http://kinseyconfidential.org Just another WordPress weblog Thu, 18 Mar 2010 14:00:23 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 en hourly 1 2006-2007 aschweig@indiana.edu (Kinsey Confidential) aschweig@indiana.edu (Kinsey Confidential) posts 1440 Just another WordPress weblog Kinsey Confidential Kinsey Confidential aschweig@indiana.edu No no http://kinseyconfidential.org/wp-content/themes/kinsey/images/kinsey-podcast-300.jpg http://kinseyconfidential.org 144 144 http://kinseyconfidential.org/experienced-orgasm-suggest/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/experienced-orgasm-suggest/#comments Thu, 11 Mar 2010 14:00:33 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1582 http://kinseyconfidential.org/experienced-orgasm-suggest/feed/ 0 3:38 A Common Problem Many women struggle with trying to learn to have an orgasm. Often, even very well educated women who feel comfortable with their own ... A Common Problem Many women struggle with trying to learn to have an orgasm. Often, even very well educated women who feel comfortable with their own bodies, open to their experience, and positive about sex still find it difficult to orgasm. Yoursquo;re certainly not alone in your experience. With time, patience and practice, most women are able to learn to orgasm so the chances that you will, too, are certainly in your favor. There are many different reasons why women take time to learn to orgasm. As much as you may have already learned about anatomy, you might find that there is more to learn that would be helpful. Know Your Anatomy Many medical texts, including their anatomical illustrations, do not accurately depict the clitoris. In fact, many donrsquo;t even show that the clitoris is larger than the frac14; to frac12; an inch of tissue that can be seen from the outside of a womanrsquo;s body. The clitoris extends backward into the body in two branches that may be stimulated from vaginal sex or other types of stimulation. This knowledge alone may give you different ideas for how to approach your body with stimulation. Also, newer research suggests that the clitoris, vagina and urethra are more interconnected than previously thought. The movement or stimulation of one may change the way that other parts of a womanrsquo;s genital or urinary tract feel. In addition, scientists are uncovering new information about different nerve pathways that may be linked to female orgasm and learning about these, such as from the book The Science of Orgasm, may be informative. Playing the Brain Game As helpful as information and education can be, so is the psychological process. You may find that spending time becoming highly aroused ndash; such as through touch or fantasy - helps you to experience greater pleasure during sex and may eventually help you learn to orgasm. Some women are easily distracted during sex - thinking about work, school, laundry, dinner, relationship issues or family ndash; and these distractions can make it difficult to relax, to let go and to focus on onersquo;s own arousal. Other times women donrsquo;t feel the type of intimacy or psychological excitement in their relationship that they find best helps them to experience pleasure or orgasm. Then there are situations in which women put so much pressure on themselves to orgasm that the pressure, stress and anxiety make it more difficult to orgasm. More Information If you are interested in learning more about orgasm, you may find it helpful to read Becoming Orgasmic: A Sexual and Personal Growth Program for Women or Because It Feels Good: A Womanrsquo;s Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction. Content,Type,,Pleasure,,Orgasm,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/girlfriend-feel-bad-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/girlfriend-feel-bad-sex/#comments Mon, 15 Feb 2010 14:00:02 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1314 http://kinseyconfidential.org/girlfriend-feel-bad-sex/feed/ 0 3:12 Real Life Sex Sex is a curious thing that people react to in very different ways. Unfortunately, we donrsquo;t often see sex portrayed in very ... Real Life Sex Sex is a curious thing that people react to in very different ways. Unfortunately, we donrsquo;t often see sex portrayed in very nuanced ways in movies or on television. Sex is often shown as very erotic in movies or as highly exciting or sensation- or performance-focused in much mainstream porn. And yet in reality, people may experience many different emotions in connection with sexual expression and for any number of reasons. Being sexual with another person can make some people feel extremely vulnerable. After all, it involves taking off onersquo;s clothes, and for some people, sex can tap into the depth of their emotions. If they expect a lot of emotional closeness and donrsquo;t get it, they may feel lonely or sad. If they donrsquo;t or expect emotional closeness but their partner expresses emotions theyrsquo;re not ready for or feel able to deal with, they may feel uncomfortable or avoidant. The experience of sexual pleasure and orgasm can also tap into peoplersquo;s brain chemistry in ways that, as scientists, we donrsquo;t fully understand yet. There may be key physical differences that influence how some people feel during or after sex.nbsp; I have heard, for example, from several people who describe sadness associated with sex for reasons they donrsquo;t understand. Getting Help My suggestion would be to consider connecting with a trained sex therapist. Your girlfriend may find it helpful to speak with someone about her emotional experience of sexual expression. She can find a sex therapist through the Society for Sex Therapy and Research's website. She might also find it helpful to speak with a healthcare provider to determine if there are other mood or anxiety issues that may be bothering her more generally, even outside of sex. Expanding Your Repertoire In the meantime, you two might consider exploring a range of being intimate to better understand what helps her to feel good and what doesnrsquo;t. Perhaps there are certain types of physical intimacy, such kissing, cuddling, bathing together, or sensual touching, that will allow her pleasure without sadness. Also, although many women masturbate, some do not ndash; and thatrsquo;s okay. If shersquo;s not interested in self-pleasuring, thatrsquo;s alright. Many women have satisfying experiences of sexuality without incorporating masturbation into their lives. Finally, you two may enjoy reading For Each Other: Sharing Sexual Intimacy for tips on connecting in pleasurable ways. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Relationships,,Love aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/erection-embarrassment/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/erection-embarrassment/#comments Mon, 29 Jun 2009 14:00:50 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=1090 http://kinseyconfidential.org/erection-embarrassment/feed/ 0 2:40 Erections can be challenging for many young men. They may come and go with little warning and men often have little control over them ndash; ... Erections can be challenging for many young men. They may come and go with little warning and men often have little control over them ndash; especially young men whose hormone levels are high and who, with the slightest stimulation, excitement, feelings of attraction, or even anxiety, may find that they unexpectedly get an erection. Men often go to great lengths to hide the fact that they have an erection in social situations. They may try to adjust their pants, hold things like a book or a newspaper in front of their crotch area, or try to think distracting thoughts or even conjure images of people they find very unattractive or unappealing in the hopes that such thoughts will dampen their erection. Might Not Be Time Yet Itrsquo;s kind of you to want to help him to feel comfortable. However, if you two are not very close yet, he may not be ready to talk with you about his erections no matter how much he may like you or you may like him. Instead, you might consider ways that you can signal your feelings of comfort and acceptance. For example, if you notice that he seems erect another time when you are together, you might find a way to signal that you like him such as by reaching for his hand, pulling him closer, or saying how glad you are that yoursquo;re spending time together or that he asked you to do something together. Express Your Desire In Other Ways You might also try to express your desire for him to feel comfortable around you in other ways. Rather than pinning the comfort issue around his spontaneous erections, you might try saying to him that you like being together and that you hope he feels comfortable with you and that he can relax and just hang out with you so that you can get to know each other better. If you feel comfortable around him, you may even find it strengthens your bond to begin sharing personal information with him that you would normally only tell your friends or family. By showing that you trust him and are comfortable with him, he may soon develop and strengthen his feelings of comfort with and trust in you, too. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/trouble-maintaining-erection-time/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/trouble-maintaining-erection-time/#comments Mon, 01 Jun 2009 14:00:20 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/qa-trouble-maintaining-erection-time/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/trouble-maintaining-erection-time/feed/ 0 3:13 Nearly all men will experience difficulties getting or keeping an erection at some point in their lives. Unfortunately, not everyone knows this and so when ... Nearly all men will experience difficulties getting or keeping an erection at some point in their lives. Unfortunately, not everyone knows this and so when erection problems happen to them or their partner, they may worry that they have done something wrong. Performance Anxiety When erectile problems occur among young, healthy men, the cause is typically psychological. Many men experience what we sometimes call ldquo;performance anxietyrdquo; ndash; the stress or worry that they should be a good lover, give their partner an orgasm, have sex that lasts a certain length of time, or otherwise ldquo;performrdquo; sexually in a certain way. This type of stress ndash; like any other type of stress ndash; can make it difficult to experience pleasurable sex and to fully allow the process of sexual arousal to enhance onersquo;s erections. Concerns about pregnancy or infection can also make it difficult for a man to get or keep an erection. Communicating And Learning What Feels Right Other times, menrsquo;s erectile problems may be influenced by their inexperience at sex. When men are just beginning to have sex, they may not yet know how to move their bodies with their partnerrsquo;s bodies in ways that enhance their erection. Over time, men and their partners tend to learn more about their own and their partnerrsquo;s bodies such as what feels good, what doesnrsquo;t and what is more or less likely to lead to enhanced arousal and excitement for both people. That doesnrsquo;t mean that either person is doing anything ldquo;wrongrdquo; at the beginning of their relationship; it just means that it takes time for two people to learn what feels enjoyable and to practice communicating to each other about sex. If you and your boyfriend