http://kinseyconfidential.org Just another WordPress weblog Tue, 16 Mar 2010 17:20:29 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 en hourly 1 2006-2007 aschweig@indiana.edu (Kinsey Confidential) aschweig@indiana.edu (Kinsey Confidential) posts 1440 Just another WordPress weblog Kinsey Confidential Kinsey Confidential aschweig@indiana.edu No no http://kinseyconfidential.org/wp-content/themes/kinsey/images/kinsey-podcast-300.jpg http://kinseyconfidential.org 144 144 http://kinseyconfidential.org/boyfriends-penis-soft-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/boyfriends-penis-soft-sex/#comments Mon, 25 Jan 2010 14:00:00 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1361 http://kinseyconfidential.org/boyfriends-penis-soft-sex/feed/ 1 http://kinseyconfidential.org/depression-contribute-erectile-problems/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/depression-contribute-erectile-problems/#comments Mon, 14 Dec 2009 14:00:32 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1295 http://kinseyconfidential.org/depression-contribute-erectile-problems/feed/ 0 3:10 Yes, the mind-body connection is absolutely important when it comes to menrsquo;s and womenrsquo;s experience of sexuality. Thatrsquo;s not to say that physical problems in ... Yes, the mind-body connection is absolutely important when it comes to menrsquo;s and womenrsquo;s experience of sexuality. Thatrsquo;s not to say that physical problems in and of themselves donrsquo;t get in the way of sex or cause sexual problems. It is certainly possible that your blood pressure problems are contributing to your erectile problems. Depression Can Affect Desire However, the mind is important too. Time and again, researchers have found that even mild depression can interfere with menrsquo;s and womenrsquo;s sexual experiences. Depression can contribute to problems with desire, erections and ease of orgasm. When people feel depressed, they may more easily allow distracting thoughts to get in the way of their arousal, which can contribute to erectile problems. If you find yourself saying negative things to yourself about your body, your sexuality, your fantasies or yourself more generally, these may be important to pay attention to. HIV/AIDS Transmission You also made a point to mention that your concern or anxiety about HIV/AIDS has gotten in the way of your being able to pursue a sexual relationship with another person. If you want to be intimate with another person, then it may be important for you to find a way to overcome this anxiety ndash; to realize that through careful decision making one can greatly reduce their risk of HIV or sexually transmissible infections (STI). For example, you and a partner could use condoms for oral, vaginal or anal sex. You and a partner could also agree to get tested together for HIV and other STIs prior to being sexual together.nbsp;In addition, you could be careful to only engage in low risk sexual activities together until you feel more comfortable and confident with each otherrsquo;s HIV status and testing. In short, you may be able to find ways of managing your anxiety around HIV transmission so that you can pursue a satisfying, healthy relationship with another adult. Yes, there is risk involved in sex ndash; but it is also risky to remain isolated and alone if what you want is to connect with another human being. More Information You may find it helpful to meet with a therapist who can help you to manage issues related to depression or anxiety as well as your sexual concerns. You can find a trained sex therapist through the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists at www.aasect.org. Content,Type,,Pleasure,,Orgasm,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/trouble-keeping-erection-condom/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/trouble-keeping-erection-condom/#comments Mon, 23 Nov 2009 14:00:19 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1280 http://kinseyconfidential.org/trouble-keeping-erection-condom/feed/ 0 3:32 Although condoms typically donrsquo;t contribute to problems getting or keeping an erection, sometimes men find that they do. In these cases, it can be helpful ... Although condoms typically donrsquo;t contribute to problems getting or keeping an erection, sometimes men find that they do. In these cases, it can be helpful to strategize ways to have safer, more pleasurable sex. This generally means ways to help a man maintain his erection while wearing a condom so that he feels committed to using the condom the entire time he has sex. After all, if a man starts having sex without a condom and only later puts on a condom ndash; or if he does the reverse (starts having sex with a condom, then removes it and continues having sex without it) ndash; it can put him and his partner at risk for infection. Size and Fit of Condoms You might try sampling a variety of condoms to find one that feels most pleasurable for you and allows you to experience