http://kinseyconfidential.org Just another WordPress weblog Thu, 18 Mar 2010 14:00:23 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 en hourly 1 2006-2007 aschweig@indiana.edu (Kinsey Confidential) aschweig@indiana.edu (Kinsey Confidential) posts 1440 Just another WordPress weblog Kinsey Confidential Kinsey Confidential aschweig@indiana.edu No no http://kinseyconfidential.org/wp-content/themes/kinsey/images/kinsey-podcast-300.jpg http://kinseyconfidential.org 144 144 http://kinseyconfidential.org/boredom-expressing-desire-variety-bedroom/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/boredom-expressing-desire-variety-bedroom/#comments Thu, 08 Oct 2009 13:00:32 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1232 http://kinseyconfidential.org/boredom-expressing-desire-variety-bedroom/feed/ 0 3:15 It can be challenging enough to find someone to date or marry who has enough of the qualities that a person wants in a partner. ... It can be challenging enough to find someone to date or marry who has enough of the qualities that a person wants in a partner. Even more difficult is to find someone who has these qualities, who you like or love, who likes or loves you back and who just happens to have the same sexual preferences or desires as you do. Different Likes and Dislikes Given the complexities of love and attraction, then, itrsquo;s actually quite common to have different likes or dislikes in regard to sex. It is how couples work out those differences that matters. In your situation, you and your fianceacute; appear to be at a standstill in regard to sexual intimacy. You participate in the sexual activities that appear to bring him enjoyment and/or orgasm ndash; specifically, vaginal intercourse that follows a little bit of foreplay. However, he has made it clear to you that he does not want to participate in any of the sexual activities that you crave. Further, you seem to feel as though he is unfairly comparing you to other women he has had sex with or that he is suggesting something may be wrong with you because your body responds in a different way than other women he has had sex with. Power Dynamics and Frustration This is problematic for several reasons. You seem to feel misunderstood and maybe unheard in your relationship. This is important to pay attention to because if you feel as though you donrsquo;t have power or a voice in your romantic and sexual relationship, then those types of power dynamics can lead to feelings of helplessness or frustration. Because yoursquo;ve expressed significant concern about the future of your sex life together, I would recommend that you consider meeting together with a sex therapist. Find A Sex Therapist Consider approaching him about your need to find some way to have a more mutually pleasurable sex life and your hope that a trained sex therapist might be able to help you two with your concerns and frustrations. You can find a sex therapist in your area through the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapistsrsquo; web site or through the web site of the Society for Sex Therapy and Research. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Relationships,,Love aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/qa-fitted-collar-sexual-fantasy-alarm-bells/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/qa-fitted-collar-sexual-fantasy-alarm-bells/#comments Mon, 27 Jul 2009 14:00:39 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/qa-fitted-collar-sexual-fantasy-alarm-bells/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/qa-fitted-collar-sexual-fantasy-alarm-bells/feed/ 0 2:45 Without talking directly to your partner about his idea to get you fitted for a collar, it is difficult to know whether he was making ... Without talking directly to your partner about his idea to get you fitted for a collar, it is difficult to know whether he was making a joke, expressing a sexual desire or fantasy, sincerely making plans to get you a collar and involve you in sexual role plays (such as slave and master role plays) or something else. Talk To Your Partner Given how curious, if not uncomfortable, his comment seems to have made you feel, I would recommend talking to your partner about it some time when you are not having sex or about to have sex and asking for more information. Using your own words, you might say something like, ldquo;Recently you made a comment about getting me fitted for a collar, which surprised me. I didnrsquo;t know how to respond at the time, and Irsquo;m not sure what you meant by that, but Irsquo;d like to talk with you more about it now so that I can understand where yoursquo;re coming from.rdquo; By asking him about his ideas or intentions, it gives him the opportunity to be more clear. It also gives you an opportunity to share any concerns that you have about his desires, fantasies or intentions and it gives you more information to use if you truly are thinking about ending your involvement with him. Are There Other Issues? The fact that you are wondering if you should stop seeing a man because of a comment he made does make me wonder if there are other aspects of your involvement that feel uncomfortable for you. Are there issues related to your age differences or the fact that you feel your relationship mainly centers around sex? Are there other concerns you have about the ways that he treats you, or your ability to feel comfortable talking to him about your concerns or worries? Share Your Feelings With Others If you would like to talk to someone about your relationship with this man, you might find it helpful to share your feelings with a close friend, family member or a counselor. You can find a counselor near you through the web site of the American Psychological