Q&A: I Fantasize About Two Men Having Sex

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QUESTION: While masturbating, I always get excited when I fantasize about two men having a sexual relationship. Is this normal? I'm a 20 year old woman and this has been happening for about five years.

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Although not all women fantasize about two men having sex, some women do.

People fantasize about all sorts of things when they masturbate or even when they have sex with a partner.

Fantasies Are Common

It’s extremely common for one’s mind to wander elsewhere, including sometimes to fantasies, images, or ideas that don’t always immediately make sense to the person having the fantasies.

Although not all women fantasize about two men having sex, some women do. Some men fantasize about two women having sex. In fact, there’s a huge market for so-called lesbian porn that’s not really directed at lesbian viewers, but at straight men.

Having taught human sexuality classes to college students for many years now, I’ve heard all kinds of fantasies from women and men your age.

Some straight men feel confused about why they sometimes fantasize about other men. Many straight women say that they fantasize about other women, or that they watch lesbian porn.

And a number of gay men still include women in their fantasies just as some women who are only into women in real life will tell me that they sometimes think about having sex with men when they masturbate or have sex with their girlfriends.

Life Is Complex—And So Is Sex

Sexual fantasies are incredibly diverse and they can change many times throughout a person’s life.

Some people fantasize about group sex even though they don’t want to actually have group sex. Other people fantasize about very rough or painful sex, or about having sex with strangers.

Sometimes fantasies represent things that a person has no interest in doing during real life.

Other times sexual fantasies may inspire someone to consider whether they might want to try a certain sexual experience under the right conditions.

To learn more about sexual exploration, check out Great in Bed or Sex Made Easy: Your Awkward Questions Answered-For Better, Smarter, Amazing Sex.

Next Question: How Should I Initiate Sex With My Girlfriend?

I’ve never had sex before and the girl that wants to have sex with me has a problem initiating it. Could you help me out with a few pointers to start sex?

Read Dr. Debby Herbenick’s response.

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Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.)

is a sexual health educator at The Kinsey Institute, Associate Director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University and author of several books including Sex Made Easy and Because It Feels Good: A Woman's Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction.
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