http://kinseyconfidential.org Just another WordPress weblog Mon, 15 Mar 2010 14:00:09 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 en hourly 1 2006-2007 aschweig@indiana.edu (Kinsey Confidential) aschweig@indiana.edu (Kinsey Confidential) posts 1440 Just another WordPress weblog Kinsey Confidential Kinsey Confidential aschweig@indiana.edu No no http://kinseyconfidential.org/wp-content/themes/kinsey/images/kinsey-podcast-300.jpg http://kinseyconfidential.org 144 144 http://kinseyconfidential.org/pregnant/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/pregnant/#comments Mon, 15 Mar 2010 14:00:09 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1575 http://kinseyconfidential.org/pregnant/feed/ 0 3:18 Most women and men want to become parents one day. And though about half of pregnancies are unplanned, that means that about half are planned ... Most women and men want to become parents one day. And though about half of pregnancies are unplanned, that means that about half are planned pregnancies that women and men try to figure out how to make happen. Health First If you would like to become pregnant, the first step I would recommend is to check in with a healthcare provider, such as a gynecologist. Your doctor or nurse can examine you and test you for any health problems that may make it more difficult for you to become pregnant. For example, untreated sexually transmissible infections, also called STIs, such as Chlamydia and gonorrhea can cause scarring of a womanrsquo;s reproductive tract and make it more difficult for her to become pregnant.nbsp;Other health conditions, such as some thyroid problems or hormonal problems, can also make it more difficult to become pregnant. Many health problems can be treated so that a woman and her partner can more easily conceive. Your partner would also benefit from visiting his healthcare provider for a wellness exam as well. Changes to Your Lifestyle I would also encourage you to ask your healthcare provider about any lifestyle behaviors you may be able to modify that could help you to become pregnant more easily or could help you to sustain a healthier pregnancy should you become pregnant. For example, your doctor or nurse may advise you to stop drinking alcohol and to stop smoking during this time. He or she may also advise you on exercise or eating. Men tend to have higher sperm quality when they are of a healthy weight and are non-smokers. Women also tend to have healthier pregnancies and lower risk deliveries when they are of a healthy weight. What a healthy weight is for you, though, is something that only you and your healthcare provider can know as everyonersquo;s bodies are built a little differently. Stick to a Schedule Couples who are trying to become pregnant sometimes find it helpful to start tracking the timing of a womanrsquo;s ovulation so that they know when she is most likely to become pregnant. Having sex frequently, such as every 2 days or more often, may be recommended as well. Some research suggests that certain aspects of a womanrsquo;s diet can help her to increase the chances of becoming pregnant; for example, whole milk products may be preferable to nonfat milk products for women who would like to become pregnant. Relaxation can also be an important part of becoming pregnant. More Information To learn more about healthy pregnancy and fertility issues, check in with your healthcare provider. You may also find it helpful to read The Fertility Diet and Our Bodies, Ourselves: Pregnancy and Birth. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Pregnancy aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/experienced-orgasm-suggest/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/experienced-orgasm-suggest/#comments Thu, 11 Mar 2010 14:00:33 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1582 http://kinseyconfidential.org/experienced-orgasm-suggest/feed/ 0 3:38 A Common Problem Many women struggle with trying to learn to have an orgasm. Often, even very well educated women who feel comfortable with their own ... A Common Problem Many women struggle with trying to learn to have an orgasm. Often, even very well educated women who feel comfortable with their own bodies, open to their experience, and positive about sex still find it difficult to orgasm. Yoursquo;re certainly not alone in your experience. With time, patience and practice, most women are able to learn to orgasm so the chances that you will, too, are certainly in your favor. There are many different reasons why women take time to learn to orgasm. As much as you may have already learned about anatomy, you might find that there is more to learn that would be helpful. Know Your Anatomy Many medical texts, including their anatomical illustrations, do not accurately depict the clitoris. In fact, many donrsquo;t even show that the clitoris is larger than the frac14; to frac12; an inch of tissue that can be seen from the outside of a womanrsquo;s body. The clitoris extends backward into the body in two branches that may be stimulated from vaginal sex or other types of stimulation. This knowledge alone may give you different ideas for how to approach your body with stimulation. Also, newer research suggests that the clitoris, vagina and urethra are more interconnected than previously thought. The movement or stimulation of one may change the way that other parts of a womanrsquo;s genital or urinary tract feel. In addition, scientists are uncovering new information about