http://kinseyconfidential.org Just another WordPress weblog Thu, 18 Mar 2010 14:00:23 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 en hourly 1 2006-2007 aschweig@indiana.edu (Kinsey Confidential) aschweig@indiana.edu (Kinsey Confidential) posts 1440 Just another WordPress weblog Kinsey Confidential Kinsey Confidential aschweig@indiana.edu No no http://kinseyconfidential.org/wp-content/themes/kinsey/images/kinsey-podcast-300.jpg http://kinseyconfidential.org 144 144 http://kinseyconfidential.org/underwear-pregnant-dry-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/underwear-pregnant-dry-sex/#comments Thu, 25 Feb 2010 14:00:26 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1491 http://kinseyconfidential.org/underwear-pregnant-dry-sex/feed/ 1 3:04 If you were wearing underwear, then your chances of becoming pregnant from dry sex ndash; also called dry humping ndash; border on ldquo;low to no ... If you were wearing underwear, then your chances of becoming pregnant from dry sex ndash; also called dry humping ndash; border on ldquo;low to no chance.rdquo; However, itrsquo;s often not as simple as that so, if you do not want to become pregnant, I would highly recommend that either you both keep your clothes on during dry sex or that you avoid dry sex altogether. Birth Control Options If you think therersquo;s a chance you will continue being sexual in ways that may put the two of you at risk for pregnancy, then consider using a highly effective method of birth control such as the birth control pill, patch, shot or ring. Condoms are another highly method of birth control plus condoms can greatly reduce the risk of some but not all common sexually transmissible infections, or STIs. Risky Business Herersquo;s why dry sex can be risky in terms of pregnancy. First, there is not always a clear line between ldquo;dry sexrdquo; and intercourse. Sometimes couples get very excited during their sex play and they may experiment with getting closer to each otherrsquo;s genitals.nbsp;If your underwear are small or are thong or g string style, there may be very little fabric, if any, around your vaginal entrance. If therersquo;s not much fabric to cover your vaginal entrance, or if your underwear become accidentally pushed to the side during sex play, then your partnerrsquo;s penis may touch your vaginal entrance. If he ejaculates inside your vaginal entrance or close it, then his sperm could get inside your vagina and you could become pregnant. Communicating About Sex Thatrsquo;s why I would encourage you to consider ways that you and your boyfriend can continue to enjoy each otherrsquo;s company in ways that do not put you at risk for pregnancy if you are not ready to become parents. Part of being sexual is learning how to talk about being sexual. Try talking to your boyfriend about your concerns about becoming pregnant. Let him know what you enjoy about the ways that you pleasure each other but also make sure to let him know what stresses you out or makes you feel worried, such as getting pregnant if yoursquo;re not yet ready to be parents. Together you can learn more about safer sex, birth control and how to take steps to have a more satisfying but low risk sex life. More Information To learn more about safer sex, check out the book S.E.X.: The All You Need To Know Progressive Sexuality Guide to Get You Through High School and College. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Pregnancy aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/common-swing-lifestyle/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/common-swing-lifestyle/#comments Mon, 04 Jan 2010 14:00:26 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1317 http://kinseyconfidential.org/common-swing-lifestyle/feed/ 0 3:16 How Common is Swinging There are very few good studies on the swinging lifestyle in the United States let alone population based studies that would allow ... How Common is Swinging There are very few good studies on the swinging lifestyle in the United States let alone population based studies that would allow us to guess at just how common or rare swinging is. The data that we do have suggest that swinging is relatively uncommon in the United States. However, uncommon doesnrsquo;t mean that itrsquo;s right or wrong ndash; it just means that a minority of men and women engage in it. From Clubs to Living Rooms Swinging is also practiced in different ways. Some swinging, as you may know, takes place in club settings in which people may private membership dues to belong to the club. Other times, swinging takes place in the context of private parties that may occur in peoplersquo;s homes or in privately rented space at a club, bar or hotel. There are also swingers conventions that take place in cities around the world and that may draw as many as a few hundred or a few thousand adult women and men to come to a resort or hotel, to learn about whatrsquo;s new in the swing lifestyle, and to possibly meet new friends and partners. Rules and Regulations There are also different ways that swinging takes place. Some clubs or parties do not allow single men into the scene whereas others do. On the contrary, single women are more often allowed into swing events as they are, quite frankly, more often in demand for sex play. Couples themselves have