Q&A: My Wife Did Not Bleed At First Penetration. Is She A Virgin?

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QUESTION: My wife is not a bike rider, gymnast, or very physically active. But she did not bleed or have pain at 1st penetration. It makes me question whether she is really a virgin.

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White Sheets

Photo: Mockney Rebel

White Sheets

Not all women bleed the first time they have intercourse – and that has nothing to do with their virginity!

Not All Vaginas Are The Same

There are many myths about female sexuality and virginity and it’s too bad because it makes many men suspicious of women, and that suspicion can cause problems in relationships.

Even gynecologists – who are very familiar with thousands of women’s vaginas  – can not always tell if a woman is a virgin or not, and by that I mean whether or not a woman has had vaginal intercourse before.

Not all girls are born with a  hymen, with is tissue that partially covers a girl’s vaginal entrance. And girls who are born with a hymen may be born with a very thin or small one that wears away during childhood, maybe just as a natural occurrence or through masturbation or tampon use. And some girls are both with a bigger or thicker hymen that, when they first have intercourse, bleeds more than other girls.

Think Positively

Marriage is difficult enough without blame or suspicious, particularly when one can never really “prove” their virginity.

I would suggest looking at the positive side, and noticing what you love and appreciate about your wife. That is more of a recipe for happiness in marriage and, if you love and appreciate her, she will be more likely to return these positive feelings toward you in the future.

Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.)

is a sexual health educator at The Kinsey Institute, Associate Director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University and author of several books including Sex Made Easy and Because It Feels Good: A Woman's Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction.
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