Q&A: Questionnaire To Determine Sex Likes And Dislikes

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QUESTION: My wife and I would like to know if there is some sort of questionnaire we can take to find out our sexual likes and dislikes. We want to explore the things we both like or would like to try. We are looking for something that asks more than just the usual “Would you like oral sex - giving it, or receiving it?”

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Fill out the questionnaire with your partner, and add anything you want to the list that you don’t see there. Rate the behaviors you list and share it with each other.

Great question!

I didn’t know of a comprehensive list of sex likes and dislikes, so I made my own list and posted it on my blog, My Sex Professor. Although it doesn’t list every possible thing one can do sexually, there are more than 60 behaviors listed so it’s a good start.

How It Works

Go to the website, print out two copies of the list, and add anything you want to the list that you don’t see there. Then, you and your wife may want to complete the questionnaire privately marking a “0” by behaviors that you have no interest in trying, a “1” by behaviors that you have a little interest in trying, a “2” by things you have a “moderate” interest in exploring together and a “3” by those you’re “very” interested in.

Openness Is Key

When you’re both done completing the list, compare your responses. Try to not judge your partner if they are interested in something you find unappealing and try to be gentle with yourself if they’re not into something that you find quite appealing.

The areas that you both express moderate to very strong interest in may be somewhat easy for you to respond to or feel excited by.

The areas in which you differ can be quite interesting, too. For example, let’s say that you indicate only a “little” interest in role playing but your partner indicates being very interested in role playing. Ask yourself and talk about what aspects of role playing are a turn-off to you and give her the opportunity to express what she finds exciting or sexy about role playing.

You may find that you have more in common than you thought, or that there are ways to tweak role playing so that you both feel comfortable with it and into it. Similarly, if there are sexual acts that you’re into but she’s not, you can try to talk it out and see if there might be a middle ground.

Keep The Conversation Going

You can also make your own list from scratch, rate the behaviors you list and share it with each other. Think of my list as a good starting place.

And if I’ve missed any behaviors that you’d like to see added to it, email me and I’ll keep growing the list.

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Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.)

is a sexual health educator at The Kinsey Institute, Associate Director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University and author of several books including Sex Made Easy and Because It Feels Good: A Woman's Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction.
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