maximum sensation. Some men find that condoms with looser or baggier heads or shafts allow for more sensation and thus easier erections. Other times, the size of the condom is an issue. If standard sized condoms donrsquo;t fit you well, consider using a snugger fit condom or a larger sized condom depending on your size needs. Learn about or purchase condoms of different sizes at Condomania.com. Adding Lubrication Adding a small dab of lubricant on the inside of the condom, in the reservoir tip, can also help sex to feel more comfortable and pleasurable. Then, after the condom is rolled down your penis, you might also apply additional lube to the outside of the condom along your shaft. A warming sensation lubricant may help to increase the pleasurable sensations and thus make it easier to maintain your erection. Choosing Your Sexual Experiences You might also look beyond products and turn inward. Are you choosing partners or sexual situations that completely turn you on? If you are having sex with men you are only sort of attracted to, then the best condom in the world may not be sufficient to help you maintain your erection in the way you want. Sexual arousal has physical, emotional and mental components and you may find that it is particularly important for you to attend to getting yourself extremely interested or aroused by your partner or the sexual circumstances before deciding to have sex with them. Erectile Dysfunction Medications for ED are generally not recommended by healthcare providers for young, healthy men who do not actually have ED. If you believe that you may have ED, or if itrsquo;s been a while since you have had a healthcare visit, you might check in with a healthcare provider for a check-up or wellness visit. It is more common for erectile problems in young, healthy men to be caused by stress, performance anxiety or sub-optimal arousal rather than a medical condition. Although many web sites and emails advertise the availability of ED medications, many medications sold over the internet are not what they claim to be and may put peoplersquo;s health at risk. More Information To learn more about erectile function, check out The Sexual Male: Problems and Solutions. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/regain-erection-quicker-orgasm/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/regain-erection-quicker-orgasm/#comments Mon, 26 Oct 2009 14:00:40 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1253 http://kinseyconfidential.org/regain-erection-quicker-orgasm/feed/ 0 3:24 Men Vs. Women Although menrsquo;s and womenrsquo;s bodies are similar in many ways (both sexes have two eyes, two ears, a nose, two legs, etc) there ... Men Vs. Women Although menrsquo;s and womenrsquo;s bodies are similar in many ways (both sexes have two eyes, two ears, a nose, two legs, etc) there are also some key differences. For example, not only do males and females vary in terms of their genitals ndash; the whole ldquo;boys have a penis and girls have a vaginardquo; ndash; but our genitals and sexual response work in different ways too. Refractory Period Unlike women (who are capable of multiple orgasms), men have whatrsquo;s called a refractory period which is the time between one ejaculation and their ability to ejaculate again. Young men, particularly those in their teens and twenties, can often have more than one ejaculation in a short period of time. Sometimes after sex that ends in ejaculation, a guy can keep having sex with only a slight decrease in the firmness of his erection. Mostly, though, it takes time for a man to get a second erection after he has already ejaculated (whether that ejaculation was from masturbation, oral sex, mutual masturbation, vaginal sex or anal sex). Sometimes it may only take a few moments but often it takes at least 15 or 30 minutes for men ndash; even young, college-aged men like yourself ndash; to get a second erection after they ejaculate. Welcome to your refractory period! As men age, their refractory period typically lengthens meaning that it often takes longer for men to get a second erection after they ejaculate. Some men may need to wait hours before they can ejaculate again or get a second erection. Other men may need to wait a day or longer. Can It Be Changed? There is no way to change onersquo;s refractory period and no special technique to being able to have multiple ejaculations in a short period of time. Some men pay attention to how their particular bodies work and may notice that itrsquo;s easier for them to become erect again if they are working out, eating well, getting sufficient sleep, abstaining from cigarettes or alcohol (both of which may impair menrsquo;s erectile function), or if they are feeling extremely mentally or physically aroused. Other times, men find it difficult to pinpoint any specific pattern to the way their erections work. Other Ways To Enjoy Each Other The good news is that pleasurable, enjoyable sex doesnrsquo;t always