Q&A: Vibrators In The Mail?

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QUESTION: I'm going through a rough patch with my boyfriend. A guy friend that lives in another state said he would consider getting me a vibrator and sending it in the mail. Is this illegal?

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picture of an assortment of sex toys

Photo: Violet.Blue (Flickr)

Asking yourself why you are involving a friend in your vibrator purchase, rather than getting one yourself, may be helpful to think about.

You’ve Got A Special Package

Vibrators are regularly sent through the US mail. And while vibrators and other sex toys are legally advertised and sold in most US states, a few states have slightly more complicated laws related to talking about or selling vibrators and other sex toys.

Also, sometimes these laws change as they go through the court system. For this reason, many websites that sell sex toys indicate that it is the buyer’s responsibility to be aware of local laws that may affect their ability to purchase or receive sex toys.

Again, however, vibrators and sex toys are very regularly sent in the US mail. Popular online sex boutiques include Early to Bed, MyPleasure, Good Vibrations, and Babeland.

Vibrators can also be purchased in most states through adult bookstores and even, in some cases, local drug stores.

Check the condom aisle in your local drug store to see if you spot any vibrating sexual enhancement products.

Consider Your Relationship

On another issue, while it is kind of your guy friend to offer to buy a vibrator for you, I wonder if you’ve thought about how that might affect your relationship with your boyfriend, particularly as you mentioned that you are going through a rough patch with him. Some people might feel jealous or upset if their partner was receiving sex toys from a friend.

Not everyone would feel that way, but I wonder if you have considered whether your boyfriend might feel jealous or upset that your guy friend has offered to send a vibrator to you.

Some people purposely try to provoke or upset their partner, such as by trying to make them feel jealous, and it might also be worth considering whether you are trying to do this, or to otherwise seek attention from your boyfriend, by asking someone else to get you a vibrator when it is likely something that you could do all on your own, without involving a friend.

Asking yourself why you are involving a friend in your vibrator purchase, rather than getting one yourself, may be helpful to think about.

Finally, if you’d like to learn more about vibrators and other sex toys, such as how to shop for a vibrator, keep one clean, use it alone or with a partner, or talk with your partner about vibrator use, check out Because It Feels Good: A Woman’ s Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction.

Next Question:Pregnancy Fears, What Should I Do?

I’m not using any contraceptives, and recently my boyfriend and I had unprotected sex and he ejaculated inside me. The following day I took emergency contraceptives. I was supposed to get my period a few weeks later, but I didn’t. So then I bought a home pregnancy test and it came out positive, but I don’t believe that I’m pregnant. It’s been yet another month and I still haven’t had my period. I’m not experiencing any symptoms of pregnancy like morning sickness, mood swings or cravings and I’m too scared to go to the doctor. Can you help?

Read Dr. Debby Herbenick’s response.

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Dr. Debby Herbenick (M.P.H., Ph.D.)

is a sexual health educator at The Kinsey Institute, Associate Director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University and author of several books including Sex Made Easy and Because It Feels Good: A Woman's Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction.
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