http://kinseyconfidential.org Just another WordPress weblog Thu, 18 Mar 2010 14:00:23 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 en hourly 1 2006-2007 aschweig@indiana.edu (Kinsey Confidential) aschweig@indiana.edu (Kinsey Confidential) posts 1440 Just another WordPress weblog Kinsey Confidential Kinsey Confidential aschweig@indiana.edu No no http://kinseyconfidential.org/wp-content/themes/kinsey/images/kinsey-podcast-300.jpg http://kinseyconfidential.org 144 144 http://kinseyconfidential.org/experienced-orgasm-suggest/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/experienced-orgasm-suggest/#comments Thu, 11 Mar 2010 14:00:33 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1582 http://kinseyconfidential.org/experienced-orgasm-suggest/feed/ 0 3:38 A Common Problem Many women struggle with trying to learn to have an orgasm. Often, even very well educated women who feel comfortable with their own ... A Common Problem Many women struggle with trying to learn to have an orgasm. Often, even very well educated women who feel comfortable with their own bodies, open to their experience, and positive about sex still find it difficult to orgasm. Yoursquo;re certainly not alone in your experience. With time, patience and practice, most women are able to learn to orgasm so the chances that you will, too, are certainly in your favor. There are many different reasons why women take time to learn to orgasm. As much as you may have already learned about anatomy, you might find that there is more to learn that would be helpful. Know Your Anatomy Many medical texts, including their anatomical illustrations, do not accurately depict the clitoris. In fact, many donrsquo;t even show that the clitoris is larger than the frac14; to frac12; an inch of tissue that can be seen from the outside of a womanrsquo;s body. The clitoris extends backward into the body in two branches that may be stimulated from vaginal sex or other types of stimulation. This knowledge alone may give you different ideas for how to approach your body with stimulation. Also, newer research suggests that the clitoris, vagina and urethra are more interconnected than previously thought. The movement or stimulation of one may change the way that other parts of a womanrsquo;s genital or urinary tract feel. In addition, scientists are uncovering new information about different nerve pathways that may be linked to female orgasm and learning about these, such as from the book The Science of Orgasm, may be informative. Playing the Brain Game As helpful as information and education can be, so is the psychological process. You may find that spending time becoming highly aroused ndash; such as through touch or fantasy - helps you to experience greater pleasure during sex and may eventually help you learn to orgasm. Some women are easily distracted during sex - thinking about work, school, laundry, dinner, relationship issues or family ndash; and these distractions can make it difficult to relax, to let go and to focus on onersquo;s own arousal. Other times women donrsquo;t feel the type of intimacy or psychological excitement in their relationship that they find best helps them to experience pleasure or orgasm. Then there are situations in which women put so much pressure on themselves to orgasm that the pressure, stress and anxiety make it more difficult to orgasm. More Information If you are interested in learning more about orgasm, you may find it helpful to read Becoming Orgasmic: A Sexual and Personal Growth Program for Women or Because It Feels Good: A Womanrsquo;s Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction. Content,Type,,Pleasure,,Orgasm,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/turned-husband-rubs-clitoris/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/turned-husband-rubs-clitoris/#comments Thu, 18 Feb 2010 14:00:06 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1485 http://kinseyconfidential.org/turned-husband-rubs-clitoris/feed/ 0 3:06 Likes and Dislikes It may be helpful to know that not all women feel sexually excited from having their clitoris rubbed or their vaginal entrance licked. ... Likes and Dislikes It may be helpful to know that not all women feel sexually excited from having their clitoris rubbed or their vaginal entrance licked. Some women feel excited and lubricate when they engage in those behaviors; others do not. That does not mean that you wonrsquo;t feel physically excited by other types of sex or touch, though. Pregnancy It also does not mean that you canrsquo;t have a baby. A woman may become pregnant whether or not she lubricates or has an orgasm during sex. Your level of sexual excitement has nothing to do with your ability to become pregnant ndash; unless yoursquo;re avoiding sex because itrsquo;s not exciting. However, if you have concerns about your fertility or questions about how to improve your chances of becoming pregnant, check in with a gynecologist or your primary healthcare provider. Exploring During Sex I would encourage you and your partner to explore your sexuality in a broader, more expansive way and to pay attention to your emotional experience of sex rather than only your physical sensations. How does it feel when your husband touches your breasts, your inner thighs, or when he massages your back? How do you feel when you touch him on different parts of his body? You may find it pleasurable or informative to experience different types of touch together. Rubbing each othersrsquo; bodies with a massage cream or a lotion can feel very different, sensually speaking, than rubbing each other with dry hands. Using a slow rhythm can feel different than a quick rhythm. There are also clear differences between being touched or licked in ways that are gentle versus ways that are firm. As you two explore, you may find that you do enjoy being stimulated on your clitoris or around your vaginal entrance but that you prefer different types of touch or licks than you have previously been exploring. Or you may find that you donrsquo;t respond to genital stimulation as greatly as you respond to breast stimulation or to lots and lots of kissing. Thatrsquo;s okay. All women have different experiences from each other. More Information To learn more about exploring each otherrsquo;s bodies, as well as enhancing emotional intimacy, in ways that will promote more pleasurable sex, check out