Association. Content,Type,,Pleasure,,Orgasm,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/qa-foot-fetishes-normal/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/qa-foot-fetishes-normal/#comments Mon, 20 Jul 2009 14:00:43 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/qa-foot-fetishes-normal/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/qa-foot-fetishes-normal/feed/ 0 3:00 There has been only a little research related to what some call ldquo;foot fetishesrdquo; and though it is quite clear that people have linked feet ... There has been only a little research related to what some call ldquo;foot fetishesrdquo; and though it is quite clear that people have linked feet into their sex play for centuries, it is unclear what it is that drives some people to experience such intense arousal or eroticism when they see, touch or lick another personrsquo;s feet. Unusual But Not Strange We do know that foot fetishes are relatively uncommon and are perhaps experienced by less than 5% of the population. That said, uncommon doesnrsquo;t mean ldquo;strangerdquo; and your sexual interest is nothing you should be made to feel embarrassed about. Given the lack of research on the topic, we know very little about what causes people to form these interests. Some researchers believe that foot and other types of sexual excitements may have been formed around the time of puberty when hormone levels are high and many things become exciting for the first time. Others wonder if there isnrsquo;t some biological basis for certain types of sexual interests, particularly given that some interests are noticeable across time and in various cultures. People also enjoy the sexy side of feet in different ways. Some people find that their foot-related arousal is highly problematic in their lives, especially if they find it difficult to find a partner with whom they can enjoy their foot fetish. Other people are fortunate to find one or more partners who support, encourage or enjoy foot play, just as you have found an open and accepting partner in your wife. Check In With Your Partner That said, since this is a relatively new experience with your wife, you might want to check in from time to time with her to see how she feels about the ongoing foot play during foreplay and other types of sex play. Sometimes a personrsquo;s partner might grow tired of foot play if it feels too frequent, or if they worry that their sexual connection has become more about their feet and less about them as a whole person. She may never have these feelings, but continuing to communicate with each other about your sex life, and what helps you both to feel turned on, desired, wanted and connected, may help to keep your sex life feeling meaningful and satisfying over the long term. Recommended Reading You and your wife might also enjoy reading Sexiest Soles: Erotic Stories About Feet and Shoes. Bodies,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/erection-embarrassment/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/erection-embarrassment/#comments Mon, 29 Jun 2009 14:00:50 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=1090 http://kinseyconfidential.org/erection-embarrassment/feed/ 0 2:40 Erections can be challenging for many young men. They may come and go with little warning and men often have little control over them ndash; ... Erections can be challenging for many young men. They may come and go with little warning and men often have little control over them ndash; especially young men whose hormone levels are high and who, with the slightest stimulation, excitement, feelings of attraction, or even anxiety, may find that they unexpectedly get an erection. Men often go to great lengths to hide the fact that they have an erection in social situations. They may try to adjust their pants, hold things like a book or a newspaper in front of their crotch area, or try to think distracting thoughts or even conjure images of people they find very unattractive or unappealing in the hopes that such thoughts will dampen their erection. Might Not Be Time Yet Itrsquo;s kind of you to want to help him to feel comfortable. However, if you two are not very close yet, he may not be ready to talk with you about his erections no matter how much he may like you or you may like him. Instead, you might consider ways that you can signal your feelings of comfort and acceptance. For example, if you notice that he seems erect another time when you are together, you might find a way to signal that you like him such as by reaching for his hand, pulling him closer, or saying how glad you are that yoursquo;re spending time together or that he asked you to do something together. Express Your Desire In Other Ways You might also try to express your desire for him to feel comfortable around you in other ways. Rather than pinning the comfort issue around his spontaneous erections, you might try saying to him that you like being together and that you hope he feels comfortable with you and that he can relax and just hang out with you so that you can get to know each other better. If you feel comfortable around him, you may even find it strengthens your bond to begin sharing personal information with him that you would normally only tell your friends or family. By showing that you trust him and are comfortable with him, he may soon develop and strengthen his feelings of comfort with and trust in you, too. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/body-type-exercise-physical-attraction/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/body-type-exercise-physical-attraction/#comments Mon, 20 Apr 2009 13:00:17 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/qa-body-type-exercise-physical-attraction/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/body-type-exercise-physical-attraction/feed/ 0 3:39 Many people find that they are attracted to people with certain body types and there is nothing wrong or unusual about finding that you are ... Many people find that they are attracted to people with certain body types and there is nothing wrong or unusual about finding that you are attracted to men who work out. Given this preference, itrsquo;s not surprising that your attraction to your husband may be impaired if he doesnrsquo;t have the body type that you prefer or engage in the types of physical exercise behaviors that feel most exciting or arousing to you. Obsessing Over Small Details That doesnrsquo;t mean you canrsquo;t find a way to re-ignite the desire and attraction that you once had for your husband. Some people find that what bothers them about their partner ndash; in your case, your husbandrsquo;s weight ndash; is something that actually started out to be a small detail. Over time, however, people sometimes focus so heavily on this small detail that they lose sight of all the good things about their partner and their obsession with the upsetting small detail ends up hurting onersquo;s sexual relationship. In other words, one possibility is that you may be focusing or thinking about your husbandrsquo;s weight so much that itrsquo;s gotten to the point that his weight is one of the more salient details about him to you. It may be one of the first things that you think about when you think about being sexual with him ndash; and, since itrsquo;s not an attractive quality in your mind, thatrsquo;s not helpful to your desire. One strategy might be to try focusing on other details that are attractive to you. Does he care for you in a way that you always wanted? Is he good with your friends or family? Does he smile at you in a way that makes you feel desirable or sexy? In other words, when the bad thoughts sneak up on you, what attractive qualities of his can you use to replace these negative thoughts? Improve Your Fitness Together You might also consider ways in which you can both maintain or improve your fitness levels for health reasons, with the possibility of enhanced sexual attraction as an added bonus. If your husband is interested in improving his fitness, perhaps you two can start walking after dinner together which would provide you both with time to exercise as well as time to re-connect. You might even encourage him to join a basketball league or a golf team so that he can have time to hang out with friends while simultaneously getting exercise. Further Reading and Resources Some sex therapists believe that making sure two people each have some private time or some space between them can enhance their desire for each other ndash; you can read more about this concept in the book Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel. Sexual desire can often be enhanced and while these strategies may be worth a try, so might making an appointment with a sex therapist who can provide you with more personalized feedback about desire-enhancing strategies and your relationship. You can find a sex therapist through the web site of the Society for Sex Therapy and Research. Bodies,,Content,Type,,Include,in,Resources,,Podcast,,Special aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/sex-life-feel/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/sex-life-feel/#comments Thu, 16 Apr 2009 19:34:10 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=964 http://kinseyconfidential.org/sex-life-feel/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/husband-stopped-sleeping-with-me/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/husband-stopped-sleeping-with-me/#comments Mon, 30 Mar 2009 14:00:04 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=912 http://kinseyconfidential.org/husband-stopped-sleeping-with-me/feed/ 0 3:19 Irsquo;m sorry to hear about this drastic change in your sex life. It can feel confusing and frustrating to want to be sexually intimate with ... Irsquo;m sorry to hear about this drastic change in your sex life. It can feel confusing and frustrating to want to be sexually intimate with onersquo;s partner and for that partner to decline invitations to have sex. This can feel particularly upsetting when itrsquo;s unclear why sex has stopped. After all, how can you fix a relationship problem if you donrsquo;t understand how it started in the first place, or the reasons behind it now? Many Possible Reasons People stop having sex for many reasons and it is impossible for us to know why your husband stopped having sex with you. Since it seems as though the two of you have discussed the possibility of him seeing a doctor in regard to the lack of sex, I wonder if you noticed physical problems ndash; such as difficulties with erections ndash; that might be contributing to the lack of sex. Sometimes men begin to notice erection problems during sex with a partner, or even during their own masturbation, and they begin to shy away from sex for fear of failure. Other times men, like some women, may choose to stop having sex because they lose desire for sex. Desire can decrease for any number of reasons including relationship problems or health problems. Even if your husband doesnrsquo;t want to talk to a doctor about his sex life, I wonder if he could be encouraged to see a doctor for an annual wellness exam in case he has any health conditions that should be addressed. Whether his choice to stop having sex is related to physical problems, anxiety, depression, or relationship issues is anyonersquo;s guess. However, sexual intimacy is clearly important to you and you have a right to understand more about these changes to your sexual life and marriage. Consider Therapy or Counseling You might ask your husband if he would consider going with you to meet with a sex therapist or marriage counselor. Perhaps reassure him ndash; and mean it ndash; that your goal is to work on becoming closer and strengthening your marriage, rather than being to get him to have sex. After all, if you can get your relationship intimacy back on track, you may have a chance ndash; over time ndash; of restoring your sex life. You can find a sex therapist through the web site of the Society for Sex Therapy and Researching, and you can locate marriage therapists through the web site of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists. Further Reading Finally, consider reading The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by Dr. John Gottman. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Relationships,,Love,,Special,,flagged,-,still,needs,some,edits aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/fatigue-day-after-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/fatigue-day-after-sex/#comments Thu, 19 Mar 2009 14:00:48 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=884 http://kinseyconfidential.org/fatigue-day-after-sex/feed/ 0 3:02 Although there have been a few case reports of individuals who feel tired or lethargic after sex or masturbation, Irsquo;m not aware of any reports ... Although there have been a few case reports of individuals who feel tired or lethargic after sex or masturbation, Irsquo;m not aware of any reports of couples feeling so dramatically tired after sex that they find it difficult to go about their daily routine. Talk To A Healthcare Provider If this is the case for you and your wife, Irsquo;d suggest meeting with a healthcare provider, who can examine you both for any medical conditions that might be at the root of your exhaustion, and possibly with a sex therapist who might be able to help you identify any other causes of your fatigue. He or she might also be able to work with you to learn more about what your sex life is like, and possible make suggestions as to how you might modify your sex life to deal with these issues. Age And Fatigue It is certainly the case that both men and women, as they age, may feel tired more often and from a wide range of activities than when they are younger. Do you and your wife participate in other forms of exercise? If not, it may not be that itrsquo;s sex per sex that is making you feel fatigued. Perhaps itrsquo;s just that itrsquo;s physical exertion, or exercise, thatrsquo;s making you tired. If so, your healthcare provider or a physical therapist may be able to help guide you and your wife toward a fitness program that helps you both to feel more energetic and able to be sexual in ways that you desire, without feeling overly tired. Nutritional needs change with age, too, and it may be that dietary modifications, as suggested by a registered dietician, will be helpful. Hormonal Balances Finally, you two both are likely experiencing shifts in your hormones. Sometimes women and men experience discreet periods of time in which their bodies are adjusting to these hormonal balances, and you may feel more easily fatigued in general for a while until you feel more adjusted. In any case, Irsquo;d again recommend checking in with a healthcare provider any time that dramatic changes in sexual functioning are noticed, as sometimes they are signs of changes in health status. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/desire-discrepancy-older-couples-sex-frequency/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/desire-discrepancy-older-couples-sex-frequency/#comments Mon, 16 Feb 2009 14:00:58 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=858 http://kinseyconfidential.org/desire-discrepancy-older-couples-sex-frequency/feed/ 0 3:07 Your wife is correct: having sex 3 to 4 times per week in one's 50s is indeed above the average for your age group. In ... Your wife is correct: having sex 3 to 4 times per week in one's 50s is indeed above the average for your age group. In fact, the average frequency of intercourse for couples in their 20s and 30s is only 1 to 2 times per week. Of course, that doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with having sex more often - some couples certainly do. Unless, of course, your wife doesn't want to have sex that often. Perhaps she's not really concerned about being "different" than other women her age; it may just be that she is happy having sex less often than you are. Desire Discrepancy When two people who are in a relationship want different frequencies of sex, we sometimes refer to this as "desire discrepancy". It is actually incredibly common for two people to have different preferences for sex - after all, what are the odds that you will find someone who has all the qualities you want in a mate, and who you love, and who happens to love you back, and then you just happen to want exactly the same amount of sex and will always want the same amount of sex for the rest of your lives? Exactly - that's not likely at all. Desire Changes Over Time Even when a couple starts out wanting the same frequency of sex, one or both people's desire may change over time. In fact, desire typically declines with age. Your wife may have experienced a decrease in her desire as she transitioned into menopause. If that's the case, and if that bothers her, she might find it helpful to speak with her healthcare provider or with a sex therapist. Then again, you didn't say that her desire was any less than yours; you just said that she thought 3 to 4 times was higher than the norm. If she is indeed interested in having sex as often as you are, and if this is just a question of what's common for others, then try to enjoy yourselves without worrying too much about how often or how seldom other people have sex. Averages are just averages, and it always takes some people to bring down the average and other people to bring up the average. Maybe you two happen to be one of the couples that brings up the average. Learn More To learn more about what's common (and not) for other couples, you might find the book Sex in America to be of interest. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Relationships,,Love aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/aging-sexual-desire/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/aging-sexual-desire/#comments Thu, 22 Jan 2009 14:00:55 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=758 http://kinseyconfidential.org/aging-sexual-desire/feed/ 1 3:23 More often these days, people are talking more openly about desire - both in terms of how couples may have different levels of desire as ... More often these days, people are talking more openly about desire - both in terms of how couples may have different levels of desire as well as in terms of how desire often changes throughout one's lifetime. Desire Discrepancy Having different levels of desire - what we often call desire discrepancy - can be difficult for couples, as the person who wants more sex often feels as though they are pestering their partner, or they may feel as though they are not attracted or loved anymore when they ask for sex and their partner declines. The person who wants less sex, or none at all, may feel guilty or as if they are depriving their partner, and yet they may also feel bothered or annoyed at being asked so often for something that they have clearly said they do not want. Often when a couple notices these differences in desire, the changes have been building over time - even if they seem to have happened overnight. It may be that your wife hasn't enjoyed sex for some time and that she has only recently felt comfortable saying this to you. Or else perhaps she has long enjoyed having sex, but recent changes related to menopause, aging or medical conditions have made sex feel less pleasurable or enjoyable for her, or even painful. Significant Changes Around Menopause Sex changes significantly for many women around the time of menopause and she may find it helpful to speak with her healthcare provider about any changes she has noticed not only in relation to desire but also in regard to vaginal dryness, genital sensation, temperature changes or general bodily comfort. You two might also find it helpful to meet with a sex therapist to help you find ways to express and receive affection with each other, even if you don't actually have sex together for some time - if at all. Sometimes a person will stop wanting to be kissed or hugged, mainly because they worry that it will lead to sex. Perhaps your wife will be more open to meeting with a therapist, and working on your shared affection, if you assure her that you will not pressure her do anything she is not interested in (such as have sex). You might say, though, that because you value your relationship so much - including your ability to be affectionate and express love in ways such as kissing, hugging and cuddling - that you would like to see if there are ways that you can find pleasure and joy with each other. Recommended Reading The book For Each Other: Sharing Sexual Intimacy may be a helpful resource and you can find a sex therapist through the web site of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists. Content,Type,,Pleasure,,Orgasm,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/sexual-chemistry-healthy-relationships/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/sexual-chemistry-healthy-relationships/#comments Thu, 06 Nov 2008 14:00:34 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=411 http://kinseyconfidential.org/sexual-chemistry-healthy-relationships/feed/ 0 3:24 You've hit upon an age-old question that many men and women have wondered. Sexuality, however, is complex and the answer is not cut and dry. ... You've hit upon an age-old question that many men and women have wondered. Sexuality, however, is complex and the answer is not cut and dry. Some couples who have intense sexual chemistry find that although they are attracted to each other and enjoy having sex with each other, they simply cannot spend time together or live together as a couple. Other couples with intense chemistry, however, find that even if they are opposites in other ways, that their relationship is important to them in ways that matter to them - and that their differences enrich each other's lives, even if they sometimes bring discomfort, stress or arguments. As such, we can't tell you whether your chemistry is the sign of a healthy relationship or not, though certainly it seems to reflect at least a shared interest in and desire for sexual expression, and shared experienced of pleasure. Many couples struggle for months or years to become sexually compatible, and it can feel pleasurable, enjoyable and exciting when sex seems to happen naturally between two people. Many women and men wonder whether their relationships are healthy, particularly given the various messages that we hear in the media about how to tell if a person is in a good relationship or a bad one. And yet, healthy relationships tend to have more to do with how a person feels in their relationship than with whether they are similar to or very different from their partner. You didn't say what you meant by feeling "opposite" to your partner when you're not having sex, but it may be worth exploring how you two feel with each other as partners. For example, do you feel comfortable with each other? Are you able to communicate honestly and with care, and to support each other in ways that help you both to feel valued and important? Some satisfied couples have very similar interests in terms of activities, politics, religion, family and money. Others hold very different views on life, or enjoy different activities, but they learn over time how to make a life together. A book by John Gottman, titled "The Relationship Cure", describes how people can learn to understand more about their partner, and communicate in healthy, effective ways - and in spite of their differences - in ways that are relationship enhancing. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Relationships,,Love aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/anti-depressants-sexual-side-effects-ability-orgasm/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/anti-depressants-sexual-side-effects-ability-orgasm/#comments Thu, 08 May 2008 14:00:54 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/2008/05/08/qa-anti-depressants-and-the-ability-to-reach-orgasm/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/anti-depressants-sexual-side-effects-ability-orgasm/feed/ 0 2:51 Yes, some medications do have what we call sexual side effects. They are particularly common among some, but not all, anti-depressants although other medications such ... Yes, some medications do have what we call sexual side effects. They are particularly common among some, but not all, anti-depressants although other medications such as certain medications for high blood pressure, pain relief and allergies may have sexual side effects too. Ability To Orgasm These side effects may affect a man or womanrsquo;s ability to have an orgasm, ease of having an orgasm, desire, arousal or ejaculation. That said, not every drug affects everyone in the same way, and some antidepressants have fewer or different side effects than others. It is important to talk with your healthcare provider about any concerns you may have. In addition, patients are generally advised not to stop taking a medication without first consulting with their healthcare provider. Anxiety And Depression Also Factors Bear in mind, though, that medication is not always the culprit when it comes to sex. In fact, the problems the drugs are prescribed for, such as anxiety or depression, can also put a damper on sexual interest or function. Manufacturers of various drugs now list possible sexual side effects in instructions and ads ndash; a big change from years past. Sexual Side Effects, Dosage and Alternative Therapies Nonetheless, have a conversation with your healthcare provider about your concerns. Ask if the drug is known to have sexual side effects. You may not want to reject a recommended prescription until yoursquo;ve tried it. It may not affect your libido or orgasms at all, and may give you emotional relief to enjoy your relationship and sexual interactions. Also, you might ask if the dosage can be adjusted or how much time to give yourself to test the benefits and the side effects. If you are already in treatment and are experiencing loss of sexual function or pleasure, discuss alternative therapies or ways to compensate for the effects. Sometimes couples find that they can adjust their foreplay, or sexual sharing, in ways that work for them. Adapt a ldquo;proactiverdquo; stance in working with your healthcare provider - and your partner, if you have one - to find a path most conducive to your health, sexual functioning, and well-being. Content,Type,,Pleasure,,Orgasm,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/questioning-sexual-orientation/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/questioning-sexual-orientation/#comments Mon, 10 Mar 2008 13:00:03 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/blog/2008/03/10/qa-sexual-orientation/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/questioning-sexual-orientation/feed/ 0 3:01 Sexual orientation is complex and there is no one way ndash; even among researchers ndash; to decide at what point one is best described as ... Sexual orientation is complex and there is no one way ndash; even among researchers ndash; to decide at what point one is best described as homosexual, heterosexual, or bisexual. Rather than defining sexual orientation solely in regard to sexual behavior or fantasies, some researchers define sexual orientation as the general pattern of romantic and sexual attraction that one feels based on onersquo;s own gender and the gender of the person he or she is attracted to. That said, emotional and physical attraction don't always go hand-in-hand. In your case, you have deep friendships with men but greater sexual attraction for women. Talk To A Counselor Consider meeting with a campus or community-based counselor who can provide more individualized support and guidance as you work to figure this out. Professional counseling services are confidential and the experience might provide you with additional information about these issues related to sexual orientation, sexual desire and friendship. You can also learn more through a campus or community organization related to gay, lesbian, and bisexual issues or on the web site www.pflag.org (PFLAG stands for Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays). What Is Most Important To You In A Long-term Relationship? It seems like you're struggling with issues that many men and women ndash; regardless of sexual orientation ndash; encounter. Specifically, discovering what factors are most important to you in a long-term relationship ndash; factors such as friendship, sexual attraction, trust, support, intimacy, and at what point one is "settling" if you don't have everything you want in a partner. I'm sorry there aren't more concrete answers to these age-old questions. This is an important topic for you to sort through so it is worth spending some time continuing to gather information, think it through and talk over with someone you trust. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Sexual,Orientation aschweig@indiana.edu no No