expect to have sex again, you might consider talking to each other about any concerns that you have about sex, including preventing pregnancy or infection. You might also find that talking about the pleasurable aspects of sex is helpful including what types of touch feel good, how you like to kiss or be kissed, and any sexual behaviors that you very much want to try versus those that you are not comfortable with or donrsquo;t want to try. Ongoing Erectile Problems Ongoing erectile problems may be a sign of diabetes, heart conditions or other medical conditions, which is why it is always important for men to discuss these issues with their healthcare provider if they continue or if they cause stress or worry. Often, however, erectile problems among younger men come and go, and tend to improve as men and their partners become more comfortable with each other and with sex. Recommended Reading You can learn more about these issues and others in The New Male Sexuality by Dr. Bernie Zilbergeld. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/orgasm-desire-vasectomy/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/orgasm-desire-vasectomy/#comments Thu, 16 Apr 2009 13:00:18 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/qa-orgasm-desire-vasectomy/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/orgasm-desire-vasectomy/feed/ 0 3:22 Vasectomy is generally regarded as a highly safe and effective means of permanent birth control. There are various methods of vasectomy that are available to ... Vasectomy is generally regarded as a highly safe and effective means of permanent birth control. There are various methods of vasectomy that are available to doctors, with the end result being that the vas deferens ndash; which are the tubes that carry sperm from the testicles ndash; are clamped, cut or sealed so that sperm are no longer able to leave the body through ejaculation. Affect On Sexual Desire And Orgasm Because only the sperm are blocked, and sperm make up a very tiny proportion of the volume of a manrsquo;s semen, the amount of ejaculation released during orgasm is pretty much the same before vasectomy as it is after vasectomy. And when it comes to sex, research generally suggests that menrsquo;s sexual desire, satisfaction and erectile function are just as strong after vasectomy as compared to before vasectomy. In fact, without the anxiety about accidentally getting their partner pregnant during intercourse, quite a few men even indicate that they have stronger erections or are more sexually satisfied after their vasectomy. Less Pleasurable Sex Very Rare It is very rare for men who have had vasectomies to report having less pleasurable sex or no experience of release at the time of orgasm. Because this is so rare, many doctors ndash; even those who have performed hundreds of vasectomies ndash; may have never encountered a patient who told them that their experience of sex became worse after the vasectomy, and that may explain why the doctors yoursquo;ve met with have had little to say in response to your question. That doesnrsquo;t mean that your experience isnrsquo;t valid or doesnrsquo;t warrant attention. Having a vasectomy can affect menrsquo;s feelings about themselves, their bodies, and their sexuality in important ways, and it may be worth meeting with a trained sex therapist to further explore how having a vasectomy has impacted your sex life. You can find a sex therapist on the web site of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists. You might also want to meet with a urologist or a neurologist who has experience in sexual issues as it is certainly possible that there may be physical causes related to your lack of pleasure in relation to orgasm. Recommended Reading Finally, you might find it helpful to read a book such as For Each Other: Sharing Sexual Intimacy by Dr. Lonnie Barbach that focuses on ways that couples can use sexual exploration to foster closeness, intimacy and pleasure. Bodies,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/delayed-ejaculation-boyfriend-doesnt-ejaculate-during-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/delayed-ejaculation-boyfriend-doesnt-ejaculate-during-sex/#comments Thu, 02 Apr 2009 14:00:04 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/qa-boyfriend-ejaculate-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/delayed-ejaculation-boyfriend-doesnt-ejaculate-during-sex/feed/ 1 http://kinseyconfidential.org/husband-stopped-sleeping-with-me/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/husband-stopped-sleeping-with-me/#comments Mon, 30 Mar 2009 14:00:04 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=912 http://kinseyconfidential.org/husband-stopped-sleeping-with-me/feed/ 0 3:19 Irsquo;m sorry to hear about this drastic change in your sex life. It can feel confusing and frustrating to want to be sexually intimate with ... Irsquo;m sorry to hear about this drastic change in your sex life. It can feel confusing and frustrating to want to be sexually intimate with onersquo;s partner and for that partner to decline invitations to have sex. This can feel particularly upsetting when itrsquo;s unclear why sex has stopped. After all, how can you fix a relationship problem if you donrsquo;t understand how it started in the first place, or the reasons behind it now? Many Possible Reasons People stop having sex for many reasons and it is impossible for us to know why your husband stopped having sex with you. Since it seems as though the two of you have discussed the possibility of him seeing a doctor in regard to the lack of sex, I wonder if you noticed physical problems ndash; such as difficulties with erections ndash; that might be contributing to the lack of sex. Sometimes men