their own rules on what will or wonrsquo;t work for them. Some couples decide that they will only engage in sex that occurs together whereas others enjoy splitting up and having sex with other people in private settings at the club or party or in their own home. Joining a Group There are also swing organizations that work in different ways. Some groups are open to anyone who is willing to sign up, join in and/or pay for an entry fee or a membership. Others are highly restrictive and may require that you be invited by an existing member or that you submit photographs or write essays before you are allowed to join. Risks and Rewards So while swinging is not entirely common, it is not terribly rare either. It is practiced by enough people that there are events that consist of hundreds or thousands of attendees. And while some people find that swinging is not for them, that they are too worried about sexual infection risk or unable to comfortable handle issues related to jealousy or communication, others very much enjoy the novelty and pleasure found in a swinging lifestyle. And aside from the sex, some women and men appreciate the new friendships that come from being sexual with others. More Information To learn more about swinging and having more than one lover, check out the book Opening Up. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Relationships,,Love aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/iu-students-savage-love/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/iu-students-savage-love/#comments Fri, 30 Oct 2009 19:55:37 +0000 Marie Metelnick (M.A.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1271 http://kinseyconfidential.org/iu-students-savage-love/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/sexiled-freshman-experience/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/sexiled-freshman-experience/#comments Mon, 21 Sep 2009 18:24:22 +0000 J. Bradley Blankenship (M.S.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1199 http://kinseyconfidential.org/sexiled-freshman-experience/feed/ 1 http://kinseyconfidential.org/initiate-sex-girlfriend/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/initiate-sex-girlfriend/#comments Mon, 11 May 2009 14:00:48 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/qa-initiate-sex-girlfriend/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/initiate-sex-girlfriend/feed/ 2 4:10 Considering how rare it is for young men and women to have received comprehensive sexuality information in school or from their parents, itrsquo;s not surprising ... Considering how rare it is for young men and women to have received comprehensive sexuality information in school or from their parents, itrsquo;s not surprising that many people are curious about what exactly happens when two people have sex. Even when teachers and parents do talk to their teenaged or college-aged kids about having sex, they often focus mainly on the risks associated with sex such as sexually transmissible infections (STI), unintended pregnancy, or feeling hurt, used or heartbroken. Itrsquo;s less common for men and women to learn about the possible pleasures and joys associated with sex as well as the basic ldquo;how-tordquo; information about sex, including who initiates it. Couples often find that it feels natural to take turns. Sometimes one person initiates and other times the other person initiates. It can feel sexy for people to each get a chance to initiate or to respond. Talk To Her I would recommend talking to this girl to learn more about her interest in being sexual with you. Are you certain that she wants to have sex with you? If so, how do you know? Some people mistake flirtation for an interest in sex, and itrsquo;s important to make sure that the person you think wants to have sex with you truly does want to have sex with you before you go any further. All too often, people mis-read signals and may end up in a situation in which one person said that sex was wanted and the other one says it wasnrsquo;t - that it was assault or rape. Making certain that your partner wants to be sexual with you is therefore critical. If you talk and find out that she is interested in having sex, donrsquo;t forget to make sure that you want to have sex too! Sometimes men have sex simply because theyrsquo;ve found someone who wants to have sex with them, rather than because they are attracted to, in like or in love with the person. If you want to wait until you find someone who you are more attracted to or who you have certain feelings or commitments to, or find it easier to talk about sex with, thatrsquo;s okay too. ...And Talk Some More If you both want to have sex, Irsquo;d recommend that you do even more talking first. What steps are you both taking regarding birth control? You mentioned that you havenrsquo;t had sex before, but have you had other types of sex such as oral sex or dry sex (rubbing your naked genitals against a partnerrsquo;s naked genitals)? Has she? If so, you two may want to get tested for STIs before being sexual with each other. You may also want to discuss your expectations for having sex such as whether you will consider yourselves to be in a relationship, to be free to date other people or not, whether you want to hang out more often, and such. Believe it or not, this whole