different nerve pathways that may be linked to female orgasm and learning about these, such as from the book The Science of Orgasm, may be informative. Playing the Brain Game As helpful as information and education can be, so is the psychological process. You may find that spending time becoming highly aroused ndash; such as through touch or fantasy - helps you to experience greater pleasure during sex and may eventually help you learn to orgasm. Some women are easily distracted during sex - thinking about work, school, laundry, dinner, relationship issues or family ndash; and these distractions can make it difficult to relax, to let go and to focus on onersquo;s own arousal. Other times women donrsquo;t feel the type of intimacy or psychological excitement in their relationship that they find best helps them to experience pleasure or orgasm. Then there are situations in which women put so much pressure on themselves to orgasm that the pressure, stress and anxiety make it more difficult to orgasm. More Information If you are interested in learning more about orgasm, you may find it helpful to read Becoming Orgasmic: A Sexual and Personal Growth Program for Women or Because It Feels Good: A Womanrsquo;s Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction. Content,Type,,Pleasure,,Orgasm,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/premature-ejaculation-in-sex-is-it-because-i-masturbate/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/premature-ejaculation-in-sex-is-it-because-i-masturbate/#comments Mon, 08 Mar 2010 14:00:02 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1579 http://kinseyconfidential.org/premature-ejaculation-in-sex-is-it-because-i-masturbate/feed/ 0 3:31 Everyone Does It Most men and women have masturbated at some point in their lives whether during adolescence, adulthood, older age or throughout the lifespan. In ... Everyone Does It Most men and women have masturbated at some point in their lives whether during adolescence, adulthood, older age or throughout the lifespan. In fact, even research conducted with parents and teachers of young children shows that most young children touch their genitals for curiosity, to relieve an itch or because they like how it feels. Masturbation is generally regarded as a healthy form of sexual expression. Sperm Production Menrsquo;s bodies make sperm and the fluids that make up semen on an ongoing basis. Masturbating will not cause your body to stop producing sperm or semen. In case yoursquo;re curious, sperm only make up a small portion of the volume of semen. Much of a manrsquo;s seminal fluids come from his prostate gland and other glands called the cowperrsquo;s glands and seminal vesicles. Why We Do It There are many reasons that people masturbate including for fun, curiosity, to release sexual tension, to help themselves fall asleep or to enhance their desire or arousal. There are also different ways that people masturbate alone or with a sexual or romantic relationship partner. While many people touch their genitals, others find that they enjoy stimulating their chest or breasts, their inner thighs or their anus. Some people use their hands to masturbate and others find it pleasurable to use a sex toy, to rub their body against a bed or pillow or to stimulate themselves in the shower or bath. Masturbation Might Help Itrsquo;s also important to note that masturbation does not necessarily cause premature ejaculation or the experience of ejaculating more quickly than you or your wife might like. In fact, certain masturbation exercises might actually help you to learn to last longer during sexual intercourse. These exercises are called the stop-start technique and the squeeze technique. Essentially they involve stimulating yourself during masturbation, then just before the point when you are getting close to ejaculating you either stop all stimulation (for the stop-start technique) or gently squeeze the head of your penis (for the squeeze technique). This may help your arousal to decrease somewhat before you then start stimulating yourself again and repeat the process. Finally, I would encourage you to speak with your wife about her feelings about her sex life. It may be that she is happy with how long you spend having sex. More Information You can learn more about masturbation and partnered techniques to help you last longer during sex in The New Male Sexuality or Coping With Premature Ejaculation. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/pregnant-guy-pulls-ejaculates/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/pregnant-guy-pulls-ejaculates/#comments Thu, 04 Mar 2010 14:00:03 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1569 http://kinseyconfidential.org/pregnant-guy-pulls-ejaculates/feed/ 0 2:33 Affirmative Pregnancy Warning Yes, from what you describe, it would technically be possible to become pregnant from having unprotected sex with a man who has just ... Affirmative Pregnancy Warning Yes, from what you describe, it would technically be possible to become pregnant from having unprotected sex with a man who has just come, wiped off his penis and then put his penis back inside your vagina. This is because even if he squeezed what he thought was the rest of his semen out of his penis and wiped it on his towel or hand, he may still have some semen further down his urethra that he would not have been able to squeeze out. Getting Rid of Semen Men cannot reliably squeeze all of their semen out of their