Q&A: What Can I Do To Help My Partner Orgasm During Intercourse?

E-mail Email Icon Print Print Icon
Reddit Digg StumbleUpon Delicious Bookmark

QUESTION: My partner and I have pretty fabulous sex, but in a moment of frustration, he told me that I don't make him come through intercourse. What he means is that although he does orgasm, it’s not me who’s moving in the way that brings him to orgasm – it’s him. I wouldn't disagree with this. I don’t orgasm from intercourse either. Any suggestions?

Subscribe to the Kinsey Confidential Podcast: iTunes | RSS

couple dancing tango

Photo: ostinatoparis (flickr)

It takes two to tango when it comes to sex.

It is sometimes said that sex is like a dance in the way that it’s often more fun and more pleasurable if two people are attuned to teach others’ bodies. Sometimes the focus is on one person, dipping or being dipped, or turning around in circles. But the other person gets a turn to shine, too.

Share The Joy

When it comes to sex, you may find it helpful to focus on your mind on what you are experiencing rather than what you’re missing out on.

When you move your hips and body around your partner’s, you may not be receiving the clitoral stimulation you crave at that exact moment, but could you relish in the delight he feels? Or focus on his pleasure?

Some research suggests that mindfulness exercises – paying attention to the scents, sounds, and looks of sex – can enhance women’s arousal. Try to think of yourself as playing as important role in how sex feels for you both – as adding to the joys, rather than being “responsible” which sounds more like work than play.

Also, if you take a quick sex break and dab your and his genitals with a nearby towel, it might reduce lubrication – and thus friction – and add up to more noticeable sensations for you.

Moving Forward Together

You might find it helpful to read a couples-focused book focused on sexual pleasure and sharing, such as For Each Other: Sharing Sexual Intimacy.

Although I think we’ve come a long way in the way we talk and think about women’s sexuality, and how more women are comfortable being assertive about what they want and what brings them pleasure, it would be too bad if we lost sight of the couples aspect of sexuality.

Sometimes couples find it helps to “take turns” in sex, to spend a few moments doing something that one person likes or prefers and then switch things around and spend a few moments doing what the other person likes. Try to take your time, focus on the moment, and share with your partner.

Next Question: Female Ejaculation And Peeing

Every time I masturbate, which is once a week, I think I pee. I have a large amount of fluid come out of me that smells like pee. I know this isn’t normal and I would like to know what I should do about it. I don’t feel comfortable talking to anyone about my problem, so if there is a solution that doesn’t involve talking to someone about it I would greatly appreciate it. Please help!

Read Dr. Debby Herbenick’s response.

We Need Your Questions! Submit them on our website and listen to archived episodes of the podcast. Get a weekly dose of Kinsey Confidential sent straight to your portable player by subscribing on iTunes.

Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.)

is a sexual health educator at The Kinsey Institute, Associate Director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University and author of several books including Sex Made Easy and Because It Feels Good: A Woman's Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction.
More posts by this author »

Comments