http://kinseyconfidential.org Just another WordPress weblog Thu, 18 Mar 2010 14:00:23 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 en hourly 1 2006-2007 aschweig@indiana.edu (Kinsey Confidential) aschweig@indiana.edu (Kinsey Confidential) posts 1440 Just another WordPress weblog Kinsey Confidential Kinsey Confidential aschweig@indiana.edu No no http://kinseyconfidential.org/wp-content/themes/kinsey/images/kinsey-podcast-300.jpg http://kinseyconfidential.org 144 144 http://kinseyconfidential.org/experienced-orgasm-suggest/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/experienced-orgasm-suggest/#comments Thu, 11 Mar 2010 14:00:33 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1582 http://kinseyconfidential.org/experienced-orgasm-suggest/feed/ 0 3:38 A Common Problem Many women struggle with trying to learn to have an orgasm. Often, even very well educated women who feel comfortable with their own ... A Common Problem Many women struggle with trying to learn to have an orgasm. Often, even very well educated women who feel comfortable with their own bodies, open to their experience, and positive about sex still find it difficult to orgasm. Yoursquo;re certainly not alone in your experience. With time, patience and practice, most women are able to learn to orgasm so the chances that you will, too, are certainly in your favor. There are many different reasons why women take time to learn to orgasm. As much as you may have already learned about anatomy, you might find that there is more to learn that would be helpful. Know Your Anatomy Many medical texts, including their anatomical illustrations, do not accurately depict the clitoris. In fact, many donrsquo;t even show that the clitoris is larger than the frac14; to frac12; an inch of tissue that can be seen from the outside of a womanrsquo;s body. The clitoris extends backward into the body in two branches that may be stimulated from vaginal sex or other types of stimulation. This knowledge alone may give you different ideas for how to approach your body with stimulation. Also, newer research suggests that the clitoris, vagina and urethra are more interconnected than previously thought. The movement or stimulation of one may change the way that other parts of a womanrsquo;s genital or urinary tract feel. In addition, scientists are uncovering new information about different nerve pathways that may be linked to female orgasm and learning about these, such as from the book The Science of Orgasm, may be informative. Playing the Brain Game As helpful as information and education can be, so is the psychological process. You may find that spending time becoming highly aroused ndash; such as through touch or fantasy - helps you to experience greater pleasure during sex and may eventually help you learn to orgasm. Some women are easily distracted during sex - thinking about work, school, laundry, dinner, relationship issues or family ndash; and these distractions can make it difficult to relax, to let go and to focus on onersquo;s own arousal. Other times women donrsquo;t feel the type of intimacy or psychological excitement in their relationship that they find best helps them to experience pleasure or orgasm. Then there are situations in which women put so much pressure on themselves to orgasm that the pressure, stress and anxiety make it more difficult to orgasm. More Information If you are interested in learning more about orgasm, you may find it helpful to read Becoming Orgasmic: A Sexual and Personal Growth Program for Women or Because It Feels Good: A Womanrsquo;s Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction. Content,Type,,Pleasure,,Orgasm,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/premature-ejaculation-in-sex-is-it-because-i-masturbate/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/premature-ejaculation-in-sex-is-it-because-i-masturbate/#comments Mon, 08 Mar 2010 14:00:02 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1579 http://kinseyconfidential.org/premature-ejaculation-in-sex-is-it-because-i-masturbate/feed/ 0 3:31 Everyone Does It Most men and women have masturbated at some point in their lives whether during adolescence, adulthood, older age or throughout the lifespan. In ... Everyone Does It Most men and women have masturbated at some point in their lives whether during adolescence, adulthood, older age or throughout the lifespan. In fact, even research conducted with parents and teachers of young children shows that most young children touch their genitals for curiosity, to relieve an itch or because they like how it feels. Masturbation is generally regarded as a healthy form of sexual expression. Sperm Production Menrsquo;s bodies make sperm and the fluids that make up semen on an ongoing basis. Masturbating will not cause your body to stop producing sperm or semen. In case yoursquo;re curious, sperm only make up a small portion of the volume of semen. Much of a manrsquo;s seminal fluids come from his prostate gland and other glands called the cowperrsquo;s glands and seminal vesicles. Why We Do It There are many reasons that people masturbate including for fun, curiosity, to release sexual tension, to help themselves fall asleep or to enhance their desire or arousal. There are also different ways that people masturbate alone or with a sexual or romantic relationship partner. While many people touch their