Q&A: After We Had Sex, He Started Playing Video Games. What Gives?

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QUESTION: Recently, I had sex with a guy who seemed to really like me, but after we were done he immediately got up, put his clothes on and started playing a video game. What does this mean?

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guy playing videogames

Photo: Ben Harding (Flickr)

If you want to lay in bed together and talk or cuddle after sex, you may want to let a future partner know that before you have sex.

It’s impossible for me to know what this means, particularly as I don’t know you or the guy or anything more about the situation.

Great Expectations

It’s unclear to me if you knew this guy well or if he is someone who you had just met and then had sex with.

If you didn’t know him very well, then it’s very possible that he didn’t feel connected to you or close to you, and simply wanted to play video games.

On the other hand, if you had gotten to know this guy well or if you’ve been dating him, then this might be a more surprising behavior from someone you care about and who you thought cared about you.

Sometimes people don’t know what to do after sex, or they don’t know what their partner expects of them. If you expected him to do something else, then it’s okay to say that.

It’s your sex life and the more you communicate with partners, or potential partners, about what you do or don’t like, or do or don’t want or expect of them, the more likely you are to have a sex life that feels good to you.

In the future, you may want to wait to have sex until you’re with someone who you feel like you know well, someone who respects you, and someone you can have an honest conversation with about what feels good to you.

If you want to lay in bed together and talk or cuddle after sex, you may want to let a future partner know that before you have sex.

After all, no one can read your mind. And people have different experiences of sex, so it’s wise to communicate more about what you want.

You can learn more about talking about sex and having a satisfying sex life by reading S.E.X.: The All-You-Need-To-Know Progressive Sexuality Guide to Get You Through High School and College.

Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.)

is a sexual health educator at The Kinsey Institute, Associate Director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University and author of several books including Sex Made Easy and Because It Feels Good: A Woman's Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction.
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