require an erection. Pleasurable sex isnrsquo;t always about intercourse or what some may think of as ldquo;normalrdquo; or ldquo;standardrdquo; sex. If you want to keep exploring each otherrsquo;s bodies, then whether or not you have a second erection, you and your partner can continue to kiss, to stimulate each othersrsquo; genitals with your hands, to massage each otherrsquo;s bodies all over, to play with sex toys or to lay in bed and talk and laugh. More Information You can learn more about menrsquo;s sexuality, including erections, ejaculation and enhancing sex play with a partner, in The New Male Sexuality. Content,Type,,Pleasure,,Orgasm,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/break-before-second-round-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/break-before-second-round-sex/#comments Thu, 22 Oct 2009 13:00:32 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1242 http://kinseyconfidential.org/break-before-second-round-sex/feed/ 0 2:31 As long as two people are feeling comfortable and ready to have a second round of sex, there is no need for them to wait ... As long as two people are feeling comfortable and ready to have a second round of sex, there is no need for them to wait any certain length of time before they have sex again. If your partnerrsquo;s body feels tender, sore or irritated then you may want to delay having sex until another day when she or he is feeling more comfortable, ready and interested in having sex again. That said, if your partner wants to jump back into a second round of sex only moments after the first time that you two had sex, thatrsquo;s okay too. Erections Can Stay Firm When men are younger, such as in their teens and twenties, they are often able to get an erection that is firm enough for intercourse even minutes after they have sex. On occasion, they may not even become soft again after they first ejaculate ndash; they may maintain some level of hardness for several minutes or longer and continue having sex. Again, if you and your partner are able to have sex a second or third time in a short period of time, and you both want to, then there is no reason that you have to wait. Tools of the Trade If you use condoms to reduce your risk of pregnancy or infection, make sure to have multiple condoms on hand in case you decide to have sex more than once. If sex lasts for a long time or you anticipate having sex more than once, you may want to keep a bottle of lubricant on hand to help make sex more comfortable and pleasurable for your and your partner. Find Out More Sex can be enormously fun and it can be exciting to have sex more than once in a short period of time. Some couples feel as though they cannot get enough of each other and the chance to re-connect physically can feel very pleasurable. To learn more about sexual pleasure, choosing lubricants and sex techniques, check out Because It Feels Good: A Womanrsquo;s Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction. Content,Type,,Pleasure,,Orgasm,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/sexual-arousal-differences-men-women/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/sexual-arousal-differences-men-women/#comments Thu, 01 Oct 2009 13:00:42 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1211 http://kinseyconfidential.org/sexual-arousal-differences-men-women/feed/ 0 2:43 Like men, women may become sexually aroused when they see someone they are attracted to or desire sexually, whether that person is a woman or ... Like men, women may become sexually aroused when they see someone they are attracted to or desire sexually, whether that person is a woman or a man. After all, not all men are attracted to women and not all women are attracted to men. Key Differences There are some key differences in regard to menrsquo;s and womenrsquo;s sexual arousal response, however. One of the biggest differences in many peoplersquo;s minds is that menrsquo;s erections are visible whereas womenrsquo;s arousal is more hidden. If a man becomes so mentally or physically aroused that his penis becomes partially or fully erect, then it may be noticeable to those around him. When women feel aroused ndash; whether by a man or another woman ndash; their bodies react in different ways. Like men, blood flow increases to their genitals when women feel sexually aroused. However, unlike men, the increased blood flow doesnrsquo;t cause an erection. Rather, sexual excitement and increased blood flow to the genitals in women helps to promote an increase in a womanrsquo;s natural vaginal lubrication. If yoursquo;ve ever heard of a woman becoming ldquo;wetrdquo;, the wetness being referenced is a womanrsquo;s vaginal lubrication. Inner Signs Unlike menrsquo;s erections, though, vaginal lubrication is typically not visible. Although lubrication increases during arousal, there is typically not so much of it that it soaks through a womanrsquo;s clothes. She may notice feelings of wetness in her underwear