genitals, others find that they enjoy stimulating their chest or breasts, their inner thighs or their anus. Some people use their hands to masturbate and others find it pleasurable to use a sex toy, to rub their body against a bed or pillow or to stimulate themselves in the shower or bath. Masturbation Might Help Itrsquo;s also important to note that masturbation does not necessarily cause premature ejaculation or the experience of ejaculating more quickly than you or your wife might like. In fact, certain masturbation exercises might actually help you to learn to last longer during sexual intercourse. These exercises are called the stop-start technique and the squeeze technique. Essentially they involve stimulating yourself during masturbation, then just before the point when you are getting close to ejaculating you either stop all stimulation (for the stop-start technique) or gently squeeze the head of your penis (for the squeeze technique). This may help your arousal to decrease somewhat before you then start stimulating yourself again and repeat the process. Finally, I would encourage you to speak with your wife about her feelings about her sex life. It may be that she is happy with how long you spend having sex. More Information You can learn more about masturbation and partnered techniques to help you last longer during sex in The New Male Sexuality or Coping With Premature Ejaculation. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/normal-fantasize-sex-random-women/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/normal-fantasize-sex-random-women/#comments Thu, 11 Feb 2010 14:00:18 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1373 http://kinseyconfidential.org/normal-fantasize-sex-random-women/feed/ 0 3:17 Everyone Does It Yes, it is very common for women and men to fantasize about people other than their own partner. In fact, a study published ... Everyone Does It Yes, it is very common for women and men to fantasize about people other than their own partner. In fact, a study published in 2001 in The Journal of Sex Research found that, among 349 women and men ages 18 to 70, all of whom were in relationships at the time of the study, 98% of men and 80% of women said that they had fantasized about someone other than their partner over the previous 2 months. Why fantasize about someone else? Some people find it very stimulating to think about having sex with a friend, a co-worker, a classmate, a total stranger or even a celebrity. These fantasies may occur alone during masturbation or even in the middle of having sex with onersquo;s partner. Bucking the Routine The 2001 research study also found that sexual fantasies about other people are more common as people tend to stay together longer. This makes sense: as much as people may feel committed to each other, sex does tend to change in long term relationships. Couples tend to have sex less often with each other and, when they do have sex, it may feel more routine or less exciting than it did at first. As they look for ways to enhance their arousal and pleasure, they may find that fantasizing about others helps or is fun to do. Mental Infidelity Whether you consider this to be ldquo;cheatingrdquo; or not is more up to you than me. People have their own definitions of what cheating is so it is important for couples to communicate and decide what is or is not okay in the context of their own relationship. Most people would probably not consider fantasizing about others to be cheating ndash; particularly as most women and men do fantasize about people other than their partner. However, some might feel that it feels wrong or inappropriate to them. Fantasy vs. Real Life Sexual fantasies allow people to explore their sexual feelings in often very safe ways. In fantasy, you can explore sides of yourself without having to worry about what is politically correct or who is or is not actually available to you in real life. People can act out romantic sexual fantasies or very explicit no-feelings-involved sexual fantasies. They can be powerful or submissive, have sex with one person or many, or approach a stranger or even a long lost, high school love for sex, massage, making out or to become pregnant. Then, in the blink of an eye, one can turn the fantasy off, return to regular life or return to thinking about onersquo;s own partner. More Information To learn more about sexual fantasies and exploration, consider reading The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex or The Guide to Getting It On. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Relationships,,Love aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/access-denied-internet-hook-ups-awry/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/access-denied-internet-hook-ups-awry/#comments Sun, 31 Jan 2010 00:41:09 +0000 J. Bradley Blankenship (M.S.