penis. Sometimes it trickles out a few moments later. Also, there may be sperm that are further down and then, when he is inside you and gets aroused again, his pre-ejaculatory fluids may sweep up the sperm several minutes later, or even longer, and carry it outside his body and into your vagina. Avoid Pregnancy If you do not want to become pregnant, you have several options. You could abstain from sexual activity with your partner altogether. Or you could engage in sex play with your partner but only the types of sex play that do not pose a pregnancy risk, such as making out and touching each othersrsquo; genitals with your hands or having dry sex with both of your clothes on. Reliable Birth Control Or, if you are both feeling ready to have sex, then you could have sex with each other but choose to use a reliable method of birth control such as a condom or hormonal birth control such as the birth control pill, patch or ring. More Information You can learn more about these methods of birth control by reading Our Bodies, Ourselves or The Guide to Getting It On. Planned Parenthood also has extensive information about birth control methods, condoms and preventing pregnancy. Each of these resources also has information about things you can do to increase your chances of becoming pregnant if that is something that you and your partner are interested in doing together. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Pregnancy aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/defining-sex-addiction-legitimate/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/defining-sex-addiction-legitimate/#comments Mon, 01 Mar 2010 14:00:05 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1493 http://kinseyconfidential.org/defining-sex-addiction-legitimate/feed/ 2 3:34 Scientific Definition Many research scientists who study sex struggle with the concept of sex addiction. Although the term ldquo;sex addictionrdquo; is often used in the media, ... Scientific Definition Many research scientists who study sex struggle with the concept of sex addiction. Although the term ldquo;sex addictionrdquo; is often used in the media, it is not used as commonly among scientific circles. Thatrsquo;s not to say that sex researchers and therapists donrsquo;t encounter people with problems related to sex. In fact, itrsquo;s quite clear that a small proportion of people ndash; more so men than women ndash; experience their sexuality in a way that may feel out of control or addictive to them, even if it is not a ldquo;truerdquo; addiction. Addictive Behaviors? Some researchers feel that there is a gray line between describing something as an ldquo;addictionrdquo; versus a bad habit or a behavior that has gotten out of control in someonersquo;s life. For example, some years ago the media used to talk a lot about ldquo;shopping addictionsrdquo;. These days, people may describe themselves as having an addiction to their technology such as to their Blackberry, iPhone or Facebook. However, feeling obsessed with or tied to something is not the same as an actual addiction. If someone had to go a few days without shopping or checking their online profile, they may not like it but they wouldnrsquo;t exhibit the signs of withdrawal that people who are addicted to drugs or alcohol do. The Rules of the Relationship The idea of sex addiction is also challenging because it seems to be influenced by what is acceptable behavior within a personrsquo;s relationship or social circle. For example, some women say that they feel their husband has a sex addiction because he continued to masturbate even after they got married. Others have expressed concern that their partner has a sex addiction because he or she watches porn regularly even though theyrsquo;re in a relationship. However, just because someone doesnrsquo;t like or approve of their partnerrsquo;s behavior does not make it an addiction. After all, someone else might accept or even feel turned on by the idea that their partner masturbates on their own or watches porn. People differ. So, is the problem the behavior or how a couple negotiates and communicates about the behavior? Legitimate Concerns That said, there are other cases that are more extreme in which people find it very difficult to stop a sexual behavior that is causing them great distress or problems in their personal or professional life, or even legal problems. Some people develop a strong urge, that may even feel uncontrollable, to masturbate in public or to masturbate throughout the day, even while at their desk at work. Others may find it difficult to stop having sex with strangers, or to stop having affairs, even though they want to stop. Finding Help If a sexual behavior is causing distress or is problematic in a personrsquo;s life, a sex therapist can often help. Though some sex therapists use the term ldquo;sex addictionrdquo; others describe it as hypersexuality or as an impulsive-compulsive behavioral issue. The term, however, is less important than seeking quality help from a trained professional when needed. You can find a sex therapist in your area through the web site of The Society for Sex Therapy and Research. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/underwear-pregnant-dry-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/underwear-pregnant-dry-sex/#comments Thu, 25 Feb 2010 14:00:26 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1491 http://kinseyconfidential.org/underwear-pregnant-dry-sex/feed/ 1 3:04 If you were wearing underwear, then your chances of becoming pregnant from dry sex ndash; also called dry humping ndash; border on ldquo;low to no ... If you were wearing underwear, then your chances of becoming pregnant from dry sex ndash; also called dry humping ndash; border on ldquo;low to no chance.rdquo; However, itrsquo;s often not as simple as that so, if you do not want to become pregnant, I would highly recommend that either you both keep your clothes on during dry sex or that you avoid dry sex altogether. Birth Control Options If you think therersquo;s a chance you will continue being sexual in ways that may put the two of you at risk for pregnancy, then consider using a highly effective method of birth control such as the birth control pill, patch, shot or ring. Condoms are another highly method of birth control plus condoms can greatly reduce the risk of some but not all common sexually transmissible infections, or STIs. Risky Business Herersquo;s why dry sex can be risky in terms of pregnancy. First, there is not always a clear line between ldquo;dry sexrdquo; and intercourse. Sometimes couples get very excited during their sex play and they may experiment with getting closer to each otherrsquo;s genitals.nbsp;If your underwear are small or are thong or g string style, there may be very little fabric, if any, around your vaginal entrance. If therersquo;s not much fabric to cover your vaginal entrance, or if your underwear become accidentally pushed to the side during sex play, then your partnerrsquo;s penis may touch your vaginal entrance. If he ejaculates inside your vaginal entrance or close it, then his sperm could get inside your vagina and you could become pregnant. Communicating About Sex Thatrsquo;s why I would encourage you to consider ways that you and your boyfriend can continue to enjoy each otherrsquo;s company in ways that do not put you at risk for pregnancy if you are not ready to become parents. Part of being sexual is learning how to talk about being sexual. Try talking to your boyfriend about your concerns about becoming pregnant. Let him know what you enjoy about the ways that you pleasure each other but also make sure to let him know what stresses you out or makes you feel worried, such as getting pregnant if yoursquo;re not yet ready to be parents. Together you can learn more about safer sex, birth control and how to take steps to have a more satisfying but low risk sex life. More Information To learn more about safer sex, check out the book S.E.X.: The All You Need To Know Progressive Sexuality Guide to Get You Through High School and College. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Pregnancy aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/condoms-delay-ejaculation-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/condoms-delay-ejaculation-sex/#comments Mon, 22 Feb 2010 14:00:49 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1488 http://kinseyconfidential.org/condoms-delay-ejaculation-sex/feed/ 1 3:22 Condoms to Elongate Intercourse Condoms that are marketed to help men last longer often contain a gel or a cream inside the condom that has benzocaine ... Condoms to Elongate Intercourse Condoms that are marketed to help men last longer often contain a gel or a cream inside the condom that has benzocaine as an active ingredient. Benzocaine works by slightly numbing or desensitizing the skin on a manrsquo;s penis. By reducing sensation during sex, condoms with benzocaine may help men to last longer by several minutes. For men who come more quickly than they or their partner would like, this can be very appealing. Health Warnings Most men are able to use condoms that contain benzocaine without experiencing any negative side effects. However, some men may be sensitive or allergic to benzocaine or to other ingredients used in the cream or gel thatrsquo;s inside the condom. In fact, some case reports describe men who have experienced redness, inflammation or other irritation ndash; sometimes quite severe - to their penis. Unfortunately, sensitive or allergic reactions may last a few days or even as long as a week or two. If a man continues to expose himself to something he is sensitive or allergic to, perhaps because he doesnrsquo;t realize what is causing the problem, he may make the problem even worse. If you or your partner use these types of condoms and notice redness, irritation, itching, inflammation or swelling after using them, then stop using them and ask your healthcare provider about it. If you try these types of condoms and find that you do not experience any negative reactions ndash; again, most men do not ndash; then they may be part of a useful short term strategy to help you last longer during sex. Long Term Solutions Of course, these types of condoms are often not a useful long term strategy. Masturbation exercises such as the stop-start and squeeze technique may be more helpful for men to learn to control the timing of their ejaculate over the long run. In addition, some men are helped by visualization exercises, by learning to relax during sex or to focus on their own physical sensations during sex.nbsp;Others find that with time and experience, they learn how to last longer all on their own. Less commonly, some men find that certain prescription medications ndash; specifically, some SSRI antidepressants ndash; may help them to last longer. Men who are interested in medication options should ask their healthcare provider for more information. More