but no one else would notice. Women may also feel warm or tingly in their genital area when they feel aroused. Some women, like men, describe feeling physical sensations in their stomach, such as nervousness or excitement. Both women and men may also find it difficult to think about anything else except the person they long for and they may also notice changes in their breathing, heart rate or even in how warm their body feels. Recommended Reading To learn more about womenrsquo;s and menrsquo;s sexuality, check out The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex. Bodies,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/qa-sexual-arousal-strangers/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/qa-sexual-arousal-strangers/#comments Mon, 21 Sep 2009 14:00:26 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=1189 http://kinseyconfidential.org/qa-sexual-arousal-strangers/feed/ 0 2:43 In many cultures, there is a stereotype that men are always ready and eager to have sex with just about anyone. However, as strong as ... In many cultures, there is a stereotype that men are always ready and eager to have sex with just about anyone. However, as strong as a manrsquo;s interest or desire may be, his body may not always be ready to have sex. Some men find it very difficult to get or maintain an erection with partners who they do not know very well. Often they find that they cannot ldquo;makerdquo; themselves have an erection just because they want one. Mental and Physical Sexual arousal is often strongest when a person feels both mentally and physically aroused. If you donrsquo;t know these women very well, you may find it difficult to feel mentally aroused or excited by them. Perhaps it is easier for you to feel sexually aroused, and to become erect, with your ex because you feel more connected to her or mentally turned on by her. After all, you have an entire history with her ndash; you may feel attracted to her because of the way that she makes you feel, or because of her humor or personality in addition to her physical attractiveness. A Physical Problem? Since you are able to still get erections with your ex, it is unlikely that you have a physical problem with your erections. However, if you are concerned about your erectile function or have questions about it, please check in with your healthcare provider. If you are open to getting to know other women well, you might spend more time getting to know them over dinner, drinks or other activities before having sex with them. As you get to know women more, you may find it easier to feel relaxed, comfortable and both mentally and physically turned on. It is also possible that other issues are keeping you from having full and reliable erections with other women. For example, if you are still in love with your ex, you may find it difficult to move on and be with other women until you have resolved those feelings. Recommended Reading To learn more about erectile function, you may find it helpful to read The Sexual Male: Problems and Solutions by Richard Milsten and Julian Slowinski. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/aging-erectile-problems/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/aging-erectile-problems/#comments Mon, 14 Sep 2009 14:00:39 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=1185 http://kinseyconfidential.org/aging-erectile-problems/feed/ 0 2:23 Thanks for your question. It may be that your refractory period ndash; which is the time between one ejaculation and your ability to have another ... Thanks for your question. It may be that your refractory period ndash; which is the time between one ejaculation and your ability to have another one - is beginning to lengthen. This is common with age. Sometimes, men find that as they age, they cannot get as many firm erections that end in ejaculation in a day or in a week as they used to. You may find that masturbating less often helps you to maintain your erection when you do have intercourse. Some men, if they think they may have intercourse on a certain day, will purposely abstain from masturbating for a full day or two before they expect or hope to have intercourse. Doing so may help your intercourse erections to feel more firm, reliable and longer lasting. Causes of Erectile Problems That said, as fit as you may be, if you have not been to see your healthcare provider in a long time or if you find that reducing your masturbation frequency does not help, then you may find it useful to meet with a healthcare provider just to make sure that all is well. Erection problems can be caused by heart problems, diabetes, or may be a result of side effects from medications. Further Reading You may also find it helpful to read The New Male Sexuality - a well-respected book by a sex therapist named Dr. Zilbergeld that is about men's sexual issues. Sometimes intercourse-related problems are influenced by performance anxiety or concerns about pleasing one's lover and the book has quite a lot of information, tips and techniques related to erections that may be useful. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/genital-fit-genital-size/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/genital-fit-genital-size/#comments Mon, 03 Aug 2009 14:00:19 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=1108 http://kinseyconfidential.org/genital-fit-genital-size/feed/ 0 3:31 Although many people joke about the size of penises and vaginas, people rarely talk about genital size in ways that are helpful or informative. As ... Although many people joke about the size of penises and vaginas, people rarely talk about genital size in ways that are helpful or informative. As such, it leaves many people wondering if their own or their partnerrsquo;s genital size is normal. Genital Fit When discussing how sex feels, I find it helpful to start by talking about ldquo;genital fitrdquo; rather than either partnerrsquo;s genital size, given that both partnerrsquo;s genital size affects the overall fit. It seems that sex feels different to you now and you have attributed this to your wife possibly having a bigger or wider vagina than she did when she was younger. Changes With Age Menrsquo;s and womenrsquo;s bodies both experience changes with age, and it is possible that her vagina has not changed but your erections may be what has changed. It is common for men to experience less rigid or reliable erections with age, which can translate into a somewhat smaller erect penis size with age. If your erections are even slightly shorter or thinner than they used to be, it could cause vaginal intercourse to feel more ldquo;looserdquo; or ldquo;roomyrdquo; than it used to. Then again, you are not the only person who has been getting older. Your wife, too, is aging as we all are and her body also bore your family two children. Even though both children were both delivered by C-section rather than through vaginal birth, the experience of being pregnant can weaken womenrsquo;s pelvic floor muscles, as may other things such as heavy lifting or medical conditions. Over time, as a womanrsquo;s pelvic floor muscles weaken or relax, they can make the vaginal feel wider or looser than it once did. Often times, this is associated with symptoms such as mild, moderate or severe urinary or fecal incontinence ndash; in other words, feeling as though one has to urinate or defecate without meaning to. Questions of Trust and Fidelity Again, given how little we talk about genital size in helpful ways, it is understandable that you wondered how it is that sex now feels different. However, it may also be that your questions about her fidelity or sexual practices have made your wife feel bad about her body or as if you donrsquo;t trust her. Try to consider ways that you can express your love and respect for her, and how you can approach your aging and changing bodies in open and accepting ways. If your wife is experiencing symptoms related to incontinence, she might find it helpful to talk to a healthcare provider, such as a gynecologist. Recommended Reading You and your wife may also find it helpful to explore each otherrsquo;s bodies in ways you may not have done in months or years. A book such as For Each Other: Sharing Sexual Intimacy is packed with tips and techniques for exploration and re-connection. Bodies,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/erection-embarrassment/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/erection-embarrassment/#comments Mon, 29 Jun 2009 14:00:50 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=1090 http://kinseyconfidential.org/erection-embarrassment/feed/ 0 2:40 Erections can be challenging for many young men. They may come and go with little warning and men often have little control over them ndash; ... Erections can be challenging for many young men. They may come and go with little warning and men often have little control over them ndash; especially young men whose hormone levels are high and who, with the slightest stimulation, excitement, feelings of attraction, or even anxiety, may find that they unexpectedly get an erection. Men often go to great lengths to hide the fact that they have an erection in social situations. They may try to adjust their pants, hold things like a book or a newspaper in front of their crotch area, or try to think distracting thoughts or even conjure images of people they find very unattractive or unappealing in the hopes that such thoughts will dampen their erection. Might Not Be Time Yet Itrsquo;s kind of you to want to help him to feel comfortable. However, if you two are not very close yet, he may not be ready to talk with you about his erections no matter how much he may like you or you may like him. Instead, you might consider ways that you can signal your feelings of comfort and acceptance. For example, if you notice that he seems erect another time when you are together, you might find a way to signal that you like him such