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1434 http://kinseyconfidential.org/access-denied-internet-hook-ups-awry/feed/ 1 http://kinseyconfidential.org/bad-long-masturbating/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/bad-long-masturbating/#comments Thu, 21 Jan 2010 14:00:06 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1319 http://kinseyconfidential.org/bad-long-masturbating/feed/ 0 2:47 Different Experiences Men, like women, vary in terms of how they experience sexual arousal and orgasm. It is not unusual for men to describe feeling more ... Different Experiences Men, like women, vary in terms of how they experience sexual arousal and orgasm. It is not unusual for men to describe feeling more or less aroused, or more or less easily orgasmic, in response to different sexual behaviors or experiences. For example, some men find it easier to orgasm from intercourse than oral sex. Others find that itrsquo;s easier for them to orgasm, or quicker for them to orgasm, from masturbation than from vaginal or anal sex. So, it varies. Trying New Things Watching porn can be highly arousing to some men. If it helps you to feel very excited or aroused and you enjoy its role in your masturbation, that is not necessarily a bad thing. However, if you would like to try to enhance your arousal during masturbation in other ways, there are plenty of options. For example, you might try texting with a partner, trying different hand positions, using lubricant or no lubricant, fantasizing or trying sex toys such as the Fleshlight or a masturbation sleeve. What's the Reason Irsquo;d also like to ask you to consider whether you are lasting as long as 30 or 40 minutes without porn because you want to or because you canrsquo;t come sooner even if you try. If yoursquo;re taking your time and lasting longer to enjoy the sensations, then more power to you! If you find that you are unable to come sooner as much as you try, then expanding your masturbation routine, as described earlier, might help your body adapt to different types of stimulation. Even if you cannot come sooner, try to not let that trouble you. Masturbation is not the same as partnered sex and you may find that during sex with a partner, your experience of ejaculation and orgasm are quite different. More Information To learn more about ejaculation and learning to control the timing of your orgasm, check out The New Male Sexuality. Content,Type,,Pleasure,,Orgasm,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/order-stop-ejaculating-asleep/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/order-stop-ejaculating-asleep/#comments Thu, 07 Jan 2010 14:00:05 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1315 http://kinseyconfidential.org/order-stop-ejaculating-asleep/feed/ 1 http://kinseyconfidential.org/stop-masturbating-premature-ejaculations-stop/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/stop-masturbating-premature-ejaculations-stop/#comments Mon, 28 Dec 2009 14:00:16 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1313 http://kinseyconfidential.org/stop-masturbating-premature-ejaculations-stop/feed/ 0 2:28 Yours is a wonderful question and by asking it, we will hopefully be able to help many men who have questions about premature ejaculation and ... Yours is a wonderful question and by asking it, we will hopefully be able to help many men who have questions about premature ejaculation and learning to control the timing of ejaculation. Everyone Does It Masturbation is an extremely common sexual activity ndash; most men and women have masturbated. This is particularly true for young men and women, for whom masturbation is quite common and an excellent choice for safer sex and for learning about onersquo;s own body. Speaking of which, masturbation can actually help men learn to control the timing of their ejaculation. In other words, by practicing very specific masturbation techniques, you may be able to get more in touch with your body so that you can stop yourself from ejaculating before yoursquo;re ready. It will likely take time and a good deal of practice, but this type of practice can be quite pleasurable! Masturbation Techniques Two techniques that are commonly used by men who would like to develop ejaculatory control are the stop-start technique and the squeeze technique. Here is how they work: Start by stimulating your body in the way that you usually do. As you build arousal, pay attention to your bodily sensations. Just before the point of no return ndash; when you will ejaculate no matter what happens ndash; stop all stimulation and let your arousal subside a little. Then start the stimulation again and repeat the cycle. This is the stop-start technique. The squeeze technique is similar except instead of stopping all stimulation, one can gently squeeze the head of onersquo;s penis and then let the arousal subside. Learn More More detailed instructions about these and other techniques for learning ejaculatory control are described in The New Male Sexuality. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/pornography-looks-good-feels-good/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/pornography-looks-good-feels-good/#comments Thu, 17 Dec 2009 19:09:11 +0000 J. Bradley Blankenship (M.S.