Because It Feels Good: A Womanrsquo;s Guide to Sexual Pleasure or For Each Other: Sharing Sexual Intimacy. Bodies,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/connection-sex-abuse-urge-pee-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/connection-sex-abuse-urge-pee-sex/#comments Mon, 30 Nov 2009 14:00:24 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1288 http://kinseyconfidential.org/connection-sex-abuse-urge-pee-sex/feed/ 0 3:11 Thank you for your question. I am sorry to hear that you were abused as a child. Many women and men who have been sexually ... Thank you for your question. I am sorry to hear that you were abused as a child. Many women and men who have been sexually abused as children wonder how their abusive experiences may have impacted their sexual experiences as a teenager and adult. And, of course, there are a range of ways that abuse can affect a personrsquo;s later romantic relationships and sexual experiences. It can be confusing to know if something is abuse-related or not when it comes to sex given that sex is often a taboo topic and therefore not openly talked about. When we donrsquo;t talk about sex openly, itrsquo;s difficult to know what is common and what is not. Clitoral Complex As it turns out, it is not uncommon for women to feel as though they have to pee in relation to sexual arousal or sexual behavior. The clitoris, vagina and urethra (which connects to the bladder) are so closely connected that some scientists have suggested that we use the term ldquo;clitoral complexrdquo; to refer to these interconnections. Stimulation of one of these parts often affects the others. As such, when women are touched on their clitoris or vagina, they sometimes feel as though they have to pee ndash; even if they donrsquo;t. Other women notice these sensations as they become more aroused and closer to orgasm. Sex on a Full Bladder Women vary in how they respond to these sensations. Some choose to pee before they have sex. Others stop sex and get up to pee, then resume having sex. Still, other women try to concentrate on their pleasurable sexual sensations rather than think about the sensations that feel as though they have to urinate. And then there are the women who prefer to have sex on a full bladder because they find that the sensations enhance their feelings of pleasure and arousal! Getting More Information All of this is not to say that your sensations are totally unrelated to your abuse. If you have a sense that your experience is related to your childhood abuse, you might want to discuss these concerns with a trained sex therapist who you can find through the Society for Sex Therapy and Researchrsquo;s web site, which is www.sstartnet.org. However, rest assured that this is a common enough experience that is shared by many women ndash; some with abuse histories and some without. You may also find it helpful to read the updated edition of Becoming Orgasmic which includes a section related to moving on from sexual abuse. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Sexual,Assault aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/women-easily-achieve-orgasm/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/women-easily-achieve-orgasm/#comments Mon, 16 Nov 2009 14:00:06 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1278 http://kinseyconfidential.org/women-easily-achieve-orgasm/feed/ 2 http://kinseyconfidential.org/clitoral-vaginal-dryness-vaginal-discharge/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/clitoral-vaginal-dryness-vaginal-discharge/#comments Mon, 10 Nov 2008 14:00:52 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=414 http://kinseyconfidential.org/clitoral-vaginal-dryness-vaginal-discharge/feed/ 0 3:33 All women experience vaginal discharge, though the color, consistency and amount can vary over the course of a woman's menstrual cycle, as well as with ... All women experience vaginal discharge, though the color, consistency and amount can vary over the course of a woman's menstrual cycle, as well as with age or in relation to other health issues, gynecological or otherwise. If these changes are significantly different for you, I would encourage you to check in with a healthcare provider who can examine you and give you more personalized information about your health. A Range Of Smells The smell that you describe is also well within the healthy, normal range of scents that women notice in regard to their genitals. After all, most everything has a scent to it and the vagina is no different. Quite a lot of women feel that their vagina smells slightly sweet, slightly sour or even slightly yeasty. In fact, smell is such an important characteristic that healthcare providers sometimes use it as part of their diagnosis. Don't worry - that doesn't mean that a gynecologist gets in very close to smell a woman's vaginal odor, but in the course of doing an exam, they can often pick up cues such as odor that can help to inform their diagnosis. Vaginal Dryness As for your clitoris, it is unclear to me in what way you feel that it is dry, as you mostly talked about discharge that appears on your underwear which would be from your vagina rather than your clitoris. If your clitoris feels dry, itching or uncomfortable, these are symptoms that you can talk to your healthcare provider about. If the lack of vaginal moisture that you've noticed has become uncomfortable, you should also mention this to your healthcare provider who may suggest a vaginal moisturizer. If you experience discomfort during vaginal intercourse, but not at other times, then using a personal lubricant may be helpful. Recommended Reading To learn more about vaginal discharge, vaginal odor and the clitoris, you might read The V Book: A Doctor's Guide to Complete Vulovaginal Health by Dr. Elizabeth Stewart. Bodies,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/clitoris/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/clitoris/#comments Wed, 24 Sep 2008 10:49:08 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/2008/09/24/curious-about-the-clitoris/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/clitoris/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/vulva-puppet/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/vulva-puppet/#comments Fri, 19 Sep 2008 10:00:33 