process of communication is a major part of initiating sex as it lets your partner know that yoursquo;re into them and that yoursquo;re taking it seriously and treating them ndash; and yourself - with respect and care. Foreplay When it comes to the physical aspects of sex, people often start with kissing and non-genital touching, such as touching or caressing each other on the stomach, back, breasts/chest, arms or inner thighs before moving to genital touching. Some people spend 10 or 20 minutes or longer in foreplay before having intercourse. Others spend even longer (an hour or more) in foreplay, which can increase arousal and enhance a womanrsquo;s natural vaginal lubrication, making sex more comfortable and pleasurable. Learn More To learn more about sex, check out S.E.X. The All-You-Need-to-Know Progressive Sexuality Guide to Get You Through High School and College by Heather Corinna. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Relationships,,Love aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/family-webisodes-spotlight-polyamory/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/family-webisodes-spotlight-polyamory/#comments Wed, 08 Apr 2009 14:01:15 +0000 Natalie Ingraham (M.P.H.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=960 http://kinseyconfidential.org/family-webisodes-spotlight-polyamory/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/communicating-sex-matters/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/communicating-sex-matters/#comments Mon, 09 Mar 2009 13:02:26 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=938 http://kinseyconfidential.org/communicating-sex-matters/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/kinsey-institute-news/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/kinsey-institute-news/#comments Sat, 28 Feb 2009 02:44:25 +0000 Natalie Ingraham (M.P.H.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=935 http://kinseyconfidential.org/kinsey-institute-news/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/thinking-aloud-sex-relationships/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/thinking-aloud-sex-relationships/#comments Wed, 04 Feb 2009 18:28:18 +0000 Natalie Ingraham (M.P.H.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=893 http://kinseyconfidential.org/thinking-aloud-sex-relationships/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/sexual-communication-talking-about-virginity/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/sexual-communication-talking-about-virginity/#comments Mon, 02 Feb 2009 14:00:48 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=846 http://kinseyconfidential.org/sexual-communication-talking-about-virginity/feed/ 0 3:07 Many people are uncertain about how to talk to others about sex, including the fact that they have not yet had sex, and itrsquo;s good ... Many people are uncertain about how to talk to others about sex, including the fact that they have not yet had sex, and itrsquo;s good of you to seek out information about what such communication might feel like for others. Awkwardness Factor I suppose the awkwardness factor depends on what you mean by talking to other people about the fact that yoursquo;re a virgin, as well as on the comfort level of the people you are talking to. For example, it might make people feel uncomfortable for you to talk about your virginity in a conversation that seemingly has nothing to do with either sex or virginity, like if the conversation were about school, basketball, shopping or the weather. If, however, you were in a conversation with friends, family or someone you liked in a romantic or sexual way, and you were already talking about personal issues such as your values or choices related to relationships and sexuality, then it might be something to bring up. Because many people do not have experience talking about sex and virginity, talking about these topics can indeed feel awkward at first. However, the awkwardness itself is not a reason to avoid these conversations. With practice, and by making the choice to have these conversations with people you feel close to and trust with your feelings, conversations about sexuality often become increasingly more comfortable and easy-going. To make sure that the other person feels comfortable, you can ask him or her whether the conversations feels comfortable for them. Talking About Sex Learning to talk about sexuality is important for many reasons. If it is important to you to let a potential boyfriend or girlfriend know that you are a virgin, then doing so may help you to feel more comfortable as you begin to get to know each other, hang out or date. If or when you decide to have sex, learning to talk about sexuality can help you to ask important questions of potential partners, such as questions about their values related to sexuality, their past sexual experiences or their history of having been tested for sexually transmissible infections. Feeling comfortable with sexual communication can also make it easier to discuss your sexual likes and dislikes, your interests and your boundaries, so that more of your sexual experiences have the potential to feel pleasurable. Learning to discuss sexuality issues can also make it easier for you to talk to your healthcare provider about your sexual and reproductive health. More On Sexual Communication To learn more about sexual communication, check out The Guide to Getting It On and For Each Other: Sharing Sexual Intimacy. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Relationships,,Love aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/penis-size-pregnancy/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/penis-size-pregnancy/#comments Mon, 19 Jan 2009 14:00:28 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=756 http://kinseyconfidential.org/penis-size-pregnancy/feed/ 1 3:16 While I am not aware of any research that has specifically investigated the relationship between a man's penis size and his partner's fertility, I can ... While I am not aware of any research that has specifically investigated the relationship between a man's penis size and his partner's fertility, I can tell say that many couples have successfully become pregnant even without any vaginal penetration at all, or with only one or two inches of the man's penis being inside the woman's vagina. That suggests that even a man whose penis is an inch or two long, when erect, should be able to achieve pregnancy with his partner if they are fertile as a couple. The reason that we have this information is that some women have significant problems with vaginal pain, or with feeling as though it is impossible for their partner to penetrate them, such as occurs with a condition called vaginismus. They may try for months or years to have vaginal intercourse. For many couples, sex therapy can help them to have comfortable, pleasurable vaginal intercourse. However, in rare cases, either the couple decides that it is not a goal for them to have intercourse or the woman finds that she remains unable to comfortably have vaginal penetration. In some of these instances, the couples may want to become pregnant. Since they aren't having vaginal intercourse, their sex therapist or doctor may advise them to have sex in such a way that the man ejaculates right at the entrance to the woman's vagina, and that they try to get some ejaculate in her vagina if possible, using their fingers. Other times, the couple finds that they can comfortably get the first inch or two of the man's penis inside the woman's vagina, and it may be in that position that the man ejaculates into his partner's vagina. Couples have indeed become pregnant this way. If you are concerned about penis size, you might find it helpful to seek out more information about the wide variability among men in terms of their penile length and circumference. Although we often hear about average lengths, with the average erect penis length being about 5 to 6 inches long, in fact penis size is highly variable. Some men have an erect length of 1, 2 or 3 inches long and others have an erect length of 8, 9, 10 or more inches long. These are on the extreme ends, of course, and most men are somewhere in the middle. You might also find it helpful to learn more about sexual technique and communication with a partner, two characteristics that have much more influence on sexual quality and pleasure than penis size. You can learn more about these topics in books such as A Mind of Its Own: A Cultural History of the Penis and The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex. Finally, if you have questions about your personal health or fertility, please check in with your healthcare provider. Bodies,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/pregnancy-planning-deception/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/pregnancy-planning-deception/#comments Mon, 12 Jan 2009 14:00:27 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=552 http://kinseyconfidential.org/pregnancy-planning-deception/feed/ 0 2:58 While it is possible to get pregnant from taking a man's ejaculate from the condom and inserting it into your vagina, I wouldn't recommend it ... While it is possible to get pregnant from taking a man's ejaculate from the condom and inserting it into your vagina, I wouldn't recommend it - as you can imagine. You said yourself that the fact that you emptied his condom inside your vagina is something you cannot explain to yourself, even now, except to say, of course, that you want to become pregnant and he doesn't. A Betrayal Of Trust It takes two to tango for a reason, I suppose, and perhaps a major reason is that maintaining a healthy pregnancy and raising a child is often healthier for the child - and healthier for the couple - when it has been done without deception. By having sex with a condom, you and your husband have made the choice to not risk getting pregnant at the moment. And while he may have moments of wanting to have a baby with you, he also has hesitations. Taking his semen in secret is a betrayal of the trust that he gives you, and such deception could cause problems in your relationship. It can be difficult, and sensitive, for a couple to talk openly and honestly with each other about their feelings related to getting pregnant and yet communication is very important, as is honesty. Talk To Your Husband If you would like to become pregnant, please consider ways in which you could talk to your husband about this possibility rather than going about it in ways that betray his trust. He may have good reasons for not yet wanting to become pregnant together than go above and beyond money. Also, if you are serious about becoming pregnant, it would be a wise idea to talk to your gynecologist to learn whether there are any personal health issues that you might want to address now rather than once a pregnancy is already underway. He or she might also advise you on other issues related to having a healthy pregnancy, that you can start now, such as taking prenatal vitamins, avoiding cigarette smoke, diet and exercise. Learn More You can learn more about pregnancy by reading Our Bodies, Ourselves: Pregnancy and Birth. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Pregnancy aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/talk-to-your-partners/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/talk-to-your-partners/#comments Wed, 10 Dec 2008 10:12:20 +0000 Samantha Seeger http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/2008/12/10/talk-to-your-partners/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/talk-to-your-partners/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/living-with-genital-warts/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/living-with-genital-warts/#comments Thu, 28 Aug 2008 22:39:04 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/2008/08/28/qa-i-have-genital-warts-and-hpv-how-do-i-ever-have-a-relationship-again/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/living-with-genital-warts/feed/ 0 3:50 Yoursquo;re absolutely right ndash; the ldquo;try not to get HPVrdquo; messages only go so far when you already have HPV. And guess what? Most sexually ... Yoursquo;re absolutely right ndash; the ldquo;try not to get HPVrdquo; messages only go so far when you already have HPV. And guess what? Most sexually active women and men have already had, or have been exposed to, HPV ndash; many just donrsquo;t know it. 60-80% of Sexually Active Women And Men Some studies suggest that as many as 60-80% of sexually active women and men have been exposed to at least one strain, making it by far the most common sexually transmissible infection, or STI. Most peoplersquo;s bodies donrsquo;t experience problems related to HPV, but some people do ndash; some women may develop cervical changes which show up in abnormal Pap tests, and some women and men both may develop genital warts. Usually, peoplesrsquo; immune systems kick in at some point and fight the viral infection. Fortunately, that means that most women who have cervical changes will get better and will not get cervical cancer. That also means that most women and men who have visible warts will generally get fewer genital warts, and fewer outbreaks of genital warts, over time. HPV And Genital Warts Though there are more than 100 strains of HPV, only a few that are linked to genital warts. Good for you for being sexually responsible and planning to tell future partners. You also might consider telling your present or past partners, if you havenrsquo;t already. HPV can be a frustrating issue for many women who are interested in men. Thatrsquo;s because right now, we donrsquo;t have any standard HPV testing available to men. As a result, many men think that they donrsquo;t have HPV when in fact they might ndash; they just canrsquo;t be tested for it. As such, women who know that they have HPV sometimes worry how men will react. Educating Future Partners When you tell your future potential partners about your genital warts, try to gently educate them about the issue and how, just because no one has ever told them that they have had HPV, doesnrsquo;t mean that they donrsquo;t have it or that they canrsquo;t get it. Researchers are working to develop better testing for men and hopefully that will help to open the dialogue about HPV among women and men. Although it may feel scary to talk about STIs with future relationship partners, itrsquo;s important to remember just how many women and men are affected by HPV ndash; and that in fact many women and men are kind, caring and accepting of the news that the person they like has an STI. F ar from your relationship or sex life potential being over, Irsquo;d encourage you to look at it as a challenge, or something that necessitates careful and open communication with a partner, but nothing that has to prevent you from having fulfilling relationships in the future. HPV Vaccine You also might ask your healthcare provider for more information about Gardasil, the HPV vaccine that protects against 4 strains of HPV, including those that are linked to cervical problems. Content,Type,,Health,,Disease,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/dry-vagina-during-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/dry-vagina-during-sex/#comments Thu, 19 Jun 2008 21:06:47 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/2008/06/19/qa-vagina-gets-dry-during-intercourse/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/dry-vagina-during-sex/feed/ 0 3:18 Womenrsquo;s bodies vary in their degrees of wetness and dryness during sexual activity. Vaginal Lubrication Generally speaking, womenrsquo;s vaginas tend to become more wet thanks to natural ... Womenrsquo;s bodies vary in their degrees of wetness and dryness during sexual activity. Vaginal Lubrication Generally speaking, womenrsquo;s vaginas tend to become more wet thanks to natural vaginal lubrication