Information To learn more about how to last longer during sex, check out The New Male Sexuality or Coping With Premature Ejaculation: How to Overcome PE, Please Your Partner and Have Great Sex. Bodies,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/turned-husband-rubs-clitoris/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/turned-husband-rubs-clitoris/#comments Thu, 18 Feb 2010 14:00:06 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1485 http://kinseyconfidential.org/turned-husband-rubs-clitoris/feed/ 0 3:06 Likes and Dislikes It may be helpful to know that not all women feel sexually excited from having their clitoris rubbed or their vaginal entrance licked. ... Likes and Dislikes It may be helpful to know that not all women feel sexually excited from having their clitoris rubbed or their vaginal entrance licked. Some women feel excited and lubricate when they engage in those behaviors; others do not. That does not mean that you wonrsquo;t feel physically excited by other types of sex or touch, though. Pregnancy It also does not mean that you canrsquo;t have a baby. A woman may become pregnant whether or not she lubricates or has an orgasm during sex. Your level of sexual excitement has nothing to do with your ability to become pregnant ndash; unless yoursquo;re avoiding sex because itrsquo;s not exciting. However, if you have concerns about your fertility or questions about how to improve your chances of becoming pregnant, check in with a gynecologist or your primary healthcare provider. Exploring During Sex I would encourage you and your partner to explore your sexuality in a broader, more expansive way and to pay attention to your emotional experience of sex rather than only your physical sensations. How does it feel when your husband touches your breasts, your inner thighs, or when he massages your back? How do you feel when you touch him on different parts of his body? You may find it pleasurable or informative to experience different types of touch together. Rubbing each othersrsquo; bodies with a massage cream or a lotion can feel very different, sensually speaking, than rubbing each other with dry hands. Using a slow rhythm can feel different than a quick rhythm. There are also clear differences between being touched or licked in ways that are gentle versus ways that are firm. As you two explore, you may find that you do enjoy being stimulated on your clitoris or around your vaginal entrance but that you prefer different types of touch or licks than you have previously been exploring. Or you may find that you donrsquo;t respond to genital stimulation as greatly as you respond to breast stimulation or to lots and lots of kissing. Thatrsquo;s okay. All women have different experiences from each other. More Information To learn more about exploring each otherrsquo;s bodies, as well as enhancing emotional intimacy, in ways that will promote more pleasurable sex, check out Because It Feels Good: A Womanrsquo;s Guide to Sexual Pleasure or For Each Other: Sharing Sexual Intimacy. Bodies,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/girlfriend-feel-bad-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/girlfriend-feel-bad-sex/#comments Mon, 15 Feb 2010 14:00:02 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1314 http://kinseyconfidential.org/girlfriend-feel-bad-sex/feed/ 0 3:12 Real Life Sex Sex is a curious thing that people react to in very different ways. Unfortunately, we donrsquo;t often see sex portrayed in very ... Real Life Sex Sex is a curious thing that people react to in very different ways. Unfortunately, we donrsquo;t often see sex portrayed in very nuanced ways in movies or on television. Sex is often shown as very erotic in movies or as highly exciting or sensation- or performance-focused in much mainstream porn. And yet in reality, people may experience many different emotions in connection with sexual expression and for any number of reasons. Being sexual with another person can make some people feel extremely vulnerable. After all, it involves taking off onersquo;s clothes, and for some people, sex can tap into the depth of their emotions. If they expect a lot of emotional closeness and donrsquo;t get it, they may feel lonely or sad. If they donrsquo;t or expect emotional closeness but their partner expresses emotions theyrsquo;re not ready for or feel able to deal with, they may feel uncomfortable or avoidant. The experience of sexual pleasure and orgasm can also tap into peoplersquo;s brain chemistry in ways that, as scientists, we donrsquo;t fully understand yet. There may be key physical differences that influence how some people feel during or after sex.nbsp; I have heard, for example, from several people who describe sadness associated with sex for reasons they donrsquo;t understand. Getting Help My suggestion would be to consider connecting with a trained sex therapist. Your girlfriend may find it helpful to speak with someone about her emotional experience of sexual expression. She can find a sex therapist through the Society for Sex Therapy and Research's website. She might also find it helpful to speak with a healthcare provider to determine if there are other mood or anxiety issues that may be bothering her more generally, even outside of sex. Expanding Your Repertoire In the meantime, you two might consider exploring a range of being intimate to better understand what helps her to feel good and what doesnrsquo;t. Perhaps there are certain types of physical intimacy, such kissing, cuddling, bathing together, or sensual touching, that will allow her pleasure without sadness. Also, although many women masturbate, some do not ndash; and thatrsquo;s okay. If shersquo;s not interested in self-pleasuring, thatrsquo;s alright. Many women have satisfying experiences of sexuality without incorporating masturbation into their lives. Finally, you two may enjoy reading For Each Other: Sharing Sexual Intimacy for tips on connecting in pleasurable ways. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Relationships,,Love aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/normal-fantasize-sex-random-women/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/normal-fantasize-sex-random-women/#comments Thu, 11 Feb 2010 14:00:18 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1373 http://kinseyconfidential.org/normal-fantasize-sex-random-women/feed/ 0 3:17 Everyone Does It Yes, it is very common for women and men to fantasize about people other than their own partner. In fact, a study published ... Everyone Does It Yes, it is very common for women and men to fantasize about people other than their own partner. In fact, a study published in 2001 in The Journal of Sex Research found that, among 349 women and men ages 18 to 70, all of whom were in relationships at the time of the study, 98% of men and 80% of women said that they had fantasized about someone other than their partner over the previous 2 months. Why fantasize about someone else? Some people find it very stimulating to think about having sex with a friend, a co-worker, a classmate, a total stranger or even a celebrity. These fantasies may occur alone during masturbation or even in the middle of having sex with onersquo;s partner. Bucking the Routine The 2001 research study also found that sexual fantasies about other people are more common as people tend to stay together longer. This makes sense: as much as people may feel committed to each other, sex does tend to change in long term relationships. Couples tend to have sex less often with each other and, when they do have sex, it may feel more routine or less exciting than it did at first. As they look for ways to enhance their arousal and pleasure, they may find that fantasizing about others helps or is fun to do. Mental Infidelity Whether you consider this to be ldquo;cheatingrdquo; or not is more up to you than me. People have their own definitions of what cheating is so it is important for couples to communicate and decide what is or is not okay in the context of their own relationship. Most people would probably not consider fantasizing about others to be cheating ndash; particularly as most women and men do fantasize about people other than their partner. However, some might feel that it feels wrong or inappropriate to them. Fantasy vs. Real Life Sexual fantasies allow people to explore their sexual feelings in often very safe ways. In fantasy, you can explore sides of yourself without having to worry about what is politically correct or who is or is not actually available to you in real life. People can act out romantic sexual fantasies or very explicit no-feelings-involved sexual fantasies. They can be powerful or submissive, have sex with one person or many, or approach a stranger or even a long lost, high school love for sex, massage, making out or to become pregnant. Then, in the blink of an eye, one can turn the fantasy off, return to regular life or return to thinking about onersquo;s own partner. More Information To learn more about sexual fantasies and exploration, consider reading The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex or The Guide to Getting It On. Content,Type,,Podcast,,Relationships,,Love aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/young-american-women-pubic-area/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/young-american-women-pubic-area/#comments Mon, 08 Feb 2010 14:00:24 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1362 http://kinseyconfidential.org/young-american-women-pubic-area/feed/ 0 3:40 A New Trend Over the past decade, an increasing number of American women ndash; mostly younger women in their teens, twenties and thirties ndash; have been ... A New Trend Over the past decade, an increasing number of American women ndash; mostly younger women in their teens, twenties and thirties ndash; have been removing more if not all of their pubic hair. Many men, too, have been following this trend and trimming, shaving or waxing off more of their pubic hair than in the past. Though this has become a more recent trend in the United States, there are at least a few other countries in which pubic hair removal is common. However, in most cultures, it is not common for adult women to remove all of their pubic hair. After all, pubic hair is one of the physical signs of sexual maturity. Who is Doing the Shaving Just how many women or men are removing all of their pubic hair, however, is unknown. There have only been a handful of studies on the topic and most have used convenience samples that donrsquo;t give us valid or reliable information about American women on the whole. As a result, we donrsquo;t know how many women or men remove all of their pubic hair in big cities versus small towns or at what age total removal tends to begin. Hairy Perks That said, not all women and not all men remove all of their pubic hair in the United States. Many of the college students I talk to say that they prefer to not