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1342 http://kinseyconfidential.org/pornography-looks-good-feels-good/feed/ 1 http://kinseyconfidential.org/girlfriends-vagina-dry-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/girlfriends-vagina-dry-sex/#comments Thu, 17 Dec 2009 14:00:40 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1311 http://kinseyconfidential.org/girlfriends-vagina-dry-sex/feed/ 1 http://kinseyconfidential.org/connection-sex-abuse-urge-pee-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/connection-sex-abuse-urge-pee-sex/#comments Mon, 30 Nov 2009 14:00:24 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1288 http://kinseyconfidential.org/connection-sex-abuse-urge-pee-sex/feed/ 0 3:11 Thank you for your question. I am sorry to hear that you were abused as a child. Many women and men who have been sexually ... Thank you for your question. I am sorry to hear that you were abused as a child. Many women and men who have been sexually abused as children wonder how their abusive experiences may have impacted their sexual experiences as a teenager and adult. And, of course, there are a range of ways that abuse can affect a personrsquo;s later romantic relationships and sexual experiences. It can be confusing to know if something is abuse-related or not when it comes to sex given that sex is often a taboo topic and therefore not openly talked about. When we donrsquo;t talk about sex openly, itrsquo;s difficult to know what is common and what is not. Clitoral Complex As it turns out, it is not uncommon for women to feel as though they have to pee in relation to sexual arousal or sexual behavior. The clitoris, vagina and urethra (which connects to the bladder) are so closely connected that some scientists have suggested that we use the term ldquo;clitoral complexrdquo; to refer to these interconnections. Stimulation of one of these parts often affects the others. As such, when women are touched on their clitoris or vagina, they sometimes feel as though they have to pee ndash; even if they donrsquo;t. Other women notice these sensations as they become more aroused and closer to orgasm. Sex on a Full Bladder Women vary in how they respond to these sensations. Some choose to pee before they have sex. Others stop sex and get up to pee, then resume having sex. Still, other women try to concentrate on their pleasurable sexual sensations rather than think about the sensations that feel as though they have to urinate. And then there are the women who prefer to have sex on a full bladder because they find that the sensations enhance their feelings of pleasure and arousal! Getting More Information All of this is not to say that your sensations are totally unrelated to your abuse. If you have a sense that your experience is related to your childhood abuse, you might want to discuss these concerns with a trained sex therapist who you can find through the Society for Sex Therapy and Researchrsquo;s web site, which is www.sstartnet.org. However, rest assured that this is a common enough experience that is shared by many women ndash; some with abuse histories and some without. You may also find it helpful to read the updated edition of Becoming Orgasmic which includes a section related to moving on from sexual abuse. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Sexual,Assault aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/trouble-keeping-erection-condom/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/trouble-keeping-erection-condom/#comments Mon, 23 Nov 2009 14:00:19 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1280 http://kinseyconfidential.org/trouble-keeping-erection-condom/feed/ 0 3:32 Although condoms typically donrsquo;t contribute to problems getting or keeping an erection, sometimes men find that they do. In these cases, it can be helpful ... Although condoms typically donrsquo;t contribute to problems getting or keeping an erection, sometimes men find that they do. In these cases, it can be helpful to strategize ways to have safer, more pleasurable sex. This generally means ways to help a man maintain his erection while wearing a condom so that he feels committed to using the condom the entire time he has sex. After all, if a man starts having sex without a condom and only later puts on a condom ndash; or if he does the reverse (starts having sex with a condom, then removes it and continues having sex without it) ndash; it can put him and his partner at risk for infection. Size and Fit of Condoms You might try sampling a variety of condoms to find one that feels most pleasurable for you and allows you to experience maximum sensation. Some men find that condoms with looser or baggier heads or shafts allow for more sensation and thus easier erections. Other times, the size of the condom is an issue. If standard sized condoms donrsquo;t fit you well, consider using a snugger fit condom or a larger sized condom depending on your size needs. Learn about or purchase condoms of different sizes at Condomania.com. Adding Lubrication Adding a small dab of lubricant on the inside of the condom, in the reservoir tip, can also help sex to feel more comfortable and pleasurable. Then, after the condom is rolled down your penis, you might also apply additional lube to the outside of the condom along your shaft. A warming sensation lubricant may help to increase the pleasurable sensations and thus make it easier to maintain your erection. Choosing Your Sexual Experiences You might also look beyond products and turn inward. Are you choosing partners or sexual situations that completely turn you on? If you are having sex with men you are only sort of attracted to, then the best condom in the world may not be sufficient to help you maintain your erection in the way you want. Sexual arousal has physical, emotional and mental components and you may find that it is particularly important for you to attend to getting yourself extremely interested or aroused by your partner or the sexual circumstances before deciding to have sex with them. Erectile Dysfunction Medications for ED are generally not recommended by healthcare providers for young, healthy men who do not actually have ED. If you believe that you may have ED, or if itrsquo;s been a while since you have had a healthcare visit, you might check in with a healthcare provider for a check-up or wellness visit. It is more common for erectile problems in young, healthy men to be caused by stress, performance anxiety or sub-optimal arousal rather than a medical condition. Although many web sites and emails advertise the availability of ED medications, many medications sold over the internet are not what they claim to be and may put peoplersquo;s health at risk. More Information To learn more about erectile function, check out The Sexual Male: Problems and Solutions. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/qa-sexual-arousal-strangers/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/qa-sexual-arousal-strangers/#comments Mon, 21 Sep 2009 14:00:26 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=1189 http://kinseyconfidential.org/qa-sexual-arousal-strangers/feed/ 0 2:43 In many cultures, there is a stereotype that men are always ready and eager to have sex with just about anyone. However, as strong as ... In many cultures, there is a stereotype that men are always ready and eager to have sex with just about anyone. However, as strong as a manrsquo;s interest or desire may be, his body may not always be ready to have sex. Some men find it very difficult to get or maintain an erection with partners who they do not know very well. Often they find that they cannot ldquo;makerdquo; themselves have an erection just because they want one. Mental and Physical Sexual arousal is often strongest when a person feels both mentally and physically aroused. If you donrsquo;t know these women very well, you may find it difficult to feel mentally aroused or excited by them. Perhaps it is easier for you to feel sexually aroused, and to become erect, with your ex because you feel more connected to her or mentally turned on by her. After all, you have an entire history with her ndash; you may feel attracted to her because of the way that she makes you feel, or because of her humor or personality in addition to her physical attractiveness. A Physical Problem? Since you are able to still get erections with your ex, it is unlikely that you have a physical problem with your erections. However, if you are concerned about your erectile function or have questions about it, please check in with your healthcare provider. If you are open to getting to know other women well, you might spend more time getting to know them over dinner, drinks or other activities before having sex with them. As you get to know women more, you may find it easier to feel relaxed, comfortable and both mentally and physically turned on. It is also possible that other issues are keeping you from having full and reliable erections with other women. For example, if you are still in love with your ex, you may find it difficult to move on and be with other women until you have resolved those feelings. Recommended Reading To learn more about erectile function, you may find it helpful to read The Sexual Male: Problems and Solutions by Richard Milsten and Julian Slowinski. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/trouble-maintaining-erection-time/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/trouble-maintaining-erection-time/#comments Mon, 01 Jun 2009 14:00:20 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/qa-trouble-maintaining-erection-time/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/trouble-maintaining-erection-time/feed/ 0 3:13 Nearly all men will experience difficulties getting or keeping an erection at some point in their lives. Unfortunately, not everyone knows this and so when ... Nearly all men will experience difficulties getting or keeping an erection at some point in their lives. Unfortunately, not everyone knows this and so when erection problems happen to them or their partner, they may worry that they have done something wrong. Performance Anxiety When erectile problems occur among young, healthy men, the cause is typically psychological. Many men experience what we sometimes call ldquo;performance anxietyrdquo; ndash; the stress or worry that they should be a good lover, give their partner an orgasm, have sex that lasts a certain length of time, or otherwise ldquo;performrdquo; sexually in a certain way. This type of stress ndash; like any other type of stress ndash; can make it difficult to experience pleasurable sex and to fully allow the process of sexual arousal to enhance onersquo;s erections. Concerns about pregnancy or infection can also make it difficult for a man to get or keep an erection. Communicating And Learning What Feels Right Other times, menrsquo;s erectile problems may be influenced by their inexperience at sex. When men are just beginning to have sex, they may not yet know how to move their bodies with their partnerrsquo;s bodies in ways that enhance their erection. Over time, men and their partners tend to learn more about their own and their partnerrsquo;s bodies such as what feels good, what doesnrsquo;t and what is more or less likely to lead to enhanced arousal and excitement for both people. That doesnrsquo;t mean that either person is doing anything ldquo;wrongrdquo; at