Q&A: Why Does My Boyfriend Masturbate To Porn So Often?

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QUESTION: My boyfriend and I have sex four times a week, but he still needs to masturbate. And recently he’s started using porn to masturbate. I don’t understand why he needs to view other women when he has me. What should I do?

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Most men have watched porn, and it doesn’t necessarily mean that they are not satisfied with their relationship or their sex life.

Men and Women… and Porn

Many women and men are raised in what may as well be two totally different worlds.

Very often, girls are raised with the belief that porn – which can be difficult to define in the first place – is either wrong or a sign that a man is not as interested in or committed to his partner as he should be.

On the other hand, many boys are raised to believe that it is common or normal to watch porn and that it can make masturbation or sex more exciting.

That’s not to say that all men watch porn or like porn; they don’t. It’s also not to say that some women don’t enjoy porn – in fact, a growing number of women seem to be accessing porn, particularly as more women-centered porn images and videos are created.

Porn’s Affect on Relationships

But in the United States, most men have watched porn, particularly as part of their masturbation, and it doesn’t necessarily mean that they are not satisfied with their relationship or their sex life.

It may just be that your boyfriend has watched porn on and off throughout his life, perhaps starting as an older child or a teenager or young adult, and that he still enjoys doing so even now.

Talking it Through

You might try talking with your boyfriend about his masturbation and the fact that he watches porn. If you two talk about this, try to approach the issue with an open mind and a genuine interest in learning more about his experiences and where he’s coming from. He may have a very different perspective on porn than you do.

If he says that he is indeed attracted to you and satisfied with your sex life together, try talking about how you can approach the porn issue.

Is there a way that you can learn to live with the fact that he watches porn? Is he willing to watch it less often or to not watch it in front of you? Or even to give up watching porn? Are you interested in finding some type of porn, or even educational videos about sex, that you two could watch together?

There are a many different ways that couples negotiate their private and shared sexual lives and no “right” or “wrong” way to figure this out.

Find Out More

Check out The Guide to Getting It On for more information about the many different ways that women and men experience their sexuality.

Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.)

is a sexual health educator at The Kinsey Institute, Associate Director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University and author of several books including Sex Made Easy and Because It Feels Good: A Woman's Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction.
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Comments

  • lamr

    His masturbation has almost nothing to do with and and men are visual so he watches porn. stop being so insecure.