when they are feeling relaxed, comfortable and sexually aroused. As a result, a woman may find that she becomes more wet during foreplay and engaging in sex play that feels good, pleasurable and arousing to her. Talking About Sex I wonder if the two of you are able to talk about sex and share what feels good to each of you. If not, you both may find it helpful, and find that it enhances your sexual intimacy to talk to each other about your likes and dislikes. It is also important to talk about sex in ways that make sure you both want to be sexual with each other in this way, and that you both are feeling emotionally and physically comfortable with your choice to have sex with each other. Sometimes women and men are worried that if they donrsquo;t have sex with their partner, that their partner will become mad or want to break up with them. Are you sure that your girlfriend feels comfortable about her decision to have sex with you in this way? Birth Control, Lubricant and Condoms What about birth control? You mentioned that you are using condoms, so I am guessing that you two do not want to become pregnant right now. However, you also mentioned that sometimes the condom is damaged because the friction is high with sex. You feel like this is because her vagina is dry ndash; and that may be true. But it is also true that condoms themselves can make sex feel more dry ndash; even when a womanrsquo;s vagina is fairly wet. Although you add water-based lubricant, many people find that because water-based lubricant absorbs quickly into the body that they need to reapply if often, especially if sex goes on for a long time. Perhaps using a silicone-based lubricant, which tends to last longer, would be helpful for making sex more comfortable and pleasurable, and reducing the risk of condom damage. I mention this too because if your girlfriend is worried about becoming pregnant, she may not feel very relaxed or comfortable and this can impair her ability to lubricate. In short, please consider talking more with each other about your feelings about being sexual with each other, about what feels good and what doesnrsquo;t, as well as consider talking about birth control and perhaps using a lubricant that lasts longer during sex. Comfortable, pleasurable sex is usually possible, but it takes communication between two partners. Bodies,,Content,Type,,Newspaper,Column aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/gave-partner-genital-herpes/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/gave-partner-genital-herpes/#comments Thu, 12 Jun 2008 13:00:39 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/2008/06/12/qa-i-gave-my-partner-herpes/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/gave-partner-genital-herpes/feed/ 0 3:07 Thanks for your question. Many women and men find it challenging or embarrassing to talk about sexually transmissible infections ndash; also called STIs ndash; even ... Thanks for your question. Many women and men find it challenging or embarrassing to talk about sexually transmissible infections ndash; also called STIs ndash; even if they themselves have never had an STI. It can be a more difficult conversation to have, but a necessary one, if one happens to have a STI. STIs Stigmatized Unfortunately, STIs have been stigmatized in ways in many cultures ndash; including here in the United States ndash; that have made some people worry about approaching a potential partner with STI information. In this instance, you chose not to provide your partner with important information about your health, and now he has herpes. We consider Kinsey Confidential to be an information service, rather than an advice service, so we canrsquo;t and wonrsquo;t tell you what to do. Open and Honest Communication However, we would absolutely encourage you to develop open and honest communication with your partner, and to support him in ways that encourage his health. Even though you may be afraid to be honest with your partner, telling him that you have herpes too may help him to feel less alone, even though he may initially be angry with you or feel resentful. It is possible that your relationship will be enormously strained. You two may even break up or decide to stop seeing each other. Then again, being able to make yourself vulnerable to and honest with each other may end up strengthening your relationship over time. There is no way to predict his reaction or what course your relationship may take, however part of being responsible about sexual health involves being open and honest with your partners. Herpes Treatment Scientists have made enormous progress related to herpes in recent years. Treatment is now available that can greatly reduce the risk of outbreaks as well as transmission. You and your partner may both want to check in with a healthcare provider for more information. That said, as far as we have come with treatment, itrsquo;s up to women and men to learn to live with herpes, and to manage it in responsible ways with their sexual partners. Learn More You can learn more about herpes in our sexual health, disease, and STIs resource pages, from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, or from the American Social Health Association. Content,Type,,Health,,Disease,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No