the beginning of their relationship; it just means that it takes time for two people to learn what feels enjoyable and to practice communicating to each other about sex. If you and your boyfriend expect to have sex again, you might consider talking to each other about any concerns that you have about sex, including preventing pregnancy or infection. You might also find that talking about the pleasurable aspects of sex is helpful including what types of touch feel good, how you like to kiss or be kissed, and any sexual behaviors that you very much want to try versus those that you are not comfortable with or donrsquo;t want to try. Ongoing Erectile Problems Ongoing erectile problems may be a sign of diabetes, heart conditions or other medical conditions, which is why it is always important for men to discuss these issues with their healthcare provider if they continue or if they cause stress or worry. Often, however, erectile problems among younger men come and go, and tend to improve as men and their partners become more comfortable with each other and with sex. Recommended Reading You can learn more about these issues and others in The New Male Sexuality by Dr. Bernie Zilbergeld. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/initiate-sex-girlfriend/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/initiate-sex-girlfriend/#comments Mon, 11 May 2009 14:00:48 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/qa-initiate-sex-girlfriend/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/initiate-sex-girlfriend/feed/ 2 4:10 Considering how rare it is for young men and women to have received comprehensive sexuality information in school or from their parents, itrsquo;s not surprising ... Considering how rare it is for young men and women to have received comprehensive sexuality information in school or from their parents, itrsquo;s not surprising that many people are curious about what exactly happens when two people have sex. Even when teachers and parents do talk to their teenaged or college-aged kids about having sex, they often focus mainly on the risks associated with sex such as sexually transmissible infections (STI), unintended pregnancy, or feeling hurt, used or heartbroken. Itrsquo;s less common for men and women to learn about the possible pleasures and joys associated with sex as well as the basic ldquo;how-tordquo; information about sex, including who initiates it. Couples often find that it feels natural to take turns. Sometimes one person initiates and other times the other person initiates. It can feel sexy for people to each get a chance to initiate or to respond. Talk To Her I would recommend talking to this girl to learn more about her interest in being sexual with you. Are you certain that she wants to have sex with you? If so, how do you know? Some people mistake flirtation for an interest in sex, and itrsquo;s important to make sure that the person you think wants to have sex with you truly does want to have sex with you before you go any further. All too often, people mis-read signals and may end up in a situation in which one person said that sex was wanted and the other one says it wasnrsquo;t - that it was assault or rape. Making certain that your partner wants to be sexual with you is therefore critical. If you talk and find out that she is interested in having sex, donrsquo;t forget to make sure that you want to have sex too! Sometimes men have sex simply because theyrsquo;ve found someone who wants to have sex with them, rather than because they are attracted to, in like or in love with the person. If you want to wait until you find someone who you are more attracted to or who you have certain feelings or commitments to, or find it easier to talk about sex with, thatrsquo;s okay too. ...And Talk Some More If you both want to have sex, Irsquo;d recommend that you do even more talking first. What steps are you both taking regarding birth control? You mentioned that you havenrsquo;t had sex before, but have you had other types of sex such as oral sex or dry sex (rubbing your naked genitals against a partnerrsquo;s naked genitals)? Has she? If so, you two may want to get tested for STIs before being sexual with each other. You may also want to discuss your expectations for having sex such as whether you will consider yourselves to be in a relationship, to be free to date other people or not, whether you want to hang out more often, and such. Believe it or not, this whole process of communication is a major part of initiating sex as it lets your partner know that yoursquo;re into them and that yoursquo;re taking it seriously and treating them ndash; and yourself - with respect and care. Foreplay When it comes to the physical aspects of sex, people often start with kissing and non-genital touching, such as touching or caressing each other on the stomach, back, breasts/chest, arms or inner thighs before moving to genital touching. Some people spend 10 or 20 minutes or longer in foreplay before having intercourse. Others spend even longer (an hour or more) in foreplay, which can increase arousal and enhance a womanrsquo;s natural vaginal lubrication, making sex more comfortable and pleasurable. Learn More To learn more about sex, check out S.E.X. The All-You-Need-to-Know Progressive Sexuality Guide to Get You Through High School and College by Heather Corinna. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Relationships,,Love aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/premature-ejaculation-decreased-arousal/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/premature-ejaculation-decreased-arousal/#comments Mon, 04 May 2009 13:00:35 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/qa-premature-ejaculation-decreased-arousal/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/premature-ejaculation-decreased-arousal/feed/ 1 2:56 Peoplersquo;s bodies vary in how they respond sexually and there is no ldquo;rightrdquo; or ldquo;wrongrdquo; when it comes to how many times a person has ... Peoplersquo;s bodies vary in how they respond sexually and there is no ldquo;rightrdquo; or ldquo;wrongrdquo; when it comes to how many times a person has sex, how long they spend having sex or how long it takes them or ejaculate or orgasm ndash; or if they orgasm at all. If you and your partner are happy with your sex life, that is what is most important to consider. Fairly Common What yoursquo;re describing is actually fairly common, especially among younger men, and there is nothing wrong with ejaculating quickly or maintaining an erection after ejaculation. Sometimes when men ejaculate very quickly they find that they can either maintain their erection after ejaculation or else they can get a second erection soon after and they and their partner may decide to keep having sex. Some men and their partners keep going with sex until the man ejaculates a second time; other times, men and their partners just keep going with sex for another few minutes or however long feels right to them, and then they stop, even if the man has not ejaculated a second time. Not Always Desirable Not all men find it important or even desirable to have a second ejaculation right away. Since arousal tends to diminish, as you said, and a second ejaculation can be more difficult to achieve than the first, some men find that they would rather continue sex for a little bit longer to please their partner, and then stop and do something else, such as kiss, cuddle, fall asleep or go on with their day together. Although we sometimes think of sex as ending when a man ejaculates, in fact sex can stop whenever you and your partner are ready for it to stop ndash; ejaculation or not. Talk To Your Partner An enjoyable aspect of sex is that, regardless of what you have read about it or seen in movies, you and your partner truly do have the opportunity to make your sex life your own. Irsquo;d encourage you to talk with your partner to find out how sex feels for him or her. You might both share your thoughts and ideas about how long you spend having sex, what feels good, what could feel better, and what you both want to try. Learn More You can learn more about menrsquo;s sexual response and exploration in The New Male Sexuality by Dr. Bernie Zilbergeld. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/vibrator-pain/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/vibrator-pain/#comments Mon, 16 Mar 2009 14:00:27 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=882 http://kinseyconfidential.org/vibrator-pain/feed/ 0 2:53 There are numerous causes of pain during intercourse and this is definitely something that you should ask your healthcare provider about if the pain or ... There are numerous causes of pain during intercourse and this is definitely something that you should ask your healthcare provider about if the pain or discomfort continue, or if it bothers you. Vibrators are commonly used by women and men, and they are rarely associated with negative side effects such as discomfort, pain or injury. Negative Side Effects That said, vaginal sex, anal sex and masturbation ndash; with or without a vibrator ndash; can all result in negative side effects such as genital itching, burning, irritation or tearing. Mostly a personrsquo;s risk of such side effects depends not only on how they are having sex, but also what their personal health status is like. For example, some women find that they are particularly prone to tearing if they have certain genital skin disorders or if their genital skin is thin, as occurs during times of low estrogen, such as menopause. Vaginal Tears If you have accidentally caused tears in your vagina, they will likely heal on their own within a matter of days, provided you donrsquo;t keep irritating them through partnered sex or masturbation. Once vaginal tears are healed, however, women can usually return to their usual preferred sexual behaviors. The risk of getting small vaginal tears, often called micro-tears, can be reduced by spending more time enhancing your arousal before starting penetration, or by using a store-bought lubricant for masturbation or partner sex. That said, it could also just be a coincidence that you experienced pain around the time that you used a vibrator and then had sex. There are many different reasons why a woman might experience discomfort or pain, including medical conditions, and Irsquo;d encourage you to check in with your healthcare provider. Annual pelvic exams are recommended for all women who are sexually active or who are at least 18 years old, whichever comes first. Learn More To learn more about womenrsquo;s sexual health issues, check out Our Bodies, Ourselves: A New Edition for a New Era. Bodies,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No