remove all of their pubic hair. Some have tried it and found that they didnrsquo;t like the side effects that come with removing more and more hair, side effects such as razor burn from shaving or in-grown hairs that may be common with either shaving or waxing. Others, like you, just donrsquo;t like the way that it looks to be without pubic hair. Some women and men say that having no hair makes them feel like a child who hasnrsquo;t even gone through puberty. Also, some men have told me that they find it difficult to find a woman without pubic hair to be sexy as she looks more like a child than a grown adult woman. The Sexy Side of Pubic Hair Itrsquo;s also common for women and men to say that therersquo;s something they like about having even just a little bit of pubic hair. Some people find that it feels very sensual to have a little bit of pubic hair to tug on ndash; that it can enhance sensation during masturbation or partner sex. Others just like how it looks. Then again, some people prefer for their pubic area to feel smooth and hairless. Or they may find that they feel more comfortable giving or receiving oral sex when there is very little pubic hair or no pubic hair. I tend to encourage women and men to do what feels most comfortable for them and also to consider what kind of body they will feel most sexy in. Even if your partner finds a certain type of pubic hair style to be sexy, if you donrsquo;t, then it may inhibit you during sex to have a style that doesnrsquo;t feel right to you. Different Hair Styles A nice thing about pubic hair is that it can be removed with relative ease and unless you are using permanent removal or reduction techniques such as electrolysis or laser reduction, it grows back in relatively quickly ndash; with a few days or a week if yoursquo;ve shaved it off and within 2-4 weeks if yoursquo;ve waxed some or all of it off. As a result, people can experiment with different styles to see what feels right to them. Learn More To learn more about the pros and cons of different methods of pubic hair removal, check out The V Book: A Doctorrsquo;s Guide to Complete Vulvovaginal Health or Because It Feels Good: A Womanrsquo;s Guide to Sexual Pleasure #38; Satisfaction. Bodies,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/masturbate-facedown-sexual-problems/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/masturbate-facedown-sexual-problems/#comments Thu, 04 Feb 2010 14:00:26 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1358 http://kinseyconfidential.org/masturbate-facedown-sexual-problems/feed/ 1 3:15 Research in Masturbation The term traumatic masturbatory syndrome was first used in a 1998 article by a clinician who described four of his patients who masturbated ... Research in Masturbation The term traumatic masturbatory syndrome was first used in a 1998 article by a clinician who described four of his patients who masturbated face-down and who experienced sexual problems. However, the term has never been widely accepted by the sex research or therapy community. After all, just because four men who masturbated with this technique also had sexual problems does not mean that the masturbation technique caused the other sexual problems or that itrsquo;s an actual syndrome, let alone a traumatic syndrome. Although a face-down style of masturbation that involves rubbing against the bed appears to be less common than a style that involves a man laying on his back or sitting up, that doesnrsquo;t mean that face-down masturbation will cause sexual problems. However, sometimes men who rely on one and only way of masturbating find it difficult to orgasm from other types of masturbation or sexual stimulation such as oral sex or intercourse. New Techniques In my experiencing working with men, they can often ldquo;re-trainrdquo; their bodies to respond to a wider range of sexual stimulation by varying their masturbation technique. You might try, for example, masturbating with lots of lubricant sometimes, a small amount of lubricant other times and no lubricant at all on other occasions. You might try different paces or rhythms or using different hand techniques. Try to focus on experiencing pleasure rather than the goal of orgasm which can put pressure on your experience and make it even more difficult to come. You might even try masturbating less often. Sometimes, by masturbating less often you can build sexual tension in a way that makes it easier to orgasm when you do masturbate again. Resources If you continue to find it difficult to ejaculate, I would encourage you to speak with your healthcare provider about your experience. In some cases, medical conditions such as diabetes can contribute to menrsquo;s difficulty with ejaculation or orgasm. Sex therapy can be helpful as well in cases where the difficulty ejaculating makes men feel worried, anxious or concerned about dating or being sexual with another person. You can find a sex therapist in your area on Society for Sex Therapy and Research's website. Finally, reading The New Male Sexuality may be helpful as you explore a wider range of sexual pleasure. Content,Type,,Pleasure,,Orgasm,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/women-orgasms/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/women-orgasms/#comments Mon, 01 Feb 2010 14:00:30 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1360 http://kinseyconfidential.org/women-orgasms/feed/ 1 