as by reaching for his hand, pulling him closer, or saying how glad you are that yoursquo;re spending time together or that he asked you to do something together. Express Your Desire In Other Ways You might also try to express your desire for him to feel comfortable around you in other ways. Rather than pinning the comfort issue around his spontaneous erections, you might try saying to him that you like being together and that you hope he feels comfortable with you and that he can relax and just hang out with you so that you can get to know each other better. If you feel comfortable around him, you may even find it strengthens your bond to begin sharing personal information with him that you would normally only tell your friends or family. By showing that you trust him and are comfortable with him, he may soon develop and strengthen his feelings of comfort with and trust in you, too. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/premature-ejaculation-decreased-arousal/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/premature-ejaculation-decreased-arousal/#comments Mon, 04 May 2009 13:00:35 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/qa-premature-ejaculation-decreased-arousal/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/premature-ejaculation-decreased-arousal/feed/ 1 2:56 Peoplersquo;s bodies vary in how they respond sexually and there is no ldquo;rightrdquo; or ldquo;wrongrdquo; when it comes to how many times a person has ... Peoplersquo;s bodies vary in how they respond sexually and there is no ldquo;rightrdquo; or ldquo;wrongrdquo; when it comes to how many times a person has sex, how long they spend having sex or how long it takes them or ejaculate or orgasm ndash; or if they orgasm at all. If you and your partner are happy with your sex life, that is what is most important to consider. Fairly Common What yoursquo;re describing is actually fairly common, especially among younger men, and there is nothing wrong with ejaculating quickly or maintaining an erection after ejaculation. Sometimes when men ejaculate very quickly they find that they can either maintain their erection after ejaculation or else they can get a second erection soon after and they and their partner may decide to keep having sex. Some men and their partners keep going with sex until the man ejaculates a second time; other times, men and their partners just keep going with sex for another few minutes or however long feels right to them, and then they stop, even if the man has not ejaculated a second time. Not Always Desirable Not all men find it important or even desirable to have a second ejaculation right away. Since arousal tends to diminish, as you said, and a second ejaculation can be more difficult to achieve than the first, some men find that they would rather continue sex for a little bit longer to please their partner, and then stop and do something else, such as kiss, cuddle, fall asleep or go on with their day together. Although we sometimes think of sex as ending when a man ejaculates, in fact sex can stop whenever you and your partner are ready for it to stop ndash; ejaculation or not. Talk To Your Partner An enjoyable aspect of sex is that, regardless of what you have read about it or seen in movies, you and your partner truly do have the opportunity to make your sex life your own. Irsquo;d encourage you to talk with your partner to find out how sex feels for him or her. You might both share your thoughts and ideas about how long you spend having sex, what feels good, what could feel better, and what you both want to try. Learn More You can learn more about menrsquo;s sexual response and exploration in The New Male Sexuality by Dr. Bernie Zilbergeld. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/orgasm-desire-vasectomy/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/orgasm-desire-vasectomy/#comments Thu, 16 Apr 2009 13:00:18 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/qa-orgasm-desire-vasectomy/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/orgasm-desire-vasectomy/feed/ 0 3:22 Vasectomy is generally regarded as a highly safe and effective means of permanent birth control. There are various methods of vasectomy that are available to ... Vasectomy is generally regarded as a highly safe and effective means of permanent birth control. There are various methods of vasectomy that are available to doctors, with the end result being that the vas deferens ndash; which are the tubes that carry sperm from the testicles ndash; are clamped, cut or sealed so that sperm are no longer able to leave the body through ejaculation. Affect On Sexual Desire And Orgasm Because only the sperm are blocked, and sperm make up a very tiny proportion of the volume of a manrsquo;s semen, the amount of ejaculation released during orgasm is pretty much the same before vasectomy as it is after vasectomy. And when it comes to sex, research generally suggests that menrsquo;s sexual desire, satisfaction