begin to notice erection problems during sex with a partner, or even during their own masturbation, and they begin to shy away from sex for fear of failure. Other times men, like some women, may choose to stop having sex because they lose desire for sex. Desire can decrease for any number of reasons including relationship problems or health problems. Even if your husband doesnrsquo;t want to talk to a doctor about his sex life, I wonder if he could be encouraged to see a doctor for an annual wellness exam in case he has any health conditions that should be addressed. Whether his choice to stop having sex is related to physical problems, anxiety, depression, or relationship issues is anyonersquo;s guess. However, sexual intimacy is clearly important to you and you have a right to understand more about these changes to your sexual life and marriage. Consider Therapy or Counseling You might ask your husband if he would consider going with you to meet with a sex therapist or marriage counselor. Perhaps reassure him ndash; and mean it ndash; that your goal is to work on becoming closer and strengthening your marriage, rather than being to get him to have sex. After all, if you can get your relationship intimacy back on track, you may have a chance ndash; over time ndash; of restoring your sex life. You can find a sex therapist through the web site of the Society for Sex Therapy and Researching, and you can locate marriage therapists through the web site of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists. Further Reading Finally, consider reading The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by Dr. John Gottman. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Relationships,,Love,,Special,,flagged,-,still,needs,some,edits aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/erection-problems-condoms/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/erection-problems-condoms/#comments Thu, 19 Feb 2009 14:00:40 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=860 http://kinseyconfidential.org/erection-problems-condoms/feed/ 0 3:31 Some research suggests that about a third of college-aged men may experience erection problems associated with condom use. Not A Reason To Avoid Using Condoms Of course, ... Some research suggests that about a third of college-aged men may experience erection problems associated with condom use. Not A Reason To Avoid Using Condoms Of course, that's not a reason to avoid using condoms - to this day, condoms remain the best, most effective way for sexually active couples to reduce their risk of sexually transmissible infections, or STIs, such as Chlamydia, gonorrhea and HIV, the virus that can cause AIDS. The challenge for many couples is to learn how to use condoms while at the same time helping a man to experience a full erection. Some men find that they have erection problems while using condoms because they get distracted and lose their arousal. In these cases, it can be helpful for their partner to put the condom on the man's penis, as you did, but the trick is that the man should keep doing things that feel arousing to him - for example, kissing or touching his partner in sensual ways. Foreplay Can Help You mentioned that you two tried shortening foreplay but in fact, that may be counterproductive. Foreplay can help both women and men to become more aroused, which for women can promote vaginal lubrication and for men can help to promote their erection. As such, you might try spending more time in foreplay before putting the condom on, or else try putting the condom on in the middle of foreplay and then continuing with foreplay, while the condom is on, in order to enhance his arousal. Some men find that adding a lubricant on top of the condom helps to enhance sensation and thus promote a more firm erection. If you are using latex condoms, try using a water-based or silicone-based lubricant, as they are condom-compatible. If the condom seems too large or too small for his penis, he might shop online or in local stores for a condom that more comfortably fits his penis. Finally, some men find that it can help to try masturbating with a condom on, while alone. Sexual stimulation feels quite different with a condom on, compared to off, and he may find that it helps him to get used to this sensation if he tries using a condom in this way. Learn More Also, because performance anxiety contributes to many cases of erection problems, your boyfriend might find it helpful to read The Sexual Male: Problems and Solutions. Finally, in rare cases, erection problems are an early sign of heart disease, diabetes or other health problems. If your boyfriend notices erection problems regularly, even without condoms, or if he has questions about his erectile function or personal health, he should check in with his healthcare provider. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/talk-to-your-partners/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/talk-to-your-partners/#comments Wed, 10 Dec 2008 10:12:20 +0000 Samantha Seeger http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/2008/12/10/talk-to-your-partners/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/talk-to-your-partners/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/small-vagina-have-comfortable-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/small-vagina-have-comfortable-sex/#comments Mon, 27 Oct 2008 14:00:40 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=402 http://kinseyconfidential.org/small-vagina-have-comfortable-sex/feed/ 0 3:09 Having intercourse for the first time is a big step for many women, and can feel both exciting and anxiety-provoking as one thinks about the ... Having intercourse for the first time is a big step for many