Kinsey Confidential ResourcesRelationships and Love

Relationships & Love

Variety is the Spice of Life

This section of our resources section focuses on relationships with significant others, partners, girlfriends/boyfriends, and other intimate relationships. However, the same resources used to deal with romantic/sexual partner conflict or problems could also be applied to any relationship: family, friends, co-workers or acquaintances.

Variety in relationships is huge, from the type of relationship to the level of commitment to the sexual boundaries. Relationships also have many names and the key to all of them is the ability to assert your personal boundaries, comfort level and consent.

What is a healthy relationship?

Healthy relationships center on a few key concepts: respect, communication and consent. Advocates for Youth has a simple chart with unhealthy versus healthy relationship traits that does a good job of breaking down which aspects of a relationship can be unhealthy. Healthy relationships increase our self-esteem, improve mental and emotional health, and help us have fuller lives. Some common aspects of healthy relationships include:

  • Mutual respect
  • Trust and honesty
  • Patience
  • Reciprocity, or “give and take”
  • Communication
  • Feeling supported and supporting others
  • Fairness and equality within the relationship
  • Emotional intimacy or closeness
  • Being able to have your own life apart from the other
  • Being able to set personal limits with self and others
  • Willingness to compromise

Communication

Communication is one key to any relationship whether it is family, a friend or a romantic/sexual partner.  Advocates for Youth has a great list of partner communication tips for general communication, communicating in disagreements, and communicating about sex.

Consent

Consent (in a sexual context) is generally defined as mutual agreement of all parties involved in a sexual encounter to engage in that encounter and the ability to stop the sexual act at any time. Consenting to one behavior does not obligate you to consent to any other behaviors and consenting on one occasion also does not obligate you to consent on any other occasion.

The ability to give consent is dependent on a few factors, namely age (it varies by state and country), intoxication level and mental ability (because of a mental health or mental disability).

Keep in mind – Consent is sexy.

Monogamy vs. Non-Monogamy

There are many types of romantic relationships between two or more partners. Most people in the United States are familiar with and engage in monogamous relationships but, again, relationships and sexuality are widely varied. Here are some commons terms when it comes to relationship definitions and types.

  • Monogamy – the state or custom of being in a relationship with one person at a time. Monogamy can include sexual monogamy where you are only engaging in sexual activity with one person over a period of time and only that person.
  • Serial monogamy – the practice of engaging in a series of monogamous relationships with either short-term or long-term partners.
  • Polygamy – the practice of marrying more than one man (polyandry) or women (polygyny) at a time. This practice is illegal in the United States.
  • Polyamory – the practice of having multiple romantic partners at the same time. This is not cheating (although cheating can happen in polyamorous relationships) but rather a boundary set within a relationship that allows one or both partners to date other people at the same time. See The Polylamory Society for more information.
  • Open Relationship – the practice where one or both partners in a committed relationship may become sexually active with other partners. Swinging generally falls under this category but can also be an organized activities that couples engage in together.
  • Casual Relationship – also referred to as “dating”, “hooking up,” or “friends with benefits.” A physical and (possibility) emotional relationship between two people.

Other Relationship Resources: