http://kinseyconfidential.org Just another WordPress weblog Thu, 18 Mar 2010 14:00:23 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 en hourly 1 2006-2007 aschweig@indiana.edu (Kinsey Confidential) aschweig@indiana.edu (Kinsey Confidential) posts 1440 Just another WordPress weblog Kinsey Confidential Kinsey Confidential aschweig@indiana.edu No no http://kinseyconfidential.org/wp-content/themes/kinsey/images/kinsey-podcast-300.jpg http://kinseyconfidential.org 144 144 http://kinseyconfidential.org/premature-ejaculation-in-sex-is-it-because-i-masturbate/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/premature-ejaculation-in-sex-is-it-because-i-masturbate/#comments Mon, 08 Mar 2010 14:00:02 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1579 http://kinseyconfidential.org/premature-ejaculation-in-sex-is-it-because-i-masturbate/feed/ 0 3:31 Everyone Does It Most men and women have masturbated at some point in their lives whether during adolescence, adulthood, older age or throughout the lifespan. In ... Everyone Does It Most men and women have masturbated at some point in their lives whether during adolescence, adulthood, older age or throughout the lifespan. In fact, even research conducted with parents and teachers of young children shows that most young children touch their genitals for curiosity, to relieve an itch or because they like how it feels. Masturbation is generally regarded as a healthy form of sexual expression. Sperm Production Menrsquo;s bodies make sperm and the fluids that make up semen on an ongoing basis. Masturbating will not cause your body to stop producing sperm or semen. In case yoursquo;re curious, sperm only make up a small portion of the volume of semen. Much of a manrsquo;s seminal fluids come from his prostate gland and other glands called the cowperrsquo;s glands and seminal vesicles. Why We Do It There are many reasons that people masturbate including for fun, curiosity, to release sexual tension, to help themselves fall asleep or to enhance their desire or arousal. There are also different ways that people masturbate alone or with a sexual or romantic relationship partner. While many people touch their genitals, others find that they enjoy stimulating their chest or breasts, their inner thighs or their anus. Some people use their hands to masturbate and others find it pleasurable to use a sex toy, to rub their body against a bed or pillow or to stimulate themselves in the shower or bath. Masturbation Might Help Itrsquo;s also important to note that masturbation does not necessarily cause premature ejaculation or the experience of ejaculating more quickly than you or your wife might like. In fact, certain masturbation exercises might actually help you to learn to last longer during sexual intercourse. These exercises are called the stop-start technique and the squeeze technique. Essentially they involve stimulating yourself during masturbation, then just before the point when you are getting close to ejaculating you either stop all stimulation (for the stop-start technique) or gently squeeze the head of your penis (for the squeeze technique). This may help your arousal to decrease somewhat before you then start stimulating yourself again and repeat the process. Finally, I would encourage you to speak with your wife about her feelings about her sex life. It may be that she is happy with how long you spend having sex. More Information You can learn more about masturbation and partnered techniques to help you last longer during sex in The New Male Sexuality or Coping With Premature Ejaculation. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/defining-sex-addiction-legitimate/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/defining-sex-addiction-legitimate/#comments Mon, 01 Mar 2010 14:00:05 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1493 http://kinseyconfidential.org/defining-sex-addiction-legitimate/feed/ 2 3:34 Scientific Definition Many research scientists who study sex struggle with the concept of sex addiction. Although the term ldquo;sex addictionrdquo; is often used in the media, ... Scientific Definition Many research scientists who study sex struggle with the concept of sex addiction. Although the term ldquo;sex addictionrdquo; is often used in the media, it is not used as commonly among scientific circles. Thatrsquo;s not to say that sex researchers and therapists donrsquo;t encounter people with problems related to sex. In fact, itrsquo;s quite clear that a small proportion of people ndash; more so men than women ndash; experience their sexuality in a way that may feel out of control or addictive to them, even if it is not a ldquo;truerdquo; addiction. Addictive Behaviors? Some researchers feel that there is a gray line between describing something as an ldquo;addictionrdquo; versus a bad habit or a behavior that has gotten out of control in someonersquo;s life. For example, some years ago the media used to talk a lot about ldquo;shopping addictionsrdquo;. These days, people may describe themselves as having an addiction to their technology such as to their Blackberry, iPhone or Facebook. However, feeling obsessed with or tied to something is not the same as an actual addiction. If someone had to go a few days without shopping or checking their online profile, they may not like it but they wouldnrsquo;t exhibit the signs of withdrawal that people who are addicted to drugs or alcohol do. The Rules of the Relationship The idea of sex addiction is also challenging because it seems to be influenced by what is acceptable behavior within a personrsquo;s relationship or social circle. For example, some women say that they feel their husband has a sex addiction because he continued to masturbate even after they got married. Others have expressed concern that their partner has a sex addiction because he or she watches porn regularly even though theyrsquo;re in a relationship. However, just because someone doesnrsquo;t like or approve of their partnerrsquo;s behavior does not make it an addiction. After all, someone else might accept or even feel turned on by the idea that their partner masturbates on their own or watches porn. People differ. So, is the problem the behavior or how a couple negotiates and communicates about the behavior? Legitimate Concerns That said, there are other cases that are more extreme in which people find it very difficult to stop a sexual behavior that is causing them great distress or problems in their personal or professional life, or even legal problems. Some people develop a strong urge, that may even feel uncontrollable, to masturbate in public or to masturbate throughout the day, even while at their desk at work. Others may find it difficult to stop having sex with strangers, or to stop having affairs, even though they want to stop. Finding Help If a sexual behavior is causing distress or is problematic in a personrsquo;s life, a sex therapist can often help. Though some sex therapists use the term ldquo;sex addictionrdquo; others describe it as hypersexuality or as an impulsive-compulsive behavioral issue. The term, however, is less important than seeking quality help from a trained professional when needed. You can find a sex therapist in your area through the web site of The Society for Sex Therapy and Research. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/access-denied-internet-hook-ups-awry/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/access-denied-internet-hook-ups-awry/#comments Sun, 31 Jan 2010 00:41:09 +0000 J. Bradley Blankenship (M.S.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1434 http://kinseyconfidential.org/access-denied-internet-hook-ups-awry/feed/ 1 http://kinseyconfidential.org/condoms-girlfriend-bleed-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/condoms-girlfriend-bleed-sex/#comments Thu, 28 Jan 2010 14:00:14 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1359 http://kinseyconfidential.org/condoms-girlfriend-bleed-sex/feed/ 1 3:08 Feeling the Friction Sexual intercourse involves friction between two peoplersquo;s bodies. Just the right amount of friction can contribute to menrsquo;s and womenrsquo;s physical pleasure during ... Feeling the Friction Sexual intercourse involves friction between two peoplersquo;s bodies. Just the right amount of friction can contribute to menrsquo;s and womenrsquo;s physical pleasure during sex. The friction of sexual stimulation on a manrsquo;s penis or against a womanrsquo;s vulva or vagina can even help men and women have orgasms. Too much friction, though, and sex may feel uncomfortable or painful. Too little friction and it may not feel like much of anything is happening during intercourse. Condoms' Contributions Wearing a condom can add to the friction during sex. Sometimes this added friction is a welcome sensation; other times, it is not. It may be that the condom adds a little too much friction for you and your girlfriend ndash; but that doesnrsquo;t mean that you have to give up wearing condoms. After all, condoms are a highly effective means of reducing the risk of pregnancy and sexually transmissible infections, or STIs. Sex Solutions Perhaps you and your girlfriend already have a tight genital fit and the condom provides a bit too much friction. Or maybe sexual intercourse starts out all right with the condom on but it lasts so long or is vigorous in a way that the lubricant on the condom eventually dries up, leaving you with a dry condom and more friction than feels pleasurable. If this is the case, then sex may feel dry and your girlfriend may be more prone to small vaginal tears, which can result in small amounts of bleeding during or after sex. Most women will experience small vaginal cuts or tears at some point in their lives; usually they are not painful and will heal within a few days. To prevent vaginal cuts or bleeding, however, try adding extra water-based lubricant or silicone-based lubricant to the condom after it is already on your penis. You may find that by adding lubricant, sex feels more comfortable and pleasurable and your girlfriend may be less likely to bleed during or after sex. If sex goes on for a long time or is particularly rough or vigorous, make sure to add more lubricant as needed. More Information You can learn more about different types of lubricants, how to use them and how lubricants can contribute to more pleasurable sex in my book, Because It Feels Good: A Womanrsquo;s Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/sex-bleed-lot/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/sex-bleed-lot/#comments Mon, 11 Jan 2010 14:00:40 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1318 http://kinseyconfidential.org/sex-bleed-lot/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/order-stop-ejaculating-asleep/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/order-stop-ejaculating-asleep/#comments Thu, 07 Jan 2010 14:00:05 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1315 http://kinseyconfidential.org/order-stop-ejaculating-asleep/feed/ 1 http://kinseyconfidential.org/stop-masturbating-premature-ejaculations-stop/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/stop-masturbating-premature-ejaculations-stop/#comments Mon, 28 Dec 2009 14:00:16 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1313 http://kinseyconfidential.org/stop-masturbating-premature-ejaculations-stop/feed/ 0 2:28 Yours is a wonderful question and by asking it, we will hopefully be able to help many men who have questions about premature ejaculation and ... Yours is a wonderful question and by asking it, we will hopefully be able to help many men who have questions about premature ejaculation and learning to control the timing of ejaculation. Everyone Does It Masturbation is an extremely common sexual activity ndash; most men and women have masturbated. This is particularly true for young men and women, for whom masturbation is quite common and an excellent choice for safer sex and for learning about onersquo;s own body. Speaking of which, masturbation can actually help men learn to control the timing of their ejaculation. In other words, by practicing very specific masturbation techniques, you may be able to get more in touch with your body so that you can stop yourself from ejaculating before yoursquo;re ready. It will likely take time and a good deal of practice, but this type of practice can be quite pleasurable! Masturbation Techniques Two techniques that are commonly used by men who would like to develop ejaculatory control are the stop-start technique and the squeeze technique. Here is how they work: Start by stimulating your body in the way that you usually do. As you build arousal, pay attention to your bodily sensations. Just before the point of no return ndash; when you will ejaculate no matter what happens ndash; stop all stimulation and let your arousal subside a little. Then start the stimulation again and repeat the cycle. This is the stop-start technique. The squeeze technique is similar except instead of stopping all stimulation, one can gently squeeze the head of onersquo;s penis and then let the arousal subside. Learn More More detailed instructions about these and other techniques for learning ejaculatory control are described in The New Male Sexuality. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/sperm/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/sperm/#comments Thu, 03 Dec 2009 14:00:51 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1289 http://kinseyconfidential.org/sperm/feed/ 1 2:41 Sperm only account for about 5% of a manrsquo;s ejaculation by volume whereas fluids from the seminal vesicles and prostate gland account for the vast ... Sperm only account for about 5% of a manrsquo;s ejaculation by volume whereas fluids from the seminal vesicles and prostate gland account for the vast majority of semen. As such, if you are hoping that more sperm will make for larger amounts of semen when you ejaculate, think again! Unable to Increase the Volume of Ejaculate In fact, I am not aware of any way to reliably increase the volume of your ejaculate. Some men find that they emit more semen when they have had less frequent masturbation or partnered sex or when they have allowed their arousal to build up substantially before ejaculating. Others notice little, if any, difference when they try these things. Now, if yoursquo;re not interested in changing your semen volume ndash; but rather you are interested in increasing your sperm count itself, that may be another story. Increasing Your Sperm Count If a healthcare provider has told you that you have a low sperm count, and you and your partner wish to become pregnant, then you may be able to make some lifestyle changes that can either result in more sperm per ejaculation or that may help the sperm you do produce to swim faster or to be of higher quality. Some research, for example, has linked high body fat to lower sperm count or to lower sperm quality. Other research has examined the relationship between caffeine consumption or cigarette smoking with the suggestion that high caffeine consumption and smoking can have a negative impact on sperm quality. Then there are temperature issues to consider in that men who are trying to conceive may find it helpful to steer clear of tight underwear, steam rooms or hot tubs so that their testicles ndash; where sperm are produced ndash; arenrsquo;t subjected to warm temperatures, which can impair sperm production. If you are concerned about your sperm count or your fertility, check in with a healthcare provider for advice about what you can personally to do improve your sperm count or quality. Depending on your personal health history and your goals regarding pregnancy, some strategies may be better choices than others and you can discuss these options with a healthcare provider. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/vaginal-fluids-taste-sour/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/vaginal-fluids-taste-sour/#comments Thu, 26 Nov 2009 14:00:48 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1281 http://kinseyconfidential.org/vaginal-fluids-taste-sour/feed/ 0 2:56 Great question! Each womanrsquo;s vaginal scent and taste are unique to her so although it is common for vaginas to taste or smell a bit ... Great question! Each womanrsquo;s vaginal scent and taste are unique to her so although it is common for vaginas to taste or smell a bit yeasty, acidic or like sour milk, a womanrsquo;s vaginal taste can change throughout her menstrual cycle or in response to her behaviors or her health. Taking Note of Changes It is also quite common for women to notice a change in the way that their vagina tastes or smells after they have unprotected sex with a man, as menrsquo;s and womenrsquo;s sexual fluids can mix and cause scents of their own. Women may also notice that their vaginal fluids smell or taste different just before, during or after their menstrual cycle or after they have sex. In some cases, it can be important to take note of these changes. This is because some changes can signal a health issue. If a woman notices a very strong vaginal odor after she has intercourse with her partner, then it may signal a bacterial imbalance or infection that can be treated by a doctor. If you have questions about your personal vaginal scent or taste, please check in with your healthcare provider who can examine you and check for any bacterial or yeast problems. Growing Accustomed to Your Smell and Taste It may just be that your vaginal fluids have a sour or sharp taste to them. If the taste bothers you or your husband, you could try keeping a glass of water on hand to rinse your or his mouth or you could keep a damp washcloth nearby and briefly dab his penis prior to performing oral sex on him after his penis has been inside your vagina. Or you could sprinkle a little bit of flavored body dust on his penis prior to going down on him. Then again, you may get used to the taste over time, as it becomes familiar. You may even decide that itrsquo;s a taste that you come to enjoy. If yoursquo;re curious, you might try touching your finger to your vaginal at different points during your menstrual cycle to see if or how your taste changes over time. More Information To learn more about normal variations in vaginal scent and taste, as well as those that may signal health concerns, check out The V Book: A Doctorrsquo;s Guide to Complete Vulvovaginal Health. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/trouble-keeping-erection-condom/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/trouble-keeping-erection-condom/#comments Mon, 23 Nov 2009 14:00:19 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1280 http://kinseyconfidential.org/trouble-keeping-erection-condom/feed/ 0 3:32 Although condoms typically donrsquo;t contribute to problems getting or keeping an erection, sometimes men find that they do. In these cases, it can be helpful ... Although condoms typically donrsquo;t contribute to problems getting or keeping an erection, sometimes men find that they do. In these cases, it can be helpful to strategize ways to have safer, more pleasurable sex. This generally means ways to help a man maintain his erection while wearing a condom so that he feels committed to using the condom the entire time he has sex. After all, if a man starts having sex without a condom and only later puts on a condom ndash; or if he does the reverse (starts having sex with a condom, then removes it and continues having sex without it) ndash; it can put him and his partner at risk for infection. Size and Fit of Condoms You might try sampling a variety of condoms to find one that feels most pleasurable for you and allows you to experience maximum sensation. Some men find that condoms with looser or baggier heads or shafts allow for more sensation and thus easier erections. Other times, the size of the condom is an issue. If standard sized condoms donrsquo;t fit you well, consider using a snugger fit condom or a larger sized condom depending on your size needs. Learn about or purchase condoms of different sizes at Condomania.com. Adding Lubrication Adding a small dab of lubricant on the inside of the condom, in the reservoir tip, can also help sex to feel more comfortable and pleasurable. Then, after the condom is rolled down your penis, you might also apply additional lube to the outside of the condom along your shaft. A warming sensation lubricant may help to increase the pleasurable sensations and thus make it easier to maintain your erection. Choosing Your Sexual Experiences You might also look beyond products and turn inward. Are you choosing partners or sexual situations that completely turn you on? If you are having sex with men you are only sort of attracted to, then the best condom in the world may not be sufficient to help you maintain your erection in the way you want. Sexual arousal has physical, emotional and mental components and you may find that it is particularly important for you to attend to getting yourself extremely interested or aroused by your partner or the sexual circumstances before deciding to have sex with them. Erectile Dysfunction Medications for ED are generally not recommended by healthcare providers for young, healthy men who do not actually have ED. If you believe that you may have ED, or if itrsquo;s been a while since you have had a healthcare visit, you might check in with a healthcare provider for a check-up or wellness visit. It is more common for erectile problems in young, healthy men to be caused by stress, performance anxiety or sub-optimal arousal rather than a medical condition. Although many web sites and emails advertise the availability of ED medications, many medications sold over the internet are not what they claim to be and may put peoplersquo;s health at risk. More Information To learn more about erectile function, check out The Sexual Male: Problems and Solutions. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/masturbate-sleep-normal/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/masturbate-sleep-normal/#comments Thu, 19 Nov 2009 14:00:11 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1279 http://kinseyconfidential.org/masturbate-sleep-normal/feed/ 1 3:20 Although uncommon, I have heard from quite a few men ndash; and a few women, too ndash; who have had experiences similar to yours. Itrsquo;s ... Although uncommon, I have heard from quite a few men ndash; and a few women, too ndash; who have had experiences similar to yours. Itrsquo;s unclear how many people act sexually during their sleep but when it does happen, people often donrsquo;t even know that they masturbate or attempt to be sexual with other people until they either approach someone for sex while sleeping or until they begin sharing a bed with a partner, at which point onersquo;s partner notices the behavior. In your case, your partner has noticed that yoursquo;ve been masturbating during your sleep. It seems fairly common for women and men to recall experiences of orgasm during sleep or even to wake up in the middle of the night and find that they are rubbing their genitals against the bed, possibly in the middle of a sexual dream. What Happens When You Sleep What is less common is active masturbation or sexual behavior while sleeping. As you are sleeping when this happens, you cannot know what you are doing. As such, you might ask your partner how it is that you are masturbating while sleeping. Are you using your hands? Rubbing against the bed? Do you tend to speak while masturbating? And are your eyes open or closed? Talking to a Healthcare Provider This type of information may help your healthcare provider to better figure out what may be happening during your sleep. You may even ask your healthcare provider about the possibility of being referred to a sleep clinic as sexual behavior during sleep ndash; what has been called sexsomnia or sleepsex - is often associated with sleep disorders. You may be able to undergo testing to determine how it is that your sleep cycles may be functioning. In some cases, medication can help to improve your sleep. Communicate With Your Partner In the mean time, you may find it helpful to talk with your partner about this behavior. It is unlikely a sign of a psychological condition. Rather, your sleep masturbation is more likely to be a symptom of a sleep disorder or to be a normal variation of sleep behavior. You and your partner might want to brainstorm about how to handle this while you decide whether you want to meet with a healthcare provider about it, which I would recommend doing. Some couples enjoy sleepsex or these types of sexual behaviors that occur while one person is asleep and the other is awake. Others feel uncomfortable in response to them. Problems With Sleepsex It can be important to seek attention from a healthcare provider as, in some cases, people have attempted to have non-consensual sex with others while asleep. In some instances, sleeping adults have even tried to have sex with children, and not recalled any of it after the fact. You can imagine how traumatic such an experience would be for everyone involved. To learn more about sexsomnia or sleepsex, please check in with your healthcare provider or a sleep clinic. Thank you for coming to us with your question. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/iu-students-savage-love/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/iu-students-savage-love/#comments Fri, 30 Oct 2009 19:55:37 +0000 Marie Metelnick (M.A.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1271 http://kinseyconfidential.org/iu-students-savage-love/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/condoms-wetness-vagina/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/condoms-wetness-vagina/#comments Thu, 29 Oct 2009 14:00:17 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1254 http://kinseyconfidential.org/condoms-wetness-vagina/feed/ 0 3:42 You both make good points about condoms and lubrication. Rather than focusing on who is right, letrsquo;s take a step back and talk about condoms, ... You both make good points about condoms and lubrication. Rather than focusing on who is right, letrsquo;s take a step back and talk about condoms, vaginal lubrication and store-bought lube. The Benefits of Using Condoms Using condoms ndash; as you pointed out ndash; can have significant benefits. Using a condom during sex can greatly reduce the risk of passing several but not all sexually transmissible infections (STI) including HIV, chlamydia, gonorrhea and the human papillomavirus (HPV). Condoms also offer good protection against pregnancy as they prevent sperm and egg from meeting. But yoursquo;re right that as protective as condoms can be, they sometimes make sex feel more dry. After all, sexual intercourse involves a great deal of friction as your penis moves in and out of her body. nbsp;Over time, the lubricant that comes on many lubricated condoms may not feel as though it is quite enough. If the condom gets to dry, there may be an increased risk of the condom breaking. Affect on Lubrication That said, many women ndash; and young women in particular ndash; lubricate sufficiently for comfortable, pleasurable vaginal sex. nbsp;But that doesnrsquo;t mean that there are never times when adding a little store-bought lubricant to her genitals or to the outside of the condoms can help sex to feel better for one or both partners. Sometimes vaginal lubrication feels reduced if a woman is on a low estrogen birth control pill, if she is taking certain medications or if she has just taken a warm bath or shower, which may slightly dry the vagina. nbsp;Other times couples donrsquo;t spent a lot of time in foreplay, or they decide to have a quickie, which may not leave sufficient time for a woman to produce much natural vaginal lubrication. Also, sometimes sex lasts for quite a long time ndash; so long that most women would not keep lubricating in amounts sufficient for comfortable sex or to protect against condom breakage. Adding Extra Lubrication As such, no matter how well lubricated your girlfriend may feel, it may be a good idea to keep some water-based or silicone-based lubricant on hand. Then, if sex feels as though it is becoming dry and you are worried about condom breakage or just feel that lubricant would make sex more pleasurable, you can add a small dab of lubricant to either one of your genitals. There are a variety of lubricant types on the market. Some adult stores and web sites sell sampler packs of water and silicone based lubricants so that women and men can find a lubricant that they like the feel of and that they donrsquo;t find irritating. Also, if condom safety is your main concern, you can also keep a second condom on hand. That way, if the first condom appears to dry out, you can stop intercourse, remove the first condom, put a new condom on, and then resume intercourse. More Information To learn more about sexual play involving condoms and lubricants, check out my book, Because It Feels Good: A Womanrsquo;s Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/virginity/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/virginity/#comments Mon, 05 Oct 2009 13:00:37 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1229 http://kinseyconfidential.org/virginity/feed/ 0 3:05 Defining Virginity People define virginity in different ways. However, one of the most common definitions of virginity for heterosexual women is whether they have had penile-vaginal ... Defining Virginity People define virginity in different ways. However, one of the most common definitions of virginity for heterosexual women is whether they have had penile-vaginal sex. If you recently had vaginal intercourse for the first time, with your boyfriend putting his penis inside of your vagina, then most people would probably consider that to be losing your virginity. So no, by most peoplersquo;s definitions you would no longer be a virgin and there is no way to reverse that. Losing onersquo;s virginity is a physical act, whether or not a woman notices any blood from her vagina. The reason why some women bleed when they first have sex is because a thin layer of tissue called the hymen covers part of a womanrsquo;s vaginal entrance. When a woman has sex, the hymen tears and she may bleed a little bit. However, some women donrsquo;t have very much of this tissue to begin with or else the tissue they did have may have torn for other reasons such as from using tampons, from masturbation or from being fingered by a partner. This is why looking for blood on the sheets, or even going to the doctor, is not helpful in terms of establishing whether or not a woman is a virgin. "Born Again Virgins" Even though you canrsquo;t reverse time to before you had sex, you may be interested to know that some people consider themselves to be ldquo;born again virginsrdquo; if they have had sex before but now are choosing to wait to have sex again until they feel more ready, more in love or are married. If you are having second thoughts about being sexually active, itrsquo;s important to know that just because you have had sex once does not mean that you have to do it again any time soon if you are not ready to or if you donrsquo;t want to. Sex is a very intimate act for many women and men. Some people connect sex with love, intimacy or relationships and may feel as though they want a certain relationship with another person before they have sex. Other times, people may have found a wonderful romantic partner but may want to wait to have sex until they feel as though they have more effective reliable birth control or until they feel comfortable with the possibility of becoming parents, should they possibly become pregnant. Learn More To learn more about sex, check out S.E.X.: The All You Need to Know Progressive Sexuality Guide to Get You Through High School and College. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/reasons-love-glee/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/reasons-love-glee/#comments Sun, 04 Oct 2009 16:56:09 +0000 J. Bradley Blankenship (M.S.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1224 http://kinseyconfidential.org/reasons-love-glee/feed/ 0 http://kinseyconfidential.org/qa-sexual-arousal-strangers/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/qa-sexual-arousal-strangers/#comments Mon, 21 Sep 2009 14:00:26 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://wfiutest.rtv.indiana.edu/?p=1189 http://kinseyconfidential.org/qa-sexual-arousal-strangers/feed/ 0 2:43 In many cultures, there is a stereotype that men are always ready and eager to have sex with just about anyone. However, as strong as ... In many cultures, there is a stereotype that men are always ready and eager to have sex with just about anyone. However, as strong as a manrsquo;s interest or desire may be, his body may not always be ready to have sex. Some men find it very difficult to get or maintain an erection with partners who they do not know very well. Often they find that they cannot ldquo;makerdquo; themselves have an erection just because they want one. Mental and Physical Sexual arousal is often strongest when a person feels both mentally and physically aroused. If you donrsquo;t know these women very well, you may find it difficult to feel mentally aroused or excited by them. Perhaps it is easier for you to feel sexually aroused, and to become erect, with your ex because you feel more connected to her or mentally turned on by her. After all, you have an entire history with her ndash; you may feel attracted to her because of the way that she makes you feel, or because of her humor or personality in addition to her physical attractiveness. A Physical Problem? Since you are able to still get erections with your ex, it is unlikely that you have a physical problem with your erections. However, if you are concerned about your erectile function or have questions about it, please check in with your healthcare provider. If you are open to getting to know other women well, you might spend more time getting to know them over dinner, drinks or other activities before having sex with them. As you get to know women more, you may find it easier to feel relaxed, comfortable and both mentally and physically turned on. It is also possible that other issues are keeping you from having full and reliable erections with other women. For example, if you are still in love with your ex, you may find it difficult to move on and be with other women until you have resolved those feelings. Recommended Reading To learn more about erectile function, you may find it helpful to read The Sexual Male: Problems and Solutions by Richard Milsten and Julian Slowinski. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No