and erectile function are just as strong after vasectomy as compared to before vasectomy. In fact, without the anxiety about accidentally getting their partner pregnant during intercourse, quite a few men even indicate that they have stronger erections or are more sexually satisfied after their vasectomy. Less Pleasurable Sex Very Rare It is very rare for men who have had vasectomies to report having less pleasurable sex or no experience of release at the time of orgasm. Because this is so rare, many doctors ndash; even those who have performed hundreds of vasectomies ndash; may have never encountered a patient who told them that their experience of sex became worse after the vasectomy, and that may explain why the doctors yoursquo;ve met with have had little to say in response to your question. That doesnrsquo;t mean that your experience isnrsquo;t valid or doesnrsquo;t warrant attention. Having a vasectomy can affect menrsquo;s feelings about themselves, their bodies, and their sexuality in important ways, and it may be worth meeting with a trained sex therapist to further explore how having a vasectomy has impacted your sex life. You can find a sex therapist on the web site of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists. You might also want to meet with a urologist or a neurologist who has experience in sexual issues as it is certainly possible that there may be physical causes related to your lack of pleasure in relation to orgasm. Recommended Reading Finally, you might find it helpful to read a book such as For Each Other: Sharing Sexual Intimacy by Dr. Lonnie Barbach that focuses on ways that couples can use sexual exploration to foster closeness, intimacy and pleasure. Bodies,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/erection-problems-condoms/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/erection-problems-condoms/#comments Thu, 19 Feb 2009 14:00:40 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=860 http://kinseyconfidential.org/erection-problems-condoms/feed/ 0 3:31 Some research suggests that about a third of college-aged men may experience erection problems associated with condom use. Not A Reason To Avoid Using Condoms Of course, ... Some research suggests that about a third of college-aged men may experience erection problems associated with condom use. Not A Reason To Avoid Using Condoms Of course, that's not a reason to avoid using condoms - to this day, condoms remain the best, most effective way for sexually active couples to reduce their risk of sexually transmissible infections, or STIs, such as Chlamydia, gonorrhea and HIV, the virus that can cause AIDS. The challenge for many couples is to learn how to use condoms while at the same time helping a man to experience a full erection. Some men find that they have erection problems while using condoms because they get distracted and lose their arousal. In these cases, it can be helpful for their partner to put the condom on the man's penis, as you did, but the trick is that the man should keep doing things that feel arousing to him - for example, kissing or touching his partner in sensual ways. Foreplay Can Help You mentioned that you two tried shortening foreplay but in fact, that may be counterproductive. Foreplay can help both women and men to become more aroused, which for women can promote vaginal lubrication and for men can help to promote their erection. As such, you might try spending more time in foreplay before putting the condom on, or else try putting the condom on in the middle of foreplay and then continuing with foreplay, while the condom is on, in order to enhance his arousal. Some men find that adding a lubricant on top of the condom helps to enhance sensation and thus promote a more firm erection. If you are using latex condoms, try using a water-based or silicone-based lubricant, as they are condom-compatible. If the condom seems too large or too small for his penis, he might shop online or in local stores for a condom that more comfortably fits his penis. Finally, some men find that it can help to try masturbating with a condom on, while alone. Sexual stimulation feels quite different with a condom on, compared to off, and he may find that it helps him to get used to this sensation if he tries using a condom in this way. Learn More Also, because performance anxiety contributes to many cases of erection problems, your boyfriend might find it helpful to read The Sexual Male: Problems and Solutions. Finally, in rare cases, erection problems are an early sign of heart disease, diabetes or other health problems. If your boyfriend notices erection problems regularly, even without condoms, or if he has questions about his erectile function or personal health, he should check in with his healthcare provider. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/random-erections/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/random-erections/#comments Mon, 01 Sep 2008 22:45:52 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/2008/09/01/qa-can-a-man-get-an-erection-without-fancying-the-girl/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/random-erections/feed/ 0 3:50 Oh, absolutely! Early on, boys who are around the age of puberty find out that erections can pop up for any number of reasons ndash; ... Oh, absolutely! Early on, boys who are around the age of puberty find out that erections can pop up for any number of reasons ndash; and often for no reason at all. Random Erections Some young men will describe having erections when they are anxious (such as during math tests) or when they really have to go to the bathroom. Others have erections just thinking about someone they like or feel attracted to, even if that person is nowhere near them. Then again, sometimes it looks like a man is erect even when he is not, just given the cut of certain pants or how things look when men wear certain athletic cups that are used to protect their genitals during sports. Boys and men also often have morning erections ndash; in fact, it is when men stop getting erections in the morning that healthcare providers sometimes suspect health problems that may cause erectile problems. Erectile Problems It is also the case that men cannot always get erections, even if they very much like, love, or feel attracted to a person. Men may find it difficult for their penis to become erect if they have certain health conditions, if they are experiencing side effects from certain prescription or over-the-counter medications, or if they are feeling anxious or worried. Men may also find it difficult to get or maintain an erection if they are feeling very sad, depressed, distracted, tired or even if the temperature in the room is quite cold. Sometimes women and men place too much focus and pressure on the penis, as if it were the only indicator of how a man feels. In fact, there is so much more to how men feel and behave than their penis and their erections. If you want to know how a man feels and whether he is feeling attracted or not, try talking to him to find out what you want to know. Recommended Reading Two interesting, relevant books are The New Male Sexuality by Dr. Bernie Zilbergeld and A Mind of Its Own: A Cultural History of the Penis by David Friedman. Bodies,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/frequent-masturbation-premature-ejaculation/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/frequent-masturbation-premature-ejaculation/#comments Thu, 21 Aug 2008 23:25:08 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/2008/08/21/qa-does-frequent-masturbation-lead-to-premature-ejaculation-during-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/frequent-masturbation-premature-ejaculation/feed/ 0 2:31 Not as far as we know. In fact, masturbation techniques can help men to learn to control the timing of their ejaculation, and to last ... Not as far as we know. In fact, masturbation techniques can help men to learn to control the timing of their ejaculation, and to last longer if they would like to. Masturbation Techniques One such method is the stop-start method, which basically involves a man stimulating himself until just before the point of orgasm, then backing off a bit to let his erection slightly subside, then starting up again. By practicing masturbation in this way, men can learn to pay attention to the feelings inside their genitals that signal they are approaching orgasm. With time and practice, they can learn to control the timing of their ejaculation. Masturbation and Premature Ejaculation All that said, some therapists and researchers wonder if our societal taboos around masturbation might be related to premature ejaculation for some men. While growing up and even in later years, some men develop a habit of speeding up their masturbation so that family members, friends or roommates donrsquo;t ldquo;catch themrdquo; in the act. This may lead to the same pattern of speeding up during intercourse. Masturbation should be a source of pleasure and enjoyment ndash; not stress. If you enjoy your masturbation time ndash; or would like to - be sure that you have the privacy that you need to enjoy your time alone. The stop-start technique, by the way, can also be tried with a partner. It can help you to control your ejaculation so that you can come quickly if you want, but you can also prolong the enjoyment and arousal. Learn More For more about these topics, you might enjoy reading The Big Book of Masturbation by Martha Cornog or Coping with Premature Ejaculation by Dr. Michael Metz and Dr. Barry McCarthy. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/spray-on-condoms/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/spray-on-condoms/#comments Sun, 20 Jul 2008 17:27:18 +0000 Samantha Seeger http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/2008/07/20/i-feel-like-this-is-a-good-idea-in-theory/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/spray-on-condoms/feed/ 0