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/2008/09/19/vulva-puppets-educational-and-fun-combined/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/vulva-puppet/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/clitoral-stimulation-pain-tickling-discomfort/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/clitoral-stimulation-pain-tickling-discomfort/#comments Thu, 24 Jul 2008 17:07:12 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/2008/07/24/qa-avoiding-pain-from-clitoral-stimulation/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/clitoral-stimulation-pain-tickling-discomfort/feed/ 0 3:03 Absolutely! Even though Irsquo;m sure you know that all women are different, it is helpful to be reminded of that sometimes. In spite of your ... Absolutely! Even though Irsquo;m sure you know that all women are different, it is helpful to be reminded of that sometimes. In spite of your experiences in previous relationships, your current girlfriend is giving you really valuable information about her body and her sexual response that I would encourage you to pay attention to: specifically, she finds that clitoral stimulation with either your mouth or your hand feels ticklish or it hurts. Not The Same For All Women Just because the clitoris is a highly sensitive area of a womanrsquo;s body does not mean that all women want to have direct sexual stimulation of their clitoris during sex. In fact, it is too much to take for some women. Clitoral stimulation may feel uncomfortable, ticklish, or highly sensitive in ways that make women ask their partner to stop that right now. It can also vary over time ndash; for example, sometimes a woman may find that direct clitoral stimulation is uncomfortable until she is very highly aroused, and then she can accept it more comfortably and enjoy it. Other women never enjoy direct clitoral stimulation, but may enjoy stimulation of the area around their clitoris, the labia minora or labia majora (also known as the inner and outer vaginal lips), her vaginal canal, or her breasts or neck or inner thighs. Talk To Her And Try New Things Consider talking to her sometime when you are not about to have sex or in the middle of sex. Reassure her that yoursquo;ve heard her and understand that clitoral stimulation is sometimes uncomfortable for her. You might ask her what types of stimulation feel good, or what types of stimulation shersquo;d be open to trying. Some couples make it a sort of ldquo;sex gamerdquo; to try different types of stimulation using onersquo;s hands, mouth or even toys, and then trying different paces, rhythms, and pressures (E.g., soft vs. firmer pressure with onersquo;s tongue, or slow lick vs. fast flicks). If you frame the experience as about pleasure, rather than trying to reach orgasm together, you can open yourselves to a range of experiences, knowing that it doesnrsquo;t have to ldquo;endrdquo; a certain way and that the only success is learning more about each otherrsquo;s bodies, rather than focusing exclusively on orgasm. Bodies,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/vagina-sensitive-after-orgasm/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/vagina-sensitive-after-orgasm/#comments Thu, 22 May 2008 13:00:43 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/2008/05/22/qa-my-girlfriends-vagina-becomes-sensitive-after-orgasm/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/vagina-sensitive-after-orgasm/feed/ 0 2:57 Although not all women become very sensitive after orgasm, some do. Some women find that their clitoris becomes extremely sensitive following orgasm, or else their ... Although not all women become very sensitive after orgasm, some do. Some women find that their clitoris becomes extremely sensitive following orgasm, or else their vagina or other parts of their vulva may become sensitive. Sexual excitement and orgasm are full of different bodily changes and these sensations can change from the excitement phase to the orgasm and post-orgasm phase. Talk To Your Girlfriend If your girlfriend finds that she is very sensitive, perhaps you two can talk and find different ways of having sex that you both find enjoyable. Perhaps sometimes you can have sex the way that you often do now, and if she is too sensitive to go on, you can stop with intercourse and continue on to something else. Other times you might try other means of pleasure. Perhaps sometimes you could have an orgasm first and then perform oral sex on her, or stimulate her with your fingers or in other ways that feel good to her. Alternatively, she could have an orgasm through intercourse, you could move on to kissing and cuddling and other forms of sex play for several minutes, and then try intercourse again after a longer period of time. You may even try adding lubricant prior to entering her again. Thatrsquo;s because when a woman is very aroused, her lubrication often continues to build. But after orgasm, many women do not continue to produce much lubrication, if any at all. Adding some store-bought lubricant may help to make sex more comfortable and pleasurable for her. Not Necessarily A Cause For Concern Again, though not all women share this experience, some do, and so in and of itself it is not necessarily a reason to think that something may be wrong. However, if you or your girlfriend would like to ask a healthcare provider about this, we would strongly encourage you to do so ndash; especially because it is related to pain and discomfort for her, and it may feel reassuring or be important for her to mention this to her healthcare provider. Bodies,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/masturbation-cause-physical-damage-clitoris/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/masturbation-cause-physical-damage-clitoris/#comments Wed, 25 Apr 2007 21:49:45 +0000 Kinsey Confidential http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/blog/2007/04/25/qa-can-masturbation-cause-physical-damage-to-the-clitoris/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/masturbation-cause-physical-damage-clitoris/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/qa-how-can-i-have-an-orgasm/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/qa-how-can-i-have-an-orgasm/#comments Wed, 27 Sep 2006 19:55:29 +0000 Kinsey Confidential http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/blog/2006/09/27/qa-how-can-i-have-an-orgasm/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/qa-how-can-i-have-an-orgasm/feed/ 0