Q&A: How Long Should Sex Last? Can I Learn To Last Longer?
Posted October 15, 2009
QUESTION: I ejaculate very quickly. During masturbation, I can last 5 or 10 minutes. If I’m watching pornography while masturbating, I last less than a minute. I would like to have sex with another person but I’m afraid I’m not going to last very long when I do. Is there something I can do to make myself last longer?
Many men feel pressure in regard to their sexual performance with a partner. As a result, one of the more common questions that we get about sex has to do with learning to last longer during sex.
Masturbating to Pornography
You’re not alone in feeling as though your quick ejaculation during masturbation while watching porn may be influenced by years of feeling as though you had to hurry up so that you didn’t get caught. Quite a lot of men attribute their quick ejaculation to feeling as though they needed to come quickly before someone found them masturbating or watching porn.
How Long Sex Lasts
The fact that you can last as long as 5 or 10 minutes during masturbation without porn is encouraging. In spite of common myths about sex, it’s common or sex to last for less than 15 minutes. Some couples spend 1 or 2 minutes in intercourse, others spend closer to 5 minutes, and some last for 10 minutes, 20 minutes or longer. With experience and practice, men often find that they can increase their control over the timing of their ejaculation.
Exercises to Try
At home, you can practice the stop-start and squeeze techniques during masturbation. This is how they work: begin by stimulating yourself as usual. Then, just before you get to the point of no return – when you will ejaculate no matter what – either stop all stimulation to your penis by removing your hand (for the stop-start technique) or gently squeeze the head of your penis (for the squeeze technique). Then, as your arousal starts to subside a little, begin stimulating your penis again and then repeat the cycle.
As you try these exercises, pay attention to the sensations in your penis, scrotum or in other parts of your body. What types of feelings do you notice as you get closer to feeling as though you are going to ejaculate? Some men notice a twitch in their leg muscles or a feeling in the area of their scrotum. Others notice their penis getting exceptionally hard as their excitement builds.
With practice, you can learn to notice these sensations and then back off a little during masturbation or sex by staying still, stopping all stimulation – or when having sex with a partner – by removing your penis and taking a few seconds off before re-inserting it or trying a new sex positions.
You can learn more about ejaculation and men’s sexuality in The New Male Sexuality which highlights several additional tips and techniques for lasting longer during sex. You can learn more about this book and others on our Kinsey Confidential web site.