http://kinseyconfidential.org/condoms-girlfriend-bleed-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/condoms-girlfriend-bleed-sex/#comments Thu, 28 Jan 2010 14:00:14 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1359 http://kinseyconfidential.org/condoms-girlfriend-bleed-sex/feed/ 1 3:08 Feeling the Friction Sexual intercourse involves friction between two peoplersquo;s bodies. Just the right amount of friction can contribute to menrsquo;s and womenrsquo;s physical pleasure during ... Feeling the Friction Sexual intercourse involves friction between two peoplersquo;s bodies. Just the right amount of friction can contribute to menrsquo;s and womenrsquo;s physical pleasure during sex. The friction of sexual stimulation on a manrsquo;s penis or against a womanrsquo;s vulva or vagina can even help men and women have orgasms. Too much friction, though, and sex may feel uncomfortable or painful. Too little friction and it may not feel like much of anything is happening during intercourse. Condoms' Contributions Wearing a condom can add to the friction during sex. Sometimes this added friction is a welcome sensation; other times, it is not. It may be that the condom adds a little too much friction for you and your girlfriend ndash; but that doesnrsquo;t mean that you have to give up wearing condoms. After all, condoms are a highly effective means of reducing the risk of pregnancy and sexually transmissible infections, or STIs. Sex Solutions Perhaps you and your girlfriend already have a tight genital fit and the condom provides a bit too much friction. Or maybe sexual intercourse starts out all right with the condom on but it lasts so long or is vigorous in a way that the lubricant on the condom eventually dries up, leaving you with a dry condom and more friction than feels pleasurable. If this is the case, then sex may feel dry and your girlfriend may be more prone to small vaginal tears, which can result in small amounts of bleeding during or after sex. Most women will experience small vaginal cuts or tears at some point in their lives; usually they are not painful and will heal within a few days. To prevent vaginal cuts or bleeding, however, try adding extra water-based lubricant or silicone-based lubricant to the condom after it is already on your penis. You may find that by adding lubricant, sex feels more comfortable and pleasurable and your girlfriend may be less likely to bleed during or after sex. If sex goes on for a long time or is particularly rough or vigorous, make sure to add more lubricant as needed. More Information You can learn more about different types of lubricants, how to use them and how lubricants can contribute to more pleasurable sex in my book, Because It Feels Good: A Womanrsquo;s Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction. Common,Problems,,Content,Type,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No http://kinseyconfidential.org/boyfriends-penis-soft-sex/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/boyfriends-penis-soft-sex/#comments Mon, 25 Jan 2010 14:00:00 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1361 http://kinseyconfidential.org/boyfriends-penis-soft-sex/feed/ 1 http://kinseyconfidential.org/bad-long-masturbating/ http://kinseyconfidential.org/bad-long-masturbating/#comments Thu, 21 Jan 2010 14:00:06 +0000 Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.) http://kinseyconfidential.org/?p=1319 http://kinseyconfidential.org/bad-long-masturbating/feed/ 0 2:47 Different Experiences Men, like women, vary in terms of how they experience sexual arousal and orgasm. It is not unusual for men to describe feeling more ... Different Experiences Men, like women, vary in terms of how they experience sexual arousal and orgasm. It is not unusual for men to describe feeling more or less aroused, or more or less easily orgasmic, in response to different sexual behaviors or experiences. For example, some men find it easier to orgasm from intercourse than oral sex. Others find that itrsquo;s easier for them to orgasm, or quicker for them to orgasm, from masturbation than from vaginal or anal sex. So, it varies. Trying New Things Watching porn can be highly arousing to some men. If it helps you to feel very excited or aroused and you enjoy its role in your masturbation, that is not necessarily a bad thing. However, if you would like to try to enhance your arousal during masturbation in other ways, there are plenty of options. For example, you might try texting with a partner, trying different hand positions, using lubricant or no lubricant, fantasizing or trying sex toys such as the Fleshlight or a masturbation sleeve. What's the Reason Irsquo;d also like to ask you to consider whether you are lasting as long as 30 or 40 minutes without porn because you want to or because you canrsquo;t come sooner even if you try. If yoursquo;re taking your time and lasting longer to enjoy the sensations, then more power to you! If you find that you are unable to come sooner as much as you try, then expanding your masturbation routine, as described earlier, might help your body adapt to different types of stimulation. Even if you cannot come sooner, try to not let that trouble you. Masturbation is not the same as partnered sex and you may find that during sex with a partner, your experience of ejaculation and orgasm are quite different. More Information To learn more about ejaculation and learning to control the timing of your orgasm, check out The New Male Sexuality. Content,Type,,Pleasure,,Orgasm,,Podcast aschweig@indiana.edu no No