easily, or from a certain position. Both women and men may have the expectation that sex will feel fantastic or, as is often said in magazines, ldquo;mind-blowingrdquo;. Different For Different People Any of these expectations can set the bar too high for sex. The reality is that sex feels different for people at different times. The first time that a couple has sex, it may feel a little bit awkward unless the two people have talked about sex, their feelings about having sex together, their concerns about pregnancy or infection, and what it means for their friendship or relationship. Even after communicating about sex, going forward with it can still feel awkward. When sex is something that both people want, and they take their time going into it and check in with each other to make sure they both still want to do everything they are doing, then they have a better chance at having sex that feels pleasurable. Itrsquo;s when two people donrsquo;t talk to each other about their sexual choices, and go into sex without having thoughts about how it might affect them personally or as a couple, that therersquo;s a higher likelihood of either having sex that feels unpleasurable, uncomfortable or even regrettable. How sex feels can also be influenced by a personrsquo;s mood, their partnerrsquo;s mood, how the relationship is going and whether one feels distracted by thinking about other things. The Physical Feeling Of Sex The way that sex feels, physically, depends on what type of sex it is. Since most people mean vaginal sex when they ask about ldquo;sexrdquo;, wersquo;ll focus on that. Vaginal sex can feel uncomfortable or painful for women the first few times that they have sex. Though part of this discomfort may be due to the tearing of a womanrsquo;s hymen, discomfort can also be caused when a woman feels nervous about sex or hasnrsquo;t spent much time in foreplay that would otherwise enhance her arousal. Spending time doing things that feel sexually exciting to her, or using a lubricant, can make sex feel more comfortable and pleasurable for a woman and her partner. Men, on the other hand, often describe vaginal sex as feeling warm and wet, and often a bit tight. If the fit of both bodies is uncomfortably tight, then, again, using a personal lubricant can help. Bodies,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/mardi-gras/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/mardi-gras/#comments Wed, 25 Feb 2009 01:39:59 +0000 Natalie Ingraham (M.P.H.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=934 http://kinseyconfidential.org/mardi-gras/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/sex-mardi-gras/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/sex-mardi-gras/#comments Mon, 23 Feb 2009 14:36:19 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=933 http://kinseyconfidential.org/sex-mardi-gras/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/virginity-overcoming-uncomfortable-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/virginity-overcoming-uncomfortable-sex/#comments Mon, 23 Jun 2008 22:18:26 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/2008/06/23/qa-virginity-and-overcoming-uncomfortable-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/virginity-overcoming-uncomfortable-sex/feed/ 0 3:12 The realities of having vaginal intercourse for the first time hardly ever match the romanticized Hollywood versions of sex. In fact, you are not alone ... The realities of having vaginal intercourse for the first time hardly ever match the romanticized Hollywood versions of sex. In fact, you are not alone in your experience of feeling like yoursquo;re ready for sex, trying to have it, and then finding that your body just wonrsquo;t cooperate. Medical or Psychological Reasons Sometimes there are medical or physiological reasons why vaginal intercourse may feel difficult or even impossible for a woman. Women who are thinking about becoming sexually active would be well advised to check in with a healthcare provider for a gynecological exam, and this might be a good time for you to do so. That way, not only can you ask your healthcare provider whether you have any personal medical issues that may be making it difficult or uncomfortable for you to have sex, but you can also ask your healthcare provider any questions that you may have about pregnancy, birth control, or sexually transmissible infections ndash; also called STIs. Feeling Comfortable Itrsquo;s also important to note that just because you were recently feeling ready to have sex with your boyfriend, doesnrsquo;t mean that you have to feel ready now. If you are dreading the thought of him touching you now, it is probably worth examining that. You might ask yourself what you need to feel more comfortable with him, whether or not you have sex, and how you are about your relationship together. Couples ndash; even those that have been together for a very long time - sometimes find that their feelings for each other, and those related to sex, ebb and flow. Itrsquo;s okay to feel one way today and another way tomorrow. Spend some time paying attention to your feelings and communicate with him about issues that are important to you. Communicate With Your Partner This might also be a good time to share feelings and thoughts with each other about birth control, condoms, STIs, personal values related to sex, as well as your expectations for sex, and how you think your relationship might change when you have sex together. When you decide that you are ready to try to have sex again ndash; whether it is with him or someone else ndash; feeling relaxed and spending time in foreplay, as you did, and communicating with each other are indeed key features of comfortable sex. Depending on how your bodies fit together, you may find that using a personal lubricant can ease penetration as well. Bodies,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/sex-twenty-seconds-pregnancy/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/sex-twenty-seconds-pregnancy/#comments Mon, 21 Apr 2008 14:00:21 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/blog/2008/04/21/qa-sex-for-only-twenty-seconds/ Subscribe to the Podcast]]> http://kinseyconfidential.org/sex-twenty-seconds-pregnancy/feed/ 0 3:27 Here at Kinsey Confidential, we get quite a lot of questions about pregnancy. And no wonder ndash; though most women and men want to be ... Here at Kinsey Confidential, we get quite a lot of questions about pregnancy. And no wonder ndash; though most women and men want to be parents at some point in their lives, most of them also want to be able to plan to become pregnant when they are ready to, and to plan not to become pregnant when they donrsquo;t want to become pregnant. Time Doesn't Matter As for your question about having sex with your girlfriend without using a condom, it doesnrsquo;t matter how short or how long the sex lasted. If your penis was inside your girlfriendrsquo;s vagina without a condom, then there is the risk of pregnancy. That said, if you did not ejaculate, and the only fluid from your penis that got inside her vagina was pre-ejaculate (the thin fluid that some men notice coming from their penis when they are sexually aroused) then the risk of pregnancy would be very low. However, is this a risk that you or your girlfriend wants to take? Pregnancy Risk On the other hand, if you ejaculated inside your girlfriend ndash; even just a little bit ndash; that certainly increases the risk of pregnancy. In order for a pregnancy to occur, there needs to be an egg and some sperm, and then the sperm need to fertilize the egg, and then the fertilized egg needs to implant itself ndash; and stay implanted in ndash; the womanrsquo;s uterus. If your girlfriend was not ovulating at the time, then there would be no egg. But most couples rarely track a womanrsquo;s ovulation, and also ovulation timing can vary considerably, especially among young women. Talk About Your Relationship If you and your girlfriend do not want to become pregnant, we would highly recommend that the two of you talk about your sexual relationship. How do you both feel about being sexually active together? Is this something that you both want and feel comfortable with? What expectations do you have for being sexual together, in terms of being exclusive, or seeing other people, or whether you see this is a serious, ongoing relationship or something that feels right only for right now, as with many friends with benefits relationships? STIs and Birth Control It is also crucial that you two discuss your feelings around sexually transmissible infections ndash; which we call STIs - and birth control. You two have already had intercourse, even if just briefly. Have you talked about your histories of being tested or treated for any STIs? How would you feel about going together to get tested? What about your feelings about birth control and how, if you continue to be sexually active together, you might take responsibility for preventing pregnancy? These are conversations that we would encourage for you to have together, and possibly with a healthcare provider, so that you can make informed, healthy decisions that help you both to feel good about your relationship. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Pregnancy aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/performance-anxiety-psyching-myself-out-erection/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/performance-anxiety-psyching-myself-out-erection/#comments Mon, 17 Sep 2007 20:31:55 +0000 Kinsey Confidential http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/blog/2007/09/17/qa-am-i-psyching-myself-out-of-my-erection/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/performance-anxiety-psyching-myself-out-erection/feed/ 0