women, and can feel both exciting and anxiety-provoking as one thinks about the potential for pleasure as well as whether it will feel uncomfortable or hurt. Some women, like you, find that when they try to have intercourse, it feels near-impossible, which can feel leave women and their partners feeling frustrated and unsure about what to do. Possible Treatments The first step I would suggest is to return to your gynecologist to learn more about what she or he means when they've said that you have a very small vagina. Some women have anatomical issues that make penetration particularly difficult and your doctor may want to suggest a certain treatment or procedure that can make it easier for you to have intercourse. One relatively common treatment strategy involves using a vaginal dilator set, which you can sometimes buy directly through a healthcare provider or sex therapist, or you can order them online. Dilators sort of look like dildos in the sense that they are somewhat cylindrical, but they come in sets of about 4 to 6 and range in sizes. Often women are encouraged to try using the smallest dilator first which is about the size of a pinky finger. One can insert the dilator with some water-based lubricant and then leave it in, or you can try moving it in and out, similar to intercourse. When the smallest size has become easy and comfortable to use, women may try the next smallest size, repeat the process and eventually move to try larger sizes that are similar to the size, for example, of their partner's penis. Recommended Sex Positions In terms of positions, woman-on-top is sometimes easier because it allows for a woman to take in only as much of her partner as she feels comfortable with, and at a pace that feels right to her. You may find that you need to use more lubricant than you initially expected too, and that it is easier if you apply lubricant to both his and your genitals. Even with these sex tips, however, it is still recommended to check in with your healthcare provider as a first step as he or she can examine your body and give more personalized suggestions. Bodies,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/pregnancy-risk-using-condoms-not-ejaculating/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/pregnancy-risk-using-condoms-not-ejaculating/#comments Mon, 22 Sep 2008 13:00:52 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/2008/09/22/qa-is-it-possible-to-get-pregnant-even-when-using-contraception-and-if-my-partner-doesnt-ejaculate/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/pregnancy-risk-using-condoms-not-ejaculating/feed/ 0 3:09 If you didn't get any sperm inside your girlfriendrsquo;s vagina, or any pre-ejaculate (also called "pre-cum" - the thin liquid that comes out of some ... If you didn't get any sperm inside your girlfriendrsquo;s vagina, or any pre-ejaculate (also called "pre-cum" - the thin liquid that comes out of some men's penises while they are feeling aroused), then she could not become pregnant from you. Take A Pregnancy Test It is more likely that your girlfriend is still just feeling anxious or worried about becoming pregnant when she is not ready to become pregnant. If she is concerned that she might be pregnant, she should get an at-home pregnancy test when an adequate amount of time has passed (check each box to see how soon a particular test can be used) or check in with her healthcare provider for a pregnancy test. Talk To Your Partner If you or your girlfriend are anxious about sex for these or other reasons, it may be that you are not ready to be having sex right now, as the anxiety may make sex feel more stressful than pleasurable. Perhaps this is a good time to talk more with each other about your decision to be sexual together and how yoursquo;re feeling about it, as well as how you would feel is you became pregnant together, or what steps you could take to feel more comfortable about your romantic and sexual relationship. Or it may be an indication that you need to do other things - like talk more about how you plan to prevent pregnancy - such as correct and consistent condom use and maybe hormonal contraception, such as the birth control pill, patch, shot or ring - so that you can both feel more at ease. In that case, talking with a healthcare provider and learning more about your options for birth control will likely be very helpful - you can learn more at Planned Parenthood's Website as they have a comprehensive birth control section. Experience Takes Time If your girlfriend has not yet had a gynecological exam, she should do so, as this is important for all women who are sexually active. If you feel comfortable talking to your parents or other older family members such as aunts or uncles, they might also serve as good resources for information and to talk about any feelings you might be having about these changes to your relationship. Becoming sexually experienced is something that doesnrsquo;t happen over night, and certainly doesnrsquo;t happen the very first time that you have sex. It takes time and it can be helpful to have trusted people to talk to, not only for information but also for support. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Pregnancy aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/long-blowjob-virgin/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/long-blowjob-virgin/#comments Mon, 18 Aug 2008 23:11:46 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/2008/08/18/qa-my-boyfriend-is-virgin-and-im-frustrated-by-long-blowjobs/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/long-blowjob-virgin/feed/ 0 3:16 Although we commonly seem to accept the fact that many women find that it is difficult, or takes a long time, to have an orgasm, ... Although we commonly seem to accept the fact that many women find that it is difficult, or takes a long time, to have an orgasm, many people are often surprised to find out that many men find it difficult to ejaculate or have an orgasm as well. Sometimes men find it difficult to reach orgasm in very specific situations, like if they worry that someone will walk in on them or hear them having sex. Other times, men find it difficult to orgasm from certain types of sex acts, such as hand stimulation, oral sex, vaginal intercourse, or anal sex. Talking To Your Boyfriend If this is an issue that you and your boyfriend can talk to each other comfortable and with care and respect for each other, you might consider asking him whether he is able to reach orgasm during masturbation. If he is able to do so, then you may have a starting place. You might be able to ask him if he would feel comfortable masturbating in front of you either while you watch or while you kiss him, or while you do something else that you both would find enjoyable or arousing. You might be able to learn how it is that he masturbates, and then try a similar style of hand stimulation yourself. Sometimes men who have difficulty masturbating from hand or oral stimulation from a partner simply have developed a very effective, but often specific, technique that works for them, and they may find it difficult to communicate that to a partner. With time and practice, he may be able to learn to reach orgasm from different types of stimulation. To do this, he may want to start masturbating in different ways ndash; with and without lubrication, with varying hand positions, or other strategies, such as rubbing against his bed or pillows. That is ndash; only if he wants to learn to expand his repertoire. Focus Less On Orgasm You might also try to relax and focus less on his orgasm as a goal, and instead place importance on pleasure, intimacy and connection. Focusing too much on trying to get him to have an orgasm may feel like pressure to him, or may make him aware of the fact that it takes him a while to have an orgasm, and that pressure or anxiety can make it even more difficult to orgasm. Recommended Reading You might find that The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex or The Guide to Getting It On can provide ideas for other ways of sexual play, and For Each Other by Dr. Lonnie Barbach may help you learn more about sexually relating to each other. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Relationships,,Love aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/anti-depressants-sexual-side-effects-ability-orgasm/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/anti-depressants-sexual-side-effects-ability-orgasm/#comments Thu, 08 May 2008 14:00:54 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/2008/05/08/qa-anti-depressants-and-the-ability-to-reach-orgasm/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/anti-depressants-sexual-side-effects-ability-orgasm/feed/ 0 2:51 Yes, some medications do have what we call sexual side effects. They are particularly common among some, but not all, anti-depressants although other medications such ... Yes, some medications do have what we call sexual side effects. They are particularly common among some, but not all, anti-depressants although other medications such as certain medications for high blood pressure, pain relief and allergies may have sexual side effects too. Ability To Orgasm These side effects may affect a man or womanrsquo;s ability to have an orgasm, ease of having an orgasm, desire, arousal or ejaculation. That said, not every drug affects everyone in the same way, and some antidepressants have fewer or different side effects than others. It is important to talk with your healthcare provider about any concerns you may have. In addition, patients are generally advised not to stop taking a medication without first consulting with their healthcare provider. Anxiety And Depression Also Factors Bear in mind, though, that medication is not always the culprit when it comes to sex. In fact, the problems the drugs are prescribed for, such as anxiety or depression, can also put a damper on sexual interest or function. Manufacturers of various drugs now list possible sexual side effects in instructions and ads ndash; a big change from years past. Sexual Side Effects, Dosage and Alternative Therapies Nonetheless, have a conversation with your healthcare provider about your concerns. Ask if the drug is known to have sexual side effects. You may not want to reject a recommended prescription until yoursquo;ve tried it. It may not affect your libido or orgasms at all, and may give you emotional relief to enjoy your relationship and sexual interactions. Also, you might ask if the dosage can be adjusted or how much time to give yourself to test the benefits and the side effects. If you are already in treatment and are experiencing loss of sexual function or pleasure, discuss alternative therapies or ways to compensate for the effects. Sometimes couples find that they can adjust their foreplay, or sexual sharing, in ways that work for them. Adapt a ldquo;proactiverdquo; stance in working with your healthcare provider - and your partner, if you have one - to find a path most conducive to your health, sexual functioning, and well-being. Content,Type,,Pleasure,,Orgasm,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/worried-penis-is-too-small/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/worried-penis-is-too-small/#comments Wed, 23 Jan 2008 20:14:56 +0000 Kinsey Confidential http://www.kinseyconfidential.org/blog/2008/01/23/qa-i-am-worried-my-penis-is-too-small/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/worried-penis-is-too-small/feed/ 0