Sexiled: The Freshman Experience

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Colleges across the country are now in session and swarms of new students are about to be sexiled

Do Not Disturb sign on a door

Photo: J. Bradley Blankenship

Like most things relating to sex, dealing with and avoiding the experience of being ‘sexiled’ begins with communication.

Welcome To College Life!

One thing often overlooked in new student orientations, but sure to be a part of many students’ undergraduate life, is the experience of being “sexiled”.

While living in a residence hall and with a roommate is certainly a new and exciting experience for most students, it also has some realities that aren’t always easy to talk about.  What do you do when your roommate walks in on you masturbating or you’ve walked in on your roommate?

What about when your roommate has his or her partner over and you’re constantly being barred from your own room. Or maybe you’re the one locking your roommate out of the room for quality time? Maybe, the situation involves your sleep patterns being disrupted because of the live sex show going on in the bed 5 feet away from you.

If any of these situations do not sound familiar, rest assured that there is a strong likelihood that you or someone you know is currently, or about  to be, ‘sexiled’.

Sexiled: What is it?

A quick check at UrbanDictionary.com, reveals that the word ‘sexiled’ has 13 definitions! While each definition covers various interpretations of sexual behavior and intent, the over achieving them is that to be sexiled means to be exiled from your living space because your roommate is engage in some kind of sexual related activity.

Communication is key

Like most things relating to sex, dealing with and avoiding the experience of being ‘sexiled’ begins with communication. And of course, in new living situations, no one wants to be the one to say “you can’t do that” especially when it comes to your roommate’s sexual life.

For some, this may only be a one-time occurrence that, while annoying, is easy enough to overlook. For others, it may become an everyday (and/or night) occurrence that leads you to feel like you are not welcome in your own room. At some point, you and your roommate are going to have to talk about sex, your values, and your room.

Considering that many college freshman have never shared a room before, talking with your roommate about any issue can be awkward. Given the reality that sex is already difficult to talk about for most people, negotiating sexual space in a dorm room doesn’t always come naturally.

Tips of the Trade

Collegecandy.com has an article dating back to 2006 that provides tips on how to deal with the sexiled experience. They break down the process into 6 steps worth repeating.

Step 1: Communicate Early

Step 2: Set rules

Step 3: Buy a white board

Step 4: Don’t allow inconsiderate behavior

Step 5: Consider a Fan

Step 6: Treat others like you want to be treated.

What Do You Think?

How do you cope with being sexiled? Have any tips to share with your fellow college students? Let us know in the comments section below.

J. Bradley Blankenship (M.S.)

is a Ph.D. candidate in Higher Education and Student Affairs at Indiana University where he is also a project coordinator for the Center for Sexual Health Promotion.
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Comments

  • http://www.facebook.com/brian.grimmer Brian Grimmer

    Avoid an audience by bringing someone for your room mate unless they are involved with someone. Being single in college sucks – having your face rubbed in it by your room mate making out in front of you blows even more LOL